third level party of a human coffeelock, a zombie wizard, and a drow artificer. (we have 6 other players, but they were not there at the time. i'm dming.)
They were playing through the 'no tears over spilled coffee' free adventure to get them introduced to strixhaven before we start the campaign. Currently, they were fighting two magma mephits. It was the wizard's turn.
Wizard: "I'm going to cast minor illusion to convince these mephits that Magma Jesus has come to save them and he wants them to fight to the death."
DM: ... alright, roll deception, cause this is pretty out ther-
*nat 20*
DM: "...OH. So. You cast minor illusion, and you are so convincing with this that not only are the mephits completely convinced this is Magma Jesus, the entire party has now been converted, including you."
Coffeelock: "PRAISE MAGMA JESUS!"
What is a coffeelock? is it a Warlock who's patron is a sentient Bottle of Boundless Coffee?
Although that would be awesome, unfortunately it is not. It's a common multiclass where you multiclass warlock and sorcerer, converting warlock spellslots into sorcery points and back into spell slots. As long as you never take a long rest, (the exhaustion from which can be mitigated by Greater Restoration, which can be obtained by Divine Soul sorcerers), you can gain infinite spellslots.
Health is a problem, but you can remove that through cure wounds and other heal spells, also available to Divine Soul's.
This sounds like one step away from unholy non-undead lichdom or some crap. Am now seriously tempted to make a BBEG coffeelock who has just gone absolutely mad and is barely even mortal anymore.
Heck with it. It matches too well with Koris "The Soul of God"'s character. I'm making him a coffeelock. Don't tell my players.
oh no... what have i done... just posting about one of my players has doomed an entire party. tell your players i am so sorry. /mj /lh
It's also doomed a DM to have to put up with the infinite pseudodragon shenanigans I'm going to get up to with Find Familiar and a Ring of Spell Storing...
third level party of a human coffeelock, a zombie wizard, and a drow artificer. (we have 6 other players, but they were not there at the time. i'm dming.)
They were playing through the 'no tears over spilled coffee' free adventure to get them introduced to strixhaven before we start the campaign. Currently, they were fighting two magma mephits. It was the wizard's turn.
Wizard: "I'm going to cast minor illusion to convince these mephits that Magma Jesus has come to save them and he wants them to fight to the death."
DM: ... alright, roll deception, cause this is pretty out ther-
*nat 20*
DM: "...OH. So. You cast minor illusion, and you are so convincing with this that not only are the mephits completely convinced this is Magma Jesus, the entire party has now been converted, including you."
Coffeelock: "PRAISE MAGMA JESUS!"
What is a coffeelock? is it a Warlock who's patron is a sentient Bottle of Boundless Coffee?
Although that would be awesome, unfortunately it is not. It's a common multiclass where you multiclass warlock and sorcerer, converting warlock spellslots into sorcery points and back into spell slots. As long as you never take a long rest, (the exhaustion from which can be mitigated by Greater Restoration, which can be obtained by Divine Soul sorcerers), you can gain infinite spellslots.
Health is a problem, but you can remove that through cure wounds and other heal spells, also available to Divine Soul's.
This sounds like one step away from unholy non-undead lichdom or some crap. Am now seriously tempted to make a BBEG coffeelock who has just gone absolutely mad and is barely even mortal anymore.
Heck with it. It matches too well with Koris "The Soul of God"'s character. I'm making him a coffeelock. Don't tell my players.
oh no... what have i done... just posting about one of my players has doomed an entire party. tell your players i am so sorry. /mj /lh
It's also doomed a DM to have to put up with the infinite pseudodragon shenanigans I'm going to get up to with Find Familiar and a Ring of Spell Storing...
to anyone reading this, please know that i am incredibly sorry but regret nothing.
Tenth level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard/artificer), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Xanlar (half elf paladin), and Nu (axolotl shifter druid), plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger), and Pin the kobold (rogue).
===
DM: "This guy is going to attack Ferrin..." Ferrin: "I have sanctuary up, so he has to roll a wisdom save." DM: "Okay...now he's going to attack the NPC soldier next to you instead. I hope you're happy." Ferrin: "Oh, so you're going to guilt me now?"
Bugbear: "Puny lizard!" *Pin rolls high damage and slashes his throat* Pin: "You were saying?" Serena: "You are still short." Pin: "Let's get out of here!" Serena: "We still have to stop the robot! It'll just chase us!" Pin: "F--- the robot!" Ferrin: "Not my thing!"
Serena activates her radiant soul ability in the usual brilliant flash of sunshine and, of course, other players hum/sing magical girl transformation sequence music.
Serena: "And I'm going to fly up just a little bit so the troops being carried away on Nu's lizards can see me, or at least my glowing wings." Ferrin: "Really? That stuff about Phillip talking you up to them going to your head a bit?" Serena: "It isn't showing off, it's boosting friendly morale!"
Nu's preferred method of dealing damage remains with summons, currently a giant octopus (they don't need concentration for it via a magic item so the giant lizards carrying everybody else away are still good).
DM: "The tentacle grabs the bugbear and squeezes, making his head go pop." Nu: "Eew." DM: "Serena! Dexterity save." Serena: "Aw, come on!" DM: "Ferrin just had to roll one." Serena: "Ferrin doesn't have a minus one. And he rolled better than an eight." DM: "Bits of brain splatter right in your face." Serena: "Ewwugh."
After defeating all enemy troops...
Serena: "While my transformation is still up I'm going to dash straight up in the air to look around for any more enemy troops that might be coming." Ferrin: "Like a shining beacon announcing where we are?" Serena: "They already sent troops to attack us, I don't think there's any value in stealth just now."
Phillip: "Nu, you can track where your big pink axolotls went to, right?" Serena: "Now that you mention it, Nu just said they were ordering them to 'get away.' I now have a look of concern on my face as I consider the mental image of a dozen or so people desperately clinging to a bunch of eight foot long bright pink amphibians as they go stampeding through the swamp." Ferrin: "They were told to go and boy did they go!"
===
The DM ruled that the Pink Legion axolotls only went a short distance before stopping so we caught up to the group in short order. Nu declares that they don't trust the security of our location and starts patrolling around the huddle of PCs, NPCs, and still summoned big pink axolotls (giant lizard stats). Nu's player proceeds to move their token, mounted on their giant octopus, a few squares at a time on the map around the group. After a brief check in we elect to take a short rest. Serena and Phillip go off to one side to have the "serious private talk" Serena's been wanting to have with him for some time as the DM first focuses the narrative on Ferrin interacting with a few NPCs. Nu gets to a few squares from Serena and Phillip then reverses direction.
Nu: "I don't think I want to see what's going on there."
As the narrative shifts to Serena and Phillip they have a heartwarming little scene talking about their feelings and everything going on. It's all adorable and romantic.
DM: "And then he gently touches your cheek and leans in for a quick kiss." Serena: "I have no intention of allowing anything about this kiss to be quick."
The narrative switches back to the others for a few minutes while the teenage lovebirds are making out, and eventually they make their way back to the group.
Nu: "Are there any purple spots on Phillip's neck?"
Not my campaign. A stream out of New Zealand this past Thursday.
DM (paraphrase): "She was supposed to escape and be a recurring villain, but he got lucky rolls and she's dead." Players: *start talking amongst themselves* DM: "For now." Player 2: "What?" DM: "What? Nothing." Player 3: "I'm sure that's not going to come back and bite us."
(ref: Epic NPC D&D)
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Not my campaign. A stream out of New Zealand this past Thursday.
DM (paraphrase): "She was supposed to escape and be a recurring villain, but he got lucky rolls and she's dead." Players: *start talking amongst themselves* DM: "For now." Player 2: "What?" DM: "What? Nothing." Player 3: "I'm sure that's not going to come back and bite us."
(ref: Epic NPC D&D)
- "Nah, it's fine!" - "Necromancy is not a thing!"
“Wait, so the dwarves just killed some refugees? Does that feel wrong to anyone else?”
“Oops, we forgot you had lycanthropy. Sorry!”
*Druid is using downtime to gather rumors*
DM: “Okay, so most of the rumors are your exploits-l
Druid: “Wait, can I try to exaggerate those ones?”
DM: “By the time you’re done, the story is you guys fought an army of frost giants, ice demons, and wizards, led by a immense were polar bear and an ancient hag.”
Druid: “Ooh, and instead of turning into a T-Rex to smash through the ice wall, Alear became a dragon and broke through a glacier!”
Barbarian: “I have a feeling this will come back to bite us.”
*Later*
General, watching the party struggle to scout with their familiars: “I have a feeling these tales were exaggerated.”
Party: “Ur, no, we can still turn into dragons! We just like pigeons more!”
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
RIP Tavern.
All hail King Jovan Fluffycloud Prince
Teleporting elf monk supremacy!, but druids are better
[Cactus] Waffles!
”I don’t have any good quotes to put in my sig.” -Me
In-character Player Character 3 appropriately insulted Player Character 4, which I won't repeat here given that she (the character) can get quite naughty. (Think when Kyle insults the Aliens in South Park's "Cartman Gets an Anal Probe".)
So, all this is in-character.
Player 4: "You take that back!" Player 3: I use my Ring of Three Wishes to take it back. DM: The clock rewinds 60 seconds. You never said it and nobody has any memory of it. Player 3: If we're back in time just one minute, that means I'm angry again with no memory of what just happened. So, I insult him. "[repeats foul insult]" Player 4: "You take that back!" Player 3: I use my Ring of Three Wishes to take it back. DM: The clock rewinds and you never said it. Player 3: I insult him. "[repeats foul insult]" Player 4: "You take that back!" Player 3: I use my Ring of Three Wishes to take it back. DM: The clock rewinds. Player 3: "[repeats foul insult]" Player 4: "You take that back!" Player 3: I use my Ring of Three Wishes to take it back. DM: Your ring does nothing. You get the feeling that it's just an ordinary ring. Player 2 (OOC): SERIOUSLY!?
Trivia: Player 3 doesn't talk anything like that outside of her character. So, it's always comical to hear her say such things.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Trivia: Player 3 doesn't talk anything like that outside of her character. So, it's always comical to hear her say such things.
People like that make for some of the most interesting gaming buddies. The way they disassociate their normal behavior from in character disposition might make you wonder what they're really thinking at any given time, but it also means they can get into character really well to begin with and that helps with the immersion and mental escapism aspects of the game.
Party met an NPC who is hiding from needle blights.
Barbarian: We haven't seen any needle blights. We are currently trying to explore this house, but if you want, you can stick with us.
Cleric: {nudges barbarian's arm} "Stick" with us?
Barbarian: {OOC} That pun was definitely not intended.
DM: {Rolls dice} [NPC] takes 1 point of psychic damage.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
=========================== Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters: Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
our dragonborn barbarian gets hits in the face with a giant salmon (don't ask) and drops the other barbarian who he was carrying (she was unconscious) and she falls into the river and floats away.
Me the dm: Is anyone going to get her?
One of my players: engh... she lived a full life
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
I am part of the cult of Jerry, fear Jerry, love Jerry, be Jerry, we are Jerry. I'm really sorry that I haven't been able to Dm recently. I owe everyone a lot of apologies . I'm really sorry. I would like to start a new campaign. Message me for questions.
my players are fighting one of their old allies turned evil and the 3ft tall dwarf 200 lbs barbarian (hes the one wielding a fish) jumps into the corner and does this special move where he and the fish combine as he jumps into the fishes mouth (don't ask me how the fish is alive i don't know) and he starts to glow and blows the head off of an animated armor that the party is fighting
I am part of the cult of Jerry, fear Jerry, love Jerry, be Jerry, we are Jerry. I'm really sorry that I haven't been able to Dm recently. I owe everyone a lot of apologies . I'm really sorry. I would like to start a new campaign. Message me for questions.
Aldoran the Paladin(With a -1 wisdom) watches as bandits on horses ride beside them, and one of them jump onto the wagon...
Aldoran: "Why, hullo! Didn't expect visitors!"Proceeds to help the bandit into the wagon.
Elvalor the Artificer, also with a -1 wisdom: "Hullo!"
Carthic the Rogue, the(soon to be) Soulknife: "Uhh, I don't think they are here for cheeseburgers..." Proceeds to stick his short swords into the bandit's torso, dealing 20 damage.
I am the paladin, my brother the rogue, and Elvalor the DM. (Don't criticise, it has been worked out.)
It's also doomed a DM to have to put up with the infinite pseudodragon shenanigans I'm going to get up to with Find Familiar and a Ring of Spell Storing...
Looking for a campaign? Or, perhaps, trying to start one? Come join Rolegate! Just send me a friend request (same name as here) and I'll help you get started!
Ducks are just geese lite. Focus on the future. It'll become the past soon enough.
Istari and White Counsel in Club. Not the wish-granter of a thread.
Become a Plague Doctor today!
Join the Knights of the Random Table and Calius and Kothar Industries!
Homebrew: Artifact, Dungeon
May be offline due to school
to anyone reading this, please know that i am incredibly sorry but regret nothing.
she/any - member of the spider guild :D - official elesh norn enthusiast
current characters:
-Zalia Moonkeeper, tiefling abjuration wizard/alchemist artificer
-Philomena Silverthread, changeling assassin rogue
-Glass, kenku vengeance paladin
You seem to be confused about the definition of either "sorry" or "regret," possibly both.
"[character] engages in an academic discussion about the taste of electrum coins"
I am an average mathematics enjoyer.
>Extended Signature<
bard: "I heal Galax"
dm: "they notice that"
me" but don't they think he's crazy?"
dm: "true, so galax is healed"
bard: "I continue talking about microwaves"
the biggest screwup since the screw was invented
Tenth level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard/artificer), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Xanlar (half elf paladin), and Nu (axolotl shifter druid), plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger), and Pin the kobold (rogue).
===
DM: "This guy is going to attack Ferrin..."
Ferrin: "I have sanctuary up, so he has to roll a wisdom save."
DM: "Okay...now he's going to attack the NPC soldier next to you instead. I hope you're happy."
Ferrin: "Oh, so you're going to guilt me now?"
Bugbear: "Puny lizard!"
*Pin rolls high damage and slashes his throat*
Pin: "You were saying?"
Serena: "You are still short."
Pin: "Let's get out of here!"
Serena: "We still have to stop the robot! It'll just chase us!"
Pin: "F--- the robot!"
Ferrin: "Not my thing!"
Serena activates her radiant soul ability in the usual brilliant flash of sunshine and, of course, other players hum/sing magical girl transformation sequence music.
Serena: "And I'm going to fly up just a little bit so the troops being carried away on Nu's lizards can see me, or at least my glowing wings."
Ferrin: "Really? That stuff about Phillip talking you up to them going to your head a bit?"
Serena: "It isn't showing off, it's boosting friendly morale!"
Nu's preferred method of dealing damage remains with summons, currently a giant octopus (they don't need concentration for it via a magic item so the giant lizards carrying everybody else away are still good).
DM: "The tentacle grabs the bugbear and squeezes, making his head go pop."
Nu: "Eew."
DM: "Serena! Dexterity save."
Serena: "Aw, come on!"
DM: "Ferrin just had to roll one."
Serena: "Ferrin doesn't have a minus one. And he rolled better than an eight."
DM: "Bits of brain splatter right in your face."
Serena: "Ewwugh."
After defeating all enemy troops...
Serena: "While my transformation is still up I'm going to dash straight up in the air to look around for any more enemy troops that might be coming."
Ferrin: "Like a shining beacon announcing where we are?"
Serena: "They already sent troops to attack us, I don't think there's any value in stealth just now."
Phillip: "Nu, you can track where your big pink axolotls went to, right?"
Serena: "Now that you mention it, Nu just said they were ordering them to 'get away.' I now have a look of concern on my face as I consider the mental image of a dozen or so people desperately clinging to a bunch of eight foot long bright pink amphibians as they go stampeding through the swamp."
Ferrin: "They were told to go and boy did they go!"
===
The DM ruled that the Pink Legion axolotls only went a short distance before stopping so we caught up to the group in short order. Nu declares that they don't trust the security of our location and starts patrolling around the huddle of PCs, NPCs, and still summoned big pink axolotls (giant lizard stats). Nu's player proceeds to move their token, mounted on their giant octopus, a few squares at a time on the map around the group. After a brief check in we elect to take a short rest. Serena and Phillip go off to one side to have the "serious private talk" Serena's been wanting to have with him for some time as the DM first focuses the narrative on Ferrin interacting with a few NPCs. Nu gets to a few squares from Serena and Phillip then reverses direction.
Nu: "I don't think I want to see what's going on there."
As the narrative shifts to Serena and Phillip they have a heartwarming little scene talking about their feelings and everything going on. It's all adorable and romantic.
DM: "And then he gently touches your cheek and leans in for a quick kiss."
Serena: "I have no intention of allowing anything about this kiss to be quick."
The narrative switches back to the others for a few minutes while the teenage lovebirds are making out, and eventually they make their way back to the group.
Nu: "Are there any purple spots on Phillip's neck?"
Not my campaign. A stream out of New Zealand this past Thursday.
DM (paraphrase): "She was supposed to escape and be a recurring villain, but he got lucky rolls and she's dead."
Players: *start talking amongst themselves*
DM: "For now."
Player 2: "What?"
DM: "What? Nothing."
Player 3: "I'm sure that's not going to come back and bite us."
(ref: Epic NPC D&D)
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
- "Nah, it's fine!"
- "Necromancy is not a thing!"
Big fan :D
Anyone interested (though you'll be spoiled), here's the start of what we're referencing : https://youtu.be/ZoxVplkc5H4?t=247
Hyrkali
Full DNDBeyond.com in Dark Mode? Yes please!
GM: Who thought I would be kicking myself for not giving the mimes enough cannons?
Player: To be honest I saw it coming.
“Wait, so the dwarves just killed some refugees? Does that feel wrong to anyone else?”
“Oops, we forgot you had lycanthropy. Sorry!”
*Druid is using downtime to gather rumors*
DM: “Okay, so most of the rumors are your exploits-l
Druid: “Wait, can I try to exaggerate those ones?”
DM: “By the time you’re done, the story is you guys fought an army of frost giants, ice demons, and wizards, led by a immense were polar bear and an ancient hag.”
Druid: “Ooh, and instead of turning into a T-Rex to smash through the ice wall, Alear became a dragon and broke through a glacier!”
Barbarian: “I have a feeling this will come back to bite us.”
*Later*
General, watching the party struggle to scout with their familiars: “I have a feeling these tales were exaggerated.”
Party: “Ur, no, we can still turn into dragons! We just like pigeons more!”
RIP Tavern.
All hail King Jovan Fluffycloud Prince
Teleporting elf monk supremacy!, but druids are better
[Cactus]Waffles!”I don’t have any good quotes to put in my sig.” -Me
How can magic kitties be evil
Spider acolyte
cultist
“keep your enemies close and you gnomes even closer”- definitely, 100 percent, not gnomeish78
In-character Player Character 3 appropriately insulted Player Character 4, which I won't repeat here given that she (the character) can get quite naughty. (Think when Kyle insults the Aliens in South Park's "Cartman Gets an Anal Probe".)
So, all this is in-character.
Player 4: "You take that back!"
Player 3: I use my Ring of Three Wishes to take it back.
DM: The clock rewinds 60 seconds. You never said it and nobody has any memory of it.
Player 3: If we're back in time just one minute, that means I'm angry again with no memory of what just happened. So, I insult him. "[repeats foul insult]"
Player 4: "You take that back!"
Player 3: I use my Ring of Three Wishes to take it back.
DM: The clock rewinds and you never said it.
Player 3: I insult him. "[repeats foul insult]"
Player 4: "You take that back!"
Player 3: I use my Ring of Three Wishes to take it back.
DM: The clock rewinds.
Player 3: "[repeats foul insult]"
Player 4: "You take that back!"
Player 3: I use my Ring of Three Wishes to take it back.
DM: Your ring does nothing. You get the feeling that it's just an ordinary ring.
Player 2 (OOC): SERIOUSLY!?
Trivia: Player 3 doesn't talk anything like that outside of her character. So, it's always comical to hear her say such things.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
People like that make for some of the most interesting gaming buddies. The way they disassociate their normal behavior from in character disposition might make you wonder what they're really thinking at any given time, but it also means they can get into character really well to begin with and that helps with the immersion and mental escapism aspects of the game.
Party met an NPC who is hiding from needle blights.
Barbarian: We haven't seen any needle blights. We are currently trying to explore this house, but if you want, you can stick with us.
Cleric: {nudges barbarian's arm} "Stick" with us?
Barbarian: {OOC} That pun was definitely not intended.
DM: {Rolls dice} [NPC] takes 1 point of psychic damage.
===========================
Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters:
Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer
Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
Me, the DM: "You begin your journey inside of a ta-
That One Guy: "A tavern? How unoriginal!"
Me: "-rrasque. Roll initiative."
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
NEVER anger the DM
In a similar fashion;
Me, the DM: "Your journey begins in the town's local tavern-
Impatient Player: "Ugh, that's so cliche!"
Me: "Congrats on reaching Level 20! You can now leave the tavern!"
Same Player: "What the hell?!?"
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
our dragonborn barbarian gets hits in the face with a giant salmon (don't ask) and drops the other barbarian who he was carrying (she was unconscious) and she falls into the river and floats away.
Me the dm: Is anyone going to get her?
One of my players: engh... she lived a full life
I am part of the cult of Jerry, fear Jerry, love Jerry, be Jerry, we are Jerry. I'm really sorry that I haven't been able to Dm recently. I owe everyone a lot of apologies . I'm really sorry. I would like to start a new campaign. Message me for questions.
my players are fighting one of their old allies turned evil and the 3ft tall dwarf 200 lbs barbarian (hes the one wielding a fish) jumps into the corner and does this special move where he and the fish combine as he jumps into the fishes mouth (don't ask me how the fish is alive i don't know) and he starts to glow and blows the head off of an animated armor that the party is fighting
I am part of the cult of Jerry, fear Jerry, love Jerry, be Jerry, we are Jerry. I'm really sorry that I haven't been able to Dm recently. I owe everyone a lot of apologies . I'm really sorry. I would like to start a new campaign. Message me for questions.
Aldoran the Paladin(With a -1 wisdom) watches as bandits on horses ride beside them, and one of them jump onto the wagon...
Aldoran: "Why, hullo! Didn't expect visitors!"Proceeds to help the bandit into the wagon.
Elvalor the Artificer, also with a -1 wisdom: "Hullo!"
Carthic the Rogue, the(soon to be) Soulknife: "Uhh, I don't think they are here for cheeseburgers..." Proceeds to stick his short swords into the bandit's torso, dealing 20 damage.
I am the paladin, my brother the rogue, and Elvalor the DM. (Don't criticise, it has been worked out.)