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I teleport to Russia and shoot a deadly French Fry into the poster.

 "Huh, Link... You're a pretty good archer. Do you have any information on Sturgeon you can share?"

 “He’s Theef. I killed his stunt double’s and stole his potatoes earlier, but he’s still out there.”

 "Well we at least knew the first and last bit. Do you have any idea of where he is?" I've been thinking about it in my internal monologue but it's been no use.

(Haha! I have everyone convinced it's Sturgeon! This is my perfect victory!)

 “Last I heard he was in Tokyo. Goodbye… Theef.” I spin around, fire 3 French fries at your head, and teleport away.

 "Ok good to know I'll check that out next WAIT WHAT? How could you make such accusations? We know Sturgeon is Theef, how could it be me?" I dodge the French Fries and they hit some poor guy rooting through the trash. Now that you're gone, I continue my search through Russia.

 I reappear behind you. “I’ve known for a while now. Sturgeon is a thief, but not Theef. That’s you.”

I pop up like one of those little floating devils who gives bad advice and tell Gibber that if he gives me some potatoes, I’ll keep his secret hidden (and get Link out of here).

 I shoot you with a magic deadly French Fry.

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I teleport to Russia and shoot a deadly French Fry into the poster.

 "Huh, Link... You're a pretty good archer. Do you have any information on Sturgeon you can share?"

 “He’s Theef. I killed his stunt double’s and stole his potatoes earlier, but he’s still out there.”

 "Well we at least knew the first and last bit. Do you have any idea of where he is?" I've been thinking about it in my internal monologue but it's been no use.

(Haha! I have everyone convinced it's Sturgeon! This is my perfect victory!)

 “Last I heard he was in Tokyo. Goodbye… Theef.” I spin around, fire 3 French fries at your head, and teleport away.

 "Ok good to know I'll check that out next WAIT WHAT? How could you make such accusations? We know Sturgeon is Theef, how could it be me?" I dodge the French Fries and they hit some poor guy rooting through the trash. Now that you're gone, I continue my search through Russia.

 I reappear behind you. “I’ve known for a while now. Sturgeon is a thief, but not Theef. That’s you.”

I pop up like one of those little floating devils who gives bad advice and tell Gibber that if he gives me some potatoes, I’ll keep his secret hidden (and get Link out of here).

 "I'm not Theef, though! Link is making baseless accusations with no evidence."

(Dang it, Link... Yeah you know it's bad when my internal monologue doesn't start with evil laughter.)

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I teleport to Russia and shoot a deadly French Fry into the poster.

 "Huh, Link... You're a pretty good archer. Do you have any information on Sturgeon you can share?"

 “He’s Theef. I killed his stunt double’s and stole his potatoes earlier, but he’s still out there.”

 "Well we at least knew the first and last bit. Do you have any idea of where he is?" I've been thinking about it in my internal monologue but it's been no use.

(Haha! I have everyone convinced it's Sturgeon! This is my perfect victory!)

 “Last I heard he was in Tokyo. Goodbye… Theef.” I spin around, fire 3 French fries at your head, and teleport away.

 "Ok good to know I'll check that out next WAIT WHAT? How could you make such accusations? We know Sturgeon is Theef, how could it be me?" I dodge the French Fries and they hit some poor guy rooting through the trash. Now that you're gone, I continue my search through Russia.

 I reappear behind you. “I’ve known for a while now. Sturgeon is a thief, but not Theef. That’s you.”

I pop up like one of those little floating devils who gives bad advice and tell Gibber that if he gives me some potatoes, I’ll keep his secret hidden (and get Link out of here).

 "I'm not Theef, though! Link is making baseless accusations with no evidence."

(Dang it, Link... Yeah you know it's bad when my internal monologue doesn't start with evil laughter.)

 “What’s in that bag of holding you’re wearing?”

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I teleport to Russia and shoot a deadly French Fry into the poster.

 "Huh, Link... You're a pretty good archer. Do you have any information on Sturgeon you can share?"

 “He’s Theef. I killed his stunt double’s and stole his potatoes earlier, but he’s still out there.”

 "Well we at least knew the first and last bit. Do you have any idea of where he is?" I've been thinking about it in my internal monologue but it's been no use.

(Haha! I have everyone convinced it's Sturgeon! This is my perfect victory!)

 “Last I heard he was in Tokyo. Goodbye… Theef.” I spin around, fire 3 French fries at your head, and teleport away.

 "Ok good to know I'll check that out next WAIT WHAT? How could you make such accusations? We know Sturgeon is Theef, how could it be me?" I dodge the French Fries and they hit some poor guy rooting through the trash. Now that you're gone, I continue my search through Russia.

 I reappear behind you. “I’ve known for a while now. Sturgeon is a thief, but not Theef. That’s you.”

I pop up like one of those little floating devils who gives bad advice and tell Gibber that if he gives me some potatoes, I’ll keep his secret hidden (and get Link out of here).

 "I'm not Theef, though! Link is making baseless accusations with no evidence."

(Dang it, Link... Yeah you know it's bad when my internal monologue doesn't start with evil laughter.)

 “What’s in that bag of holding you’re wearing?”

 I take out the smoldering remains of Sturgeon's wanted poster that I've been carrying around. "I also have some chicken in here. Want some?"

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I teleport to Russia and shoot a deadly French Fry into the poster.

 "Huh, Link... You're a pretty good archer. Do you have any information on Sturgeon you can share?"

 “He’s Theef. I killed his stunt double’s and stole his potatoes earlier, but he’s still out there.”

 "Well we at least knew the first and last bit. Do you have any idea of where he is?" I've been thinking about it in my internal monologue but it's been no use.

(Haha! I have everyone convinced it's Sturgeon! This is my perfect victory!)

 “Last I heard he was in Tokyo. Goodbye… Theef.” I spin around, fire 3 French fries at your head, and teleport away.

 "Ok good to know I'll check that out next WAIT WHAT? How could you make such accusations? We know Sturgeon is Theef, how could it be me?" I dodge the French Fries and they hit some poor guy rooting through the trash. Now that you're gone, I continue my search through Russia.

 I reappear behind you. “I’ve known for a while now. Sturgeon is a thief, but not Theef. That’s you.”

I pop up like one of those little floating devils who gives bad advice and tell Gibber that if he gives me some potatoes, I’ll keep his secret hidden (and get Link out of here).

 "I'm not Theef, though! Link is making baseless accusations with no evidence."

(Dang it, Link... Yeah you know it's bad when my internal monologue doesn't start with evil laughter.)

 “What’s in that bag of holding you’re wearing?”

 I take out the smoldering remains of Sturgeon's wanted poster that I've been carrying around. "I also have some chicken in here. Want some?"

 I reach into the bag. Are there any potatoes inside?

*quote cut*

No.

Quote from TheMadGibber >>

*quote cut*

No.

 I pull a potato out from my sleeve inside and hold it up. “You are Theef!”

Quote from LinkArcher >>

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*quote cut*

No.

 I pull a potato out from my sleeve inside and hold it up. “You are Theef!”

I hire Penn and Teller to review this moment. After a couple watches, Teller says (out loud):

"Hey, you pulled that out of your sleeve!"  

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*quote cut*

No.

 I pull a potato out from my sleeve inside and hold it up. “You are Theef!”

I hire Penn and Teller to review this moment. After a couple watches, Teller says (out loud):

"Hey, you pulled that out of your sleeve!"  

 "How was that even not stolen? Maybe Link is working in association with Sturgeon to try and establish me as a scapegoat... Just a hypothetical."

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*quote cut*

No.

 I pull a potato out from my sleeve inside and hold it up. “You are Theef!”

I hire Penn and Teller to review this moment. After a couple watches, Teller says (out loud):

"Hey, you pulled that out of your sleeve!"  

 "How was that even not stolen? Maybe Link is working in association with Sturgeon to try and establish me as a scapegoat... Just a hypothetical."

"Oh, good point!" 

I attack Link with some karate moves straight from Mr. Miyagi. 

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*quote cut*

No.

 I pull a potato out from my sleeve inside and hold it up. “You are Theef!”

I hire Penn and Teller to review this moment. After a couple watches, Teller says (out loud):

"Hey, you pulled that out of your sleeve!"  

 "How was that even not stolen? Maybe Link is working in association with Sturgeon to try and establish me as a scapegoat... Just a hypothetical."

"Oh, good point!" 

I attack Link with some karate moves straight from Mr. Miyagi. 

 I vaporize and reform with a bowler cap with razor edges - where did I get that from? - that I throw at your neck before disappearing.

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*quote cut*

No.

 I pull a potato out from my sleeve inside and hold it up. “You are Theef!”

I hire Penn and Teller to review this moment. After a couple watches, Teller says (out loud):

"Hey, you pulled that out of your sleeve!"  

 "How was that even not stolen? Maybe Link is working in association with Sturgeon to try and establish me as a scapegoat... Just a hypothetical."

"Oh, good point!" 

I attack Link with some karate moves straight from Mr. Miyagi. 

 I vaporize and reform with a bowler cap with razor edges - where did I get that from? - that I throw at your neck before disappearing.

I catch the cap and pull you back out of it. "There we go!" 

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*quote cut*

No.

 I pull a potato out from my sleeve inside and hold it up. “You are Theef!”

I hire Penn and Teller to review this moment. After a couple watches, Teller says (out loud):

"Hey, you pulled that out of your sleeve!"  

 "How was that even not stolen? Maybe Link is working in association with Sturgeon to try and establish me as a scapegoat... Just a hypothetical."

"Oh, good point!" 

I attack Link with some karate moves straight from Mr. Miyagi. 

 I vaporize and reform with a bowler cap with razor edges - where did I get that from? - that I throw at your neck before disappearing.

I catch the cap and pull you back out of it. "There we go!" 

 I stab you in the neck with a fry-knife (frife anyone?) and mist away.

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*quote cut*

No.

 I pull a potato out from my sleeve inside and hold it up. “You are Theef!”

I hire Penn and Teller to review this moment. After a couple watches, Teller says (out loud):

"Hey, you pulled that out of your sleeve!"  

 "How was that even not stolen? Maybe Link is working in association with Sturgeon to try and establish me as a scapegoat... Just a hypothetical."

"Oh, good point!" 

I attack Link with some karate moves straight from Mr. Miyagi. 

 I vaporize and reform with a bowler cap with razor edges - where did I get that from? - that I throw at your neck before disappearing.

I catch the cap and pull you back out of it. "There we go!" 

 I stab you in the neck with a fry-knife (frife anyone?) and mist away.

I let the knife splat against me (it's just fries). Then, I superfreeze the air around us, turning your mist into Bose-Einstein Condensate.

Neither of us can move, since particle movement is next to 0 here.

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*quote cut*

No.

 I pull a potato out from my sleeve inside and hold it up. “You are Theef!”

I hire Penn and Teller to review this moment. After a couple watches, Teller says (out loud):

"Hey, you pulled that out of your sleeve!"  

 "How was that even not stolen? Maybe Link is working in association with Sturgeon to try and establish me as a scapegoat... Just a hypothetical."

"Oh, good point!" 

I attack Link with some karate moves straight from Mr. Miyagi. 

 I vaporize and reform with a bowler cap with razor edges - where did I get that from? - that I throw at your neck before disappearing.

I catch the cap and pull you back out of it. "There we go!" 

 I stab you in the neck with a fry-knife (frife anyone?) and mist away.

I let the knife splat against me (it's just fries). Then, I superfreeze the air around us, turning your mist into Bose-Einstein Condensate.

Neither of us can move, since particle movement is next to 0 here.

 I toss my empty fry gun to the side (very, very slowly) then disapparate.

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Quote from TheMadGibber >>

*quote cut*

No.

 I pull a potato out from my sleeve inside and hold it up. “You are Theef!”

I hire Penn and Teller to review this moment. After a couple watches, Teller says (out loud):

"Hey, you pulled that out of your sleeve!"  

 "How was that even not stolen? Maybe Link is working in association with Sturgeon to try and establish me as a scapegoat... Just a hypothetical."

"Oh, good point!" 

I attack Link with some karate moves straight from Mr. Miyagi. 

 I vaporize and reform with a bowler cap with razor edges - where did I get that from? - that I throw at your neck before disappearing.

I catch the cap and pull you back out of it. "There we go!" 

 I stab you in the neck with a fry-knife (frife anyone?) and mist away.

I let the knife splat against me (it's just fries). Then, I superfreeze the air around us, turning your mist into Bose-Einstein Condensate.

Neither of us can move, since particle movement is next to 0 here.

 I toss my empty fry gun to the side (very, very slowly) then disapparate.

As you do that, I very, very slowly grab your wrist and Disapparate with you. 

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*quote cut*

No.

 I pull a potato out from my sleeve inside and hold it up. “You are Theef!”

I hire Penn and Teller to review this moment. After a couple watches, Teller says (out loud):

"Hey, you pulled that out of your sleeve!"  

 "How was that even not stolen? Maybe Link is working in association with Sturgeon to try and establish me as a scapegoat... Just a hypothetical."

"Oh, good point!" 

I attack Link with some karate moves straight from Mr. Miyagi. 

 I vaporize and reform with a bowler cap with razor edges - where did I get that from? - that I throw at your neck before disappearing.

I catch the cap and pull you back out of it. "There we go!" 

 I stab you in the neck with a fry-knife (frife anyone?) and mist away.

I let the knife splat against me (it's just fries). Then, I superfreeze the air around us, turning your mist into Bose-Einstein Condensate.

Neither of us can move, since particle movement is next to 0 here.

 I toss my empty fry gun to the side (very, very slowly) then disapparate.

As you do that, I very, very slowly grab your wrist and Disapparate with you. 

 I shove you off and disapparate again. Hope you like Antarctica in winter!

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Quote from TheMadGibber >>

*quote cut*

No.

 I pull a potato out from my sleeve inside and hold it up. “You are Theef!”

I hire Penn and Teller to review this moment. After a couple watches, Teller says (out loud):

"Hey, you pulled that out of your sleeve!"  

 "How was that even not stolen? Maybe Link is working in association with Sturgeon to try and establish me as a scapegoat... Just a hypothetical."

"Oh, good point!" 

I attack Link with some karate moves straight from Mr. Miyagi. 

 I vaporize and reform with a bowler cap with razor edges - where did I get that from? - that I throw at your neck before disappearing.

I catch the cap and pull you back out of it. "There we go!" 

 I stab you in the neck with a fry-knife (frife anyone?) and mist away.

I let the knife splat against me (it's just fries). Then, I superfreeze the air around us, turning your mist into Bose-Einstein Condensate.

Neither of us can move, since particle movement is next to 0 here.

 I toss my empty fry gun to the side (very, very slowly) then disapparate.

As you do that, I very, very slowly grab your wrist and Disapparate with you. 

 I shove you off and disapparate again. Hope you like Antarctica in winter!

Ahh, how refreshing! 

I sunbathe for a couple of minutes and then use /tp to teleport to you. I put you in the heaviest shackle-manacle combo known to man (~6.2 million pounds). 

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*quote cut*

No.

 I pull a potato out from my sleeve inside and hold it up. “You are Theef!”

I hire Penn and Teller to review this moment. After a couple watches, Teller says (out loud):

"Hey, you pulled that out of your sleeve!"  

 "How was that even not stolen? Maybe Link is working in association with Sturgeon to try and establish me as a scapegoat... Just a hypothetical."

"Oh, good point!" 

I attack Link with some karate moves straight from Mr. Miyagi. 

 I vaporize and reform with a bowler cap with razor edges - where did I get that from? - that I throw at your neck before disappearing.

I catch the cap and pull you back out of it. "There we go!" 

 I stab you in the neck with a fry-knife (frife anyone?) and mist away.

I let the knife splat against me (it's just fries). Then, I superfreeze the air around us, turning your mist into Bose-Einstein Condensate.

Neither of us can move, since particle movement is next to 0 here.

 I toss my empty fry gun to the side (very, very slowly) then disapparate.

As you do that, I very, very slowly grab your wrist and Disapparate with you. 

 I shove you off and disapparate again. Hope you like Antarctica in winter!

Ahh, how refreshing! 

I sunbathe for a couple of minutes and then use /tp to teleport to you. I put you in the heaviest shackle-manacle combo known to man (~6.2 million pounds). 

 I phase away. (Running out of ways to teleport). The manacle drops to the ground and lands on your pinkie toe.