So far this session, I have killed three pets, four teammates, and only hit the enemy once, and my fire bolt didn't work against a creature immune to fire. Trust me, you NEVER want to borrow my character or my dice.
🤣
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
One more from the same stream - due to technical issues, nameplates got switched:
Druid: "Look at me. I'm a pirate. Arr. Oh, I like to steal stuff. Yo ho yo ho."
Rogue (pirate): 😒
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
"I point my hands toward the ground and cast firebolt to make a jetpack"
Player: I walk into the water
DM:Ok, umm, it's wet?
P: I keep walking
DM: it's still wet
Player: I keep walking.
DM: It's wet AND you can't breath.
DM: there's a bridge in front of you. It has poles on both ends. In between the poles hang a string with bells attached, tingling in the light breeze. In the center of the bridge is a dark red stain"
PC: "I fly over the bridge"
DM: "ok, as you land, you see a goat in the center of the bridge"
DM: Your at an orphanage on stage in front of an audience of eager minds. Under the watch gaze of the orphan matron you must deliver an inspiring PSA to encourage the children to stay in school, avoid drugs and obey the law.
Me(A bugbear female with large sword steps in front of the audience of impressionable youths): "Hey kids, wanna see a dead body?!"
DM: Your at an orphanage on stage in front of an audience of eager minds. Under the watch gaze of the orphan matron you must deliver an inspiring PSA to encourage the children to stay in school, avoid drugs and obey the law.
Me(A bugbear female with large sword steps in front of the audience of impressionable youths): "Hey kids, wanna see a dead body?!"
Dead things are just former Experience Points on the run. Now they are former Experience Points. Unless they are raised, then they are former and future Experience Points. :)
Bard, after a successful performance check: "What can I say? 'Greensleeves' really slaps."
Ranger, after party spends 20 minutes terrorizing a bartender for drugging them: *pulls out a card and reads aloud* "Dear friend slash villager slash innocent bystander. I am sorry for inflicting emotional trauma, property damage, et cetera, on you and/or your loved ones. I am new to being nice. Please accept this flower as a sign of good will." *hands him a stick*
Half-elf hexblade warlock/ divine soul sorcerer (classic power game Sorlock) 13int: “why don’t I Disguise myself as a Drow, and say I have captured you all...”
Human variant Hunter/assassin (John wick char) 16int: *visibly thinking of a way to say no*
warforged Gloomstalker/arcane trickster17int: “yeah. We could...”
hobgoblin artificer 18int: “if we....”
my Goliath champion/grave cleric/scout 8int: “hahahahahaha HAHAHAHAHHHA no way can puny drow ever capture Karjamin, this not believable for a second! Bwahahaha!”
John wick char: “hahahahahaha *crying tears of laughter*
Hobgoblin: “.... yeah. That makes sense the more I think about it”
(drow are typically like 5’4 110. Karjamin is a 285lb Goliath with a belt of giant str and a str of 25. Everyone is level 13.)
My character, Yaethel, an elf, and another PC, Faephira, a half elf, were talking to goblins that had been stealing cattle. The goblins do not like or trust elves. Partway through the conversation ...
Goblin: "You! You a pointy ear! Stop sticking noses in goblin lives."
Faephira: "But my nose is on my face."
And later:
Goblin: "Big boss says not to trust pointy ears, so I don't. Talking time is over, go away!!"
Faephira: "You have pointy ears."
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Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken. Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing. Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan. Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer. Plays god on Saturdays.
Running Dragonheist and every Harper seems to have the tendency to openly announce their allegiance. I'm playing Renear like Matt Berry, so, around three AM at night, in a volume that I'm pretty sure my neighbours all heard:
"As you well know, *I* am a Harper!"
It was a really organic moment, but we had to stop playing for a few minutes we all we paralysed by laughter.
As an aside, this happened about 35 years ago during first edition Advanced Dungeons & Dragons.
After he retired from the military, my dad was a salesman, and he travelled a lot. But one of the things he taught me at the tender age of 9, was his "cool new game he and his friends were playing. Something called Dungeons & Dragons."
So, after1E came out, I got lucky on my rolls and made a Monk. Since I was reading his The Destroyer novels (by the way, the Monk class is based on those "Men Adventure Action" books) my Monk, Nalaster Re'al had slowly struggled and made it to Grand Master of Flowers.
One Friday afternoon he called home, long distance, as he usually did to let us know he had made it to the sales show/ convention/ whatever safely and my mom handed me the phone because he wanted to ask me something. Which was weird in and of itself, because long distance at the time was priced insanely and us being a lower middle class family were on a budget.
My father says, "Hey. I met some guys here who want to play D&D. Can I use your Monk character as a major NPC?"
I replied, "Sure, why?"
He says, "I'll let you know on Monday."
I get home from school on Monday, and he comes home. He relates the details of this story:
So, these guys are level 16, and they've been questing together for awhile. Odum, (his Cleric of Zeus) calls them to investigate a dangerous area to the South of his holy lands, and they should be wary of everything because the danger levels are unknown.
They enter the area, and it's the hardest they ever fought. They are struggling, barely hanging on (my dad knew how to balance encounters to a level I still envy to this day) and they see a young looking human, in robes and a flower-encrusted belt strolling nonchalantly through the area that is kicking their butts.
The party immediately decides that this is the source of evil they've been looking for and go to attack the man. He easily takes them all down.
They wake up in jail with the Sheriff of the area shaking his head at them.
"It's a shame a holy man can not go for a peaceful walk without being assaulted by hooligans such as you. Such a damn shame."
The party is fighting a Bone Devil. The cleric, a half-elf (not that it is important to the story), prepares to cast Banishment, and cries out, “You are an abomination and the fact that you stand is an affront to all life. In the name of my goddess Arawai, I cast thee out from this realm and forbid your return!”
The drunkard wizard then raises his head and just shouts "BEGONE, THOT!" as the devil is popped out of the Material Plane.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Formerly Devan Avalon.
Trying to get your physical content on Beyond is like going to Microsoft and saying "I have a physical Playstation disk, give me a digital Xbox version!"
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
once, one of our players was playing a variant human who was an intelligent, non CE spawn of Juiblex. He rolled a 17 to pray to him because we were getting our butts kicked, interrupted Juiblex in the shower, and freaked the slime Lord out. he made the sound like when u stick your tongue in and out of your mouth and sort of blow a raspberry.
Me and my group were in this tavern, and this band of pirates come in. Our bard pretends to be drunk, and tries to calm the angry pirates down, but he rolls really low. The pirate captain looks at him like he's an idiot, and draws his sword.
Reminds me of a stream: The group's magic abilities were 100% suppressed, being absorbed by the runes on the walls whenever they cast - something they claimed was the worst thing that could happen because it meant they had to rely on their wits. They found the remains of people who were completely drained of their connection to the Weave - dead husks.
Bard to Warlock: Do you want to grab some husks? Can you use them to power your magic somehow?
Warlock: I suppose. I could grind them up and snort them to see what happens.
(She picked up two husks but never used them in any way. Discarded them to crawl through a rune-covered pipe.)
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
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🤣
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
One more from the same stream - due to technical issues, nameplates got switched:
Druid: "Look at me. I'm a pirate. Arr. Oh, I like to steal stuff. Yo ho yo ho."
Rogue (pirate): 😒
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
"I poop on the floor of Thor's temple"
"I point my hands toward the ground and cast firebolt to make a jetpack"
Player: I walk into the water
DM:Ok, umm, it's wet?
P: I keep walking
DM: it's still wet
Player: I keep walking.
DM: It's wet AND you can't breath.
DM: there's a bridge in front of you. It has poles on both ends. In between the poles hang a string with bells attached, tingling in the light breeze. In the center of the bridge is a dark red stain"
PC: "I fly over the bridge"
DM: "ok, as you land, you see a goat in the center of the bridge"
PC:"I RUN BACK AND GRAB THE GOAT!!!!!!!!!!!!"
DM:"Ok, now you have a goat?"
Cleric: "All I can say is **** goblins, man."
Me: "Wait, are you saying ''**** the goblins'' or is there an actual race in this world called the **** Goblins?"
DM: "Hold up, let me write this down!"
DM: "The guards are now hostile. Roll initiative."
Player: "Wait, what?!"
DM: "You are now engaged."
Player: "Tell my fiance I love her...!"
(enters combat with war cry)
DM: Your at an orphanage on stage in front of an audience of eager minds. Under the watch gaze of the orphan matron you must deliver an inspiring PSA to encourage the children to stay in school, avoid drugs and obey the law.
Me(A bugbear female with large sword steps in front of the audience of impressionable youths): "Hey kids, wanna see a dead body?!"
Dead things are just former Experience Points on the run. Now they are former Experience Points. Unless they are raised, then they are former and future Experience Points. :)
Bard, after a successful performance check: "What can I say? 'Greensleeves' really slaps."
Ranger, after party spends 20 minutes terrorizing a bartender for drugging them: *pulls out a card and reads aloud* "Dear friend slash villager slash innocent bystander. I am sorry for inflicting emotional trauma, property damage, et cetera, on you and/or your loved ones. I am new to being nice. Please accept this flower as a sign of good will." *hands him a stick*
Half-elf hexblade warlock/ divine soul sorcerer (classic power game Sorlock) 13int: “why don’t I Disguise myself as a Drow, and say I have captured you all...”
Human variant Hunter/assassin (John wick char) 16int: *visibly thinking of a way to say no*
warforged Gloomstalker/arcane trickster17int: “yeah. We could...”
hobgoblin artificer 18int: “if we....”
my Goliath champion/grave cleric/scout 8int: “hahahahahaha HAHAHAHAHHHA no way can puny drow ever capture Karjamin, this not believable for a second! Bwahahaha!”
John wick char: “hahahahahaha *crying tears of laughter*
Hobgoblin: “.... yeah. That makes sense the more I think about it”
(drow are typically like 5’4 110. Karjamin is a 285lb Goliath with a belt of giant str and a str of 25. Everyone is level 13.)
Watch me on twitch
My character, Yaethel, an elf, and another PC, Faephira, a half elf, were talking to goblins that had been stealing cattle. The goblins do not like or trust elves. Partway through the conversation ...
Goblin: "You! You a pointy ear! Stop sticking noses in goblin lives."
Faephira: "But my nose is on my face."
And later:
Goblin: "Big boss says not to trust pointy ears, so I don't. Talking time is over, go away!!"
Faephira: "You have pointy ears."
Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken.
Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing.
Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan.
Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer.
Plays god on Saturdays.
"Wait, are we looking for a corpse?"
"Yes, that's what 'Relic' means"
Running Dragonheist and every Harper seems to have the tendency to openly announce their allegiance. I'm playing Renear like Matt Berry, so, around three AM at night, in a volume that I'm pretty sure my neighbours all heard:
"As you well know, *I* am a Harper!"
It was a really organic moment, but we had to stop playing for a few minutes we all we paralysed by laughter.
As an aside, this happened about 35 years ago during first edition Advanced Dungeons & Dragons.
After he retired from the military, my dad was a salesman, and he travelled a lot. But one of the things he taught me at the tender age of 9, was his "cool new game he and his friends were playing. Something called Dungeons & Dragons."
So, after1E came out, I got lucky on my rolls and made a Monk. Since I was reading his The Destroyer novels (by the way, the Monk class is based on those "Men Adventure Action" books) my Monk, Nalaster Re'al had slowly struggled and made it to Grand Master of Flowers.
One Friday afternoon he called home, long distance, as he usually did to let us know he had made it to the sales show/ convention/ whatever safely and my mom handed me the phone because he wanted to ask me something. Which was weird in and of itself, because long distance at the time was priced insanely and us being a lower middle class family were on a budget.
My father says, "Hey. I met some guys here who want to play D&D. Can I use your Monk character as a major NPC?"
I replied, "Sure, why?"
He says, "I'll let you know on Monday."
I get home from school on Monday, and he comes home. He relates the details of this story:
So, these guys are level 16, and they've been questing together for awhile. Odum, (his Cleric of Zeus) calls them to investigate a dangerous area to the South of his holy lands, and they should be wary of everything because the danger levels are unknown.
They enter the area, and it's the hardest they ever fought. They are struggling, barely hanging on (my dad knew how to balance encounters to a level I still envy to this day) and they see a young looking human, in robes and a flower-encrusted belt strolling nonchalantly through the area that is kicking their butts.
The party immediately decides that this is the source of evil they've been looking for and go to attack the man. He easily takes them all down.
They wake up in jail with the Sheriff of the area shaking his head at them.
"It's a shame a holy man can not go for a peaceful walk without being assaulted by hooligans such as you. Such a damn shame."
1E monk for life :D
The party is fighting a Bone Devil. The cleric, a half-elf (not that it is important to the story), prepares to cast Banishment, and cries out, “You are an abomination and the fact that you stand is an affront to all life. In the name of my goddess Arawai, I cast thee out from this realm and forbid your return!”
The drunkard wizard then raises his head and just shouts "BEGONE, THOT!" as the devil is popped out of the Material Plane.
Formerly Devan Avalon.
Trying to get your physical content on Beyond is like going to Microsoft and saying "I have a physical Playstation disk, give me a digital Xbox version!"
Bard is giving blood to assist with a cure for a disease to which he's miraculously immune.
DM: She jabs you with a needle. Roll me a d6.
Bard: Um... 4-
DM: -pints of blood.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
once, one of our players was playing a variant human who was an intelligent, non CE spawn of Juiblex. He rolled a 17 to pray to him because we were getting our butts kicked, interrupted Juiblex in the shower, and freaked the slime Lord out. he made the sound like when u stick your tongue in and out of your mouth and sort of blow a raspberry.
Enjoy my magic items, spells, monsters, my race, and a few feats. And GIVE ME FEEDBACK... or else.
Like what I say?
⬐ Just press this little guy right here.
This was when I was really new to D&D and didn't know what lesser restoration did:
Me (trying to heal my friend 5 HP): Can I cast lesser restoration on George?
DM: That's not how it works.
Me: But he's my lesser!
He never forgave me for that and is still trying to get his revenge.
Please check out my homebrew and give me feedback!
Subclasses | Races | Spells | Magic Items | Monsters | Feats | Backgrounds
Me, DM: You hear a skittering noise coming from a vent.
Player: I go over to the vent and look inside.
Me: You see a redish-orange powder scattered throughout the vent, and you-
Player: I SNORT IT!
This led to the player making "Whenever I'm near a powdery substance, I try to snort it" as his next character's flaw.
Hello! I am just a relatively new D&D player, who also likes SimplePlanes and War Thunder.
My characters are:
Me and my group were in this tavern, and this band of pirates come in. Our bard pretends to be drunk, and tries to calm the angry pirates down, but he rolls really low. The pirate captain looks at him like he's an idiot, and draws his sword.
The bard responds simply: "Well sh*t"
Reminds me of a stream: The group's magic abilities were 100% suppressed, being absorbed by the runes on the walls whenever they cast - something they claimed was the worst thing that could happen because it meant they had to rely on their wits. They found the remains of people who were completely drained of their connection to the Weave - dead husks.
Bard to Warlock: Do you want to grab some husks? Can you use them to power your magic somehow?
Warlock: I suppose. I could grind them up and snort them to see what happens.
(She picked up two husks but never used them in any way. Discarded them to crawl through a rune-covered pipe.)
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.