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The Absolutely Anything Thread

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Poll: Rate threads of total mayhem, please, out of five (five= Good)

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Poll: Why are you here?

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#4115 Apr 26, 2026
LinkArcher
LinkArcher

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- Join Date: 1/15/2026
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Except 1. The un-stealable potato blessed by the Fairy Godmother herself and cursed by the Enchantress. The Unseelie Tater.

The Unseelie willingly give it over to Theef, since they can see that it'll do something malevolent with all these potatoes.

They gave over my duplicated potato! Not this one! It”s bonded to me!

...well, now you have a pile of bonded French fries.

Mmm. I hide them.

The moment they're out of sight, they're stolen!

A universal broadcast appears from Theef, where he declares himself as the new potato monopoly of all the universe. Shrines are established where people can deposit money, look away from it, and a potato will be granted to them that cannot in any way be replicated as there are no seeds and uhhh magic stuff. This is a devestating outcome, I must ponder over this.

(HAHAHAHAHA... I WIN! I AM THE POTATO MONOPOLY OF THE NEW WORLD! If nobody figures out that I am Theef, then my eternal reign is all but guaranteed...)

We have to find Sturgeon and put an end to this tyranny!

So you found my stunt quadruple…

Im still in Antarctica.

I send out an expedition to Antarctica in search of you! They are armed with the most dangerous of weaponry, as well as the ability to fly to induce despair in the penguin strike team.

Little do you know, my penguin genetic engineers increased the wingspan of the penguin by a factor of 12, allowing flight.

My expedition team enters a sick and epic aerial battle with the penguins that is very sick and epic. In the meantime, I make my way to you.

I summon an audience and hold up ‘APPLAUSE’ signs throughout.

Me clapping reveals my secret corporate hq

WES! Now's your chance while I'm fighting Tana! End this once and for all!

I drop all of my P-bombs on the headquarters, releasing roughly 10 googleplex gigatons of energy.

Boom

But the turmoiled sky doesn’t smell like burnt potatoes! Hmm…

What if Theef isn’t Sturgeon?!

Wait, there's still two possibilities!

1. Sturgeon has a shield on the headquarters or something and is still alive

2. He's storing the potatoes somewhere else! In which case we need to get the location out of him...

Sounds very reasonable.

I grab Sturgeon by the shirt and tell him that his penguins will die if he doesn’t ’fess up.

Ahhh so you found my triple stunt double penguins…

and your shaking my hextuple stunt double…

nyeheheh.

We’ve got a mystery on our hands.

Over the next few seconds, I teleport back to New York (because why not?) and sow chaos by telling everyone that Sturgeon/Theef is…at LOOSE!

The potato whispers t9 me the identity of Theef.

Not to you, t9 you! As everyone knows, all other universes are just copies of ours, so it whispers that to your ninth iteration in another universe. They look up confusedly from their perch on an iceberg and yell— “You can’t steal the Titanic!”

It now whispers to me the identity of Theef.

A message comes up on-potato. “You’ve run out of magic for this month,” it explains, “but you can get some more by upgrading to our premium plan! It’s currently 2.2 million potatoes; get it before our Black Friday sale ends!”

I upgrade by spamming duplicate exponentially on my potato farm.

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Hiya! You can call me Link. Here’s a bit about me:

Roomba Knight, Architect of the Cataclysm, Foxy Lunar Archpriest. Dubbed The Fluffy Bowman by Golden. He/Him

Theatre Kid, Ravenclaw, bookworm, DM, Lego fanatic, flautist, mythology nerd, pedantic about spelling. I also love foxes, cats, otters, and red pandas!

I love K-pop Demon Hunters and Korean Mythology. If you want to ask me about something, send me a PM!

Èist ri cuairtean na grèine!
#4116 Apr 26, 2026
Tana___
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I'm immune to that.

Dang. Wait a second, we're not in I CAST...! The same rules don't apply here!

I cast an instant death spell that ignores immunities and resistances, and cannot be counterspelled, dodged, parried, blocked, or be subject to any other form of avoidance!

I die. I then immediately respawn with max HP.

I cast Denek's Avatar and make it permanent with Permanency

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Hello! Call me Tana
My pronouns are She/Her
I have Autism. And, you would probably call me Trans Femme, Pansexual pancake, and Ace
I will always support you. To the best of my ability. Because that is my way of showing how much I care
Current Dice Code: [roll]1d4[/roll] + [roll]1d4[/roll] + [roll]1d4[/roll] + [roll]1d4[/roll] + [roll]1d4[/roll] + [roll]1d4[/roll] = [roll][roll:-6]+[roll:-5]+[roll:-4]+[roll:-3]+[roll:-2]+[roll:-1][/roll]
Current List of Children: Golden, Salem, Wes, Aspen, Link, and Foalin.
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