Hmm what does this button do...

Jumping straight down: Technically I can fall forever. Does this mean I get advantage? -My party rouge in a bottomless pit

are y'all doing a campaign or

"Half of us go left, the other half go right. We should meet up again eventually..." 

My friend's character was turning to stone and I said, "Now I have a statue for my garden." My friend wasn't happy.

"Okay, I think that you are innocent."-To my character.

Me: "I cast Fog Cloud and run."

I set it on fire

Me, "I try to harvest Purple Worm Poison." (Without proficency in venom extracting or a poisoners kit.) Proceeds to roll a nat 1. "Is that good?"

"pfffft, of course I can swim"

“Is it just me, or is that boulder getting closer?”

"What do you mean all that gold I'm carrying weighs 10,000 pounds?"

DM: “well, It says here the CR’s pretty low, that’ll be a good challenge for my low level party, but surely it can’t be that hard!”

DM: “Well, It says here the CR’s pretty high, but that’ll just make it a good challenge for my low level party! Surely it can’t be that hard!”

*bruh*

Players: “Surly a few kobolds would be easy to beat!”

Meanwhile tuckers kobolds:

DM: "Forget the chest, now your fricking hand's a mimic"

“Wait my hand’s a what now?”

"Nom nom nom"

“Wait so how much damage was that?”

*DM hands you a new character sheet*

Quote from KoboldNerdmobile >>

*bruh*

Players: “Surly a few kobolds would be easy to beat!”

Meanwhile tuckers kobolds:

 *Fun fact: my dad was actually in that game. He says the name was changed or he must've misremembered it, but he was certain that he actually fought (IE suffered from) Tucker's Kobolds. He remembers them as Hogan's Kobolds, which is possibly what his group called them due to the show Hogan's Heroes being popular at the time and the kobolds being nigh-unbeatable like the protagonist soldiers from the show. He didn't even know about the Dragon Magazine issue until I told him about it, at which point he got a digital copy and was like "... yeah, basically."*

Quote from Baalzeboop >>

Quote from KoboldNerdmobile >>

*bruh*

Players: “Surly a few kobolds would be easy to beat!”

Meanwhile tuckers kobolds:

 *Fun fact: my dad was actually in that game. He says the name was changed or he must've misremembered it, but he was certain that he actually fought (IE suffered from) Tucker's Kobolds. He remembers them as Hogan's Kobolds, which is possibly what his group called them due to the show Hogan's Heroes being popular at the time and the kobolds being nigh-unbeatable like the protagonist soldiers from the show. He didn't even know about the Dragon Magazine issue until I told him about it, at which point he got a digital copy and was like "... yeah, basically."*

 *HOLY ( insert naught word)!! NEW LORE?! THIS IS CRAZY*