I watch. I wait. I listen. I like roleplaying games. Avid fan of messed up homebrew and horror rpgs. Lancer>dnd5e, go read Kill Six Billion Demons. I will shoot you with my transgenderification beam pew pew
One of the parties I'm in consists of a human swashbuckler, a Ffey-touched bard, a githyanki psi-knight, an NPC human pirate captain, and me, an elf ranger. I'm introduced in the campaign when the party comes to my hometown on a quest and I run into the bard, an old friend, at the tavern. The pirate captain has been injured after a battle at sea.
Me: Your captain isn't looking so good. Maybe we should take him to my husband, he's our village healer.
Githyanki psi-knight who doesn't really understand the material plane yet: Your husband knows healing magic? Is he a wizard?
Me, a gay disaster: Oh yes, he's very accomplished with his wand *winking at the bard*
Swashbuckler: *screaming internally*
Later at my house when the party meets my husband
Githyanki psi-knight: I wish to see this powerful wand the elf spoke of, where is it?
My husband: *just laughs because he's used to me bragging about our sex life to total strangers*
Player 5: "I cast Hideous Laughter." DM: "Okay. What do you say?" Player 5: "Hey, [NPC]! [NPC]! Hey! [NPC]!" NPC (DM): "What?!" Player 5: "How do you make holy water?" NPC: "How?" Player 5: "You boil the Hell out of it." *NPC then succeeds on WIS save* Player 4: "It might work if you'd get some new material!"
(Only once out of the many times attempted did an NPC fail the save, but the NPC also barely understood Common despite having more than 4 INT. So, maybe the loss in translation was funny or something.)
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
"Hey, are you one of those Planeswalkers? Cuz if so, that's really amazing."
Warlock: "You are the second person to ask me that today. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS."
"Well, anyway...you wanna be careful about saying stuff like startin' a Guild...really bad idea...I mean, bad stuff happens to people who do that...you ever had all your organs stolen, grown back, and then stolen again?"
Warlock: "Again, you are the second person to ask me that today."
(our party asking about the various Guilds of Ravnica)
Guide: "Well, the Simics are all about mutations...your fellow Simic here probably knows all about them...and the Gruul LOVE to fight, but otherwise they're not too bad...the Cult of Rakdos likes to party, so if you're looking for a good time, you could stop by their circus...just...don't take any of them "home" with you afterwards, alright?"
"Hey, are you one of those Planeswalkers? Cuz if so, that's really amazing."
Warlock: "You are the second person to ask me that today. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS."
"Well, anyway...you wanna be careful about saying stuff like startin' a Guild...really bad idea...I mean, bad stuff happens to people who do that...you ever had all your organs stolen, grown back, and then stolen again?"
Warlock: "Again, you are the second person to ask me that today."
“If I had a nickel for every time I was asked if I had my organs stolen, grown back, and then stolen again I would have 2 nickels. I know it’s not a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice.”
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
she/it pronouns
I watch. I wait. I listen. I like roleplaying games. Avid fan of messed up homebrew and horror rpgs. Lancer>dnd5e, go read Kill Six Billion Demons. I will shoot you with my transgenderification beam pew pew
Beginning of campaign, Player 2, an Artificer garlic farmer named Greg, just received a large cart load of manure for compost fertilizing from a nearby snobby peach farmer NPC, named Pete "Peachtree" Gerlach - and managed to Persuade Peachtree to unload the manure from the cart (which he placed right in front of Greg's house).
Player 2 (Greg): Oh. So, I have to deal with it, still. DM: After about an half an hour of talking - and he's just generally belittling you with lots of passive-aggressive comments about how easy your work is...
Peachtree (DM): "It's probably for the best that I'm doing this because, you know, you get some muscles when you're doing peach farmin'. I don't imagine so much when you're doing garlic."
DM: Eventually as he trundles away, only then do you realize that Peachtree doesn't own any livestock.
Bodger - Barbarian Blacksmith (Player 1) who lives just across the creek from Greg: "Hey, Greg! Is that Human ****e?!" Greg (Player 2): "What?! No! It is definitely not Human poop!" Peachtree (DM): *driving away* "Oh, it is! We got lots of kids and no livestock!" Greg (Player 2): "What?! No, what?!"
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
This moment from the last Silver and Steel hit me pretty hard, and still makes my gut punch feels:
“Avren I’m getting really tired of losing friends.” “You didn’t lose a friend. You still have the friend. Just because they’re not with you doesn’t mean they’re not WITH you.” - Freely and Avren
And of course, the moment every D&D campaign has when characters consider running away...
“I did say run, and nobody did, so here we are!” “It’s like normal.” “It is very on brand for us, I’ve missed you guys!” - Freely and Orkira
I like this party
she/it pronouns
I watch. I wait. I listen. I like roleplaying games. Avid fan of messed up homebrew and horror rpgs. Lancer>dnd5e, go read Kill Six Billion Demons. I will shoot you with my transgenderification beam pew pew
Polnareff?
Yeah. Pretty sure it's some anime character's name
I know, I was asking as in, him too?
Oh okay. Well yeah he's named after the character
One of the parties I'm in consists of a human swashbuckler, a Ffey-touched bard, a githyanki psi-knight, an NPC human pirate captain, and me, an elf ranger. I'm introduced in the campaign when the party comes to my hometown on a quest and I run into the bard, an old friend, at the tavern. The pirate captain has been injured after a battle at sea.
Me: Your captain isn't looking so good. Maybe we should take him to my husband, he's our village healer.
Githyanki psi-knight who doesn't really understand the material plane yet: Your husband knows healing magic? Is he a wizard?
Me, a gay disaster: Oh yes, he's very accomplished with his wand *winking at the bard*
Swashbuckler: *screaming internally*
Later at my house when the party meets my husband
Githyanki psi-knight: I wish to see this powerful wand the elf spoke of, where is it?
My husband: *just laughs because he's used to me bragging about our sex life to total strangers*
Nikolai Buckman | vampire | bard
Solace Redgrove | tiefling | bard
Every time the player tried this in a stream:
Player 5: "I cast Hideous Laughter."
DM: "Okay. What do you say?"
Player 5: "Hey, [NPC]! [NPC]! Hey! [NPC]!"
NPC (DM): "What?!"
Player 5: "How do you make holy water?"
NPC: "How?"
Player 5: "You boil the Hell out of it."
*NPC then succeeds on WIS save*
Player 4: "It might work if you'd get some new material!"
(Only once out of the many times attempted did an NPC fail the save, but the NPC also barely understood Common despite having more than 4 INT. So, maybe the loss in translation was funny or something.)
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
"Hey, are you one of those Planeswalkers? Cuz if so, that's really amazing."
Warlock: "You are the second person to ask me that today. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS."
"Well, anyway...you wanna be careful about saying stuff like startin' a Guild...really bad idea...I mean, bad stuff happens to people who do that...you ever had all your organs stolen, grown back, and then stolen again?"
Warlock: "Again, you are the second person to ask me that today."
(a Bloodwitch tears out a man's heart, takes a bite out if it, and hands it to the Warlock)
Warlock: "Ah...well, when in Ravnica..."
(takes a bite out of the heart...which then turns into an apple)
Warlock: "What the...?"
(the Bloodwitch drops the illusion, and the man turns out to be fine, while he and everyone laughs)
Bloodwitch: "Yes, we don't really DO blood sacrifices at these sorts of events anymore. Anyway...welcome to the Cult of Rakdos."
Warlock: "Well...thanks, I guess."
(as the crowd disperses, the Bloodwitch leans in close to the Warlock)
Bloodwitch: (whispers) "We actually do the blood sacrifices on Tuesdays".
(our party asking about the various Guilds of Ravnica)
Guide: "Well, the Simics are all about mutations...your fellow Simic here probably knows all about them...and the Gruul LOVE to fight, but otherwise they're not too bad...the Cult of Rakdos likes to party, so if you're looking for a good time, you could stop by their circus...just...don't take any of them "home" with you afterwards, alright?"
Ranger: "Why not?"
Guide: "Ah, well...they'll probably eat you."
“If I had a nickel for every time I was asked if I had my organs stolen, grown back, and then stolen again I would have 2 nickels. I know it’s not a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice.”
she/it pronouns
I watch. I wait. I listen. I like roleplaying games. Avid fan of messed up homebrew and horror rpgs. Lancer>dnd5e, go read Kill Six Billion Demons. I will shoot you with my transgenderification beam pew pew
My wizard character who just joined the party, meeting with the paladin/cleric (War domain/Vengeance pally:
Wizard- The name's Borgrus, War Wizard
Cleric/Pally: The name's Gromkir, just War.
Hombrew: Way of Wresting, Circle of Sacrifice
The party comes face to face with the Demon Lord Zuggtmoy, I look to one of the NPCs that had accompanied us. We were all level 3.
Me: I want to roll to see how he's taking this.
*rolls a 6*
Dm: "This man is a stone cold badass."
Me: I give him a thumbs up and a smile.
DM: "he nods back".
Me: Okay our of character, Tia might believe he's calm and collective outside, but he's obviously going " AH!!! AHH!!! AHH!!!!".
"I would like to refill my poop sack please."
SAUCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From a stream:
Beginning of campaign, Player 2, an Artificer garlic farmer named Greg, just received a large cart load of manure for compost fertilizing from a nearby snobby peach farmer NPC, named Pete "Peachtree" Gerlach - and managed to Persuade Peachtree to unload the manure from the cart (which he placed right in front of Greg's house).
Player 2 (Greg): Oh. So, I have to deal with it, still.
DM: After about an half an hour of talking - and he's just generally belittling you with lots of passive-aggressive comments about how easy your work is...
Peachtree (DM): "It's probably for the best that I'm doing this because, you know, you get some muscles when you're doing peach farmin'. I don't imagine so much when you're doing garlic."
DM: Eventually as he trundles away, only then do you realize that Peachtree doesn't own any livestock.
Bodger - Barbarian Blacksmith (Player 1) who lives just across the creek from Greg: "Hey, Greg! Is that Human ****e?!"
Greg (Player 2): "What?! No! It is definitely not Human poop!"
Peachtree (DM): *driving away* "Oh, it is! We got lots of kids and no livestock!"
Greg (Player 2): "What?! No, what?!"
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
This moment from the last Silver and Steel hit me pretty hard, and still makes my gut punch feels:
“Avren I’m getting really tired of losing friends.”
“You didn’t lose a friend. You still have the friend. Just because they’re not with you doesn’t mean they’re not WITH you.” - Freely and Avren
And of course, the moment every D&D campaign has when characters consider running away...
“I did say run, and nobody did, so here we are!”
“It’s like normal.”
“It is very on brand for us, I’ve missed you guys!” - Freely and Orkira
Find me on Twitter: @OboeLauren
In a campaign, we were starting to cross a bridge when goblins came onto the bridge from the other side, and were possibly outnumbering us.
One of the PCs shouts out in Goblin, "You can have them, I'm not with them. I'm nothing to do with them".
The GM asked for those people around the table whose characters knew Goblin to put their hands up. We all did!
I have no idea what happened to that character afterwards, I just remember the amount of laughter and the guilty look.
From a "Game of Thrones" mini-campaign...
"Hey, nice ta meetcha!"
"I'm Frank Waters, da most WANTED MAN IN KING'S LANDING!"
"I cast ARROW!"
(Evocation Wizard casts "Fireball" on a room full of bad guys, and "Sculpts Spell" to keep one of them alive)
"Do I have your attention now?"