"If you didn't want your friend to die you shouldn't have followed an evil death god!"
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Helper of Create a World thread/Sedge is Chaotic Neutral/ Mega Yahtzee High: 34, Low: 14/I speak English, je me parle le Francais, agus Labhraim beagan Gaeilge
Helper of Create a World thread/Sedge is Chaotic Neutral/ Mega Yahtzee High: 34, Low: 14/I speak English, je me parle le Francais, agus Labhraim beagan Gaeilge
Other DM (looking at online picture of a cat): "Awww, that's adorable!" Other DM: [falls off chair] Paladin (out of character): "Awww, that was adorable!" Other DM (lying on the ground amid scattered cheeto dust): "Hey."
Helper of Create a World thread/Sedge is Chaotic Neutral/ Mega Yahtzee High: 34, Low: 14/I speak English, je me parle le Francais, agus Labhraim beagan Gaeilge
NPC: "Do you want some food or should I leave you there starving?" Rogue/Warlock: "Give us food, but leave the wizard starving." Wizard (out of character): "If I weren't out of spell slots, you'd be a nice toasty kebab right now." Rogue/Warlock (also out of character): "Mmm...I love kebabs."
"While swinging from the chandelier, I use my powerful Orcish thighs to scoop up the guards."
EcricHV.... Are Orc's known for having powerful thighs? I did NOT know that... although I guess I might remember that Orc villages have POLE DANCING and Trapeze Festivals. SO it stands to reason they WOULD have powerful thighs. I think... or was that Ogres? 👹
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“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe” When the Winds fail you, row.
[DM (to the wizard): "You eat the raw fish. Make a Constitution saving throw." Rogue: "He literally has 18 Intelligence! Why would he eat a raw fish?"...
[sorry, it wasn't my intent to meta quote you entirely...]
Hypothetical Gnome reply, spoken under breath...: I Warned him not to make Wisdom his dump stat!
Other DM (to Thief): "... There's an important difference between Intelligence and Wisdom. Anyway, why are you defending him to us when you could have just WARNED him not to eat the raw fish?"
Thief: "Hmm? Oh... um... I wanted to see what would happen?
DM (looking at the Thieves sheet): Oh I see. Intelligence was YOUR dump stat! Roll a D6. That'll be the number of times the Wizard puke gets on you while he's sick!
Thief: YO! Can I use Inspiration or something to avoid his puke splatter!
DM (to the wizard): "You eat the raw fish. Make a Constitution saving throw." Rogue: "He literally has 18 Intelligence! Why would he eat a raw fish?"...
(Hypothetical reply, spoken under breath...: I Warned him not to make Wisdom his dump stat!
Other DM (to Thief): "... There's an important difference between Intelligence and Wisdom. Anyway, why are you defending him to us when you could have just WARNED him not to eat the raw fish?"
Thief: "Hmm? Oh... um... I wanted to see what would happen?
DM (looking at the Thieves sheet): Oh I see. Intelligence was YOUR dump stat! Roll a D6. That'll be the number of times the Wizard puke gets on you while he's sick!
Thief: YO! Can I use Inspiration or something to avoid his puke splatter!
You should have waited for him to eat it... and then, after a fake roll in secret... revealed to him the TRUTH.
DM: {to Barbarian} After consuming said Goldfish whole in a gulp, it reveals to you via TELEPATHY that it is actually the GOLDFISH of Tranquility! Until digested, your mind is tied to the Pure Land, and you are unable to Rage, become sexually aroused, care about money or material possessions, or initiate any potentially mortal conflict! But...
Barbarian: Is it too late to stick my finger down my throat? You know, to make myself puke?
DM: It is not, but you have NO DESIRE to do so. In fact... The Goldfish of Tranquility says into your mind, "Don't fear, savage human, for I...."
Monk (Interrupting): I gut punch him when he's not expecting it to try and make him puke!
Barbarian: Hey! It's not using telepathy on YOU! What are you doing?
Monk: [rolling and making an intuition role]: I INTUITIVELY knew you needed me to help you!
Barbarian: [sort of annoyed to not hear what the upside might have been] Thanks... I guess. Did the Goldfish of Tranquility finish his telepathic sentence?
DM: It DID, but you were so distracted by the pain of getting sucker punched in the gut and then puking it up your mind is fuzzier than usual...
Monk: You're welcome, oh Fuzzy Minded One haha. [to DM] Does he puke it up? How digested is it? Would my MONK get any super Monk bonus Chi from a Goldfish of Tranquility?
Gnome: [to Monk] Your brothers at the Temple would be so Proud! You are more Bramin than Gandhi! More ZEN than Lao Tsu!
Monk: [unconcerned] Say what you will, little sarcastic person, you know nothing of The Way! [to DM holding a d20] So does my Intuition tell me I should become one with the Holy Goldfish? [prematurely rolls... LOW] I'm going to slurp it down anyway...
DM: roll a Constitution check. Monk: why? DM: it's a ratty looking Goldfish the Barbarian just puked up! I tell you what, if you can EAT a spoon full of PUKE here and now, NO ROLL needed!
Gnome: [imitating Monk] I spent five years at the Dojo learning how to suppress my gag reflex when consuming PUKE, you know NOTHING of the Way of Puke, FOOL!
Barbarian: Ughhh... if you think about what else I ate recently, that Puke would have been super gross! {burps} Tamales!!
Gnome: Normally, your Barbarian Puke Tastes like Ambrosia?! (Tiefling Warlock laughs... 'Tamale puke. Eww!'). Don't Laugh too hard, fair Warlock who pukes after 3 drinks!
Warlock: Four! It was 4 drinks... & I hadn't eaten anything! So it was just the beer, that cocktail, and the Jager Shot!
Monk: Could we STOP all the puke talk!? ok? It's NOT funny! Here's your stupid role, I'll even take a disadvantage and penalty, you jerks! [rolls.... VERY low].
The party all look up at the DM, smiling because the Monk being a Monk, NEVER fails rolls. "Did he fail?" "So?" "Impossible!" "My Tiefling chants "Puke! Puke! Puke!". "Can I telepathically speak with him yet?".
"While swinging from the chandelier, I use my powerful Orcish thighs to scoop up the guards."
EcricHV.... Are Orc's known for having powerful thighs? I did NOT know that... although I guess I might remember that Orc villages have POLE DANCING and Trapeze Festivals. SO it stands to reason they WOULD have powerful thighs. I think... or was that Ogres? 👹
Blame Luke Westaway. He plays a Half-Orc Bard. (His left half is Orc, he stated.) (Oxventure)
He's also stated that he'd love to play a Wild Magic Sorcerer because of the spell surge. He obviously hasn't seen the WMS who cast Levitate on himself ("I... uh... meant to do this."), summoned a unicorn ("Where am I? What am I doing here? Who are all of you?" "Um... We need you to help our friend get a date."), and cast Fireball centered on himself while everyone was close together. (Epic NPC D&D)
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
"If you didn't want your friend to die you shouldn't have followed an evil death god!"
Helper of Create a World thread/Sedge is Chaotic Neutral/ Mega Yahtzee High: 34, Low: 14/I speak English, je me parle le Francais, agus Labhraim beagan Gaeilge
Dream of Days Lore Bard 9/Wizard 4 Baulder's Gate: Descent to Avernus (In Person/Over Zoom)
Saleadon Morgul Battle Smith Artificer 11 Tyranny of Dragons (In Person/Over Zoom)
Hurtharn Serpti Ghostslayer Blood Hunter 7 Spelljammer (Over Zoom)
Ex Sig
Player: I yell "F. YOU!" at the big worm!
DM: You yell the uncommon equivalent of the F-Word.
I've practiced vicious mockery too many times in my life.
DM: You're now rolling death-saving throws.
Player: Please save me!!
Other Player: Don't worry, I'll heal you later!
Another Player: Can I use [my pet] to immobilize [Player]?
I've practiced vicious mockery too many times in my life.
Other DM: The wall looks like an illusion. Do you walk toward the wall?
Player: Yes.
Other DM: You walk straight towards a cobblestone wall.
Player: Guys, we have to walk towards the wall!
I've practiced vicious mockery too many times in my life.
FYI, it was Undercommon, not "uncommon".
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her
It was actually "into", not "towards".
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her
"Do you have a Skype address or anything"
Helper of Create a World thread/Sedge is Chaotic Neutral/ Mega Yahtzee High: 34, Low: 14/I speak English, je me parle le Francais, agus Labhraim beagan Gaeilge
Dream of Days Lore Bard 9/Wizard 4 Baulder's Gate: Descent to Avernus (In Person/Over Zoom)
Saleadon Morgul Battle Smith Artificer 11 Tyranny of Dragons (In Person/Over Zoom)
Hurtharn Serpti Ghostslayer Blood Hunter 7 Spelljammer (Over Zoom)
Ex Sig
Other DM (looking at online picture of a cat): "Awww, that's adorable!"
Other DM: [falls off chair]
Paladin (out of character): "Awww, that was adorable!"
Other DM (lying on the ground amid scattered cheeto dust): "Hey."
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her
DM: You notice a small white cat. Player, you are charmed.
Player: Oh, that doesn't do much.
DM: Oh, there's plenty more than that.
Other Player (murmuring): I just had a terrible thought!
five seconds pass
DM: [Other Player]! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
I've practiced vicious mockery too many times in my life.
Other DM: ...he scratches his head with his large claw.
Other DM (murmuring): I realized I've said that three times by now.
I've practiced vicious mockery too many times in my life.
"It makes happy rat noises"'
Helper of Create a World thread/Sedge is Chaotic Neutral/ Mega Yahtzee High: 34, Low: 14/I speak English, je me parle le Francais, agus Labhraim beagan Gaeilge
Dream of Days Lore Bard 9/Wizard 4 Baulder's Gate: Descent to Avernus (In Person/Over Zoom)
Saleadon Morgul Battle Smith Artificer 11 Tyranny of Dragons (In Person/Over Zoom)
Hurtharn Serpti Ghostslayer Blood Hunter 7 Spelljammer (Over Zoom)
Ex Sig
Rogue/Warlock: "Can I pickpocket the kobold?"
At exactly the same time as I said "yes", the other DM said "no".
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her
NPC: "Do you want some food or should I leave you there starving?"
Rogue/Warlock: "Give us food, but leave the wizard starving."
Wizard (out of character): "If I weren't out of spell slots, you'd be a nice toasty kebab right now."
Rogue/Warlock (also out of character): "Mmm...I love kebabs."
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her
(Was Jesus a Cleric or a Warlock?)
I thought Jesus was a carpenter? (ha!)
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe”
When the Winds fail you, row.
"While swinging from the chandelier, I use my powerful Orcish thighs to scoop up the guards."
EcricHV.... Are Orc's known for having powerful thighs? I did NOT know that... although I guess I might remember that Orc villages have POLE DANCING and Trapeze Festivals. SO it stands to reason they WOULD have powerful thighs. I think... or was that Ogres? 👹
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe”
When the Winds fail you, row.
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe”
When the Winds fail you, row.
This was NOT what I posted.
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her
NICE!
You should have waited for him to eat it... and then, after a fake roll in secret... revealed to him the TRUTH.
The party all look up at the DM, smiling because the Monk being a Monk, NEVER fails rolls. "Did he fail?" "So?" "Impossible!" "My Tiefling chants "Puke! Puke! Puke!". "Can I telepathically speak with him yet?".
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe”
When the Winds fail you, row.
Blame Luke Westaway. He plays a Half-Orc Bard. (His left half is Orc, he stated.) (Oxventure)
He's also stated that he'd love to play a Wild Magic Sorcerer because of the spell surge. He obviously hasn't seen the WMS who cast Levitate on himself ("I... uh... meant to do this."), summoned a unicorn ("Where am I? What am I doing here? Who are all of you?" "Um... We need you to help our friend get a date."), and cast Fireball centered on himself while everyone was close together. (Epic NPC D&D)
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
"Isn't it a cool spell? You could make a-a strobe yam... or a disco yam..."
I am an Arachpriest, Cat Cultist, Sauce Monk, Angel of Death, and First Spinjitzu Master.
I play Thirteen the necromancer elf, Timber the tabaxi child, and more at the tavern. Hope you like yams!
Oh yeah, don't forget to be kind and loving and stuff. Not on during weekends.