Granted! However, coffee is now lethally poisonous in even small doses to you, and you constantly crave it. Have fun!

I wish for 🦧 to be a word.

Granted. The word is "Orangutan". What were you expecting?

I wish en passant is forced

Granted! Whenever you are in passing of something, you are forced to literally capture it.

I wish for a lifetime supply of cheese.

Granted. It is rotting.

I wish for the bagel that was thrown in Into the Spiderverse.

Granted. But I don't know what that bagel is so I just hand you a random bagel.

I wish for a nice hot fudge sundae.

Granted. It is so hot that the heat death of the universe begins.

I again wish for that bagel, the one thrown at the Spot in Into the Spiderverse.

Granted. It’s stale though.

I wish for 3 dollars and 75 cents.

Granted. You get it in East Carribean Dollars. (1 dollar there is ~0.37 USD)

I wish for my cucumbers to grow well.

Granted. They grow so well they become larger than Earth and Earth is broken apart in a cataclysmic event.

I wish to be a Mind Flayer.

You are now! Unfortunately, mindflayer are under the control of an elder brain.

I wish to be an elder brain.

Granted! You are an elder brain now…..who spawns in your current location and dies immediately.

I wish to be Demogorgon.

Granted, but I noclip you into the backrooms, where it's nothing but the stink of old moist carpet, the madness of mono-yellow, the endless background noise of fluorescent lights at maximum hum-buzz, and approximately six hundred million square miles of randomly segmented empty rooms to be trapped in. God save you if you hear something wandering around nearby, because it sure as hell has heard you.

I wish prevent no-clipping from ever happening again.

Granted. The entirety of existence vanishes, thus preventing noclipping.

I wish for the knowledge of and ability to speak, read, and write every language ever spoken, be they natural or constructed.

Granted but now you can stop mixing languages within every sentence, and you read and speak that way too

I wish I had better drawing skills (I wonder how creative ya'll will get with that)

Quote from MahyaDnD202369070 >>

Granted but now you can stop mixing languages within every sentence, and you read and speak that way too

I wish I had better drawing skills (I wonder how creative ya'll will get with that)

 Merci good monsuoir! Tu have given moi beaucoup good things, et no side affect!

You are blind.

I wish for a single grain of sand.

Congratulations! Wish was granted and now you find a single grain of sand anywhere and everywhere, even in your shoes and sock.

I wish fully adopted (lol)

Granted. You are adopted into a family that belongs to a cult that believes in the sacrifice of those adopted into the cult. It was all a front.

I wish to be an Omnibeing, similar to how Christians see their ‘God (which is a title, not a specific name)’

Granted! You are an Omnibeing! That being an Omnidroid from the Incredibles. You get terminated by a super.

I wish to be able to summon a vacuum cleaner.

Granted. Vacuum - A space entirely devoid of matter. You can also get a brush to attempt to clean the vacuum. But you can now summon a 10 meter by 10 meter vacuum right in front of you. Hope nobody falls into it by accident.

I wish to be able to summon a vacuum destroyer

Granted. However, it can only destroy partial vacuums.