I should NOT have added a bear to the fighting arena!
I SHOULD NOT HAVE ADDED THE BEAR TO THE FIGHING ARENA!
(dm had us do a cagefight sidequest. Dryad druid went first, charmed bear into an ally on round 1, bear proceeded to do what bears do best.)
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Life is very busy unfortunately, gone from most Pbp's indefinitely. If you'd like to contact me, I am on Discord at GreatAxeblade#7595, always happy to chat :)
I should NOT have added a bear to the fighting arena!
I SHOULD NOT HAVE ADDED THE BEAR TO THE FIGHING ARENA!
(dm had us do a cagefight sidequest. Dryad druid went first, charmed bear into an ally on round 1, bear proceeded to do what bears do best.)
Bears are always fun
indeed
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Life is very busy unfortunately, gone from most Pbp's indefinitely. If you'd like to contact me, I am on Discord at GreatAxeblade#7595, always happy to chat :)
"... This FOUL MURDERER-" *gestures to bucket filled with Blended Person™ in the corner*
*at a funeral* *giving eulogy* "And now i will perform a touching monologue in Sanskrit, Sirricopia's favorite dead language." *proceeds to recite the entire wikipedia page on mono from memory in Sanskrit (thank you, studio c)*
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
she/any - member of the spider guild :D - official elesh norn enthusiast
"You recovered..... something. Not HP, just.... something."
-is this a deltarune reference or am i just dumb-
It probably isn't the right reference, but what first came to my mind was Superman: The Movie after the plane that lost an engine suddenly re-righted itself (because Superman lent a hand).
Pilot (to co-pilot): Fly. Don't look. Just... fly. We've got... something. I don't know what it is, but... trust me.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
=========================== Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters: Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
"Well of course I'll sacrifice everyone else for a pet!" --Wizard (out of character)
"Yer a wizard Harry!" --Druid to the main villain
"Great. Even my sword wants to kill me now." --Druid, after picking up a sentient +1 double sword that tried to assassinate him
"So zombies can fly now?" --Fighter, after being hit in the face with a zombie that had been thrown through the air by a spell
"What? How was I supposed to know that damaged floors might break?" --17-intelligence wizard
"I need more d6s." --DM (me)
"We're totally dead." --Warlock, in response to the above line
"You are struck by all four magic missiles! You take (rolls dice) ... WHAT THE? Fine. You take 8 force damage." --DM (me), to the 9-HP wizard. He took 4d4+4 damage.
"I didn't know gas spores had eye rays!" --First-time player, who was a barbarian, upon encountering a beholder
"What? How was I supposed to know that damaged floors might break?" --17-intelligence wizard
Gnome Wisearse: "Ha! Classic!! How about: 'By not treating Wisdom as a dump stat next time you create a character??'
Fighter (female): "Looks like you've gotten FAT under those robes! I told you nothing good would come of using a HENCHMAN to carry all your useless crap!'
Cleric (female, with pity in her eyes..): 'Oh Wiz, don't listen to them! You're FINE just the way you are...'
Wizard: Thanks Priestess, it's nice to know SOMEONE is on my side...
Cleric: ...well... thankfully I WASN'T by your side, or we both would have fallen, but I get what you're saying and 'you're welcome'. Between our next adventure you can do PILATES with ME. That's how my sect prays, AND stays fit.
Monk (female, full of contempt) Well, I noticed because my INSIGHT is so high, but I'd be happy to train you as well, although I might be a bit spartan! (to DM) I unleash a FLYING TIGER LEAPING KICK and DASH over the hole in the floor!"
Wizard: I'm THIN .... on paper. Look, if I wanted to be a muscle bound pretty boy I wouldn't have chosen to be a Wizard!
Bard: (male omni-sexual narcissist): (to DM) HAHA! Stay the way you are WIz! There's only room for ONE ALPHA male in the Party!
Cleric, Monk, & Fighter: GROSS! <you're such scum> <I've had to heal your STDs 3 times this campaign!> <I'm a Shotacon! You're too OLD for me!>
Wizard: You know, you all are so freakin' stupid I'm feeling better about having an 8 Wisdom. (to Gnome) Not YOU of course. (To Fighter shotacon) GNOMES don't count as underage boys your pervert!
Gnome: (snorts) don't make me STEAL YOUR fancy Wizard beard while you sleep... again! Anyway FURRY's shouldn't call others 'perverts'.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe” When the Winds fail you, row.
The other quote you might consider is: "If ya can't laugh [at life], you'll never stop cryin'"...
"You recovered... Something. Not HP, just... something"... superman reference.
WAIT! Was the pilot telling the co-pilot not to look because Superman was giving the cockpit his, 'how about sex after I... touch you down!' look?
New Superman: "You fly, I fly, we're both unattached single guys... how about hooking up? I don't mind being SUPER or MILD MANNERED for a cutie like you! Or a little bit of BOTH."
HA! I thought Superman was in that UKE SEME struggle with Lex Luther!? I mean... Lex is OBVIOUSLY the top, but I don't want to get into a shipping debate! BUT... LEX X Clark!! LOLOL.
Is it even POSSIBLE for Superman to be EITHER straight or gay? He's a freakin' ALIEN! And WHO would risk banging SUPERMAN?? If his SUPER prostate didn't make him spurt like a fekking FIRE HOSE (OUCH Clark! You just tore a hole in my colon!) , his MIGHTY sphincter would tear your dong off! Only Lex Luther with his Kryptonite Cock ring would be able to tame the MAN OF STEEL! rofl. It was probably the STRESS of keeping Superman topped that made Lex Luther loose all his hair! (Obviously now we know why Lois Lane, I mean Margo Kidder, went insane and became a **** actress!)
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe” When the Winds fail you, row.
".... Our DM was so mad he set a militia on us...."
Theren_Dotsk! A Half-Elf Ranger should NOT turn MURDER HOBO in a tavern for the following reasons:
1. Muder Hobo's are BAD!
2. The only difference between Murder Hobo's and Rangers... is the fact that Rangers are GOOD, and only murder rude or cheap inn-keeps for doing EVIL things.
3. Over-Charging for water after serving Shepards Pie with extra salt in the pie crust is a CLASSIC tavern/Inn trope/meme! (If you ever go to England IRL, every other pub does the exact same thing!).
4. Rule number one as a Ranger: WWSD... What Would Strider Do? INTIMIDATE before punching and murdering NPCs. Rangers use their WORDS first! lol. Or at least stick to getting the party in ONLY a bar fight... drawing your swords makes it homicide or assault... using your fists keeps it down to Manslaughter, which in 5e can usually be resolved with blood money/bribes as long as no paladin is in the party. You're lucky the DM didn't suspend your Ranger License for literally turning Murder Hobo over A PIECE OF PIE!
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe” When the Winds fail you, row.
The wizard actually said "What? How was I supposed to know that damaged floors might break?" after shoving his brother's character onto the damaged floor to see if it would break. It did. FYI, this is the also the guy who said "Well of course I'll sacrifice everyone else for a pet!" He nearly did. He didn't get the pet, but he did sacrifice a lot of the other characters.
This wizard was also one of two survivors of an eight-character infighting session that I had to DM for two and a half hours. The other survivor was a level two bard. There was a FIFTH-LEVEL FIGHTER, a third-level rogue, a ranger ... they didn't survive, but the wizard did???
Tenth level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard/artificer), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Xanlar (half elf paladin), and Nu (axolotl shifter druid), plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger), and Pin the kobold (rogue).
Serena: "I'm going to try for Divine Intervention. I'm specifically asking Pelor to smite that ship full of explosive stuff in the port at Dark Waters that Phillip's planning to attack." Ferrin: "Hey, God? I need you to blow up a boat for me, please!"
Unfortunately, Serena rolled a 13 and it didn't work. Later, while discussing further plans...
Pin: "Yeah, but they don't have, like, magic flying girls and a bunch of pink lizards and stuff."
Nu saying farewell to their mother, Nia, as we prepare to depart their village.
Nia: "I'm very proud of my little boy. It's summer now so you're currently a boy right? You might be a girl again in the autumn." Nu: "I think so. Something like that." Nia: "Well, I think you've found your own way in the world, right? I always knew you eventually would." Nu: "I'm going to stop an international war!" Nia: "I was thinking more like becoming a cook, but okay."
To travel back to Phillip and his troops quickly, Nu summons a bunch of pixies to polymorph us into giant eagles. When we arrive the pixies are being frisky and not responding to Nu's nonverbal attempts at communication to drop the spells. So Phillip walks up to four giant eagles that are hopping about and squawking.
Phillip: "Is this a joke?" Serena: "I glare at Nu-Eagle." Nu: "I bite the fairy." *several poofs later* Serena: "Okay, that's better."
'...There was a FIFTH-LEVEL FIGHTER, a third-level rogue, a ranger ... they didn't survive, but the wizard did???"
haha. Of course, it's always the Chaotic EVIL players who's characters survive! Man, that brings back memories of games where... SOMEONE was going to have to take some serious damage for the Party, & everyone would look at me! No matter what kind of character I was running. "Dude, you're playing a pre-rolled character the DM handed u!" "Yeah... I've got MONTHS invested in my <character name>"
"So you're implying," I'd laugh and say "That therefore my Halfling gag character that I've been playing for three sessions, is disposable?"
<in unison> "Yup" "of course" "don't brown nose the GM". "My character is neutral evil..."
So I'd shrug and charge with my Cleric-Rogue to meat shield or create a distraction. And honestly, there has to be some rule or D&D Law that states the more effort a DM puts into a campaign custom pre-roll, and the better the sacrificial idiot is who plays said character, the more certain it is that the player will screw all their roles and the DM have to crush their own creation for dramatic effect. Usually at the climax of the campaign.
"Don't worry, we'll revive you..." "Yeah, once I rest I can recast raise dead!" "Sucks to be you..." "But I thought you were going to cast Raise Dead on MY PET first!"
"I was DISINTEGRATED...."
"So you don't mind if my Pet gets raised instead of you? Dude, you're awesome."
haha.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe” When the Winds fail you, row.
(Context: a heated debate is taking place over whether Jesus is a cleric or a warlock, the sorceress' player finds a Quora conversation that suggests that he is instead a lich)
"He's a divine lich, like Fel(a lich NPC who's been travelling with the party)" "Is Fel Jesus?" "NO."
"Are we going to talk about Vape God Fel again?" "I don't think we can have Jesus Fel and Vape God Fel in the same session"
(Sorceress, pretending to be the bard if she ran a mom blog)"Dear readers, my two sons got into quite a predicament today. My oldest got us stranded in [a duergar city]. My youngest tried to help by possessing him, and now my oldest feels all icky inside. "
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Morrigan Corax, The Phantom Queen, Breaker of The Elemental Chains, and Flaming Chicken Cassilia Decalia, Servant of His Xanthous Majesty. "It's not narcissism, it's histrionicism, dearie." Dokuhebi Tsuchinoko, child of the serpent goddess and temporary mother of squidlings Envelope Lastname is going to be the death of me. I'm allergic to fireball
Nope!
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
"He's in the Stasis Ditch."
I have a weird sense of humor.
I also make maps.(That's a link)
I should NOT have added a bear to the fighting arena!
I SHOULD NOT HAVE ADDED THE BEAR TO THE FIGHING ARENA!
(dm had us do a cagefight sidequest. Dryad druid went first, charmed bear into an ally on round 1, bear proceeded to do what bears do best.)
Life is very busy unfortunately, gone from most Pbp's indefinitely.
If you'd like to contact me, I am on Discord at GreatAxeblade#7595, always happy to chat :)
Homebrew races: ~Otterfolk! Play as a otter!~ Playable Dryad! (Literally just the monster sheet ported to player race)
Sauce Archpriest!- Join the Supreme Court of Sauces! Join the Cult of Cults! EXTENDED SIGNATURE Tooltips
Bears are always fun
indeed
Life is very busy unfortunately, gone from most Pbp's indefinitely.
If you'd like to contact me, I am on Discord at GreatAxeblade#7595, always happy to chat :)
Homebrew races: ~Otterfolk! Play as a otter!~ Playable Dryad! (Literally just the monster sheet ported to player race)
Sauce Archpriest!- Join the Supreme Court of Sauces! Join the Cult of Cults! EXTENDED SIGNATURE Tooltips
"OH YEAH I HAVE A PATRON!"
"... This FOUL MURDERER-" *gestures to bucket filled with Blended Person™ in the corner*
*at a funeral* *giving eulogy* "And now i will perform a touching monologue in Sanskrit, Sirricopia's favorite dead language." *proceeds to recite the entire wikipedia page on mono from memory in Sanskrit (thank you, studio c)*
she/any - member of the spider guild :D - official elesh norn enthusiast
current characters:
-Zalia Moonkeeper, tiefling abjuration wizard/alchemist artificer
-Philomena Silverthread, changeling assassin rogue
-Glass, kenku vengeance paladin
-is this a deltarune reference or am i just dumb-
she/any - member of the spider guild :D - official elesh norn enthusiast
current characters:
-Zalia Moonkeeper, tiefling abjuration wizard/alchemist artificer
-Philomena Silverthread, changeling assassin rogue
-Glass, kenku vengeance paladin
It probably isn't the right reference, but what first came to my mind was Superman: The Movie after the plane that lost an engine suddenly re-righted itself (because Superman lent a hand).
Pilot (to co-pilot): Fly. Don't look. Just... fly. We've got... something. I don't know what it is, but... trust me.
===========================
Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters:
Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer
Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
"Well of course I'll sacrifice everyone else for a pet!" --Wizard (out of character)
"Yer a wizard Harry!" --Druid to the main villain
"Great. Even my sword wants to kill me now." --Druid, after picking up a sentient +1 double sword that tried to assassinate him
"So zombies can fly now?" --Fighter, after being hit in the face with a zombie that had been thrown through the air by a spell
"What? How was I supposed to know that damaged floors might break?" --17-intelligence wizard
"I need more d6s." --DM (me)
"We're totally dead." --Warlock, in response to the above line
"You are struck by all four magic missiles! You take (rolls dice) ... WHAT THE? Fine. You take 8 force damage." --DM (me), to the 9-HP wizard. He took 4d4+4 damage.
"I didn't know gas spores had eye rays!" --First-time player, who was a barbarian, upon encountering a beholder
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her
haha!
"What? How was I supposed to know that damaged floors might break?" --17-intelligence wizard
Gnome Wisearse: "Ha! Classic!! How about: 'By not treating Wisdom as a dump stat next time you create a character??'
Fighter (female): "Looks like you've gotten FAT under those robes! I told you nothing good would come of using a HENCHMAN to carry all your useless crap!'
Cleric (female, with pity in her eyes..): 'Oh Wiz, don't listen to them! You're FINE just the way you are...'
Wizard: Thanks Priestess, it's nice to know SOMEONE is on my side...
Cleric: ...well... thankfully I WASN'T by your side, or we both would have fallen, but I get what you're saying and 'you're welcome'. Between our next adventure you can do PILATES with ME. That's how my sect prays, AND stays fit.
Monk (female, full of contempt) Well, I noticed because my INSIGHT is so high, but I'd be happy to train you as well, although I might be a bit spartan! (to DM) I unleash a FLYING TIGER LEAPING KICK and DASH over the hole in the floor!"
Wizard: I'm THIN .... on paper. Look, if I wanted to be a muscle bound pretty boy I wouldn't have chosen to be a Wizard!
Bard: (male omni-sexual narcissist): (to DM) HAHA! Stay the way you are WIz! There's only room for ONE ALPHA male in the Party!
Cleric, Monk, & Fighter: GROSS! <you're such scum> <I've had to heal your STDs 3 times this campaign!> <I'm a Shotacon! You're too OLD for me!>
Wizard: You know, you all are so freakin' stupid I'm feeling better about having an 8 Wisdom. (to Gnome) Not YOU of course. (To Fighter shotacon) GNOMES don't count as underage boys your pervert!
Gnome: (snorts) don't make me STEAL YOUR fancy Wizard beard while you sleep... again! Anyway FURRY's shouldn't call others 'perverts'.
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe”
When the Winds fail you, row.
The other quote you might consider is: "If ya can't laugh [at life], you'll never stop cryin'"...
"You recovered... Something. Not HP, just... something"... superman reference.
WAIT! Was the pilot telling the co-pilot not to look because Superman was giving the cockpit his, 'how about sex after I... touch you down!' look?
New Superman: "You fly, I fly, we're both unattached single guys... how about hooking up? I don't mind being SUPER or MILD MANNERED for a cutie like you! Or a little bit of BOTH."
HA! I thought Superman was in that UKE SEME struggle with Lex Luther!? I mean... Lex is OBVIOUSLY the top, but I don't want to get into a shipping debate! BUT... LEX X Clark!! LOLOL.
Is it even POSSIBLE for Superman to be EITHER straight or gay? He's a freakin' ALIEN! And WHO would risk banging SUPERMAN?? If his SUPER prostate didn't make him spurt like a fekking FIRE HOSE (OUCH Clark! You just tore a hole in my colon!) , his MIGHTY sphincter would tear your dong off! Only Lex Luther with his Kryptonite Cock ring would be able to tame the MAN OF STEEL! rofl. It was probably the STRESS of keeping Superman topped that made Lex Luther loose all his hair! (Obviously now we know why Lois Lane, I mean Margo Kidder, went insane and became a **** actress!)
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe”
When the Winds fail you, row.
I know that pink kryptonite makes superman gay
".... Our DM was so mad he set a militia on us...."
Theren_Dotsk! A Half-Elf Ranger should NOT turn MURDER HOBO in a tavern for the following reasons:
1. Muder Hobo's are BAD!
2. The only difference between Murder Hobo's and Rangers... is the fact that Rangers are GOOD, and only murder rude or cheap inn-keeps for doing EVIL things.
3. Over-Charging for water after serving Shepards Pie with extra salt in the pie crust is a CLASSIC tavern/Inn trope/meme! (If you ever go to England IRL, every other pub does the exact same thing!).
4. Rule number one as a Ranger: WWSD... What Would Strider Do? INTIMIDATE before punching and murdering NPCs. Rangers use their WORDS first! lol. Or at least stick to getting the party in ONLY a bar fight... drawing your swords makes it homicide or assault... using your fists keeps it down to Manslaughter, which in 5e can usually be resolved with blood money/bribes as long as no paladin is in the party. You're lucky the DM didn't suspend your Ranger License for literally turning Murder Hobo over A PIECE OF PIE!
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe”
When the Winds fail you, row.
The wizard actually said "What? How was I supposed to know that damaged floors might break?" after shoving his brother's character onto the damaged floor to see if it would break. It did. FYI, this is the also the guy who said "Well of course I'll sacrifice everyone else for a pet!" He nearly did. He didn't get the pet, but he did sacrifice a lot of the other characters.
This wizard was also one of two survivors of an eight-character infighting session that I had to DM for two and a half hours. The other survivor was a level two bard. There was a FIFTH-LEVEL FIGHTER, a third-level rogue, a ranger ... they didn't survive, but the wizard did???
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her
Tenth level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard/artificer), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Xanlar (half elf paladin), and Nu (axolotl shifter druid), plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger), and Pin the kobold (rogue).
Serena: "I'm going to try for Divine Intervention. I'm specifically asking Pelor to smite that ship full of explosive stuff in the port at Dark Waters that Phillip's planning to attack."
Ferrin: "Hey, God? I need you to blow up a boat for me, please!"
Unfortunately, Serena rolled a 13 and it didn't work. Later, while discussing further plans...
Pin: "Yeah, but they don't have, like, magic flying girls and a bunch of pink lizards and stuff."
Nu saying farewell to their mother, Nia, as we prepare to depart their village.
Nia: "I'm very proud of my little boy. It's summer now so you're currently a boy right? You might be a girl again in the autumn."
Nu: "I think so. Something like that."
Nia: "Well, I think you've found your own way in the world, right? I always knew you eventually would."
Nu: "I'm going to stop an international war!"
Nia: "I was thinking more like becoming a cook, but okay."
To travel back to Phillip and his troops quickly, Nu summons a bunch of pixies to polymorph us into giant eagles. When we arrive the pixies are being frisky and not responding to Nu's nonverbal attempts at communication to drop the spells. So Phillip walks up to four giant eagles that are hopping about and squawking.
Phillip: "Is this a joke?"
Serena: "I glare at Nu-Eagle."
Nu: "I bite the fairy."
*several poofs later*
Serena: "Okay, that's better."
'...There was a FIFTH-LEVEL FIGHTER, a third-level rogue, a ranger ... they didn't survive, but the wizard did???"
haha. Of course, it's always the Chaotic EVIL players who's characters survive! Man, that brings back memories of games where... SOMEONE was going to have to take some serious damage for the Party, & everyone would look at me! No matter what kind of character I was running. "Dude, you're playing a pre-rolled character the DM handed u!" "Yeah... I've got MONTHS invested in my <character name>"
"So you're implying," I'd laugh and say "That therefore my Halfling gag character that I've been playing for three sessions, is disposable?"
<in unison> "Yup" "of course" "don't brown nose the GM". "My character is neutral evil..."
So I'd shrug and charge with my Cleric-Rogue to meat shield or create a distraction. And honestly, there has to be some rule or D&D Law that states the more effort a DM puts into a campaign custom pre-roll, and the better the sacrificial idiot is who plays said character, the more certain it is that the player will screw all their roles and the DM have to crush their own creation for dramatic effect. Usually at the climax of the campaign.
"Don't worry, we'll revive you..." "Yeah, once I rest I can recast raise dead!" "Sucks to be you..." "But I thought you were going to cast Raise Dead on MY PET first!"
"I was DISINTEGRATED...."
"So you don't mind if my Pet gets raised instead of you? Dude, you're awesome."
haha.
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe”
When the Winds fail you, row.
"If there's one thing D&D has taught me is that you should drink strange fluids because it might make you hotter"
"Or just make you grow tentecles from your face"
Hombrew: Way of Wresting, Circle of Sacrifice
(Context: a heated debate is taking place over whether Jesus is a cleric or a warlock, the sorceress' player finds a Quora conversation that suggests that he is instead a lich)
"He's a divine lich, like Fel(a lich NPC who's been travelling with the party)"
"Is Fel Jesus?"
"NO."
"Are we going to talk about Vape God Fel again?"
"I don't think we can have Jesus Fel and Vape God Fel in the same session"
(Sorceress, pretending to be the bard if she ran a mom blog)"Dear readers, my two sons got into quite a predicament today. My oldest got us stranded in [a duergar city]. My youngest tried to help by possessing him, and now my oldest feels all icky inside. "
Morrigan Corax, The Phantom Queen, Breaker of The Elemental Chains, and Flaming Chicken
Cassilia Decalia, Servant of His Xanthous Majesty. "It's not narcissism, it's histrionicism, dearie."
Dokuhebi Tsuchinoko, child of the serpent goddess and temporary mother of squidlings
Envelope Lastname is going to be the death of me.
I'm allergic to fireball
"You wasted the Glorious Twelve!"
No context will be given.
I have a weird sense of humor.
I also make maps.(That's a link)
"Grover's gonna do what Grover does best!: RUN AWAY!"
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)