I think there is a rather large gap between a DM querying why a player comes and the DM (or another player) actively trying to stop a player from coming. The former occurring doesn't necessarily imply that the latter would occur.
Also, with regards to his profile being active, he hasn't posted and could easily just be using DDB for his game, and doesn't have time to be on the forums. Alternatively, there have been several threads that I've abandoned, not because those who disagreed with me were right or because I was seeking vindication but instead people discovered the truth, but because I lacked the energy to argue. I don't come here to argue (discussion and disagreement is fine, I just don't like arguing), and if a thread turns that way and I lack the energy, I disappear and stop posting there. Especially when the name calling starts, but that's not overly relevant here. The point being that just because he hasn't come back, that shouldn't be taken to mean that people on this thread are Sherlock Holmes and got everything spot on, revealing his true self through clever deduction.
I'm not saying that the OP is a saint. These AITA-type threads are often started by the problem-guy. On the other hand, were communicating through a medium that is fraught with miscommunication and error in expressing oneself, as well as the severe truncation of information presented. Hardly the rock solid foundation to built conclusions on and I'm not sure there is anything substantial to be gained from these kinds of discussions.
The solution from our point of view is almost always the same - speak to the DM/party/offending person in a clear but also diplomatic way about why you feel the the way you're feeling, and see if you can resolve it. Otherwise, find someone else to play with. There isn't really much to gain by saying anything else.
If you're not willing or able to to discuss in good faith, then don't be surprised if I don't respond, there are better things in life for me to do than humour you. This signature is that response.
I mean...yes the OP could just not be wanting to argue, but I find that highly suspect that as soon as folk said "hey we may not have all the information here" or started questioning him, asking if it wasn't somebody else who was the dick, that he stopped replying, says it might more be likely that he just doesn't like ppl arent giving him vindication then actually him not wanting to argue imo
Honestly though this thread has pointed out some toxic things players might do or be done by toxic players, so might take those notes into account if they ever happen in one of my games
For me as an artificer alchemist I can pass on strength no problem even though I’m -9. But my other player recently went paladin and he’s been gone for two months. Maybe I’m just tired of this woah is me mentality of it all from him and wanna drop some hard facts on him.
This for me was the nail in the coffin, the OP states that he doesn’t want the item, and it isn’t his business. But then comes here and starts this thread. He goes on to say that he is fed up of the monk players ‘woe is me attitude’ and wants to ‘drop some hard facts on him’ - what does that even mean? I imagine the monk players attitude is a direct response to the other players metagaming and harassment of him over this item.
But even worse for me is that the OP is trying to coerce the monk player into giving up his own loot to a player that hasn’t even turned up to play for the previous 2 months. That’s absurd. I am with the monk player and would absolutely refuse to do that.
I think there is a rather large gap between a DM querying why a player comes and the DM (or another player) actively trying to stop a player from coming. The former occurring doesn't necessarily imply that the latter would occur.
Also, with regards to his profile being active, he hasn't posted and could easily just be using DDB for his game, and doesn't have time to be on the forums. Alternatively, there have been several threads that I've abandoned, not because those who disagreed with me were right or because I was seeking vindication but instead people discovered the truth, but because I lacked the energy to argue. I don't come here to argue (discussion and disagreement is fine, I just don't like arguing), and if a thread turns that way and I lack the energy, I disappear and stop posting there. Especially when the name calling starts, but that's not overly relevant here. The point being that just because he hasn't come back, that shouldn't be taken to mean that people on this thread are Sherlock Holmes and got everything spot on, revealing his true self through clever deduction.
I'm not saying that the OP is a saint. These AITA-type threads are often started by the problem-guy. On the other hand, were communicating through a medium that is fraught with miscommunication and error in expressing oneself, as well as the severe truncation of information presented. Hardly the rock solid foundation to built conclusions on and I'm not sure there is anything substantial to be gained from these kinds of discussions.
The solution from our point of view is almost always the same - speak to the DM/party/offending person in a clear but also diplomatic way about why you feel the the way you're feeling, and see if you can resolve it. Otherwise, find someone else to play with. There isn't really much to gain by saying anything else.
If you're not willing or able to to discuss in good faith, then don't be surprised if I don't respond, there are better things in life for me to do than humour you. This signature is that response.
I mean...yes the OP could just not be wanting to argue, but I find that highly suspect that as soon as folk said "hey we may not have all the information here" or started questioning him, asking if it wasn't somebody else who was the dick, that he stopped replying, says it might more be likely that he just doesn't like ppl arent giving him vindication then actually him not wanting to argue imo
Honestly though this thread has pointed out some toxic things players might do or be done by toxic players, so might take those notes into account if they ever happen in one of my games
This for me was the nail in the coffin, the OP states that he doesn’t want the item, and it isn’t his business. But then comes here and starts this thread. He goes on to say that he is fed up of the monk players ‘woe is me attitude’ and wants to ‘drop some hard facts on him’ - what does that even mean? I imagine the monk players attitude is a direct response to the other players metagaming and harassment of him over this item.
But even worse for me is that the OP is trying to coerce the monk player into giving up his own loot to a player that hasn’t even turned up to play for the previous 2 months. That’s absurd. I am with the monk player and would absolutely refuse to do that.
Just pointing out that the OP hasn’t participated in this thread in a full week since post #7. Carry on.
Creating Epic Boons on DDB
DDB Buyers' Guide
Hardcovers, DDB & You
Content Troubleshooting