Ok, I'm having typing problems. I just meant that there wasn't really anything I could find that was not both valuable and awesome. Can you forgive me now?

Your world is controlled not only by you, but by your friends and family. Including your baby cousin, your dead ancestors, and that relative who hates you but is still related to you. Good luck.

Wish, Shavarath?

I wish for your untimely death. pls answer

What did I do? Wish granted. I die. My whole family comes to lynch you.

I wish for it to only rain 6-10 inches in Minnesota (U.S.) per year.

You get 10" of rain over 10 minutes, during which time you are stuck outside without cover.  Obviously, this means that the rest of the year has to be completely dry. 

I wish I had my heart again. 

I pull it out of your chest and present it to your corpse in a box.

I wish to be able to shoot lasers from my hands.

You shoot at a mirror by mistake.  Worse, you hit it.  The laws of physics bounce your lasers back at you.  Your lasers bounce back at you, hit, and kill you. 

I wish I was a Bard. 

Granted! You are now a wonderful suit of horse armor.

I wish that faster-than-light travel were possible.

It already is; no one's discovered it yet. 

I wish I had arrows for my bow and a place to use them. 

You have arrows stuck in you. You are in fact the place for it to be used.

I wish you would say CHICKEN NUGGETS MAH MAN

Wish granted! That's the only thing he says now, driving you to utter madness until you and everyone else around him blow your own heads off.

I wish I understood humans. 

You immediately understand humans, and your instinctive response is to commit suicide. 

I wish I knew how to play the fiddle. 

When you learn how to play the fiddle, you accidentally blow too hard, thus it explodes.

I wish all of the sin would be gone in the world.

(Yes, I am christian)

0.  A fiddle is a string instrument, not a wind instrument.  

1.  Isn't that what happens after the apocalypse?  ("May you live in interesting times", or some variation thereof, is considered a very potent curse in several cultures.) 

2.  Let's try this again.  I wish I knew how to play the fiddle. 

(Well, you were learning, so maybe you tried blowing on the strings or something :P)

While learning how to play the fiddle, the devil shows up and makes a deal with you for a fiddle contest; if he wins, he gets your soul. Thinking yourself a bigshot, you accept, however your performance is lackluster and therefore you lose your soul.

I wish that triangles were square.

Congratulations!  You just broke reality! 

I wish I knew how to play the bodhran.  (Celtic hand drum)

Quote from Matthias_von_Schwarzwald >>

0.  A fiddle is a string instrument, not a wind instrument.  

1.  Isn't that what happens after the apocalypse?  ("May you live in interesting times", or some variation thereof, is considered a very potent curse in several cultures.) 

2.  Let's try this again.  I wish I knew how to play the fiddle. 

You can play with the bodhran. Sadly the bodhran can't play with you.

I wish to be able to shoot lasers from my hands.

Someone you know makes a idiotic choice and still doesn't learn their lesson. You facepalm and accidentally trigger your lasers. You now have a hand shaped laser injury through your head.

Edit: I wish I had more sensible characters