Chilling! I believe that if Jerry hadn't had his patent stolen, things would be different. Better. Ah well, I can't undo the backstory of a character I don't control. But wouldn't that be a cool alt universe?
Chilling! I believe that if Jerry hadn't had his patent stolen, things would be different. Better. Ah well, I can't undo the backstory of a character I don't control. But wouldn't that be a cool alt universe?
Basically. Yeah he only ended up in poverty because of that.
Lucky you don’t have Covid - I was sick (both in the throwing up form and the being I’ll form) the other day so I guess we were both ill lol. Honestly still feeling a bit drowsy today. Anyway, Covid or not, hope you get better!
Lucky you don’t have Covid - I was sick (both in the throwing up form and the being I’ll form) the other day so I guess we were both ill lol. Honestly still feeling a bit drowsy today. Anyway, Covid or not, hope you get better!
Thanks! I’ve been feeling much better, I should have another salvo of Jerry comin’ at cha’ today even!
I obviously have to carve a few chilling runes on it, to keep it cool. Has a low flashpoint. Although it going off in my pouch would be fun it would be a waste. I gather up leaves and various bits of brush, and make a small shelter. And sleep by the fire. By the morning I was starving. I hadn't eaten in a few days, and I was definitely feeling it. I decided it would just be best to try some hunting, and if that didn't work, burn down a bakery while stealing their bread.
After a couple hours of fruitless labor in the hopes of a deer my sights were set lower. Maybe a badger, and lower. Maybe a rabbit, and lower. Maybe a vole, and, lower. After many hours of hunger driven pointlessness I decided just to head back to town, wreak a little havoc and get some bread.
I gathered up my stuff, and left my campfire burning as I left. I had cleaned the blood off of me in a stream last night, but I still smelled like gasoline. It was comforting. It was a little bit longer till the town, on the journey which I passed a couple people looking at me warily. I made it back and started scouting for a suitable place to strike. I was hoping for a bakery but anything at this point would be fine.
I spot a large-ish shop that seems to have smoked meats and bread on display. I walk forward, milling among the couple of customers. It has fresh produce, some grain, and bread. There is a cage holding two chickens next to a basket of eggs. I start reaching for my bow before I realize I have gold in my pocket. Between ransacking the two potion shops I have a fair bit of money. I pick up a loaf of bread, and some smoked sausages, grab some eggs, and head to the counter.
“Feeling hungry ar’ we? “ the cashier says in a jovial voice, completely unaware that I contemplated killing him moments earlier. “Yeah, you could say so. Say, have you seen the potion shop lately? Complete mess!” I say, trying to draw information. I want to see how much the news of my attack has spread. “O’ yeah, total wreck! Thn’ rumor is that some hooded feller came on down and smashed the place up!”
“Okay, thanks for the food. Here” I hand him the money, and leave. I sit down outside on a bench. It's an overview of a nice fountain. I dig into the sausage and the bread, saving the eggs for breakfast tomorrow morning. I carve through all the sausages and most of the bread, leaving that and the eggs for tomorrow morning. I have some plans for dinner.
I decide to head back to my camp, not much there I just want to head back. My plan is to leave town anyway, the only good thing this town has going for it is its potion trade. Was it’s potion trade. I need to get to a richer town, or even better a city. I make it back to my camp ready to see what damage I caused by leaving my campfire burning.
None. I'm upset as someone clearly put it out. Anyway, I continue walking down the road, hoping to come across a horse acrt going the same way as me. Or at least someone to ask directions for. I used to travel a lot back in my university days… but that was a while ago. And it's all fog now. I continue walking for what seems like miles, nothing but fields and forest to my sides. I cross a stream in my travels and take a long drink.
After a long time, the sun nearly setting a horse cart comes up on my right. Heading the same direction as me. “Ho’ there! You're looking awful tired there! Care for a ride?” “I would be grateful, thank you.” I hop on his cart. “Where are you heading? I'm looking for some greener pastures.” “O’? I'm just comin’ back from my obsidian deposit, heading down to the fancy place to sell it all of for double!” They launch into a hearty belly laugh.
“Good, I'll just follow you then.” I drop a couple coins in a pouch in the back of his cart and settle in. It’s an overnight journey that takes us down to ‘fancy town’ as he referred to it. In the early morning we arrive, the sun shining through the small flaps in the tent covered cart. I slept deeply in the back of his cart, I had found a blanket and some apples he probably won't notice went missing.
I thank him and leave, heading into town. I'm scoping out potential targets, looking for fancy restaurants in particular. I have a plan beyond a fancy dinner, but I want a fancy dinner first. The city is nice, clean, the people are rich but seem friendly. There are fountains and large public gardens. Seems like a nice place. Shame it's going to get messy.
I spot a fancy looking tavern down the road. I walk over, peering in. It smells delightful, of steak and fresh bread. I see people running around with food to the various nobility. I decide to come back later, I want dinner after all. I realize as I'm walking away that I could just make a reservation for the night. I turn back around and walk back in. A person dressed in a tuxedo walks up to me, “Hello there sir, what could we do for you?”
“I would like a reservation for later tonight! I want a banquet before me! I shall feast!”
"of course, and for how many?"
"Just me, but serve like there was two of us!"
"of course, and what shall you be drinking?"
"ooh, your finest and most expensive wine.. Oh! and cider! I love cider."
and... There you go! The next installment of the Jerry tale.
TWO a day apart!?! Yep. I just wanted to write more. So I did. Here ya go!
(Disclaimer: gets a LITTLE gory about halfway through. Not too much. It’s really not a lot.)
I then turn and walk out the door.
With the tavern behind me I make my way around the town. I'm browsing through shops, and I spot some fancy items along the way. Most of it is designed to cater toward the rich nobility that live here, rings, necklaces, fine garments. The shops I'm interested in have more… eccentric items.
Adventuring shops. They held magic items, armor, weapons, There is a small street corner that holds some run down stone heavy shops. They look like they are older than the town around them, as most of it is built in this light driftwood like timber. I peer into the blacksmiths shop, which is flanked on either side by an enchantery and an alchemist. The blacksmith seems to have a smithy in the back as the front of the cramped shop is all display cases and armor stands.
“Hello? Anyone home?” I say loud enough to be heard in the smithy. My voice echoes softly in the cramped room. “Yessss?” a soft voice hisses back. I was stunned for a moment as a Yuan Ti slid out from a hallway leading back. They had striking blue scales, and a long, long, tale in the place of legs. In The place of a human head was that of a large snake, with red eyes. They wore a thick gold chest piece as armor. It had Yuan Ti engravings on it and gemstones placed in the eyes of snakes. It looked very high quality.
“Oh, hello. Sorry, I wasn't expecting a Yuan Ti… Are you the black smith here?”
“Yessss”
“Well, good, because I've been seeking a fine weapon. A sword that not only destroys with blade, but also with fire!”
“Thisss sssoundss like a dangerous weapon no? I can craft you a ssssssun-blade that will carve through metal and ssstone.”
“A sun-blade? Isn't that more of the enchanters thing?”
“We work in… conjunction… I will craft the hilt of the weapon and they will have it… charmed.”
“Uhh, sure. Whatever floats yer’ boat…”
The Yuan Ti slides away, and in their leaving I see a blotch of white scar over one of their eyes. Probably not someone I want to try to kill… just yet. They say as they are leaving that it will take them a couple of days. I was amazed, I knew that he only needed to craft a hilt but still. Getting the enchantments on it and all should have taken upward of months.
I turn and leave, thanking the Yuan Ti. I continue walking, wondering what I should do. Some fighting rings wouldn't be a… bad idea, would it? There was a good chance that the criminal activity was more tame here. More robbery than anything fun. But there was a chance I could beat someone up.
I start heading for seedier parts of town. As I lived in the slums for most of my life I know how to avoid street gangs. Now I was doing the opposite. Finding a run down looking pawn shop on the edge of the city near the blacksmith I poke my head inside. “Lo’? Anyone home?” “What do you want?” There was a burly man leaning over the counter, your classic thug. I could see a knife on his belt, but another slightly hidden in his pant leg. There was a gruff looking woman in a doorway… presumably to where they would be doing their crime. Obviously.
“Just looking for some, high quality, home grown, reputable, all organic fighting rings! Can ya’ help someone starving in violence?” “Nah’ we don't do that stuff here. You look like you came from a gutter, crawl back there before you get into trouble.” The woman in the doorway spits at me. She is hiding a folding sword under her cloak.
“What kind of trouble?” I say, trying to aggravate them. “Watch your mouth, we ain't got anything against you. Let’s keep it that way.” They were surprisingly opposed to beating me up, which I took as a challenge. “Oh, I'm not trying to mess with you guys, you’re much too ‘cool guy, tough dude’ looking for me.” I say it in a jaunty, carless tone. Like I might not be condescending. “Are you just looking for a mugging? Cause’ you're gonna get one if you don't just screw off.”
“No. I don’t think I will.” I say in a superior voice. My facade is cracking, a few stifled laughs escape the pretend. They draw their weapons. “Come on’ you dunk? We don’t need the blood stains or the trouble. Just get out and we'll let you run.” I draw a flask from my pouch, I glug at it for an awkward moment. I throw it to the floor and the unmistakable smell of gasoline seeps from it.
“You crazy?! You asked for this idiot.” The big one hurled his knife at my foot. It sticks, nailing me to the floor. I throw back my head in laughter, it hurts. He draws his second weapon as the woman steps forward, flipping her folding sword open. “Sorry.” she says as she whips it across my other leg, cutting at a tendon.
I laugh more. I smash my hand into the nose of the knife dude, throwing him back. I pivot my elbow into the throat of the sword woman. She reels as well, just not as much. She’s making gurgling noises. I flip the knife out of my foot, spraying blood on my hands and legs. I stab the knife dude in the sternum. “Fun! That’s your’s, you dropped it.” I’m barely standing, leaning on my knife foot, which really isn't a great idea.
“Well… This was fun. But you guys actually hurt a bit.” I pill the pin on my flasbang. The bang, the magnesium. It all sprays the room, flaring brilliant, messmerizing, bliding, white. They start coughing at the smoke, and making a softer, more delightful sound. A whining, like a hurt animal.
I still can't see much as I drop another flasbang. Then a grenade, that's when I feel the woosh of air behind me, the shatter and sting I associate with being thrown out a window. I lie outside, on something soft. Then something hard. I still can't hear or see. Just a humm, ring, and blanket of white.
Minutes later I realize I'm lying in a street. I must have landed on someone, that was the soft feeling. I push myself up, my head spinning. Checking my potion pack I grab at one of the few non-destroyed healing potions. I sip at it as I stare at my work. The napalm on me and the building are raging, that was from the grenade. The healing potion soothes most of the humm buzz.
The corpses of what I assume to be my adversaries lie scattered. An arm is a few feet away from me, the corresponding meat bag seems to be a ways away, splattered on a neighboring building. The other is crumpled in the doorway, pieces of debris cover them.
Pulling out my emergency alchemy kit I started cooking up makeshift healing potions. I banage the worst of my wounds, mainly my foot and knee tendon. I can't do much with ten chemicals that I have. The majority shattered in the fight. I have to choke down some… questionable healing potions. After some painful, and hilarious, minutes I have two legs that I can limp on. I am soured by blood, flames, chemicals, and rech. Delightful. My afternoon positively perfect, I limp back to the tavern I am going to eat at. I walk in, trying my hardest not to look like I'm limping. “Hello! I am back, I need a room. And some healing potions. I'll still be having dinner.” “Hm, yes. Right this way, we can have you set up in a minute.” I just follow him. He says something about the gold per night and other meaningless stuff.
“The potions will be here in an hour, or less.” I thank him and shut the door. A quick bath, nap, and clothing change leave me feeling refreshed. I stole a couple sets of clothes from the man’s cart that I came here on. He won't mind.
My cloak and apron hung up and my potion pouch on the nightstand leave me feeling light. I haven't taken them off for three days. I lie in bed. Half sleeping, half running through my most recent fight. I pace the room. I plant grenades under the bed, nightstand and bath. I have an idea.
I was never going to pay for dinner. Now the plan is forming in my mind. I grab the healing potions on my thirty seventh lap around the room. The pain in my legs is excruciating. I drown four of the eight potions. Almost barfing, I tuck the rest awy for later.
I try my best to clean my heavy cloak, but the bloody smell won't leave it. I throw it on regardless and make my numb way downstairs, the potions doing numbers on my pain receptors. Sitting down at the table they lead me to I barely hear them, I just start drinking my cider in a dazed manner. I don’t even touch the wine.
Course after exquisite course is served to me. All in inflated portions and chique. I silently sift through the dinner, pleasantly hungry after having all mobility removed from me, being thrown out a window, and taking a lot of pain killers in the last four hours. The dinner is quite good, it just goes over my head. I don't remember what it was too well. Venison or something? But I distinctly remember jambalaya, which is odd. Doesn't matter.
My waiter returns after I rounded off my last cup of cider and last plate of food. “So, your total for all services expended during your stay totals to two hundred and seventy four gold. That is, unless you want to stay another night. You still have until tomorrow morning.” “Oh yeah… uh. Hold on. Who cooked that last one?” “the dessert?” “no, the… what was it? Venison?” “ah, yes, that would be our butcher. Would you like to thank them?”
“Yes”
The waiter leads me through two sets of doors into a kitchen. I am guided around pots and pans on alchemical stoves, just like my lighter, just much more expensive. But when they are charging two hundred gold a night they can afford stuff like that. The butcher is tucked into a corner, currently chopping up some steak, it looks like he's cooking up three or four things at once.
“Well, I need to go help a table, you can find your way out. This is our butcher, Andrew” with that the waiter leaves. “Hi. That was the best food I've eaten. Ever. That venison was really killer, did you make the sauce too? Because that was perfect.” “Oh! Thank you! Yes I did the sauce, I appreciate it. Glad you enjoyed eating it as much as I loved cooking it” ''Aw. ok, I’ll let you in on a secret… I have this whole place rigged to blow. Don’t tell anyone or I blow it! You get to leave, but tell anyone and you all die. Get out of here.”
TWO a day apart!?! Yep. I just wanted to write more. So I did. Here ya go!
(Disclaimer: gets a LITTLE gory about halfway through. Not too much. It’s really not a lot.)
I then turn and walk out the door.
With the tavern behind me I make my way around the town. I'm browsing through shops, and I spot some fancy items along the way. Most of it is designed to cater toward the rich nobility that live here, rings, necklaces, fine garments. The shops I'm interested in have more… eccentric items.
Adventuring shops. They held magic items, armor, weapons, There is a small street corner that holds some run down stone heavy shops. They look like they are older than the town around them, as most of it is built in this light driftwood like timber. I peer into the blacksmiths shop, which is flanked on either side by an enchantery and an alchemist. The blacksmith seems to have a smithy in the back as the front of the cramped shop is all display cases and armor stands.
“Hello? Anyone home?” I say loud enough to be heard in the smithy. My voice echoes softly in the cramped room. “Yessss?” a soft voice hisses back. I was stunned for a moment as a Yuan Ti slid out from a hallway leading back. They had striking blue scales, and a long, long, tale in the place of legs. In The place of a human head was that of a large snake, with red eyes. They wore a thick gold chest piece as armor. It had Yuan Ti engravings on it and gemstones placed in the eyes of snakes. It looked very high quality.
“Oh, hello. Sorry, I wasn't expecting a Yuan Ti… Are you the black smith here?”
“Yessss”
“Well, good, because I've been seeking a fine weapon. A sword that not only destroys with blade, but also with fire!”
“Thisss sssoundss like a dangerous weapon no? I can craft you a ssssssun-blade that will carve through metal and ssstone.”
“A sun-blade? Isn't that more of the enchanters thing?”
“We work in… conjunction… I will craft the hilt of the weapon and they will have it… charmed.”
“Uhh, sure. Whatever floats yer’ boat…”
The Yuan Ti slides away, and in their leaving I see a blotch of white scar over one of their eyes. Probably not someone I want to try to kill… just yet. They say as they are leaving that it will take them a couple of days. I was amazed, I knew that he only needed to craft a hilt but still. Getting the enchantments on it and all should have taken upward of months.
I turn and leave, thanking the Yuan Ti. I continue walking, wondering what I should do. Some fighting rings wouldn't be a… bad idea, would it? There was a good chance that the criminal activity was more tame here. More robbery than anything fun. But there was a chance I could beat someone up.
I start heading for seedier parts of town. As I lived in the slums for most of my life I know how to avoid street gangs. Now I was doing the opposite. Finding a run down looking pawn shop on the edge of the city near the blacksmith I poke my head inside. “Lo’? Anyone home?” “What do you want?” There was a burly man leaning over the counter, your classic thug. I could see a knife on his belt, but another slightly hidden in his pant leg. There was a gruff looking woman in a doorway… presumably to where they would be doing their crime. Obviously.
“Just looking for some, high quality, home grown, reputable, all organic fighting rings! Can ya’ help someone starving in violence?” “Nah’ we don't do that stuff here. You look like you came from a gutter, crawl back there before you get into trouble.” The woman in the doorway spits at me. She is hiding a folding sword under her cloak.
“What kind of trouble?” I say, trying to aggravate them. “Watch your mouth, we ain't got anything against you. Let’s keep it that way.” They were surprisingly opposed to beating me up, which I took as a challenge. “Oh, I'm not trying to mess with you guys, you’re much too ‘cool guy, tough dude’ looking for me.” I say it in a jaunty, carless tone. Like I might not be condescending. “Are you just looking for a mugging? Cause’ you're gonna get one if you don't just screw off.”
“No. I don’t think I will.” I say in a superior voice. My facade is cracking, a few stifled laughs escape the pretend. They draw their weapons. “Come on’ you dunk? We don’t need the blood stains or the trouble. Just get out and we'll let you run.” I draw a flask from my pouch, I glug at it for an awkward moment. I throw it to the floor and the unmistakable smell of gasoline seeps from it.
“You crazy?! You asked for this idiot.” The big one hurled his knife at my foot. It sticks, nailing me to the floor. I throw back my head in laughter, it hurts. He draws his second weapon as the woman steps forward, flipping her folding sword open. “Sorry.” she says as she whips it across my other leg, cutting at a tendon.
I laugh more. I smash my hand into the nose of the knife dude, throwing him back. I pivot my elbow into the throat of the sword woman. She reels as well, just not as much. She’s making gurgling noises. I flip the knife out of my foot, spraying blood on my hands and legs. I stab the knife dude in the sternum. “Fun! That’s your’s, you dropped it.” I’m barely standing, leaning on my knife foot, which really isn't a great idea.
“Well… This was fun. But you guys actually hurt a bit.” I pill the pin on my flasbang. The bang, the magnesium. It all sprays the room, flaring brilliant, messmerizing, bliding, white. They start coughing at the smoke, and making a softer, more delightful sound. A whining, like a hurt animal.
I still can't see much as I drop another flasbang. Then a grenade, that's when I feel the woosh of air behind me, the shatter and sting I associate with being thrown out a window. I lie outside, on something soft. Then something hard. I still can't hear or see. Just a humm, ring, and blanket of white.
Minutes later I realize I'm lying in a street. I must have landed on someone, that was the soft feeling. I push myself up, my head spinning. Checking my potion pack I grab at one of the few non-destroyed healing potions. I sip at it as I stare at my work. The napalm on me and the building are raging, that was from the grenade. The healing potion soothes most of the humm buzz.
The corpses of what I assume to be my adversaries lie scattered. An arm is a few feet away from me, the corresponding meat bag seems to be a ways away, splattered on a neighboring building. The other is crumpled in the doorway, pieces of debris cover them.
Pulling out my emergency alchemy kit I started cooking up makeshift healing potions. I banage the worst of my wounds, mainly my foot and knee tendon. I can't do much with ten chemicals that I have. The majority shattered in the fight. I have to choke down some… questionable healing potions. After some painful, and hilarious, minutes I have two legs that I can limp on. I am soured by blood, flames, chemicals, and rech. Delightful. My afternoon positively perfect, I limp back to the tavern I am going to eat at. I walk in, trying my hardest not to look like I'm limping. “Hello! I am back, I need a room. And some healing potions. I'll still be having dinner.” “Hm, yes. Right this way, we can have you set up in a minute.” I just follow him. He says something about the gold per night and other meaningless stuff.
“The potions will be here in an hour, or less.” I thank him and shut the door. A quick bath, nap, and clothing change leave me feeling refreshed. I stole a couple sets of clothes from the man’s cart that I came here on. He won't mind.
My cloak and apron hung up and my potion pouch on the nightstand leave me feeling light. I haven't taken them off for three days. I lie in bed. Half sleeping, half running through my most recent fight. I pace the room. I plant grenades under the bed, nightstand and bath. I have an idea.
I was never going to pay for dinner. Now the plan is forming in my mind. I grab the healing potions on my thirty seventh lap around the room. The pain in my legs is excruciating. I drown four of the eight potions. Almost barfing, I tuck the rest awy for later.
I try my best to clean my heavy cloak, but the bloody smell won't leave it. I throw it on regardless and make my numb way downstairs, the potions doing numbers on my pain receptors. Sitting down at the table they lead me to I barely hear them, I just start drinking my cider in a dazed manner. I don’t even touch the wine.
Course after exquisite course is served to me. All in inflated portions and chique. I silently sift through the dinner, pleasantly hungry after having all mobility removed from me, being thrown out a window, and taking a lot of pain killers in the last four hours. The dinner is quite good, it just goes over my head. I don't remember what it was too well. Venison or something? But I distinctly remember jambalaya, which is odd. Doesn't matter.
My waiter returns after I rounded off my last cup of cider and last plate of food. “So, your total for all services expended during your stay totals to two hundred and seventy four gold. That is, unless you want to stay another night. You still have until tomorrow morning.” “Oh yeah… uh. Hold on. Who cooked that last one?” “the dessert?” “no, the… what was it? Venison?” “ah, yes, that would be our butcher. Would you like to thank them?”
“Yes”
The waiter leads me through two sets of doors into a kitchen. I am guided around pots and pans on alchemical stoves, just like my lighter, just much more expensive. But when they are charging two hundred gold a night they can afford stuff like that. The butcher is tucked into a corner, currently chopping up some steak, it looks like he's cooking up three or four things at once.
“Well, I need to go help a table, you can find your way out. This is our butcher, Andrew” with that the waiter leaves. “Hi. That was the best food I've eaten. Ever. That venison was really killer, did you make the sauce too? Because that was perfect.” “Oh! Thank you! Yes I did the sauce, I appreciate it. Glad you enjoyed eating it as much as I loved cooking it” ''Aw. ok, I’ll let you in on a secret… I have this whole place rigged to blow. Don’t tell anyone or I blow it! You get to leave, but tell anyone and you all die. Get out of here.”
Oh, wow... Jerry really is evil. That was an... interesting read. In context, it's good, though!
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Paladin main who spends most of his D&D time worldbuilding or DMing, not Paladin-ing.
TWO a day apart!?! Yep. I just wanted to write more. So I did. Here ya go!
(Disclaimer: gets a LITTLE gory about halfway through. Not too much. It’s really not a lot.)
I then turn and walk out the door.
With the tavern behind me I make my way around the town. I'm browsing through shops, and I spot some fancy items along the way. Most of it is designed to cater toward the rich nobility that live here, rings, necklaces, fine garments. The shops I'm interested in have more… eccentric items.
Adventuring shops. They held magic items, armor, weapons, There is a small street corner that holds some run down stone heavy shops. They look like they are older than the town around them, as most of it is built in this light driftwood like timber. I peer into the blacksmiths shop, which is flanked on either side by an enchantery and an alchemist. The blacksmith seems to have a smithy in the back as the front of the cramped shop is all display cases and armor stands.
“Hello? Anyone home?” I say loud enough to be heard in the smithy. My voice echoes softly in the cramped room. “Yessss?” a soft voice hisses back. I was stunned for a moment as a Yuan Ti slid out from a hallway leading back. They had striking blue scales, and a long, long, tale in the place of legs. In The place of a human head was that of a large snake, with red eyes. They wore a thick gold chest piece as armor. It had Yuan Ti engravings on it and gemstones placed in the eyes of snakes. It looked very high quality.
“Oh, hello. Sorry, I wasn't expecting a Yuan Ti… Are you the black smith here?”
“Yessss”
“Well, good, because I've been seeking a fine weapon. A sword that not only destroys with blade, but also with fire!”
“Thisss sssoundss like a dangerous weapon no? I can craft you a ssssssun-blade that will carve through metal and ssstone.”
“A sun-blade? Isn't that more of the enchanters thing?”
“We work in… conjunction… I will craft the hilt of the weapon and they will have it… charmed.”
“Uhh, sure. Whatever floats yer’ boat…”
The Yuan Ti slides away, and in their leaving I see a blotch of white scar over one of their eyes. Probably not someone I want to try to kill… just yet. They say as they are leaving that it will take them a couple of days. I was amazed, I knew that he only needed to craft a hilt but still. Getting the enchantments on it and all should have taken upward of months.
I turn and leave, thanking the Yuan Ti. I continue walking, wondering what I should do. Some fighting rings wouldn't be a… bad idea, would it? There was a good chance that the criminal activity was more tame here. More robbery than anything fun. But there was a chance I could beat someone up.
I start heading for seedier parts of town. As I lived in the slums for most of my life I know how to avoid street gangs. Now I was doing the opposite. Finding a run down looking pawn shop on the edge of the city near the blacksmith I poke my head inside. “Lo’? Anyone home?” “What do you want?” There was a burly man leaning over the counter, your classic thug. I could see a knife on his belt, but another slightly hidden in his pant leg. There was a gruff looking woman in a doorway… presumably to where they would be doing their crime. Obviously.
“Just looking for some, high quality, home grown, reputable, all organic fighting rings! Can ya’ help someone starving in violence?” “Nah’ we don't do that stuff here. You look like you came from a gutter, crawl back there before you get into trouble.” The woman in the doorway spits at me. She is hiding a folding sword under her cloak.
“What kind of trouble?” I say, trying to aggravate them. “Watch your mouth, we ain't got anything against you. Let’s keep it that way.” They were surprisingly opposed to beating me up, which I took as a challenge. “Oh, I'm not trying to mess with you guys, you’re much too ‘cool guy, tough dude’ looking for me.” I say it in a jaunty, carless tone. Like I might not be condescending. “Are you just looking for a mugging? Cause’ you're gonna get one if you don't just screw off.”
“No. I don’t think I will.” I say in a superior voice. My facade is cracking, a few stifled laughs escape the pretend. They draw their weapons. “Come on’ you dunk? We don’t need the blood stains or the trouble. Just get out and we'll let you run.” I draw a flask from my pouch, I glug at it for an awkward moment. I throw it to the floor and the unmistakable smell of gasoline seeps from it.
“You crazy?! You asked for this idiot.” The big one hurled his knife at my foot. It sticks, nailing me to the floor. I throw back my head in laughter, it hurts. He draws his second weapon as the woman steps forward, flipping her folding sword open. “Sorry.” she says as she whips it across my other leg, cutting at a tendon.
I laugh more. I smash my hand into the nose of the knife dude, throwing him back. I pivot my elbow into the throat of the sword woman. She reels as well, just not as much. She’s making gurgling noises. I flip the knife out of my foot, spraying blood on my hands and legs. I stab the knife dude in the sternum. “Fun! That’s your’s, you dropped it.” I’m barely standing, leaning on my knife foot, which really isn't a great idea.
“Well… This was fun. But you guys actually hurt a bit.” I pill the pin on my flasbang. The bang, the magnesium. It all sprays the room, flaring brilliant, messmerizing, bliding, white. They start coughing at the smoke, and making a softer, more delightful sound. A whining, like a hurt animal.
I still can't see much as I drop another flasbang. Then a grenade, that's when I feel the woosh of air behind me, the shatter and sting I associate with being thrown out a window. I lie outside, on something soft. Then something hard. I still can't hear or see. Just a humm, ring, and blanket of white.
Minutes later I realize I'm lying in a street. I must have landed on someone, that was the soft feeling. I push myself up, my head spinning. Checking my potion pack I grab at one of the few non-destroyed healing potions. I sip at it as I stare at my work. The napalm on me and the building are raging, that was from the grenade. The healing potion soothes most of the humm buzz.
The corpses of what I assume to be my adversaries lie scattered. An arm is a few feet away from me, the corresponding meat bag seems to be a ways away, splattered on a neighboring building. The other is crumpled in the doorway, pieces of debris cover them.
Pulling out my emergency alchemy kit I started cooking up makeshift healing potions. I banage the worst of my wounds, mainly my foot and knee tendon. I can't do much with ten chemicals that I have. The majority shattered in the fight. I have to choke down some… questionable healing potions. After some painful, and hilarious, minutes I have two legs that I can limp on. I am soured by blood, flames, chemicals, and rech. Delightful. My afternoon positively perfect, I limp back to the tavern I am going to eat at. I walk in, trying my hardest not to look like I'm limping. “Hello! I am back, I need a room. And some healing potions. I'll still be having dinner.” “Hm, yes. Right this way, we can have you set up in a minute.” I just follow him. He says something about the gold per night and other meaningless stuff.
“The potions will be here in an hour, or less.” I thank him and shut the door. A quick bath, nap, and clothing change leave me feeling refreshed. I stole a couple sets of clothes from the man’s cart that I came here on. He won't mind.
My cloak and apron hung up and my potion pouch on the nightstand leave me feeling light. I haven't taken them off for three days. I lie in bed. Half sleeping, half running through my most recent fight. I pace the room. I plant grenades under the bed, nightstand and bath. I have an idea.
I was never going to pay for dinner. Now the plan is forming in my mind. I grab the healing potions on my thirty seventh lap around the room. The pain in my legs is excruciating. I drown four of the eight potions. Almost barfing, I tuck the rest awy for later.
I try my best to clean my heavy cloak, but the bloody smell won't leave it. I throw it on regardless and make my numb way downstairs, the potions doing numbers on my pain receptors. Sitting down at the table they lead me to I barely hear them, I just start drinking my cider in a dazed manner. I don’t even touch the wine.
Course after exquisite course is served to me. All in inflated portions and chique. I silently sift through the dinner, pleasantly hungry after having all mobility removed from me, being thrown out a window, and taking a lot of pain killers in the last four hours. The dinner is quite good, it just goes over my head. I don't remember what it was too well. Venison or something? But I distinctly remember jambalaya, which is odd. Doesn't matter.
My waiter returns after I rounded off my last cup of cider and last plate of food. “So, your total for all services expended during your stay totals to two hundred and seventy four gold. That is, unless you want to stay another night. You still have until tomorrow morning.” “Oh yeah… uh. Hold on. Who cooked that last one?” “the dessert?” “no, the… what was it? Venison?” “ah, yes, that would be our butcher. Would you like to thank them?”
“Yes”
The waiter leads me through two sets of doors into a kitchen. I am guided around pots and pans on alchemical stoves, just like my lighter, just much more expensive. But when they are charging two hundred gold a night they can afford stuff like that. The butcher is tucked into a corner, currently chopping up some steak, it looks like he's cooking up three or four things at once.
“Well, I need to go help a table, you can find your way out. This is our butcher, Andrew” with that the waiter leaves. “Hi. That was the best food I've eaten. Ever. That venison was really killer, did you make the sauce too? Because that was perfect.” “Oh! Thank you! Yes I did the sauce, I appreciate it. Glad you enjoyed eating it as much as I loved cooking it” ''Aw. ok, I’ll let you in on a secret… I have this whole place rigged to blow. Don’t tell anyone or I blow it! You get to leave, but tell anyone and you all die. Get out of here.”
Oh, wow... Jerry really is evil. That was an... interesting read. In context, it's good, though!
Woo! Thanks. There should be more coming soon… to a theater near you! This summer!
I have moooooore! Sorry this took so long guys! I wanted a really good climax for this little adventure of his, so i took my time. Anyway, this one does get gory as well, more than the last one. Also, if your not cool with Jerry going full psycho on this one, I recommend you skip it as well.
Any-woo here it is!
''Aw. ok, I’ll let you in on a secret… I have this whole place rigged to blow. Don’t tell anyone or I blow it! You get to leave, but tell anyone and you all die. Get out of here.”
I smile in the hazy fog of the health potions and my exhaustion. He looks at me and starts to open his mouth, I raise my eyebrows. He gulps, nods, and starts to pack up his apron and knives. “Just go. You have, maybe.. Forty seconds left.” He just starts walking away. I don’t know what it is about my appearance but people are inherently inclined to listen to me. Especially when I'm threatening violence, it's odd.
I wait for him to get out the door. “Alright everyone! Let’s keep orderly calm lines!” I break down in laughter as I throw a grenade at the roof. It eats through the thin, light driftwood, tearing into my room and another, lighting the bombs I had placed up there. A long piece of driftwood goes through my forearm and out into a corpse at my feet. The blood seeping from my arm stained the white wood dark.
I light the tip of the wood and survey the chaos I have started. Splashing gasoline at my feet I stubble forward, dragging the corpse, attached to the wood impaling me, behind. My laugh thickens and gets lower and lower pitched, as the chemicals seep through my lungs. The song of breaking support beams and fire dancing around me. I rip the wood through my arm and chuck it at a server trying to limp away, it catches them in the neck with a meaty thump. They fall, sputtering.
Having leveled the kitchen and the two rooms above it I walk forward, through the newly opened pathway into the dining hall. The patrons drinking and laughing seem stunned, they all stare wondering why half the tavern just collapsed in on itself. Some of them are fleeing. I throw another vial of gasoline at the main door. None of them are leaving. I heave out another laugh as a grenade bounces off a support beam into someone's bowl before exploding.
I toss two potions at my feet, they react with each other, releasing toxic smoke and starting to eat through the floor. And my shoes. People are running around me, avoiding pools of fire from vials I dropped, or various bits of debris and corpses. Taking a swig of gasoline I grab someone going by me, they look worriedly into my eyes, then down at my scared hands. I smile. I grab them by the throat and smash them through a smoldering wall next to me.
The sounds of crying and death float around me. Crumbling building, crackling fire. The smoke stings my lungs and fills me with energy. I feel a brief gust and then a hard crush on the base of my head. I go dizzy, the black receding into my vision. I fall to the floor dazed. I feel a boot on my neck. “Yes?” I say in a pained raspy voice coated with mirth. “You are under immediate arrest for a number of crimes!” the person above me says. I can't make out any details, cant see them, or make out any nuance in the voice.
“I plead insanity!” I say trying to roll onto a grenade that rolled out of my grasp. The various bits of shrapnel and smoldering embers would set it off in a few seconds. “Let me see your face! I must see the person that captured me! Stopped the horrible serial arsonist!” My act gets interrupted by a hacking bout of laughter. “-sorry! Just ROLL ME OVER!” I shout. “What's wrong with you? We're getting you out of here.” They roll me over onto my back, having cuffed me. My vision focuses on the soft face above me.
I just smile widely at them. They sigh and try to pick me up, but are instead met with a very heavy serial arsonist flying at them. The ringing in my ears rises, the growing temperature setting off other loose bombs that I scattered about. The officer stands with a broken nose, blood leaking down their face. I turn my cuffed body around, showing them my burned, slashed, exploded back. I bet you could see some bones. Some spinal cord if they were lucky. “Like what you see? We could do you too!”
I shamble forward like a chemical aberration. No pain. No emotion, just false laughter and occasional mania. No humanity. Just desire to melt, deface, scorch, immolate, shatter, slash, damage, mangle, stain, and ruin. Laughing, I dash toward the officer. The building shutters around me as I smash into the officer. I smash my forehead down on their face, over and over and over.
I stand. My body aching and buzzing from the strenuous activity coupled with the numbness of the healing potions. My eyes jittery across the hellscape I have painted before me. The fire has spread to some of the streets and a nearby building. The body count is high, lying defaced amongst the damage. Like gristle. I sigh, picking up the key that the officer dropped when they lost their face. Unlocking my hands, I stretch.
The next few months are spent in a similar pattern. Using the money he stole from the tavern he buys the sun-blade, traveling to different towns and burning them up like matches. Caught twice, he isn't doing the best job of remaining unseen. In the process of three months he racks up quite a body count, and bounty. Oh, and property damage.
Its not the most I've written but i think it's some of the best. Hope you enjoy! :)
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Chilling! I believe that if Jerry hadn't had his patent stolen, things would be different. Better. Ah well, I can't undo the backstory of a character I don't control. But wouldn't that be a cool alt universe?
I am an Arachpriest, Cat Cultist, Sauce Monk, Angel of Death, and First Spinjitzu Master.
I play Thirteen the necromancer elf, Timber the tabaxi child, and more at the tavern. Hope you like yams!
Oh yeah, don't forget to be kind and loving and stuff. Not on during weekends.
Basically. Yeah he only ended up in poverty because of that.
wow, deep & intriguing lore, I like it, but for what he's done, mostly the hive mind thing, is why the wars going on.
She/They/it
Keep in mind I'm in the UK so my time zone's GMT.
Definitely not an undead.
The war's mostly against Yvonne now...
I am an Arachpriest, Cat Cultist, Sauce Monk, Angel of Death, and First Spinjitzu Master.
I play Thirteen the necromancer elf, Timber the tabaxi child, and more at the tavern. Hope you like yams!
Oh yeah, don't forget to be kind and loving and stuff. Not on during weekends.
Just got onto this thread and binge read Jerry, and holy cow, this is all so amazing!
Thanks! I’ve come down with something, (might be covid) so we’re probably not going to get much more for a little bit.
Oh gosh I hope you get better! Best wishes!
I’m good! :) not covid, just a cold!
Lucky you don’t have Covid - I was sick (both in the throwing up form and the being I’ll form) the other day so I guess we were both ill lol. Honestly still feeling a bit drowsy today. Anyway, Covid or not, hope you get better!
Mendigo— Leader and only individual organism of the Jerry Hive. Used to play him in DM Training Ground—You are in a Room. It’s really fun— go check it out!
’If you find a fork in the road, pick it up, stab the next person that comes by with it, and run off with their stuff’ - some random guy’s signature
Just flat minds in a flat world with flat dreams. Boooooring. Who wants to cause some chaos?
Thanks! I’ve been feeling much better, I should have another salvo of Jerry comin’ at cha’ today even!
I obviously have to carve a few chilling runes on it, to keep it cool. Has a low flashpoint. Although it going off in my pouch would be fun it would be a waste. I gather up leaves and various bits of brush, and make a small shelter. And sleep by the fire. By the morning I was starving. I hadn't eaten in a few days, and I was definitely feeling it. I decided it would just be best to try some hunting, and if that didn't work, burn down a bakery while stealing their bread.
After a couple hours of fruitless labor in the hopes of a deer my sights were set lower. Maybe a badger, and lower. Maybe a rabbit, and lower. Maybe a vole, and, lower. After many hours of hunger driven pointlessness I decided just to head back to town, wreak a little havoc and get some bread.
I gathered up my stuff, and left my campfire burning as I left. I had cleaned the blood off of me in a stream last night, but I still smelled like gasoline. It was comforting. It was a little bit longer till the town, on the journey which I passed a couple people looking at me warily. I made it back and started scouting for a suitable place to strike. I was hoping for a bakery but anything at this point would be fine.
I spot a large-ish shop that seems to have smoked meats and bread on display. I walk forward, milling among the couple of customers. It has fresh produce, some grain, and bread. There is a cage holding two chickens next to a basket of eggs. I start reaching for my bow before I realize I have gold in my pocket. Between ransacking the two potion shops I have a fair bit of money. I pick up a loaf of bread, and some smoked sausages, grab some eggs, and head to the counter.
“Feeling hungry ar’ we? “ the cashier says in a jovial voice, completely unaware that I contemplated killing him moments earlier. “Yeah, you could say so. Say, have you seen the potion shop lately? Complete mess!” I say, trying to draw information. I want to see how much the news of my attack has spread. “O’ yeah, total wreck! Thn’ rumor is that some hooded feller came on down and smashed the place up!”
“Okay, thanks for the food. Here” I hand him the money, and leave. I sit down outside on a bench. It's an overview of a nice fountain. I dig into the sausage and the bread, saving the eggs for breakfast tomorrow morning. I carve through all the sausages and most of the bread, leaving that and the eggs for tomorrow morning. I have some plans for dinner.
I decide to head back to my camp, not much there I just want to head back. My plan is to leave town anyway, the only good thing this town has going for it is its potion trade. Was it’s potion trade. I need to get to a richer town, or even better a city. I make it back to my camp ready to see what damage I caused by leaving my campfire burning.
None. I'm upset as someone clearly put it out. Anyway, I continue walking down the road, hoping to come across a horse acrt going the same way as me. Or at least someone to ask directions for. I used to travel a lot back in my university days… but that was a while ago. And it's all fog now. I continue walking for what seems like miles, nothing but fields and forest to my sides. I cross a stream in my travels and take a long drink.
After a long time, the sun nearly setting a horse cart comes up on my right. Heading the same direction as me. “Ho’ there! You're looking awful tired there! Care for a ride?” “I would be grateful, thank you.” I hop on his cart. “Where are you heading? I'm looking for some greener pastures.” “O’? I'm just comin’ back from my obsidian deposit, heading down to the fancy place to sell it all of for double!” They launch into a hearty belly laugh.
“Good, I'll just follow you then.” I drop a couple coins in a pouch in the back of his cart and settle in. It’s an overnight journey that takes us down to ‘fancy town’ as he referred to it. In the early morning we arrive, the sun shining through the small flaps in the tent covered cart. I slept deeply in the back of his cart, I had found a blanket and some apples he probably won't notice went missing.
I thank him and leave, heading into town. I'm scoping out potential targets, looking for fancy restaurants in particular. I have a plan beyond a fancy dinner, but I want a fancy dinner first. The city is nice, clean, the people are rich but seem friendly. There are fountains and large public gardens. Seems like a nice place. Shame it's going to get messy.
I spot a fancy looking tavern down the road. I walk over, peering in. It smells delightful, of steak and fresh bread. I see people running around with food to the various nobility. I decide to come back later, I want dinner after all. I realize as I'm walking away that I could just make a reservation for the night. I turn back around and walk back in. A person dressed in a tuxedo walks up to me, “Hello there sir, what could we do for you?”
“I would like a reservation for later tonight! I want a banquet before me! I shall feast!”
"of course, and for how many?"
"Just me, but serve like there was two of us!"
"of course, and what shall you be drinking?"
"ooh, your finest and most expensive wine.. Oh! and cider! I love cider."
and... There you go! The next installment of the Jerry tale.
Damn, nice place… nice lore… nice potential places to burn down! I like it! I wonder what Jerry’s ‘plans for dinner’ are?
Mendigo— Leader and only individual organism of the Jerry Hive. Used to play him in DM Training Ground—You are in a Room. It’s really fun— go check it out!
’If you find a fork in the road, pick it up, stab the next person that comes by with it, and run off with their stuff’ - some random guy’s signature
Just flat minds in a flat world with flat dreams. Boooooring. Who wants to cause some chaos?
Gasoline, probably.
Only spilt the party if you see something shiny.
Ariendela Sneakerson, Half-elf Rogue (8); Harmony Wolfsbane, Tiefling Bard (10); Agnomally, Gnomish Sorcerer (3); Breeze, Tabaxi Monk (8); Grace, Dragonborn Barbarian (7); DM, Homebrew- The Sequestered Lands/Underwater Explorers; Candlekeep
Mmmm. Profound.
Amazing as ever! Can’t wait to see what lights up next!
TWO a day apart!?! Yep. I just wanted to write more. So I did. Here ya go!
(Disclaimer: gets a LITTLE gory about halfway through. Not too much. It’s really not a lot.)
I then turn and walk out the door.
With the tavern behind me I make my way around the town. I'm browsing through shops, and I spot some fancy items along the way. Most of it is designed to cater toward the rich nobility that live here, rings, necklaces, fine garments. The shops I'm interested in have more… eccentric items.
Adventuring shops. They held magic items, armor, weapons, There is a small street corner that holds some run down stone heavy shops. They look like they are older than the town around them, as most of it is built in this light driftwood like timber. I peer into the blacksmiths shop, which is flanked on either side by an enchantery and an alchemist. The blacksmith seems to have a smithy in the back as the front of the cramped shop is all display cases and armor stands.
“Hello? Anyone home?” I say loud enough to be heard in the smithy. My voice echoes softly in the cramped room. “Yessss?” a soft voice hisses back. I was stunned for a moment as a Yuan Ti slid out from a hallway leading back. They had striking blue scales, and a long, long, tale in the place of legs. In The place of a human head was that of a large snake, with red eyes. They wore a thick gold chest piece as armor. It had Yuan Ti engravings on it and gemstones placed in the eyes of snakes. It looked very high quality.
“Oh, hello. Sorry, I wasn't expecting a Yuan Ti… Are you the black smith here?”
“Yessss”
“Well, good, because I've been seeking a fine weapon. A sword that not only destroys with blade, but also with fire!”
“Thisss sssoundss like a dangerous weapon no? I can craft you a ssssssun-blade that will carve through metal and ssstone.”
“A sun-blade? Isn't that more of the enchanters thing?”
“We work in… conjunction… I will craft the hilt of the weapon and they will have it… charmed.”
“Uhh, sure. Whatever floats yer’ boat…”
The Yuan Ti slides away, and in their leaving I see a blotch of white scar over one of their eyes. Probably not someone I want to try to kill… just yet. They say as they are leaving that it will take them a couple of days. I was amazed, I knew that he only needed to craft a hilt but still. Getting the enchantments on it and all should have taken upward of months.
I turn and leave, thanking the Yuan Ti. I continue walking, wondering what I should do. Some fighting rings wouldn't be a… bad idea, would it? There was a good chance that the criminal activity was more tame here. More robbery than anything fun. But there was a chance I could beat someone up.
I start heading for seedier parts of town. As I lived in the slums for most of my life I know how to avoid street gangs. Now I was doing the opposite. Finding a run down looking pawn shop on the edge of the city near the blacksmith I poke my head inside. “Lo’? Anyone home?” “What do you want?” There was a burly man leaning over the counter, your classic thug. I could see a knife on his belt, but another slightly hidden in his pant leg. There was a gruff looking woman in a doorway… presumably to where they would be doing their crime. Obviously.
“Just looking for some, high quality, home grown, reputable, all organic fighting rings! Can ya’ help someone starving in violence?” “Nah’ we don't do that stuff here. You look like you came from a gutter, crawl back there before you get into trouble.” The woman in the doorway spits at me. She is hiding a folding sword under her cloak.
“What kind of trouble?” I say, trying to aggravate them. “Watch your mouth, we ain't got anything against you. Let’s keep it that way.” They were surprisingly opposed to beating me up, which I took as a challenge. “Oh, I'm not trying to mess with you guys, you’re much too ‘cool guy, tough dude’ looking for me.” I say it in a jaunty, carless tone. Like I might not be condescending. “Are you just looking for a mugging? Cause’ you're gonna get one if you don't just screw off.”
“No. I don’t think I will.” I say in a superior voice. My facade is cracking, a few stifled laughs escape the pretend. They draw their weapons. “Come on’ you dunk? We don’t need the blood stains or the trouble. Just get out and we'll let you run.” I draw a flask from my pouch, I glug at it for an awkward moment. I throw it to the floor and the unmistakable smell of gasoline seeps from it.
“You crazy?! You asked for this idiot.” The big one hurled his knife at my foot. It sticks, nailing me to the floor. I throw back my head in laughter, it hurts. He draws his second weapon as the woman steps forward, flipping her folding sword open. “Sorry.” she says as she whips it across my other leg, cutting at a tendon.
I laugh more. I smash my hand into the nose of the knife dude, throwing him back. I pivot my elbow into the throat of the sword woman. She reels as well, just not as much. She’s making gurgling noises. I flip the knife out of my foot, spraying blood on my hands and legs. I stab the knife dude in the sternum. “Fun! That’s your’s, you dropped it.” I’m barely standing, leaning on my knife foot, which really isn't a great idea.
“Well… This was fun. But you guys actually hurt a bit.” I pill the pin on my flasbang. The bang, the magnesium. It all sprays the room, flaring brilliant, messmerizing, bliding, white. They start coughing at the smoke, and making a softer, more delightful sound. A whining, like a hurt animal.
I still can't see much as I drop another flasbang. Then a grenade, that's when I feel the woosh of air behind me, the shatter and sting I associate with being thrown out a window. I lie outside, on something soft. Then something hard. I still can't hear or see. Just a humm, ring, and blanket of white.
Minutes later I realize I'm lying in a street. I must have landed on someone, that was the soft feeling. I push myself up, my head spinning. Checking my potion pack I grab at one of the few non-destroyed healing potions. I sip at it as I stare at my work. The napalm on me and the building are raging, that was from the grenade. The healing potion soothes most of the humm buzz.
The corpses of what I assume to be my adversaries lie scattered. An arm is a few feet away from me, the corresponding meat bag seems to be a ways away, splattered on a neighboring building. The other is crumpled in the doorway, pieces of debris cover them.
Pulling out my emergency alchemy kit I started cooking up makeshift healing potions. I banage the worst of my wounds, mainly my foot and knee tendon. I can't do much with ten chemicals that I have. The majority shattered in the fight. I have to choke down some… questionable healing potions. After some painful, and hilarious, minutes I have two legs that I can limp on. I am soured by blood, flames, chemicals, and rech. Delightful. My afternoon positively perfect, I limp back to the tavern I am going to eat at. I walk in, trying my hardest not to look like I'm limping. “Hello! I am back, I need a room. And some healing potions. I'll still be having dinner.” “Hm, yes. Right this way, we can have you set up in a minute.” I just follow him. He says something about the gold per night and other meaningless stuff.
“The potions will be here in an hour, or less.” I thank him and shut the door. A quick bath, nap, and clothing change leave me feeling refreshed. I stole a couple sets of clothes from the man’s cart that I came here on. He won't mind.
My cloak and apron hung up and my potion pouch on the nightstand leave me feeling light. I haven't taken them off for three days. I lie in bed. Half sleeping, half running through my most recent fight. I pace the room. I plant grenades under the bed, nightstand and bath. I have an idea.
I was never going to pay for dinner. Now the plan is forming in my mind. I grab the healing potions on my thirty seventh lap around the room. The pain in my legs is excruciating. I drown four of the eight potions. Almost barfing, I tuck the rest awy for later.
I try my best to clean my heavy cloak, but the bloody smell won't leave it. I throw it on regardless and make my numb way downstairs, the potions doing numbers on my pain receptors. Sitting down at the table they lead me to I barely hear them, I just start drinking my cider in a dazed manner. I don’t even touch the wine.
Course after exquisite course is served to me. All in inflated portions and chique. I silently sift through the dinner, pleasantly hungry after having all mobility removed from me, being thrown out a window, and taking a lot of pain killers in the last four hours. The dinner is quite good, it just goes over my head. I don't remember what it was too well. Venison or something? But I distinctly remember jambalaya, which is odd. Doesn't matter.
My waiter returns after I rounded off my last cup of cider and last plate of food. “So, your total for all services expended during your stay totals to two hundred and seventy four gold. That is, unless you want to stay another night. You still have until tomorrow morning.” “Oh yeah… uh. Hold on. Who cooked that last one?” “the dessert?” “no, the… what was it? Venison?” “ah, yes, that would be our butcher. Would you like to thank them?”
“Yes”
The waiter leads me through two sets of doors into a kitchen. I am guided around pots and pans on alchemical stoves, just like my lighter, just much more expensive. But when they are charging two hundred gold a night they can afford stuff like that. The butcher is tucked into a corner, currently chopping up some steak, it looks like he's cooking up three or four things at once.
“Well, I need to go help a table, you can find your way out. This is our butcher, Andrew” with that the waiter leaves. “Hi. That was the best food I've eaten. Ever. That venison was really killer, did you make the sauce too? Because that was perfect.” “Oh! Thank you! Yes I did the sauce, I appreciate it. Glad you enjoyed eating it as much as I loved cooking it” ''Aw. ok, I’ll let you in on a secret… I have this whole place rigged to blow. Don’t tell anyone or I blow it! You get to leave, but tell anyone and you all die. Get out of here.”
Read this as soon as I saw the notification! Looking forward to seeing how dinner goes...
Oh, wow... Jerry really is evil. That was an... interesting read. In context, it's good, though!
Paladin main who spends most of his D&D time worldbuilding or DMing, not Paladin-ing.
Woo! Thanks. There should be more coming soon… to a theater near you! This summer!
I have moooooore! Sorry this took so long guys! I wanted a really good climax for this little adventure of his, so i took my time. Anyway, this one does get gory as well, more than the last one. Also, if your not cool with Jerry going full psycho on this one, I recommend you skip it as well.
Any-woo here it is!
''Aw. ok, I’ll let you in on a secret… I have this whole place rigged to blow. Don’t tell anyone or I blow it! You get to leave, but tell anyone and you all die. Get out of here.”
I smile in the hazy fog of the health potions and my exhaustion. He looks at me and starts to open his mouth, I raise my eyebrows. He gulps, nods, and starts to pack up his apron and knives. “Just go. You have, maybe.. Forty seconds left.” He just starts walking away. I don’t know what it is about my appearance but people are inherently inclined to listen to me. Especially when I'm threatening violence, it's odd.
I wait for him to get out the door. “Alright everyone! Let’s keep orderly calm lines!” I break down in laughter as I throw a grenade at the roof. It eats through the thin, light driftwood, tearing into my room and another, lighting the bombs I had placed up there. A long piece of driftwood goes through my forearm and out into a corpse at my feet. The blood seeping from my arm stained the white wood dark.
I light the tip of the wood and survey the chaos I have started. Splashing gasoline at my feet I stubble forward, dragging the corpse, attached to the wood impaling me, behind. My laugh thickens and gets lower and lower pitched, as the chemicals seep through my lungs. The song of breaking support beams and fire dancing around me. I rip the wood through my arm and chuck it at a server trying to limp away, it catches them in the neck with a meaty thump. They fall, sputtering.
Having leveled the kitchen and the two rooms above it I walk forward, through the newly opened pathway into the dining hall. The patrons drinking and laughing seem stunned, they all stare wondering why half the tavern just collapsed in on itself. Some of them are fleeing. I throw another vial of gasoline at the main door. None of them are leaving. I heave out another laugh as a grenade bounces off a support beam into someone's bowl before exploding.
I toss two potions at my feet, they react with each other, releasing toxic smoke and starting to eat through the floor. And my shoes. People are running around me, avoiding pools of fire from vials I dropped, or various bits of debris and corpses. Taking a swig of gasoline I grab someone going by me, they look worriedly into my eyes, then down at my scared hands. I smile. I grab them by the throat and smash them through a smoldering wall next to me.
The sounds of crying and death float around me. Crumbling building, crackling fire. The smoke stings my lungs and fills me with energy. I feel a brief gust and then a hard crush on the base of my head. I go dizzy, the black receding into my vision. I fall to the floor dazed. I feel a boot on my neck. “Yes?” I say in a pained raspy voice coated with mirth. “You are under immediate arrest for a number of crimes!” the person above me says. I can't make out any details, cant see them, or make out any nuance in the voice.
“I plead insanity!” I say trying to roll onto a grenade that rolled out of my grasp. The various bits of shrapnel and smoldering embers would set it off in a few seconds. “Let me see your face! I must see the person that captured me! Stopped the horrible serial arsonist!” My act gets interrupted by a hacking bout of laughter. “-sorry! Just ROLL ME OVER!” I shout. “What's wrong with you? We're getting you out of here.” They roll me over onto my back, having cuffed me. My vision focuses on the soft face above me.
I just smile widely at them. They sigh and try to pick me up, but are instead met with a very heavy serial arsonist flying at them. The ringing in my ears rises, the growing temperature setting off other loose bombs that I scattered about. The officer stands with a broken nose, blood leaking down their face. I turn my cuffed body around, showing them my burned, slashed, exploded back. I bet you could see some bones. Some spinal cord if they were lucky. “Like what you see? We could do you too!”
I shamble forward like a chemical aberration. No pain. No emotion, just false laughter and occasional mania. No humanity. Just desire to melt, deface, scorch, immolate, shatter, slash, damage, mangle, stain, and ruin. Laughing, I dash toward the officer. The building shutters around me as I smash into the officer. I smash my forehead down on their face, over and over and over.
I stand. My body aching and buzzing from the strenuous activity coupled with the numbness of the healing potions. My eyes jittery across the hellscape I have painted before me. The fire has spread to some of the streets and a nearby building. The body count is high, lying defaced amongst the damage. Like gristle. I sigh, picking up the key that the officer dropped when they lost their face. Unlocking my hands, I stretch.
The next few months are spent in a similar pattern. Using the money he stole from the tavern he buys the sun-blade, traveling to different towns and burning them up like matches. Caught twice, he isn't doing the best job of remaining unseen. In the process of three months he racks up quite a body count, and bounty. Oh, and property damage.
Its not the most I've written but i think it's some of the best. Hope you enjoy! :)