Well, I am a fan of bags full of broken glass. BK? You think you can trade up some broken glass for an arm and/or leg or 3? And I have this distinct feeling like we're going to have someone else joining us on this or the union thing pretty soon too. I'm pretty sure Stumpolopolis will be good with this too, and even if he isn't, he's not one to say much. So yeah, let's do it. I mean, what could go wrong from taking a quest about a plague that no one believes is real from a child wearing a homemade exclamation point hat?
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Back and ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
The Black Knight, also being a slacker busy over the weekend, suddenly realizes the game has been waiting for him which proves that it is all real because otherwise the universe wouldn't have noticed he was missing. So he quicky speaks up so as to cause no further delay. "Why, yes Burt, broken shards will do fine. I mean, it's not like I've seen any GP headed my way now have I?" He says that last bit with a Cheshire grin on his face but it's not really noticeable what with the dark helmet over his head. He scratches his head, or would have, again, the helmet, and adds, "That is to say, broken glass would be ok. But not broken shards. I'd rather prefer the shards just be regular shards, not broken shards... Although that would be more shards... Um, is the shard to GP ratio by weight or shard count? Either way is more than I seemed to earn last time out."
" oh they're shards alright, plenty shards indeed, but not so fast, Sir Galteehad." (If Galtee is not a well known brand in your corner of the world, that's your failing as a market!) "Job first, valuable pouch second. No plaguey, no pouchy!"
"This ones a full set! Might be we sell it for gold, could add that to the ... Uh.... Pouch riches!" Mort calls from the line of tarp wrapped packages he's inventorying. You might remember I did tell you what's in them. I mean it's probably not important. It's not like it's something you've been incessantly asking for since we hijacked the thread or anything....
Meanwhile, the elder of the two girls increases the pace at which she's combing her hair, which raises a skittering laugh from her sister.
ok guys - Lance Rock is.... Just follow the big road south, it's off'n on your right. A bit. Well, chop chop. Time is shards, and shards is good as money!
I'm sure you did, but I'm not really one to read posts and such. Pointless dilly dallying, and I don't use the term dilly dally willy nilly. Anyhoo, welcome back Ruthilda. Looks like we'll be off plaguing as soon as we're done at that union meeting I bet you thought I totally forgot about. Who's the terrible player now, eh?
Burt leaves the childrens and heads back to the street. Onward to the meeting! He runs down the street waving his sword around his head.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Back and ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
(that Firbolg does not appear to be joining. Join link changed to avoid people using us as a spawning ground for non-SRD non-Princes-Of-The-LegMimicalypse characters. Still happy for anyone to join but roll your stats, post a brief character sketch and then PM me for the link! Holding on a couple more hours for Penguini and then we're off to the Helm At High Noon Inn...)
What a jerk. Burt shakes his head sadly while running down the street, briefly veering into the side of a building, then straightening out and continuing on.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Back and ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
"I'm all up for union breaking, union izing, union station, Allison Kraus, blessed union, student union, union the left, any unioning really," the knight huffs out as he runs to catch up with Burt. "But with the promise of shards simply fir going to bring back a plague, seems stingy to go asking for more don'tcha think? "
That's one way to look at it...it could also be said we're being economical. Maximizing efficiency. Unions love that kinda thing. And Allison Kraus, if I'm not mistaken. And regarding her, I'm very rarely wrong.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Back and ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
It's a very short walk from the Clothier's to the run down ramshackle Helm, it's rusted grills and dirty windows a far cry from the tudorian luxury of the Swinging Sword across the road. As luck would have it, enough time has gone by that it's whatever time I said the meeting was going to happen at. O'clock. The party pass beneath the massive bucket helm that adorns the doorway and into a gloomy, wood-panelled tap room, buzzing with the hubbub of crowded tables, thick with the stench of pipesmoke and an oversubscribed latrine. Down the wide open staircase come the sounds of agitated voices trying to shout eachother down. At the bar a lone Halfling nurses an ale. The barkeep sees you enter and gives you a cursory nod, then continues spit-shining his flagons.
Burt stage whispers to BK and Stumpy: I'm pretty sure they like to be called "little people". In his normal voice, which is somewhat quieter than the whisper he just whispered, he says Good evening barkeep! I believe it's sundown, anyways, which is what I believe was what the time was for the meeting which was supposed to take place here was, in fact, going to start. We was...er...were wondering if we could just head on down, then.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Back and ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
"oh." His welcoming grunting face slackens into a soft jowl. "One o' them. Upstairs. Suppose you'll be wanting a tankard o' water like yor mates..." He takes the gob-encrusted receptacle he's been working on and fills it, his cheeks wobbling in the direction of the stairwell up.
Ohhh...ummm...sure...sounds great! Burt eyes the mug apprehensively. But I'm all drinked out currently. I'm sure my compatriots are quite parched, though. Burt runs upstairs really, really quickly.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Back and ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
"Yes, errm... umm... Stumpy McStump Stump, grab some water there would you, I've got to um... Oh hey, Burt..." And Rumatis hurries up after the debonair Fantasy Burts International agent.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Though not currently a member, seeking admission to the really long and important signature club. Please consider this as a current CV.
Stumpy Greg looks unhappily at the stairs, sighs and clop-creaks his way outside. There's a lesson to be learned here about wheelchair accessibility in a high-fantasy world. Where's the Create Ramp cantrip, Jeremy? Huh? You people disgust me!
Running up the stairs, Burt and TBK jostle past a pair of serving menches who're carrying a nugget-laden tray up the stairs. "Oi!" they bellow after you pesky adventurers, shaking their fists. Upstairs is the Helm's function room, currently given over to an array of mostly empty chairs facing a small, raised platform. A hulking, ropey behemoth of a man, face hidden in a massive iron helm from 'neath which his golden shoulder-length curls tumble stands on this stage holding up a large parchment with a drawing of a red circle (with a sliver of green) on it. Up on his shoulders a middle-aged dwarf in some kind of piggyback harness gesticulates wildly while declaring to the crowd of 2 (not including bar staff and Burt staff) "...inequality has gone on too long! The one percent - that's Mellikho, by the way - control all the wealth, while we, the masons, do all the work and what do we have to show for it? NOTHING!"
One of the two men in the audience puts up his hand. "How come we're the 99% when there's only 2 of us and 1 of her?"
"There are 4 of us, Leonard. You, me, Krauss here"- the behmoth lets out a surprisingly high pitched croak - "and of course Carlson. So that's 99% - it's not magic, it's mathemagic."The other gentleman in the audience pipes up.
"Alyss, if there's four of us, how come it's only Lenny and I who do the quarrying?"
"Workers representation is the most important work of all! Every day I toil at the quarry of inequality, chipping out a menhir of justice here, a slab of reciprocity there. And as you know, the only way that ***** Mellikho will take us seriously is if I'm being carried around in a papoose by a muscular old man. It's just the situation we're in right now and every day we strive to make it better. This is the best way forward."
"Makes sense." he agrees.
"Respect! That's what it's all about. People deserve respect regardless of their station in - YOU! Put those ******* nuggets on the table up front!"- she turns her attention to the 2 serving menchs. "How many times do I have to tell you idiots this - the buffet goes up front. And where's my ketchup, shitstain? GET IT NOW!"The menches scurry away, dragging back a massive industrial ketchup-skin that sits quivering at the side of the stage. "Respect! And that is why I've raised your concerns about the mysterious masked men who creep around the quarry after dark, and I have been assured by management that you are imagining it, the Midnight Stone Pervs are a myth. I have impressed on Ms. Mellikho that the drudgery of cutting stone all day is getting you down, and you're probably imagining these spectral figures because The Man does not respect your work life balance, and I have forced her to agree to... Next slide please Krauss..."
The giant puts down his pie chart and picks up a crudely drawn image of a treasure chest splattered with blood and brimming with gold. "...A team building exercise - you and Leonard will head out to Tricklerock Cave (Map available on request) and recover the Bloody Treasure and along the way learn alot about yourselves, eachother, life and almost certainly not dying.Management accepts no responsibility for loss of life, odds of survival may be lower than stated.. I have no details on what the treasure is worth, but I've been assured you will get what you deserve. Isn't that nice? Are you guys up for it?"
The ketchup skin at the side of the stage wobbles again. Hint hint.
Burt zeroes in on the hint and completely ignores it like a champ. He strides forward and declares in a loud voice Hail, friends! We're the life-coaches you ordered to help with the team building exercise! We'll be making sure that everyone has a great time, and that nothing politically incorrect or offensive is said or done. Farting About In Caves 1399 is on! FAIC '99!
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Back and ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
"Life coaches? I didn't order any - Oh, I get it. 'Life coach'. You crazy wainwrights. This meeting is for Stone Masons, we have the floor booked till 9pm. You'll have to wait downstairs. Krauss! Put me down!" She clambers down off her perch as her perch kneels down.
"Ms Alyss!"Krauss peeps,"Want me smash head?"
"No need, they're just leaving. And don't touch those nuggets, Burt! Those are Mason's Nuggets. You boys can sort your own refreshments out. Don't fix me with the Macklin stare neither! Still can't walk right after last time, thank you very much. mmmMMMMM! I can't wait to get me some sweet, sweet nugg - let me just squeeze some ketchup out of this 'chupskin...." She reaches for the gigantic sauce-bottle which, as I mentioned, is roughly the size of a halfling.
NO WAIT I THINK THERE MIGHT BE A HALFLING INSIDE THAT 'CHUPSKIN!!!!!!!!Burt yells unnecessarily loudly, attempting to save what could be a terrible experience for all involved. THE DM IS MAKING SOME REEEEALLY STRONG HINTS HERE!
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Back and ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
"Pardon, but Burt here didn't mean to imply that we were those hippy, highfalutin, and wickedly over-priced type "Life Coaches"," T.B.K.Night says emphasizing the life coach bit with air quotes from his hammy fingers. "That is to say, we are now unionized stone mason type working folk. We left those pansy ass wainwrongs. Just not enough ketchup with that bunch if you catch my meaning. Yes, we are now really hard working stone masons, and elected from Stone Union OU82-MEN-E to help our sister union here in [insert name of town which I currently forget but believe to be the Red Keep or some such]. That's why Burt here wears that Fidelis Boulders Igneous jacket around all of the time. And they keep me so busy, I had to leave my arms and legs back at the quarry, lots of cutting and chipping you know. Use these meaty replacements for my consulting gigs so we can keep hitting our production targets. I'm sure you could appreciate that eh Ms Alyss?" And he throws a couple of finger-guns and a wink her way for that last part to really seal the deal. (Deceptive Acting: 17)
Well, I am a fan of bags full of broken glass. BK? You think you can trade up some broken glass for an arm and/or leg or 3? And I have this distinct feeling like we're going to have someone else joining us on this or the union thing pretty soon too. I'm pretty sure Stumpolopolis will be good with this too, and even if he isn't, he's not one to say much. So yeah, let's do it. I mean, what could go wrong from taking a quest about a plague that no one believes is real from a child wearing a homemade exclamation point hat?
Back and ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
The Black Knight, also being
a slackerbusy over the weekend, suddenly realizes the game has been waiting for him which proves that it is all real because otherwise the universe wouldn't have noticed he was missing. So he quicky speaks up so as to cause no further delay. "Why, yes Burt, broken shards will do fine. I mean, it's not like I've seen any GP headed my way now have I?" He says that last bit with a Cheshire grin on his face but it's not really noticeable what with the dark helmet over his head. He scratches his head, or would have, again, the helmet, and adds, "That is to say, broken glass would be ok. But not broken shards. I'd rather prefer the shards just be regular shards, not broken shards... Although that would be more shards... Um, is the shard to GP ratio by weight or shard count? Either way is more than I seemed to earn last time out."Though not currently a member, seeking admission to the really long and important signature club. Please consider this as a current CV.
Other personalities... Burgee , The Colorless Knight, Fiorello, RW Goodbarrel, Dred, Evrik - Out of the Abyss & Dungeon of the Mad Mage
Site Rules & Guidelines || Tooltips || Homebrew FAQ || Snippet Codes || Syllvva's Guides
" oh they're shards alright, plenty shards indeed, but not so fast, Sir Galteehad." (If Galtee is not a well known brand in your corner of the world, that's your failing as a market!) "Job first, valuable pouch second. No plaguey, no pouchy!"
"This ones a full set! Might be we sell it for gold, could add that to the ... Uh.... Pouch riches!" Mort calls from the line of tarp wrapped packages he's inventorying. You might remember I did tell you what's in them. I mean it's probably not important. It's not like it's something you've been incessantly asking for since we hijacked the thread or anything....
Meanwhile, the elder of the two girls increases the pace at which she's combing her hair, which raises a skittering laugh from her sister.
ok guys - Lance Rock is.... Just follow the big road south, it's off'n on your right. A bit. Well, chop chop. Time is shards, and shards is good as money!
Strix, Shifter Shadow Monk in Lost Mines of Phandelver ¦ Sihegiall Human Soulknife Rogue in In Search of Molly McGuffin
I'm sure you did, but I'm not really one to read posts and such. Pointless dilly dallying, and I don't use the term dilly dally willy nilly. Anyhoo, welcome back Ruthilda. Looks like we'll be off plaguing as soon as we're done at that union meeting I bet you thought I totally forgot about. Who's the terrible player now, eh?
Burt leaves the childrens and heads back to the street. Onward to the meeting! He runs down the street waving his sword around his head.
Back and ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
(that Firbolg does not appear to be joining. Join link changed to avoid people using us as a spawning ground for non-SRD non-Princes-Of-The-LegMimicalypse characters. Still happy for anyone to join but roll your stats, post a brief character sketch and then PM me for the link! Holding on a couple more hours for Penguini and then we're off to the Helm At High Noon Inn...)
Strix, Shifter Shadow Monk in Lost Mines of Phandelver ¦ Sihegiall Human Soulknife Rogue in In Search of Molly McGuffin
What a jerk. Burt shakes his head sadly while running down the street, briefly veering into the side of a building, then straightening out and continuing on.
Back and ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
"I'm all up for union breaking, union izing, union station, Allison Kraus, blessed union, student union, union the left, any unioning really," the knight huffs out as he runs to catch up with Burt. "But with the promise of shards simply fir going to bring back a plague, seems stingy to go asking for more don'tcha think? "
Though not currently a member, seeking admission to the really long and important signature club. Please consider this as a current CV.
Other personalities... Burgee , The Colorless Knight, Fiorello, RW Goodbarrel, Dred, Evrik - Out of the Abyss & Dungeon of the Mad Mage
Site Rules & Guidelines || Tooltips || Homebrew FAQ || Snippet Codes || Syllvva's Guides
That's one way to look at it...it could also be said we're being economical. Maximizing efficiency. Unions love that kinda thing. And Allison Kraus, if I'm not mistaken. And regarding her, I'm very rarely wrong.
Back and ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
It's a very short walk from the Clothier's to the run down ramshackle Helm, it's rusted grills and dirty windows a far cry from the tudorian luxury of the Swinging Sword across the road. As luck would have it, enough time has gone by that it's whatever time I said the meeting was going to happen at. O'clock. The party pass beneath the massive bucket helm that adorns the doorway and into a gloomy, wood-panelled tap room, buzzing with the hubbub of crowded tables, thick with the stench of pipesmoke and an oversubscribed latrine. Down the wide open staircase come the sounds of agitated voices trying to shout eachother down. At the bar a lone Halfling nurses an ale. The barkeep sees you enter and gives you a cursory nod, then continues spit-shining his flagons.
What now, amigos?
Strix, Shifter Shadow Monk in Lost Mines of Phandelver ¦ Sihegiall Human Soulknife Rogue in In Search of Molly McGuffin
Burt stage whispers to BK and Stumpy: I'm pretty sure they like to be called "little people". In his normal voice, which is somewhat quieter than the whisper he just whispered, he says Good evening barkeep! I believe it's sundown, anyways, which is what I believe was what the time was for the meeting which was supposed to take place here was, in fact, going to start. We was...er...were wondering if we could just head on down, then.
Back and ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
"oh." His welcoming grunting face slackens into a soft jowl. "One o' them. Upstairs. Suppose you'll be wanting a tankard o' water like yor mates..." He takes the gob-encrusted receptacle he's been working on and fills it, his cheeks wobbling in the direction of the stairwell up.
Strix, Shifter Shadow Monk in Lost Mines of Phandelver ¦ Sihegiall Human Soulknife Rogue in In Search of Molly McGuffin
Ohhh...ummm...sure...sounds great! Burt eyes the mug apprehensively. But I'm all drinked out currently. I'm sure my compatriots are quite parched, though. Burt runs upstairs really, really quickly.
Back and ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
"Yes, errm... umm... Stumpy McStump Stump, grab some water there would you, I've got to um... Oh hey, Burt..." And Rumatis hurries up after the debonair Fantasy Burts International agent.
Though not currently a member, seeking admission to the really long and important signature club. Please consider this as a current CV.
Other personalities... Burgee , The Colorless Knight, Fiorello, RW Goodbarrel, Dred, Evrik - Out of the Abyss & Dungeon of the Mad Mage
Site Rules & Guidelines || Tooltips || Homebrew FAQ || Snippet Codes || Syllvva's Guides
Stumpy Greg looks unhappily at the stairs, sighs and clop-creaks his way outside. There's a lesson to be learned here about wheelchair accessibility in a high-fantasy world. Where's the Create Ramp cantrip, Jeremy? Huh? You people disgust me!
Running up the stairs, Burt and TBK jostle past a pair of serving menches who're carrying a nugget-laden tray up the stairs. "Oi!" they bellow after you pesky adventurers, shaking their fists. Upstairs is the Helm's function room, currently given over to an array of mostly empty chairs facing a small, raised platform. A hulking, ropey behemoth of a man, face hidden in a massive iron helm from 'neath which his golden shoulder-length curls tumble stands on this stage holding up a large parchment with a drawing of a red circle (with a sliver of green) on it. Up on his shoulders a middle-aged dwarf in some kind of piggyback harness gesticulates wildly while declaring to the crowd of 2 (not including bar staff and Burt staff) "...inequality has gone on too long! The one percent - that's Mellikho, by the way - control all the wealth, while we, the masons, do all the work and what do we have to show for it? NOTHING!"
One of the two men in the audience puts up his hand. "How come we're the 99% when there's only 2 of us and 1 of her?"
"There are 4 of us, Leonard. You, me, Krauss here" - the behmoth lets out a surprisingly high pitched croak - "and of course Carlson. So that's 99% - it's not magic, it's mathemagic." The other gentleman in the audience pipes up.
"Alyss, if there's four of us, how come it's only Lenny and I who do the quarrying?"
"Workers representation is the most important work of all! Every day I toil at the quarry of inequality, chipping out a menhir of justice here, a slab of reciprocity there. And as you know, the only way that ***** Mellikho will take us seriously is if I'm being carried around in a papoose by a muscular old man. It's just the situation we're in right now and every day we strive to make it better. This is the best way forward."
"Makes sense." he agrees.
"Respect! That's what it's all about. People deserve respect regardless of their station in - YOU! Put those ******* nuggets on the table up front!" - she turns her attention to the 2 serving menchs. "How many times do I have to tell you idiots this - the buffet goes up front. And where's my ketchup, shitstain? GET IT NOW!" The menches scurry away, dragging back a massive industrial ketchup-skin that sits quivering at the side of the stage. "Respect! And that is why I've raised your concerns about the mysterious masked men who creep around the quarry after dark, and I have been assured by management that you are imagining it, the Midnight Stone Pervs are a myth. I have impressed on Ms. Mellikho that the drudgery of cutting stone all day is getting you down, and you're probably imagining these spectral figures because The Man does not respect your work life balance, and I have forced her to agree to... Next slide please Krauss..."
The giant puts down his pie chart and picks up a crudely drawn image of a treasure chest splattered with blood and brimming with gold. "...A team building exercise - you and Leonard will head out to Tricklerock Cave (Map available on request) and recover the Bloody Treasure and along the way learn alot about yourselves, eachother, life and almost certainly not dying.Management accepts no responsibility for loss of life, odds of survival may be lower than stated.. I have no details on what the treasure is worth, but I've been assured you will get what you deserve. Isn't that nice? Are you guys up for it?"
The ketchup skin at the side of the stage wobbles again. Hint hint.
Strix, Shifter Shadow Monk in Lost Mines of Phandelver ¦ Sihegiall Human Soulknife Rogue in In Search of Molly McGuffin
Burt zeroes in on the hint and completely ignores it like a champ. He strides forward and declares in a loud voice Hail, friends! We're the life-coaches you ordered to help with the team building exercise! We'll be making sure that everyone has a great time, and that nothing politically incorrect or offensive is said or done. Farting About In Caves 1399 is on! FAIC '99!
Back and ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
Persuasion roll - DC 15 because she ordered nuggets and ketchup, not life coaches.
Strix, Shifter Shadow Monk in Lost Mines of Phandelver ¦ Sihegiall Human Soulknife Rogue in In Search of Molly McGuffin
persuasion 14
Damn...that was my suavest life coach voice too.
Back and ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
"Life coaches? I didn't order any - Oh, I get it. 'Life coach'. You crazy wainwrights. This meeting is for Stone Masons, we have the floor booked till 9pm. You'll have to wait downstairs. Krauss! Put me down!" She clambers down off her perch as her perch kneels down.
"Ms Alyss!" Krauss peeps, "Want me smash head?"
"No need, they're just leaving. And don't touch those nuggets, Burt! Those are Mason's Nuggets. You boys can sort your own refreshments out. Don't fix me with the Macklin stare neither! Still can't walk right after last time, thank you very much. mmmMMMMM! I can't wait to get me some sweet, sweet nugg - let me just squeeze some ketchup out of this 'chupskin...." She reaches for the gigantic sauce-bottle which, as I mentioned, is roughly the size of a halfling.
Strix, Shifter Shadow Monk in Lost Mines of Phandelver ¦ Sihegiall Human Soulknife Rogue in In Search of Molly McGuffin
NO WAIT I THINK THERE MIGHT BE A HALFLING INSIDE THAT 'CHUPSKIN!!!!!!!! Burt yells unnecessarily loudly, attempting to save what could be a terrible experience for all involved. THE DM IS MAKING SOME REEEEALLY STRONG HINTS HERE!
Back and ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
"Pardon, but Burt here didn't mean to imply that we were those hippy, highfalutin, and wickedly over-priced type "Life Coaches"," T.B.K.Night says emphasizing the life coach bit with air quotes from his hammy fingers. "That is to say, we are now unionized stone mason type working folk. We left those pansy ass wainwrongs. Just not enough ketchup with that bunch if you catch my meaning. Yes, we are now really hard working stone masons, and elected from Stone Union OU82-MEN-E to help our sister union here in [insert name of town which I currently forget but believe to be the Red Keep or some such]. That's why Burt here wears that Fidelis Boulders Igneous jacket around all of the time. And they keep me so busy, I had to leave my arms and legs back at the quarry, lots of cutting and chipping you know. Use these meaty replacements for my consulting gigs so we can keep hitting our production targets. I'm sure you could appreciate that eh Ms Alyss?" And he throws a couple of finger-guns and a wink her way for that last part to really seal the deal. (Deceptive Acting: 17)
Though not currently a member, seeking admission to the really long and important signature club. Please consider this as a current CV.
Other personalities... Burgee , The Colorless Knight, Fiorello, RW Goodbarrel, Dred, Evrik - Out of the Abyss & Dungeon of the Mad Mage
Site Rules & Guidelines || Tooltips || Homebrew FAQ || Snippet Codes || Syllvva's Guides