DM-So... you come across a dragon. What do you do? Me- Bruenor, the dwarf barbarian, will try to rip the dragons head off with his 30 in strength (manuals that increase the score.) roll:: 20! Yeah! Dm- you fail wiz- Red foot, the kobold wizard with a 2 in strength (rolled.), will try too. roll:15 DM- Red foot rips the head off, and is now level 20.
DM: *insert challenging riddle here in a PbP thread*
Player:.......
Me: Hmmmm. Is it a shield?
Player: *looks at the adventure in the Compendium* let’s see..... Havfhvf, the gnome Barbarian with a 1 in intelligence, shouts out with a eureka! *insert challenging math here* and this is why it is the equation 3/e457126098.000000p1234567890*33!
DM - "And yes, your arrow never miss to flyaway from the target."
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
"You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water my friend." ― Bruce Lee
Player: "I'm 1/16 drow, 1/16 eladrin, 1/32 fallen aasimar, 1/16 goliath, 1/32 green dragonborn, 1/4 hill giant, 1/16 human, 1/32 Mephistopheles tiefling, 1/4 mountain dwarf, 1/8 ogre, and 1/32 orc. What are my racial stats?"
113
Player: "Ma's 1/8 drow, 1/8 eladrin, 1/8 goliath, 1/8 human, and 1/2 mountain dwarf. Her Pa's 1/4 each drow, eladrin, goliath, and human. His Ma's half drow and half eladrin. Ma's Pa's Pa's half goliath and half human. Pa's 1/16 fallen aasimar, 1/16 green dragonborn, 1/2 hill giant, 1/16 Mephistopheles tiefling, 1/4 ogre, and 1/16 orc. His Ma's 1/8 fallen aasimar, 1/8 green dragonborn, 1/8 Mephistopheles tiefling, 1/2 ogre, and 1/8 orc. Her Ma's 1/4 each fallen aasimar, green dragonborn, Mephistopheles tiefling, and orc. Her Ma's half green dragonborn and half Mephistopheles tiefling. Pa's Ma's Ma's Pa's half fallen aasimar and half orc. What are all their racial stats?"
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
"Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both" -- allegedly Benjamin Franklin
Player: "I'm 1/16 drow, 1/16 eladrin, 1/32 fallen aasimar, 1/16 goliath, 1/32 green dragonborn, 1/4 hill giant, 1/16 human, 1/32 Mephistopheles tiefling, 1/4 mountain dwarf, 1/8 ogre, and 1/32 orc. What are my racial stats?"
113
Player: "Ma's 1/8 drow, 1/8 eladrin, 1/8 goliath, 1/8 human, and 1/2 mountain dwarf. Her Pa's 1/4 each drow, eladrin, goliath, and human. His Ma's half drow and half eladrin. Ma's Pa's Pa's half goliath and half human. Pa's 1/16 fallen aasimar, 1/16 green dragonborn, 1/2 hill giant, 1/16 Mephistopheles tiefling, 1/4 ogre, and 1/16 orc. His Ma's 1/8 fallen aasimar, 1/8 green dragonborn, 1/8 Mephistopheles tiefling, 1/2 ogre, and 1/8 orc. Her Ma's 1/4 each fallen aasimar, green dragonborn, Mephistopheles tiefling, and orc. Her Ma's half green dragonborn and half Mephistopheles tiefling. Pa's Ma's Ma's Pa's half fallen aasimar and half orc. What are all their racial stats?"
114
Player: "And I have hereditary gigantism from Ma and from Pa's Ma."
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
"Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both" -- allegedly Benjamin Franklin
Player: I wrote a complex backstory that is super complex! Here’s the book!
117
Me: Doesn’t here from the player ever again, even though we're About to fight the BBEG for the first time and it’s heavily related to the plot/his book.
104:
DM-So... you come across a dragon. What do you do?
Me- Bruenor, the dwarf barbarian, will try to rip the dragons head off with his 30 in strength (manuals that increase the score.) roll:: 20! Yeah!
Dm- you fail
wiz- Red foot, the kobold wizard with a 2 in strength (rolled.), will try too. roll:15
DM- Red foot rips the head off, and is now level 20.
Extended Signature! Yay! https://www.dndbeyond.com/forums/off-topic/adohands-kitchen/3153-extended-signature-thread?page=2#c21
Haven’t used this account in forever. Still a big fan of crawling claws.
Dm: Okay, you encounter Ez'ra Zul, the king of liches. He smiles and says "you better run, incompetent simpletons".
Pcs: We cast a fireball into the barbarian, sending him forward into Ez'ra.
Dm: This guy is the end game boss, you are level 3, and you want to take on a godli-
Pcs: RAILROADING! RAILROADING!
105.
the same thing but instead, the players actually win because plot armor.
Extended Signature! Yay! https://www.dndbeyond.com/forums/off-topic/adohands-kitchen/3153-extended-signature-thread?page=2#c21
Haven’t used this account in forever. Still a big fan of crawling claws.
106.
DM: You emerge from the portal to find catacombs stretching as far as you can see.
PC: *gets on laptop*
DM: In the distance you can make out strange winged cre-
PC: Guys, we are in the abyss, and those creatures are called vrocks, I looked it up!
107
DM: *insert challenging riddle here in a PbP thread*
Player:.......
Me: Hmmmm. Is it a shield?
Player: *looks at the adventure in the Compendium* let’s see..... Havfhvf, the gnome Barbarian with a 1 in intelligence, shouts out with a eureka! *insert challenging math here* and this is why it is the equation 3/e457126098.000000p1234567890*33!
108
that one goddamn p,Ayer that won't shut up about stale memes
I'm the idiot that decides to make Phil Swift in DnD.
109
Player - "My arrow never miss!"
> roll nat 1
DM - "And yes, your arrow never miss to flyaway from the target."
"You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water my friend." ― Bruce Lee
110.
The DM not reading the rules about difficult terrain, not bothering with encounter challenge ratings and mishearing the wizard. The wizard died.
111
Player: "I'm 1/16 drow, 1/16 eladrin, 1/32 fallen aasimar, 1/16 goliath, 1/32 green dragonborn, 1/4 hill giant, 1/16 human, 1/32 Mephistopheles tiefling, 1/4 mountain dwarf, 1/8 ogre, and 1/32 orc. What are my racial stats?"
"Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both" -- allegedly Benjamin Franklin
Tooltips (Help/aid)
112
DM: "Human."
"Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both" -- allegedly Benjamin Franklin
Tooltips (Help/aid)
113
Player: "Ma's 1/8 drow, 1/8 eladrin, 1/8 goliath, 1/8 human, and 1/2 mountain dwarf. Her Pa's 1/4 each drow, eladrin, goliath, and human. His Ma's half drow and half eladrin. Ma's Pa's Pa's half goliath and half human. Pa's 1/16 fallen aasimar, 1/16 green dragonborn, 1/2 hill giant, 1/16 Mephistopheles tiefling, 1/4 ogre, and 1/16 orc. His Ma's 1/8 fallen aasimar, 1/8 green dragonborn, 1/8 Mephistopheles tiefling, 1/2 ogre, and 1/8 orc. Her Ma's 1/4 each fallen aasimar, green dragonborn, Mephistopheles tiefling, and orc. Her Ma's half green dragonborn and half Mephistopheles tiefling. Pa's Ma's Ma's Pa's half fallen aasimar and half orc. What are all their racial stats?"
"Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both" -- allegedly Benjamin Franklin
Tooltips (Help/aid)
114
Player: "And I have hereditary gigantism from Ma and from Pa's Ma."
"Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both" -- allegedly Benjamin Franklin
Tooltips (Help/aid)
Rogue: *attempts to discreetly steal from Fighter but rolls poorly*
Fighter: *notices and tells rogue next time he'll get a sword in the gut*
Rogue's player: *complains since this is a no-pvp game*
And that's all I have to say about that.
116
Player: I wrote a complex backstory that is super complex! Here’s the book!
117
Me: Doesn’t here from the player ever again, even though we're About to fight the BBEG for the first time and it’s heavily related to the plot/his book.