I'm a werewolf.  Werewolves are Chaotic Evil.  Chaotic Evil characters don't have friends--at least, not live ones. 

I wish for something valuable, harmless, unguarded, non-frightening, perceptible, indestructible and with no one willing to harm me or anyone else in any way, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually or in any other way, to get it. 

Wish granted. However, you are killed by someone believing that nobody should have such a thing (so they were not attempting to get it, and therefore do not violate that clause).

I wish for ice cream.

Poisoned ice cream. 

I wish for something valuable, harmless, unguarded, non-frightening, perceptible, indestructible and with no one willing to harm me or anyone else in any way, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually or in any other way, to get it or because I have it. 

You get a shrub made of steel. It does nothing but sit there all day. It is permanently rooted in your lawn.

I wish to prosper in competing with my dog.

The XP you gain from defeating your dog is enough to let you level up.

The shrub wasn't really all that bad, but I wish for something valuable, harmless, unguarded, non-frightening, perceptible, indestructible, portable and with no one willing to harm me or anyone else in any way, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually or in any other way, to get it or because I have it. 

Good grief, Matthias. You ask for too much. Wish granted. You get one gallon of air in a vacuum sealed room that you will be spending the rest of your life in.

I wish Matthias would be a little less specific in his wishes.

Wish granted. Matthias's next wish will omit the specific ways he or someone else may be harmed, as they are covered by "in any way" already.

I wish that I didn't make this thread.

You lose all the benefits of having made this thread; good memories, laughter, et cetera.  Also, all the people who enjoyed this thread got together to lynch you. 

I wish for something valuable, harmless, unguarded, non-frightening, perceptible, indestructible, portable, not necessary for life and with no one willing to harm me or anyone else in any way to get it or because I have it. 

You're only making this harder. But fun. You get a coller of gold around your neck. The gold is shaped like your least favorite animal. You cannot take it off. For your birthday, a friend thinks that it's your favorite animal and gives you one of those animals. On your attempt to get rid of the creature, it kills you. There. You got what you wanted. There was just a little collateral damage.

I wish to be a silver/white Dragon with all the skills needed to survive and no creature to challenge me for fear of my powers.

Wish granted! There are no creatures to challenge you, in fact, no creatures at all. You starve to death.

You forgot your wish, mightylemur.

Oh... I wish I could pet a snow leopard (I've felt a pelt before, so soft!) without being attacked.

You pet the snow leopard.  You close your eyes in bliss.  The snow leopard wanders off.  You move to follow it, forget to open your eyes, trip on a rock, and break your arm. 

I wish for something valuable, harmless, unguarded, non-frightening, perceptible, indestructible, portable, removable, not necessary for life and with no one willing to harm me or anyone else in any way to get it or because I have it. 

My least favorite animal is a furry tarantula.  You cannot tell me those things don't violate the non-frightening clause, which has been in there since my first wish. 

Well, I didn't think it was THAT scary, though I suppose the thought of a vampire around my neck would be. Oops. 

Wish granted. You get an video game that was so awesome that when you started playing it, it blew your head off with its sheer awesomeness.

I wish that my BFF was a silver/white Dragon named Silfir.

 That was harmless? 

Wish granted.  Your BFF is a white dragon named Silfir.  Unfortunately, she is soon killed by adventurers.  You are heartbroken.  You swear to avenge her death or die trying.  You die trying. 

I wish for something valuable, harmless, non-dangerous, not awesome (or any synonym thereof) enough to harm or kill me or anyone else, unguarded, legal, non-frightening, perceptible, indestructible, portable, removable, not necessary for life and with no one willing to harm me or anyone else in any way to get it or because I have it. 

Well, the video game was harmless. You were just so amazed that your head got blown off. You hit your own Self-distruct button on accident because your were so amazed, is all.

Value and awesome are synonyms. Therefore you cannot have anything. Gold is awesome and valuable. Dragons are awesome and valuable. Tell me one thing that is not both valuable and awesome, Matthias, and I shall not challenge you anymore.

I wish to live in a fantasy world that I control with all my friends and family.

Quote from Old_Hag >>

Value and awesome are synonyms. Therefore you cannot have anything. Gold is awesome and valuable. Dragons are awesome and valuable. Tell me one thing that is not both valuable and awesome, Matthias, and I shall not challenge you anymore.