Eighth level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Venn (tiefling sorcerer), Xanlar (half elf paladin), and Nu (axolotl shifter druid), plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger), Al (halfling cleric), and Pin the kobold.
Fighting the bandits we chased back to their hideout.
DM: "This guy will attack Xanlar even though he isn't the biggest threat"
Nu: "My kids!"
=====
Nu: "I'm gonna move over here and cast tidal wave!"
DM: "From that angle you'll hit two of your 'kids' if you want to get the bandit lieutenant, this other guy, and the mage."
Nu: "Hm. Okay, I guess they have to die."
Ferrin: "Nobody gets to hurt Nu's summons except for Nu."
DM: "How do you describe your tidal wave?"
Nu: "It's the big water!"
DM: "Okay. That is definitely a description."
The spell kills two of Nu's little anklebiters, the lieutenant, and the non-mage bandit. The mage is next in initiative.
Nu: "Are you scared yet? I killed your boss!"
=====
Ferrin: "How does the mage look?"
DM: "Really wet, still dripping with water from Nu's spell."
Ferrin: ""Let's dry him off. I cast firebolt at him."
The last bandit we're fighting throws down his weapon and shouts his surrender, begging for mercy. Serena is next in initiative.
Ferrin: "Are you going to kill an unarmed man? Like, again?"
Serena: "Ugh. I kind of can't. I want to, but I probably shouldn't."
As several PCs are now deeper into the hideout, the DM reveals more map and describes a lone man in a newly visible hallway, leaning against the wall and smiling.
Nu: "I don't think I like that."
DM: "Ferrin, you're up, are you going to attack the last bandit you can see?"
Ferrin: "Well, Serena seems like she's trying to interrogate the guy so that'd be kind of a dick move."
Nu decides to cast polymorph on the creepy guy down the hall, who we're suspecting is the leader of the gang. All we know of him is that people in town are terrified of him. He saves against the spell.
Gang Leader: "Is that really necessary? I just wanted to talk, and you've already killed my men."
Nu: "Well that's unfortunate. Are we gonna kill this guy too?"
Serena: "I don't know yet. I'd like to just talk, but stay ready just in case."
There's an exchange with the gang leader explaining that he sent his goons to attack the tavern/inn we were staying at because he learned we were back in town after having killed several of his men least time.
Serena: "They tried to mug me."
Ferrin: "Yeah, wasn't that over like four copper pieces?
Serena: "Yeah, the guy was posing as a beggar and took the four copper I gave him as a sign it was worth trying to attack somebody wearing weapons and heavy armor."
Gang Leader: "Not all of my subordinates have been particularly smart. But you also killed one of my favorite pets in that fight."
Serena: "You mean that huge seaweed monster they called Mr. Tickles? That thing was gross. And stinky."
Gang Leader: "He was like a son to me."
Nu: "You birthed that guy? Wow!"
The gang leader says he can't defeat us and offers anything he can give us in exchange for his life and freedom. He promises to reform.
Serena: "Can I roll intuition to determine his real motives and intentions, including how honest he's being?"
DM: "Sure, go ahead."
Serena: "Natural twenty! Plus seven."
DM: "He hates you."
=====
Serena has a philosophical discussion with the gang leader, mostly her lecturing him about bad things eventually happening to bad people who do bad things to others, and suggesting the virtue and stability that comes from the extra effort of honest work. Meanwhile Nu is going to loot the gang's strongbox. They have the key but, being from a very low tech swamp environment, are unfamiliar with how to properly use it.
Ferrin: "Now turn it."
Nu: *ooc* "I try to turn the whole lock."
Ferrin: "No, just turn the key."
Nu: "Huh?"
Serena: "Twist it like a dagger after you stab somebody and want to make them bleed a whole lot really fast."
Nu: "Oohhhhhhhh." *ooc* "I open it properly."
=====
On the way back to the tavern/inn to tally our loot and determine our next move, the DM notes that the dozen or so dead gang members we threw off the pier are still just floating next to the wharf, and it's almost dawn.
Nu: "Maybe if you jump on them gas will come out" *ooc* "I jump down and try to stomp on the bodies."
DM: "Roll a Dex save." *4* "You land on the pile of floating, soggy corpses and fall down, getting tangled in the arms in legs."
While we're discussing plans and considering a riverboat journey that would take several weeks, Nu's player is looking over wildshape stats and doing math.
Nu: *ooc* "If I take a level of exhaustion I can get there in a day. Wow, giant eagles are fast."
Buying supplies from a marketplace merchant, the discussion causes the DM to call for history checks. Xanlar gets a nat 1 and does not have a bonus.
DM: " Xanlar is too busy flirting with this lady over here. 'No I don't want to see your dagger. Pointy and has an eye? Sounds really pervy.'"
=====
As we close the session, preparing to secure passage, the crazy fishmonger is heard shouting in the distance.
Fish Monger: ""Human limbs! Hum- I mean chicken wings! I got fresh chicken wings!"
My Dwarf character after taking 6 Hit Points at level 2 from a Mimic: "Tis but a Scratch!" Within the same session after encountering a Gynosphinx to allow us through to the Cleric in our party: "Tickle its chin and see he likes that?"
"Can a wizard cast spells?" (yes, someone actually said that)
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Pronouns: he/him/his.
My posting scheduled is irregular: sometimes I can post twice a week, sometimes twice a day. I may also respond to quick questions, but ignore harder responses in favor of time.
My location is where my character for my home game is (we're doing the wild beyond the witchlight).
"The Doomvault... Probably full of unicorns and rainbows." -An imaginary quote
My character wanted to find a mayonnaise container. Two nat 20s later, he had transformed a cauldron into a gigantic teapot on wheels.
He then bribed some kobolds with two gallons mayonnaise, but the mayonnaise ended up rancid.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Pronouns: he/him/his.
My posting scheduled is irregular: sometimes I can post twice a week, sometimes twice a day. I may also respond to quick questions, but ignore harder responses in favor of time.
My location is where my character for my home game is (we're doing the wild beyond the witchlight).
"The Doomvault... Probably full of unicorns and rainbows." -An imaginary quote
My character wanted to find a mayonnaise container. Two nat 20s later, he had transformed a cauldron into a gigantic teapot on wheels.
He then bribed some kobolds with two gallons mayonnaise, but the mayonnaise ended up rancid.
Just get an alchemy jug. One of their functions is literally creating mayonnaise.
That was what I did (using artificer infusions), where else would I get two gallons of mayonnaise?
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Pronouns: he/him/his.
My posting scheduled is irregular: sometimes I can post twice a week, sometimes twice a day. I may also respond to quick questions, but ignore harder responses in favor of time.
My location is where my character for my home game is (we're doing the wild beyond the witchlight).
"The Doomvault... Probably full of unicorns and rainbows." -An imaginary quote
Note, this is probably what happens when all the player's personal backgrounds are unraveled:
Half-Elf Fighter, that is kinda a crime boss of a mafia family: "I am here to buy taverns to smuggle shit, why the flying **** is our werewolf cleric battling it out with the fiend-mom from our rogue, whose golden dragon father is torching the city while also fighting the kobold genie warlock's red dragon and our warforged echo knight is punching said air genie who is opening a portal to the astral plane where the brother of our leonin monk is being held and WHERE DID KEYLETH COME FROM AND WHY IS SHE SCREAMING SOMETHING ABOUT THE ELEMENTAL PLANE OF AIR??? I just wanted whiskey!"
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Nugz - Kobold Level 4 Bloodhunter/Order of the Mutant - Out there looking for snacks and evil monsters.
Ultrix Schwarzdorn - Human Level 6 Artificer/Armorer - Retired and works in his new shop.
Quercus Espenkiel - Gnome Level 9 Wizard/Order of Scribes - Turned into a book and sits on a shelf.
Artin - Fairy Level 4 Sorcerer/Wild Magic - Busy with annoying the townsfolk. Again.
Jabor - Fire Genasi - Level 4 Wizard/School of Evocation - The First Flame, The Last Chaos. Probably in jail, again.
Note, this is probably what happens when all the player's personal backgrounds are unraveled:
Half-Elf Fighter, that is kinda a crime boss of a mafia family: "I am here to buy taverns to smuggle shit, why the flying **** is our werewolf cleric battling it out with the fiend-mom from our rogue, whose golden dragon father is torching the city while also fighting the kobold genie warlock's red dragon and our warforged echo knight is punching said air genie who is opening a portal to the astral plane where the brother of our leonin monk is being held and WHERE DID KEYLETH COME FROM AND WHY IS SHE SCREAMING SOMETHING ABOUT THE ELEMENTAL PLANE OF AIR??? I just wanted whiskey!"
Party of eight- Aria, air genasi druid, Jackbrass, warforged fighter, Petra, half-hobgoblin cleric, Tivian, dragonborn rogue, Ozz, goblin ranger, Kiv, dragonborn bard, and an elf monk whose name I somehow cannot remember.
(context: Jackbrass was controlled by a sentient mace he was using and started attacking everyone. He straight-up killed Tivian and Petra ran at him to try and stop him. He critted her with the mace, dealt almost max damage, and one-shotted her. However, they R E A L L Y needed a cleric and the DM was feeling merciful, so he made her deity revive her. Basically she got hit so hard her head caved in and like- half exploded ((it was very descriptive)) and then was brought back in a dramatic flash of light)
Petra: "soooo... what happened back there? Everyone's looking at me weird, all I remember was Jackbrass coming at me with that mace and then, it hurt, and then there was... light? and a voice?"
Aria: "Your head exploded, Petra. It exploded and then you like re-formed. Don't know where you heard a voice though, that's weird."
Petra (looking down at herself, she is spattered with... head): "Wait this is like- head juices?"
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she/any - member of the spider guild :D - official elesh norn enthusiast
Strangely I was going to post that, then saw your comment.
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This isn't actually a signature, just something I copy and paste onto the bottom of all my posts. Or is it? Yep, it is. Or is it..? I’m a hobbit, and the master cranial imploder of the "Oops, I Accidently Destroyed Someone's Brain" cult. Extended sig. I'm actually in Limbo, it says I'm in Mechanus because that's where I get my WiFi from. Please don't tell the modrons, they're still angry from the 'Spawning Stone' fiasco. No connection to Dragonslayer8 other than knowing them in real life.
Strangely I was going to post that, then saw your comment.
Well, great minds think alike...
Though fools seldom differ...
Not sure why everyone forgets the second part of that quote.
I actually didn't know it had two parts. It does seem familiar though...
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
This isn't actually a signature, just something I copy and paste onto the bottom of all my posts. Or is it? Yep, it is. Or is it..? I’m a hobbit, and the master cranial imploder of the "Oops, I Accidently Destroyed Someone's Brain" cult. Extended sig. I'm actually in Limbo, it says I'm in Mechanus because that's where I get my WiFi from. Please don't tell the modrons, they're still angry from the 'Spawning Stone' fiasco. No connection to Dragonslayer8 other than knowing them in real life.
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That is a very smart prisoner! Good one.
"We had one chance to reclass and we STILL didn't pick a healing class?!"
Eighth level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Venn (tiefling sorcerer), Xanlar (half elf paladin), and Nu (axolotl shifter druid), plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger), Al (halfling cleric), and Pin the kobold.
Fighting the bandits we chased back to their hideout.
DM: "This guy will attack Xanlar even though he isn't the biggest threat"
Nu: "My kids!"
=====
Nu: "I'm gonna move over here and cast tidal wave!"
DM: "From that angle you'll hit two of your 'kids' if you want to get the bandit lieutenant, this other guy, and the mage."
Nu: "Hm. Okay, I guess they have to die."
Ferrin: "Nobody gets to hurt Nu's summons except for Nu."
DM: "How do you describe your tidal wave?"
Nu: "It's the big water!"
DM: "Okay. That is definitely a description."
The spell kills two of Nu's little anklebiters, the lieutenant, and the non-mage bandit. The mage is next in initiative.
Nu: "Are you scared yet? I killed your boss!"
=====
Ferrin: "How does the mage look?"
DM: "Really wet, still dripping with water from Nu's spell."
Ferrin: ""Let's dry him off. I cast firebolt at him."
The last bandit we're fighting throws down his weapon and shouts his surrender, begging for mercy. Serena is next in initiative.
Ferrin: "Are you going to kill an unarmed man? Like, again?"
Serena: "Ugh. I kind of can't. I want to, but I probably shouldn't."
As several PCs are now deeper into the hideout, the DM reveals more map and describes a lone man in a newly visible hallway, leaning against the wall and smiling.
Nu: "I don't think I like that."
DM: "Ferrin, you're up, are you going to attack the last bandit you can see?"
Ferrin: "Well, Serena seems like she's trying to interrogate the guy so that'd be kind of a dick move."
Nu decides to cast polymorph on the creepy guy down the hall, who we're suspecting is the leader of the gang. All we know of him is that people in town are terrified of him. He saves against the spell.
Gang Leader: "Is that really necessary? I just wanted to talk, and you've already killed my men."
Nu: "Well that's unfortunate. Are we gonna kill this guy too?"
Serena: "I don't know yet. I'd like to just talk, but stay ready just in case."
There's an exchange with the gang leader explaining that he sent his goons to attack the tavern/inn we were staying at because he learned we were back in town after having killed several of his men least time.
Serena: "They tried to mug me."
Ferrin: "Yeah, wasn't that over like four copper pieces?
Serena: "Yeah, the guy was posing as a beggar and took the four copper I gave him as a sign it was worth trying to attack somebody wearing weapons and heavy armor."
Gang Leader: "Not all of my subordinates have been particularly smart. But you also killed one of my favorite pets in that fight."
Serena: "You mean that huge seaweed monster they called Mr. Tickles? That thing was gross. And stinky."
Gang Leader: "He was like a son to me."
Nu: "You birthed that guy? Wow!"
The gang leader says he can't defeat us and offers anything he can give us in exchange for his life and freedom. He promises to reform.
Serena: "Can I roll intuition to determine his real motives and intentions, including how honest he's being?"
DM: "Sure, go ahead."
Serena: "Natural twenty! Plus seven."
DM: "He hates you."
=====
Serena has a philosophical discussion with the gang leader, mostly her lecturing him about bad things eventually happening to bad people who do bad things to others, and suggesting the virtue and stability that comes from the extra effort of honest work. Meanwhile Nu is going to loot the gang's strongbox. They have the key but, being from a very low tech swamp environment, are unfamiliar with how to properly use it.
Ferrin: "Now turn it."
Nu: *ooc* "I try to turn the whole lock."
Ferrin: "No, just turn the key."
Nu: "Huh?"
Serena: "Twist it like a dagger after you stab somebody and want to make them bleed a whole lot really fast."
Nu: "Oohhhhhhhh." *ooc* "I open it properly."
=====
On the way back to the tavern/inn to tally our loot and determine our next move, the DM notes that the dozen or so dead gang members we threw off the pier are still just floating next to the wharf, and it's almost dawn.
Nu: "Maybe if you jump on them gas will come out" *ooc* "I jump down and try to stomp on the bodies."
DM: "Roll a Dex save." *4* "You land on the pile of floating, soggy corpses and fall down, getting tangled in the arms in legs."
Nu: *completely calm, monotonous deadpan* "Help. Help."
Serena: "Nu can breathe in water, right?"
Nu: "Help."
DM: "Yes, they can."
Nu: "Help."
Serena: "Okay, I'll lean down to help them out."
=====
While we're discussing plans and considering a riverboat journey that would take several weeks, Nu's player is looking over wildshape stats and doing math.
Nu: *ooc* "If I take a level of exhaustion I can get there in a day. Wow, giant eagles are fast."
Buying supplies from a marketplace merchant, the discussion causes the DM to call for history checks. Xanlar gets a nat 1 and does not have a bonus.
DM: " Xanlar is too busy flirting with this lady over here. 'No I don't want to see your dagger. Pointy and has an eye? Sounds really pervy.'"
=====
As we close the session, preparing to secure passage, the crazy fishmonger is heard shouting in the distance.
Fish Monger: ""Human limbs! Hum- I mean chicken wings! I got fresh chicken wings!"
My Dwarf character after taking 6 Hit Points at level 2 from a Mimic: "Tis but a Scratch!"
Within the same session after encountering a Gynosphinx to allow us through to the Cleric in our party: "Tickle its chin and see he likes that?"
G Slayer105
"I stab him in the heart...nat 1"
"He slaps burger bro in the face! 30 bludgeoning + 10 necrotic! BURGER BRO DIES!!!"
Back in black baby
(My campaigns revolve around humor)
"I whip out my secret cane and throw it at his face and then mug him for the sun sword!'
"HOLY CRAP A KITTEN IS EATING MY FAAAACCEEE"
"Dude your getting pizza on the character sheet." Dm: "GIANT PEPORONI SLICES CRUSH SLUDGE MCGEE"
Back in black baby
"Can a wizard cast spells?" (yes, someone actually said that)
Pronouns: he/him/his.
My posting scheduled is irregular: sometimes I can post twice a week, sometimes twice a day. I may also respond to quick questions, but ignore harder responses in favor of time.
My location is where my character for my home game is (we're doing the wild beyond the witchlight).
"The Doomvault... Probably full of unicorns and rainbows." -An imaginary quote
"For MAYONNAISE!"
My character wanted to find a mayonnaise container. Two nat 20s later, he had transformed a cauldron into a gigantic teapot on wheels.
He then bribed some kobolds with two gallons mayonnaise, but the mayonnaise ended up rancid.
Pronouns: he/him/his.
My posting scheduled is irregular: sometimes I can post twice a week, sometimes twice a day. I may also respond to quick questions, but ignore harder responses in favor of time.
My location is where my character for my home game is (we're doing the wild beyond the witchlight).
"The Doomvault... Probably full of unicorns and rainbows." -An imaginary quote
Just get an alchemy jug. One of their functions is literally creating mayonnaise.
Supreme Cat-lover Of The First Grade
I AM A CAT PERSON. /\_____/\
She/her pronouns please. (=^.^=)
That was what I did (using artificer infusions), where else would I get two gallons of mayonnaise?
Pronouns: he/him/his.
My posting scheduled is irregular: sometimes I can post twice a week, sometimes twice a day. I may also respond to quick questions, but ignore harder responses in favor of time.
My location is where my character for my home game is (we're doing the wild beyond the witchlight).
"The Doomvault... Probably full of unicorns and rainbows." -An imaginary quote
From the Tales of Adventurer's Tavern II:
Lulu, a talking criminal ferret, walks up to Nia, a kalashtar detective on the side of the law.
"So..... bit confused. Would you support criminal endeavors? What if I gave you a duck smoothie?
Frequent Eladrin || They/Them, but accept all pronouns
Luz Noceda would like to remind you that you're worth loving!
Note, this is probably what happens when all the player's personal backgrounds are unraveled:
Half-Elf Fighter, that is kinda a crime boss of a mafia family: "I am here to buy taverns to smuggle shit, why the flying **** is our werewolf cleric battling it out with the fiend-mom from our rogue, whose golden dragon father is torching the city while also fighting the kobold genie warlock's red dragon and our warforged echo knight is punching said air genie who is opening a portal to the astral plane where the brother of our leonin monk is being held and WHERE DID KEYLETH COME FROM AND WHY IS SHE SCREAMING SOMETHING ABOUT THE ELEMENTAL PLANE OF AIR??? I just wanted whiskey!"
Nugz - Kobold Level 4 Bloodhunter/Order of the Mutant - Out there looking for snacks and evil monsters.
Ultrix Schwarzdorn - Human Level 6 Artificer/Armorer - Retired and works in his new shop.
Quercus Espenkiel - Gnome Level 9 Wizard/Order of Scribes - Turned into a book and sits on a shelf.
Artin - Fairy Level 4 Sorcerer/Wild Magic - Busy with annoying the townsfolk. Again.
Jabor - Fire Genasi - Level 4 Wizard/School of Evocation - The First Flame, The Last Chaos. Probably in jail, again.
Sounds like a typical D&D session with friends
Party of eight- Aria, air genasi druid, Jackbrass, warforged fighter, Petra, half-hobgoblin cleric, Tivian, dragonborn rogue, Ozz, goblin ranger, Kiv, dragonborn bard, and an elf monk whose name I somehow cannot remember.
(context: Jackbrass was controlled by a sentient mace he was using and started attacking everyone. He straight-up killed Tivian and Petra ran at him to try and stop him. He critted her with the mace, dealt almost max damage, and one-shotted her. However, they R E A L L Y needed a cleric and the DM was feeling merciful, so he made her deity revive her. Basically she got hit so hard her head caved in and like- half exploded ((it was very descriptive)) and then was brought back in a dramatic flash of light)
Petra: "soooo... what happened back there? Everyone's looking at me weird, all I remember was Jackbrass coming at me with that mace and then, it hurt, and then there was... light? and a voice?"
Aria: "Your head exploded, Petra. It exploded and then you like re-formed. Don't know where you heard a voice though, that's weird."
Petra (looking down at herself, she is spattered with... head): "Wait this is like- head juices?"
she/any - member of the spider guild :D - official elesh norn enthusiast
current characters:
-Zalia Moonkeeper, tiefling abjuration wizard/alchemist artificer
-Philomena Silverthread, changeling assassin rogue
-Glass, kenku vengeance paladin
Other group- (i feel like this one is better without context)
"Wait, it's SQUISHY?"
"Oh no eww what if we have squishy disease now, they were stabbing us..."
"It's fine, I'm a pAladin. I can cure squishy disease."
she/any - member of the spider guild :D - official elesh norn enthusiast
current characters:
-Zalia Moonkeeper, tiefling abjuration wizard/alchemist artificer
-Philomena Silverthread, changeling assassin rogue
-Glass, kenku vengeance paladin
Aren't we all.
Looking for a campaign? Or, perhaps, trying to start one? Come join Rolegate! Just send me a friend request (same name as here) and I'll help you get started!
Ducks are just geese lite. Focus on the future. It'll become the past soon enough.
Istari and White Counsel in Club. Not the wish-granter of a thread.
Become a Plague Doctor today!
Join the Knights of the Random Table and Calius and Kothar Industries!
Homebrew: Artifact, Dungeon
May be offline due to school
Strangely I was going to post that, then saw your comment.
This isn't actually a signature, just something I copy and paste onto the bottom of all my posts. Or is it? Yep, it is. Or is it..? I’m a hobbit, and the master cranial imploder of the "Oops, I Accidently Destroyed Someone's Brain" cult. Extended sig. I'm actually in Limbo, it says I'm in Mechanus because that's where I get my WiFi from. Please don't tell the modrons, they're still angry from the 'Spawning Stone' fiasco.
No connection to Dragonslayer8 other than knowing them in real life.
Well, great minds think alike...
Though fools seldom differ...
Not sure why everyone forgets the second part of that quote.
Looking for a campaign? Or, perhaps, trying to start one? Come join Rolegate! Just send me a friend request (same name as here) and I'll help you get started!
Ducks are just geese lite. Focus on the future. It'll become the past soon enough.
Istari and White Counsel in Club. Not the wish-granter of a thread.
Become a Plague Doctor today!
Join the Knights of the Random Table and Calius and Kothar Industries!
Homebrew: Artifact, Dungeon
May be offline due to school
I actually didn't know it had two parts. It does seem familiar though...
This isn't actually a signature, just something I copy and paste onto the bottom of all my posts. Or is it? Yep, it is. Or is it..? I’m a hobbit, and the master cranial imploder of the "Oops, I Accidently Destroyed Someone's Brain" cult. Extended sig. I'm actually in Limbo, it says I'm in Mechanus because that's where I get my WiFi from. Please don't tell the modrons, they're still angry from the 'Spawning Stone' fiasco.
No connection to Dragonslayer8 other than knowing them in real life.