Iradon will now pocket the shines. There will be time for looking at them later, and sharing them out maybe. But now he will summon chair as it is a bonus action and await his next turn 

Ira nets himself a gold chain with a locket on it, and 2 silvery rings formed of braided strips, then takes a seat and gets comfortable while EVERYONE IS MURDERED BY GHOSTS. 

(I'm not sure if that's been stressed enough, there's a homicidal ghost arm trying to kill you, you greedy bastards. What if I told you there was another door at the other end of the tomb, behind which is a summonable futon, a comely wench with boobs made of solid platinum and whatever the **** motivates Greg, and that you need to dispatch this thing to get to it? There isn't, but pretend there is and act accordingly!)

TBK, you're up. Given you described hoping to hold 2 swords, it's your Shield arm you cut off so I won't impose disadvantage on attacks but do remember to not roll 2 handed attacks for your illegal +1 longsword, since you're 1 armed now. 

Can I change sides? no wait

Stumps yells at Ira I swear to effing Dee'emm, if I die I am instantly becoming a specter and killing you

And then whispery to my wispy opponents Go get him! He doesn't even take passing seriously. At least I am trying to pass in the time honored doomed to fail tradition!

Persuasion 12 (calling that a strength check with advantage because I'm putting ragey muscle behind it)

"Illegal +1 sword you say?" Beek yodels into the darkness, "Surely you jest, twas randomly picked. At random. Without knowing. Other than of course picking it out myself. But in a universe of seemingly related events, that in itself could be considered random, so seems just as the multi-verse willed it," he continues talking to some disembodied voice in his head and then he notices the spectre returning.

"Oi mate! Any tacos for me?" The Black Knight quickly moves up toward the spectre, "Ah, never mind, we'll get to that later, for now, there seems to be an issue at hand." He uses his sword hand to motion out towards the others. "So there I was, NONE SHALL PASSing, just like we talked about, and I took a short stroll, and all these blokes walked in behind me! Mind you, none of them passed me, so technically, I think we're good there. But then the damnedest thing, they start poking around and," and then he takes his sword and points up toward his other arm, "I mean look! They've lopped off me bloody arm! Well... not so bloody, more hammy really, but still... you know, NO ARM!" He points over toward the spectral arm and continues, "Then that thing there, it makes me a deal that it would hop on you know, 'cause seems it's my long lost arm that does, so I'm thinking, 'Hey, BK, you could be a little more whole, maybe start getting yourself back together.'  You know, self improvement and the like, starting with actual limbs instead of porcine treats. But now it seems it's going back on its word" he says with conviction, especially the it's and its parts so as to keep ol' Stumpy from blowing a gasket. "I tell you, one little slip on the old NSP club and things start going wonkers. So anyway, good to hear the taco stand still had some ghastly crumbs around for you, but um... would you mind helping a brother in none-shall-passing get this arm of mine to calm down and work its way over here and get back on the old TBK train. It would really be a thing of beauty." He looks back towards the others and adds with a bit of tone in his voice like when your mum is degrading you for some foolish act, "Though if everyone keeps on stabbing at the poor thing, it may be less useful than that ham bone there on the floor." Batman The Dark Black Knight moves back over toward the arm and finishes up with, "Come on pal, wha'dya say. I'll keep these blokes at bay, let's you and I hook up."

(hey, my next action I'm attacking. You guys looked like you had it handled) 

( forgive me for being serious, but I feel bad for Nunberry. He's bent over backwards to keep us alive. He's playing the monsters like saps, because (1) it's funny, and (2) we are pretty weak for this encounter. Burt knows no useful spells, and Ira burned his only slot trying to charm an undead. Ira's lick and BK's magic sword are the only things that can do full damage to the specters, and neither has been used at all. So it's only Greg and Burt doing half damage with melee weapons. And the ghosts being thick lulls us into thinking that we can let the arm go attach to BK, or stop to collect shinies. But - correct me if I'm wrong - I think the all-caps italic MURDERED BY GHOSTS... is meant as a hint that BK isn't getting the arm back, and the specters aren't going to be his buds. Nunberry is letting us get first and extra attacks because we won't survive otherwise. )

(I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Skuk, but you're under the impression I'm a competent DM. Competent DMs - the kind who give their party chances and hints like that, those guys have their own thread. Those guys are the Marcus Wareings of the tabletop world. On that scale I'd consider myself a stoned biker meth-cook. Nothing that's happened in this campaign happened because I was being nice to you. It happened because that's what happened. I am not in control of what the spectres do, otherwise you'd all be dead!)

Greg - Sorry, missed your roll last round. I don't know what skill it was, but I'm going with animal handling as it's at the top of my alphabetical list of favourite skills no one rolls. Greg, you suddenly remember that time that Wendell Hoofmonger's dog got run over, and then it came back as a ghost, but the ghost got ghostpox and had to be put down and it took twice as many sticks with the flaming mercy-spear as normal. Almost as if the ghost dog somehow only took half damage from a whole bunch of different pain-sources.... Your impassioned plea to join the spectres is ignored - perhaps if you showed more commitment by, I dunno, murdering 3 Burt they'd be inclined to listen? No promises though! However, some of your words sink in - as the person who's done the least passing, the Doorman seems uninterested in you. 

TBK - your speech, though eloquent, is too little too late. The Phantom limb goes for your remaining arm :

Called Shot : 13 Damage: 12

God damn it, Phantom Limb! Hit the bastard! (Let me be clear here, by the way TBK - he's rolling at a -5 penalty. If he hits you you're losing your other arm.)

The Doorman shakes himself out of his stupor and tries to kick Ira out of his chair :

Shove : Athletics - 14 vs Ira - this is your DC for an Acrobatics roll to dodge / Athletics dodge to resist. Fail and you're prone.

Party : GO!

THE PHANTOM LIMB IS A LIE!!!! Burt shouts, and stabs at it again with that pointy little sword that is TOTALLY SWEET GREG. DON'T BE SO ******* JEALOUS OF BURT.

Attack: 24 Damage: 10

The limb, luckily, has no eyes with which to cast you a pitying look as your pig-sticker pokes it to little effect.

Acrobatics: 8

Being shoved off the chair, technically moves iradon 5ft away so out of melee range which is perfect. Iradon moves out of the room to be no longer passed, and will eldritch lick the phantom limb Attack: 9 Damage: 9 and end up licking the wall

( don't know what it takes to be a competent DM. I've had three bozos with their own threads fail like my kid in 3rd year Mandarin class )

The lie limb being closest, and most damaged, Stumps will direct his ineffectual carnage there

Ragy Ax Attack 17 if hit damage is 9 (slash)

And bonus ragy torch attack (as an improvised club) Attack with (ax/javelin) 17 if hit damage is 6 bludgeon plus 1 fire

Arm tease! You are more like a Nun's Hall Pass!

 (pls ignore extra words, pasted from my page of dice format, changed the numbers but missed the text)

Was there a flicker there, as you swing away like a big hairy food processor? Are the attacks having any effect? Who can say! The phantom Limb yet stands!

Awaiting action from : TBK

Quote from Nunberry >>

... It happened because that's what happened. I am not in control of what the spectres do, otherwise you'd all be dead!...

Greg - .. remember that time that Wendell Hoofmonger's dog ...

That itself is being kind. You could kill us off but instead are rolling on a table that includes shoving rather than killing Iradon

And Greg's real full name is now has always been Gallipoli Hoofmonger. Have you considered a career in naming bands? have you read "King Dork"? (a YA novel where band names are a major plot point) You have a gift with names.

The black Knight seems paralysed by fear!

The phantom limb takes advantage (though not in a mechanical sense) swinging a heavy limb-lopper blow at his former brother-in-arms.

Called Shot : 6 Damage: 14

His blade strikes true, taking the Black Knights arm off at the shoulder. That leaves him mostly armless but he can still kick and bit your shins.

With Ira out of the room, the Door guard seems a little less concerned about him and rounds on Burt 

 Attack : 23 Damage: 6

 His sword whistles past Burt's head, causing his hair to twitch in the wind but remain immaculately coiffured.

"Right! I'll have your head for that!" The Black Knight yells as real life afforded him no chance to quickly swing that +1 sword that he definitely legitimately owned without question. He looks down at his two lost arms, "'tis nothing you yellow, well, I can't really say bastard now can I, what with you being just an arm and all. Like who would your dad be you know? Not like some other arm thrust you out and your ol' dad arm said, 'No mate, not sticking around to see that arm grow up'. It's really not your fault at all son, erm, I mean... yes, I'll have your head, um, I mean... wrist? for that!" he exclaims as he tucks into a roll, grabbing his lawfully obtained sword between his two feed as he comes around and thrusts it right towards the wrist of the floating arm. Adding at the end "What the hells mate!?! I did the None Shall Pass thing, you go off and eat tacos, you bring none back which seems bad form really given all of the other blokes here, and now you're just going to sit there and watch your old NSP partner get hacked on? I mean really? And I thought we were pals."

(Footed Sword Stab: Attack: 8 Damage: 8)

Iradon will summon chair as a bonus action, dot down, and once again eldritch lick the sword arm. Attack: 21 Damage: 1

(why can't I hit...)

Arm traitor! the Hoofmonger yells, more for effect than anything Give my casual acquaintance another minor scratch, will you?! Our weak attacks might eventually wear you down! Maybe! Greg repeats the same actions as last time, since there is nothing else he can do. He thought about picking up the sword before the Carbon Cavalier pulled the impressive foot job, but hey. Just because it didn't work doesn't mean it was a failure. Well, it does, but still. Hey Boss, how about some of those sweet bard bonuses they say bards can hand out like condoms in the school health center?

One with the ax 18 if hit damage is 7

And one with the torch 19 if hit damage is 4 plus a fire

Name: Jack

Age: 25

Race & Class: Warforged Envoy Fighter

Alignment: Neutral Good

https://www.dndbeyond.com/profile/Syncraven/characters/17151757

Hey it's Jack! Greg announces Anyone know Jack? We are in a bit of trouble with these deceased guardians and ex-limbs of living ex-guardians! Take a shot at the arm!

( this isn't really a recruitment thread anymore - the originator ghosted and the thread has been hijacked by amputee characters and a reluctant DM, and we can't change the tags. But don't listen to me, Nunberry is the long-suffering DM and Burt Macklin is large and in charge of the party. But that isn't the right way to share your character sheet - make sure "public" is selected on the first step, and get a share link from the sheet. Good luck finding a suitable game. But also, take a shot at the arm. We are outmatched )