"I start mimicking the butterfly and learning its habits."
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
If you want to eat like a butterfly, dilute 1 part raw, unfiltered honey in 6 parts water. The rest I can't help you with. XD
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken. Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing. Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan. Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer. Plays god on Saturdays.
Note: My Character is an actor that pretended to be a bandit and conned his way into becoming the captain of the bandits in Sinister Secret of Saltmarsh by threatening them all in Asmodeus's voice with Message. But that's not the funny bit. This is. So I come up with the idea we should blindfold and throw all the bandits overboard in the middle of the night. This is done, but I am left to deal with the ship's Quatermaster...
DM: So you walk into the Quatermaster's room...
(rowdy players drown out next bit)
Tylas (my character): I take out my celestial ring and punch her in both eyes, blinding her.
(rowdy players quieten)
DM: So you walk into the Quatermaster;s room...
Tylas: I take my celestial ring, punch her in both eyes, blinding her, grab her, escort her up and throw her off deck.
(Players start complaining - "Hey! That's Evil!)
DM: You do realise that people didn't wear bedclothes in medieval times?
Tylas: I take my celestial ring, blind her, then take her up and throw her off decks in her bedsheet.
(Players: Hey! That's so cruel!)
Me, out of character: No, it isn't. It's a mercy. At least she gets a chance to live!
It's funny because Tylas Sallisaliwar is a Lawful Good Aasimar. Also, yes, we have some very noisy players!
Also thought I might add that Tylas lied to become bandit captain, bullied and even out-gambled the bandits. So... Lawful? Yes! Because they were mean. And Tylas analyses everything very carefully.
Me (as Maidne): "So, Cassandra, I bet you are wondering why I brought you here."
Cassandra: "Yeah, we've been kinda meandering all night."
Maidne: "I found your husband!"
Cassandra: "Wait... what?"
We are escorted into a room where we find her long lost husband, who immediately shows his nature, first by accusing her of becoming a cop by being knighted, then of being useless by being friends with me, a vigilante City Watch Investigator. He then begins to question the nature of our friendship as "more than friends" (we're not) because when I "died" I left my custom made coat for her. His diatribe continues, and I'm realizing what a terrible mistake I made.
After about 20 minutes of this, Cassandra looks over at me and says, "Thank you. I'm glad I lost this horrible time in my life. I kick him in the crotch."
DM: "What?"
Cassandra: "No, I don't do that. But Maidne knows who you are now. Who you work for. What you look like. Any single moment could be your last, and no one will cry."
Me: "He will. Unless you don't want him to."
Cassandra grins wickedly. "Make him cry for me."
DM: "What?"
Me: "Now or later?"
Cassandra: "Just whenever you get bored, Maidne. No need to rush."
"People think my character is Good just because she likes to talk to animals."
(She used Moonbeam on a person trapped in a safe-room. She knocked a guard's head clean off in Wild Shape bear form. She ground up many NPCs who either slipped into or stumbled into her Spike Growth. She stood, casually drinking an ale, and simply watched an NPC burn to death right in front of her. I don't know where viewers were getting the idea that talking to animals offset all of that.)
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Wizard talking to the Ranger : "What is your name sir?"
Ranger : *very very quietly* "Grave."
*wizard confused by the strange name* Wizard : "Sorry what is your name?"
Ranger : "Did you not hear me, my name is GRAVE"
Essentially what he did is he yelled his name. So now it is a running joke that when the PC's get introduced to a NPC the Ranger, Grave, has to yell his name.
From an Avernus stream: 3 of the player characters - characters in the story, not the players themselves - were dragged into the campaign unwillingly through a portal. Those characters keep asking about being sent home and everyone keeps promising to do so if they do a task.
NPC: "Oh no! It's happened! Eltarel has fallen!" Player 2: "We're sorry about your loss. Can we go home?" Player 2, 3, and 4: *chanting* "Sorry 'bout yer loss. Can we go home? Sorry 'bout yer loss. Can we go home? Sorry 'bout yer loss. Can we go home?"
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Player 1's not going to be able to participate for a while. So at the end of the session (IC):
Player 1: "Look, guys. This has been fun, um... but you're wanted now and I'm on-the-run and I cannot be seen with you. So, I'm gonna leave now. ...and also... You guys are f***ing crazy. So, bye!" Player 5: "That is hurtful but... truthful." Player 3: "Yeah." Player 4: "I mean you explode one giant and everything thinks you're crazy." Player 3: "You exploded a little bit more than that." Player 2: "No. It's fair enough. I get it."
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
"Why don't we call 'people in poverty' 'poggers?'"
Come participate in the Competition of the Finest Brews, Edition XXVIII?
My homebrew stuff:
Spells, Monsters, Magic Items, Feats, Subclasses.
I am an Archfey, but nobody seems to notice.
Extended Signature
From a stream:
"I start mimicking the butterfly and learning its habits."
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
I want to do this.
If you want to eat like a butterfly, dilute 1 part raw, unfiltered honey in 6 parts water. The rest I can't help you with. XD
Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken.
Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing.
Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan.
Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer.
Plays god on Saturdays.
"I've got this don't worry!" has the Overconfident Halfling Bard entered the room with an enraged Half Orc Figther and tried to calm him down...
Moments later, Halfling barging out the door, closing it behind him"...i Don't got this...RUN" as he runs away past us...
"Normality is but an Illusion, Whats normal to the Spider, is only madness for the Fly"
Kain de Frostberg- Dark Knight - (Vengeance Pal3/ Hexblade 9), Port Mourn
Kain de Draakberg-Dark Knight lvl8-Avergreen(DitA)
Warning: Not Entirely Safe for Work:
Note: My Character is an actor that pretended to be a bandit and conned his way into becoming the captain of the bandits in Sinister Secret of Saltmarsh by threatening them all in Asmodeus's voice with Message. But that's not the funny bit. This is. So I come up with the idea we should blindfold and throw all the bandits overboard in the middle of the night. This is done, but I am left to deal with the ship's Quatermaster...
It's funny because Tylas Sallisaliwar is a Lawful Good Aasimar. Also, yes, we have some very noisy players!
Frequent Eladrin || They/Them, but accept all pronouns
Luz Noceda would like to remind you that you're worth loving!
Also thought I might add that Tylas lied to become bandit captain, bullied and even out-gambled the bandits. So... Lawful? Yes! Because they were mean. And Tylas analyses everything very carefully.
Frequent Eladrin || They/Them, but accept all pronouns
Luz Noceda would like to remind you that you're worth loving!
Me (as Maidne): "So, Cassandra, I bet you are wondering why I brought you here."
Cassandra: "Yeah, we've been kinda meandering all night."
Maidne: "I found your husband!"
Cassandra: "Wait... what?"
We are escorted into a room where we find her long lost husband, who immediately shows his nature, first by accusing her of becoming a cop by being knighted, then of being useless by being friends with me, a vigilante City Watch Investigator. He then begins to question the nature of our friendship as "more than friends" (we're not) because when I "died" I left my custom made coat for her. His diatribe continues, and I'm realizing what a terrible mistake I made.
After about 20 minutes of this, Cassandra looks over at me and says, "Thank you. I'm glad I lost this horrible time in my life. I kick him in the crotch."
DM: "What?"
Cassandra: "No, I don't do that. But Maidne knows who you are now. Who you work for. What you look like. Any single moment could be your last, and no one will cry."
Me: "He will. Unless you don't want him to."
Cassandra grins wickedly. "Make him cry for me."
DM: "What?"
Me: "Now or later?"
Cassandra: "Just whenever you get bored, Maidne. No need to rush."
From a Behind the Scenes:
"People think my character is Good just because she likes to talk to animals."
(She used Moonbeam on a person trapped in a safe-room. She knocked a guard's head clean off in Wild Shape bear form. She ground up many NPCs who either slipped into or stumbled into her Spike Growth. She stood, casually drinking an ale, and simply watched an NPC burn to death right in front of her. I don't know where viewers were getting the idea that talking to animals offset all of that.)
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Devotion Paladin: "Look, I NEED to recite these holy rites before I actually kill these monsters. The church is sort of a stickler for rules."
Druid: "It just seems to take so long..."
Devotion Paladin: "Tell me about it." (un-rolls long scroll).
Monk: "Couldn't you just give them the footnote version?"
Druid: "Yeah! Something like...REPENT OF YOUR SINS, HERETICS!"
Devotion Paladin: "I sort of need to give them the "option" to repent."
Monk: (thinking) "Maybe...phrase it as a question?"
Devotion Paladin: "...repent?"
Druid: "Perfect! Now you can give them the option to repent right before you smite them!"
Devotion Paladin: "Seems a bit non-specific."
Monk: "You're a one-eyed, holy warrior with your gods symbol on their chest...I reckon they'll get the gist of it."
I am a DM just observing my goofy adventurers.
Wizard talking to the Ranger : "What is your name sir?"
Ranger : *very very quietly* "Grave."
*wizard confused by the strange name* Wizard : "Sorry what is your name?"
Ranger : "Did you not hear me, my name is GRAVE"
Essentially what he did is he yelled his name. So now it is a running joke that when the PC's get introduced to a NPC the Ranger, Grave, has to yell his name.
A New DM up against the World
From an Avernus stream: 3 of the player characters - characters in the story, not the players themselves - were dragged into the campaign unwillingly through a portal. Those characters keep asking about being sent home and everyone keeps promising to do so if they do a task.
NPC: "Oh no! It's happened! Eltarel has fallen!"
Player 2: "We're sorry about your loss. Can we go home?"
Player 2, 3, and 4: *chanting* "Sorry 'bout yer loss. Can we go home? Sorry 'bout yer loss. Can we go home? Sorry 'bout yer loss. Can we go home?"
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
“Wait, your trying to convince a group of demon-bug worshippers that you’re the new cult... chef?”
“I don’t care if you break the laws of physics for butterflies! Just for mosquitoes!”
RIP Tavern.
All hail King Jovan Fluffycloud Prince
Teleporting elf monk supremacy!, but druids are better
[Cactus]Waffles!”I don’t have any good quotes to put in my sig.” -Me
Ever have that moment in a game when something sparks your imagination and you have to do some Googling?
“Looking up pictures of monitor lizards, I am now terrified of monitor lizards.” - Jasmine
Find me on Twitter: @OboeLauren
We are about to go down a 200 feet hidden ladder, which is in a barrel, into the unknown. I am playing a ranger which is one of our best options.
Me (IC): "convince me why should I going 1st."
Wizard (IC): "[my character's name], why don't you go in 1st?"
Me (OoC): "....how convincing it is?"
DM: "[wizard's name], give me a Persuasion check and [ranger's name], give me a Wisdom saving roll."
Wizard (OoC): "this will not work well. I have a -1 in charisma"
Me (OoC): "well, I only have a +3 on Wisdom safe"
Wizard rolls a 10 -1 = 9.
I roll a 2 +3 =5
DM: "[ranger's name], you are inspired by the wizard's statement and bravely go into the barrel and go down the ladder.
I'm just saying, this body is heavy, wouldn't it be easier to chop off his head and take it arouns?
"We eat everything but the oatmeal."
"Harold comes down the stairs and begins to eat the oatmeal. It tastes so good that Harold gains one temporary hit point.
The fire giants made a gundam wheeeeee
Morally ambiguous warlock: *searches for enemies, rolls low*
DM: “You don’t find the unicorn bunny the others found.”
Whole party: *Cheers*
RIP Tavern.
All hail King Jovan Fluffycloud Prince
Teleporting elf monk supremacy!, but druids are better
[Cactus]Waffles!”I don’t have any good quotes to put in my sig.” -Me
From a stream:
Player 1's not going to be able to participate for a while. So at the end of the session (IC):
Player 1: "Look, guys. This has been fun, um... but you're wanted now and I'm on-the-run and I cannot be seen with you. So, I'm gonna leave now. ...and also... You guys are f***ing crazy. So, bye!"
Player 5: "That is hurtful but... truthful."
Player 3: "Yeah."
Player 4: "I mean you explode one giant and everything thinks you're crazy."
Player 3: "You exploded a little bit more than that."
Player 2: "No. It's fair enough. I get it."
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Enemy NPC: I call this spell CrowBall!!
Me: That's a dumb name.
Cleric: I hate to agree but she's right.
Enemy NPC: Oh yeah?? What would you call it?
Cleric: Why not just call it Murder of Crows?
Me: or Murder zone!
Cluster Flock?