A dwarf, elf and human walk into a bar. Wait, a dwarf, elf and halfling... no human. It is a human. They walk into a bar and they all decide to have a drink. Wait, it is a halfling. And they order a little alcohol. And uh. uh. well, I don't remember the punchline, but you would laugh so hard if I told it to you!
Stone Giants: Rock & Roll Slayers: Death Metal Feywild: Bluegrass 1st Edition: Classical Artificers: Experimental Gibbering Mouther: Acapella Triton: Blues Barbarian: Thrash metal Otyugh: Trash metal Elf: Trance Shambling Mound: Electro Pop
Come on, hit me. make me laugh.
"Sooner or later, your Players are going to smash your railroad into a sandbox."
-Vedexent
"real life is a super high CR."
-OboeLauren
"............anybody got any potatoes? We could drop a potato in each hole an' see which ones get viciously mauled by horrible monsters?"
-Ilyara Thundertale
When an halfling is hitting on a Woman" Hey baby, are you a Deva?, 'cause you're Out of this World!"
"Normality is but an Illusion, Whats normal to the Spider, is only madness for the Fly"
Kain de Frostberg- Dark Knight - (Vengeance Pal3/ Hexblade 9), Port Mourn
Kain de Draakberg-Dark Knight lvl8-Avergreen(DitA)
Why do paladins wear chainmail?
Because it's holey armor.
How do you get a d&d player to go out with you?
You ask them for a d8
What do you call a Southern Zombie Archer?
.....
....
.....
Walker Texas Ranger
There's always the classic "Jesus saves! Everyone else takes damage."
A Fire Giant, a Frost Giant, and a Storm Giant walk into a bar...
Ouch...
A dwarf, elf and human walk into a bar. Wait, a dwarf, elf and halfling... no human. It is a human. They walk into a bar and they all decide to have a drink. Wait, it is a halfling. And they order a little alcohol. And uh. uh. well, I don't remember the punchline, but you would laugh so hard if I told it to you!
Why did the Halfling stop dating his Warforged girlfriend?
Because she was too high maintenance
"Sooner or later, your Players are going to smash your railroad into a sandbox."
-Vedexent
"real life is a super high CR."
-OboeLauren
"............anybody got any potatoes? We could drop a potato in each hole an' see which ones get viciously mauled by horrible monsters?"
-Ilyara Thundertale
You are like a village NPC
NO Class.
"Sooner or later, your Players are going to smash your railroad into a sandbox."
-Vedexent
"real life is a super high CR."
-OboeLauren
"............anybody got any potatoes? We could drop a potato in each hole an' see which ones get viciously mauled by horrible monsters?"
-Ilyara Thundertale
A dwarf walks out of a bar...
What do you get when you cross a zebra with an orangutan?
I don't know, but I'm blaiming the wizards again!
Pun hurricane inbound. Better down the hatches! I REGRET NOTHING!
Q) What's a beholder's favourite food?
A) Eyes Cream!
Q) Why do rogues prefer leather armour?
A) Because it's made of cowhide!
Q) How does the paladin protect against the heat of a Fire Bolt?
A) He turns up his AC!
Q) What forest animal helps the druid get that nice green colour for their robe?
A) A Dyer Wolf!
Q) What tool helps a wizard with writing the correct runes into their spellbook?
A) A Spell Checker!
Q) If the barbarian has ten gold pieces, and the rogue steals half of it, what does the rogue take?
A) 1d12 slashing damage.
Q) What's a great D&D joke?
A) THAC0!
Q) What happens when you stand on a d4?
A) Your foot takes 1d4 damage.
Q) Where does the ranger keep their arrows?
A) In the monsters!
Q) Which body of water do you get bonuses to sail across?
A) The proficien-sea!
Q) Why was the musician kicked out of the tavern?
A) He was bard!
Q) What do you get when you cross the wizard and the rogue?
A) Time to roll initiative.
Q) Why do wizards like fireball so much?
A) It's a well-rounded spell.
Q) Why haven't we had a playtest for psion in so long?
A) Because it you checked it out now, it'd blow your mind!
Q) How to Aarakocra prefer to send messages?
A) Via Twitter.
Q) Why did the necromancer peel the flesh off of his victim's heads.
A) He wanted to add them to his Face-book.
Q) Why did the undead get some lair actions in the necropolis?
A) Wight privilege.
Q) What do you call a cult of deep old one warlocks who worship their astral ankheg overlords?
A) A sect-ant!
Q) What is a cleric's favourite hot drink?
A) Divini-tea!
Q) Why is a necromancer not always a bad guy?
A) Sometimes they just want to raise a family in peace!
Q) Why did the monk use Patient Defence against the land sharks?
A) He wanted to dodge the [Tooltip Not Found]!
Q) Would a paladin attack a devil on sight?
A) They smite!
Q) Why do elves always have graceful slender bodies?
A) Because they only eat elfy food!
I could go on if you want...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JESCKvARH60
"Sooner or later, your Players are going to smash your railroad into a sandbox."
-Vedexent
"real life is a super high CR."
-OboeLauren
"............anybody got any potatoes? We could drop a potato in each hole an' see which ones get viciously mauled by horrible monsters?"
-Ilyara Thundertale
Why did the ranger go to the orthodontist?
To get braces of archery!
That's a pretty GREAT axe you got there!
Favourite music styles of the D&D multiverse
Stone Giants: Rock & Roll
Slayers: Death Metal
Feywild: Bluegrass
1st Edition: Classical
Artificers: Experimental
Gibbering Mouther: Acapella
Triton: Blues
Barbarian: Thrash metal
Otyugh: Trash metal
Elf: Trance
Shambling Mound: Electro Pop
IMPOSSIBLE!
"Sooner or later, your Players are going to smash your railroad into a sandbox."
-Vedexent
"real life is a super high CR."
-OboeLauren
"............anybody got any potatoes? We could drop a potato in each hole an' see which ones get viciously mauled by horrible monsters?"
-Ilyara Thundertale
What's rogue's favorite medium armor? Hide.
What's their favorite metal? Steel.
Hombrew: Way of Wresting, Circle of Sacrifice
What kind of ghost comes out of your nose?
a Booooger
"Sooner or later, your Players are going to smash your railroad into a sandbox."
-Vedexent
"real life is a super high CR."
-OboeLauren
"............anybody got any potatoes? We could drop a potato in each hole an' see which ones get viciously mauled by horrible monsters?"
-Ilyara Thundertale