In a room with an enemy cleric, mage, soldier, and a very colorfully dressed bard with a guitar and ridiculously plumed fedora. The cleric and soldier are by FAR the most threatening members of the enemy, having knocked one party member each.
"No I'm not going for the soldier, I roll to hit the flamboyant man with the guitar."
"Why?"
"I don't like flamboyant men with guitars."
"Fair enough."
*Rolls 24 to hit and smites, killing him.* As he sinks to the ground, "Your hat will be mine, fancy man."
On the next turn, I immediately got critted by the soldier I ignored and took a spear to the back for 19 damage, knocking me out of the fight. But hey, I got to keep the hat.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Life is very busy unfortunately, gone from most Pbp's indefinitely. If you'd like to contact me, I am on Discord at GreatAxeblade#7595, always happy to chat :)
*a couple years back, party found the Flesh Golem that was terrorizing the town every fortnight*
Player 4: "Let's go kill Frankenstein." Player 3: "It's the monster, not Frankenstein." Player 4: "Who cares?" Player 3: "No! It's important that the creature from Frankenstein doesn't have a name!" DM: "Why are we discussing thi-?" Player 3: "It's like this. His creator despised him so much that he was never given an-" Player 5: "Somebody stop him-." Player 3: "-identity in the world where he was the first and only of his kind. Imagine if Adam was-" DM: "No, seriously-." Player 3: "-never given a name and despised for being imperfect? ..." DM: "... Are you finished?" Player 3: "... And another thing, people don't understand that Dracu-" Player 2: *covers Player 3's mouth* "He's finished."
Happy impending Halloween!💀
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
I see they enjoy reading old horror stories. I want to read Frakenstein and Dracula at some point.
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This isn't actually a signature, just something I copy and paste onto the bottom of all my posts. Or is it? Yep, it is. Or is it..? I’m a hobbit, and the master cranial imploder of the "Oops, I Accidently Destroyed Someone's Brain" cult. Extended sig. I'm actually in Limbo, it says I'm in Mechanus because that's where I get my WiFi from. Please don't tell the modrons, they're still angry from the 'Spawning Stone' fiasco. No connection to Dragonslayer8 other than knowing them in real life.
I see they enjoy reading old horror stories. I want to read Frakenstein and Dracula at some point.
Reading Frankenstein now. You should read it. It's good.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Life is very busy unfortunately, gone from most Pbp's indefinitely. If you'd like to contact me, I am on Discord at GreatAxeblade#7595, always happy to chat :)
I see they enjoy reading old horror stories. I want to read Frakenstein and Dracula at some point.
Reading Frankenstein now. You should read it. It's good.
Frankenstein is a classic of literature, and unlike at least a few "classics" I actually found it great to read. The one annoying part for me was that it's written in a romantic style with the sorts of flowery wording and such that can literally put me to sleep. I would read a couple dozen pages and get to the point that I was trying to keep reading because I wanted to see what happened next but I was nodding off so I'd have to take a mini-nap for about ten minutes before continuing on. Excellent story, though.
I see they enjoy reading old horror stories. I want to read Frakenstein and Dracula at some point.
Reading Frankenstein now. You should read it. It's good.
I’ll see if my library has it.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
This isn't actually a signature, just something I copy and paste onto the bottom of all my posts. Or is it? Yep, it is. Or is it..? I’m a hobbit, and the master cranial imploder of the "Oops, I Accidently Destroyed Someone's Brain" cult. Extended sig. I'm actually in Limbo, it says I'm in Mechanus because that's where I get my WiFi from. Please don't tell the modrons, they're still angry from the 'Spawning Stone' fiasco. No connection to Dragonslayer8 other than knowing them in real life.
Our rogue hopped onto the headboard on a bed of a sleeping NPC that we needed to warn about assassins. He woke up the NPC and said, "Hurry there's no time get on my back." The NPC was a fully grown man, and we all died laughing.
This Mug immediately shared with me a transcendental tale of an Infinite Mug that anchors the Universe and keeps it from folding in on itself. I filed this report under "illogical nonsense" and asked why its sign is in Times New Roman font, when it is basic knowledge that Arial Black is a far superior font. I wondered: How did this mug even get past the assembly line with its theistic beliefs and poor font choices?
quote from Romantically Apocalyptic byVitaly S Alexius
Background; one player is self-professed bad for metagaming, as he has read nearly everything and absorbs info like a sponge - great for rules but has to fight it to not use it as a player!
DM (me): "A great mound of magma rises up from behind you in the lake (of lava), and reveals itself to be a huge beast of magma, with fiery wings and an evil grin". I used a random piece of art which looked about right for the token.
Player: "I have to say, neither from the description or the token can I say what this thing is!"
Me: "That, is because it's homebrew."
Player: "No! My one weakness!"
Me (in my best league of gentlemen voice): "We'll have no metagaming here!"
I see they enjoy reading old horror stories. I want to read Frakenstein and Dracula at some point.
Reading Frankenstein now. You should read it. It's good.
I’ll see if my library has it.
Both Frankenstein and Dracula are old enough to be in the public domain, so if you don't mind reading ebooks, you can legally download them both for free.
=========================== Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters: Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
I see they enjoy reading old horror stories. I want to read Frakenstein and Dracula at some point.
Reading Frankenstein now. You should read it. It's good.
I’ll see if my library has it.
Both Frankenstein and Dracula are old enough to be in the public domain, so if you don't mind reading ebooks, you can legally download them both for free.
This isn't actually a signature, just something I copy and paste onto the bottom of all my posts. Or is it? Yep, it is. Or is it..? I’m a hobbit, and the master cranial imploder of the "Oops, I Accidently Destroyed Someone's Brain" cult. Extended sig. I'm actually in Limbo, it says I'm in Mechanus because that's where I get my WiFi from. Please don't tell the modrons, they're still angry from the 'Spawning Stone' fiasco. No connection to Dragonslayer8 other than knowing them in real life.
Eighth level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Venn (tiefling sorcerer), Xanlar (half elf paladin), and Nu (axolotl shifter druid), plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger), Al (halfling cleric), and Pin the kobold.
Nu's summoned mini-raptor axolotls (eight of them with two attacks each) come up in initiative.
Nu: "Kids' turn!"
Ferrin: "You mean the dinosaur machine gun."
As the fight spills out into the main street, we notice more thugs approaching including one larger one in a hooded cloak.
Ferrin: "Why do I hear boss music all the sudden?"
Ferrin steps into the doorway to cast a firebolt at an enemy in the street.
Ferrin: "Hmm, Serena's in my way to attack that guy."
Serena: "You have plenty of movement. You could just step around me."
Ferrin: "I don't want to go outside! I have an AC of ten!"
Serena's upcast spiritual weapon crits on the thug she's fighting.
DM: "That will finish him. Describe it."
Serena: "Overhand strike right on top of his skull. Big crunch."
DM: "Roll a Dex save."
Serena: "Four. What, is he exploding or something?"
Ferrin "Probably his head exploding with blood."
DM: "All over your face and some right in your mouth.""
Serena: "Ack! Pthooie! Gross!"
Shortly later...
Nu: "Does anybody look hurt?"
DM: "Serena looks pretty bloody, but most of it does not appear to be hers."
Serena: "I've only taken a bit of fire and lightning damage. None of the blood is mine. And it's gross."
Nu: "If you don't like it then why are you always covered in it so much?"
Ferrin finally comes out and is about to cast a spell in sight of Nu.
Nu: "No, Ferrin! No casting spells! Bad things happen when you cast spells!"
Ferrin: "That ritual thing worked, the backlash isn't as bad now. Sort of."
Serena: "I think Nu has PTSD after spending too much time right next to you in our last fight."
Nu summons a bunch of pixies and gets the last thug with a polymorph.
DM: "He fails the save. What are you turning him into?"
Nu: "A caterpillar!"
Serena: "Okay, it's going to be difficult to interrogate a bug, but that definitely ended the fight."
A bunch of prostitutes in and outside of a nearby brothel are yelling about the noise (we chased the last guy up the street, and it's in the middle of the night).
Serena: "Carry on! We're all done! Nothing to see here! Go back to sleep!"
Prostitute: "You can come sleep with me, for a fee!"
Serena: "I told you last time I'm not interested!"
Surveying the aftermath of the fight with fourteen dead thugs in and around the tavern (and one as a caterpillar in a glass vial).
Serena: "They definitely started all this, but is it just me or are we bad at de-escalating?"
Ferrin: "Says the sparkly magical girl covered in blood."
Serena: "I didn't start casting flashy spells until the fight was already loud and obvious. And I didn't turn into a glowing angelic avatar this time."
Ferrin: "You did summon one in the tavern."
Serena: "That was inside, doesn't count."
Sitting in the tavern, corpses still around, caterpillar in a vial on the table.
Nu: "So what do we do with the caterpillar?"
Pin: "I could eat it."
Serena: "No, you won't. We need to figure out how to interrogate him but he's not going to be happy when the spell ends."
Nu: *pushing a dead thug off the table* "Not food."
Nu goes to find the bartender who's cowering and panicking in the kitchen.
Bartender: "Don't hurt me! Take whatever you want! I don't want to die!"
Nu: "I'm not going to hurt you. I'm Nu!"
Bartender: "You're what?"
Nu: "Why did those guys attack this place?"
Bartender: "I don't know! I've always payed their damn protection money. And now everything's wrecked!"
Nu: "There's a bunch of dead bodies all over the place but I don't think anything's broken. It's really messy though."
Bartender: "Dead bodies? I don't want to be a dead body!"
Serena: "Relax, we're not going to hurt you. We're the good guys, not scary thugs like the other guys. We killed them all."
Ferrin: "We're not scary? Says the girl covered in blood casually talking killing about people?"
Serena: "We're not scary. We're just bad at de-escalating. And they had it coming for being horrible bastards. Anyways, sir, this caterpillar here seemed to be in charge of those horrible bastards until my little pink friend here polymorphed him."
Bartender: "You turned a guy into a bug?!?"
Nu: "No. She didn't, I did!"
Serena: "Okay, Nu actually can be kind of scary sometimes."
Ferrin: "Nu isn't covered in other people's blood."
Serena: "Hush, you. So anyways, good sir, do you have a cellar of secure pantry or somewhere that we could close off easily and prevent this guy from escaping so we can turn him back into a dragonborn and ask him some questions about why him and his goons came here to presumably trash your tavern? Which we prevented, by the way. You're welcome."
Ferrin: "You tell him we're not scary then ask if we can use his basement to torture a prisoner?
Serena: "Interrogate. Not torture. If he doesn't talk we can just kill him cleanly, which is better than he deserves."
Bartender: "I don't have a basement! But you can have free drinks! Just don't hurt me, please!"
After looting the bodies of the thugs and unceremoniously tossing them off the nearby wharf, we're back inside having a drink and examining some mysterious parcels a few of the leaders had (they had amulets of the gang's emblem to mark them as being important), and after a low roll one explodes.
DM: "Now things in the bar are broken."
Serena: "Can I start casting mending on things to try repairing them?"
DM: "You manage to reattach three of the table's four legs so it is only a little wobbly. When you're finished you notice Pin is behind you holding up his pants."
Pin: "That's a neat trick, can you fix these? They have some holes in them."
Serena: "Yes, I'll mend the pants. Now please put them back on."
After deciding to have one of Nu's pixies drop the caterpillar flask into the ocean from very high up [Nu: "If something falls far enough, hitting water is like concrete!"], we finish our interrupted long rest (less than an hour of interruption, RAW) and head to the gang's HQ which is very close.
Ferrin: "So are we going to try sneaking in the back or something?"
Serena: "I'm bad at sneaking around and we should at least give them a chance to de-escalate and back down after we took out most of their gang." *Banging on the front door at about four in the morning* "Hello! Good morning! Do you have a moment to hear about how the holy light of Pelor can cleanse away your sins and lead you to a righteous life even if you've just been horrible bastards up until now?!"
From inside: "%$@# you!"
Serena: "I'm giving you a chance to talk this out peacefully! Have you figured out what happened to a bunch of your buddies just a couple hours ago?
From inside: "They ran into some *****!"
Serena: "Now that's just uncalled for! I'm trying to be nice here!"
From inside: "Come on in and we'll show your real nice!"
Serena: "So much for de-escalating. I step back twenty feet and cast spiritual weapon at fourth level to bash open the door."
Why would a wizard ever have a Dex of 10? Mine always hav Dex as their second highest stats.
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This isn't actually a signature, just something I copy and paste onto the bottom of all my posts. Or is it? Yep, it is. Or is it..? I’m a hobbit, and the master cranial imploder of the "Oops, I Accidently Destroyed Someone's Brain" cult. Extended sig. I'm actually in Limbo, it says I'm in Mechanus because that's where I get my WiFi from. Please don't tell the modrons, they're still angry from the 'Spawning Stone' fiasco. No connection to Dragonslayer8 other than knowing them in real life.
Ferrin's(wizard) player here! He was built less for stats and more around the 'condition' mentioned in previous posts. So his physical stats are absolutely terrible.
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"Hey, it's OUR suicide, so be at least helpful!"
In a room with an enemy cleric, mage, soldier, and a very colorfully dressed bard with a guitar and ridiculously plumed fedora. The cleric and soldier are by FAR the most threatening members of the enemy, having knocked one party member each.
"No I'm not going for the soldier, I roll to hit the flamboyant man with the guitar."
"Why?"
"I don't like flamboyant men with guitars."
"Fair enough."
*Rolls 24 to hit and smites, killing him.* As he sinks to the ground, "Your hat will be mine, fancy man."
On the next turn, I immediately got critted by the soldier I ignored and took a spear to the back for 19 damage, knocking me out of the fight. But hey, I got to keep the hat.
Life is very busy unfortunately, gone from most Pbp's indefinitely.
If you'd like to contact me, I am on Discord at GreatAxeblade#7595, always happy to chat :)
Homebrew races: ~Otterfolk! Play as a otter!~ Playable Dryad! (Literally just the monster sheet ported to player race)
Sauce Archpriest!- Join the Supreme Court of Sauces! Join the Cult of Cults! EXTENDED SIGNATURE Tooltips
*a couple years back, party found the Flesh Golem that was terrorizing the town every fortnight*
Player 4: "Let's go kill Frankenstein."
Player 3: "It's the monster, not Frankenstein."
Player 4: "Who cares?"
Player 3: "No! It's important that the creature from Frankenstein doesn't have a name!"
DM: "Why are we discussing thi-?"
Player 3: "It's like this. His creator despised him so much that he was never given an-"
Player 5: "Somebody stop him-."
Player 3: "-identity in the world where he was the first and only of his kind. Imagine if Adam was-"
DM: "No, seriously-."
Player 3: "-never given a name and despised for being imperfect? ..."
DM: "... Are you finished?"
Player 3: "... And another thing, people don't understand that Dracu-"
Player 2: *covers Player 3's mouth* "He's finished."
Happy impending Halloween!💀
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
I see they enjoy reading old horror stories. I want to read Frakenstein and Dracula at some point.
This isn't actually a signature, just something I copy and paste onto the bottom of all my posts. Or is it? Yep, it is. Or is it..? I’m a hobbit, and the master cranial imploder of the "Oops, I Accidently Destroyed Someone's Brain" cult. Extended sig. I'm actually in Limbo, it says I'm in Mechanus because that's where I get my WiFi from. Please don't tell the modrons, they're still angry from the 'Spawning Stone' fiasco.
No connection to Dragonslayer8 other than knowing them in real life.
Reading Frankenstein now. You should read it. It's good.
Life is very busy unfortunately, gone from most Pbp's indefinitely.
If you'd like to contact me, I am on Discord at GreatAxeblade#7595, always happy to chat :)
Homebrew races: ~Otterfolk! Play as a otter!~ Playable Dryad! (Literally just the monster sheet ported to player race)
Sauce Archpriest!- Join the Supreme Court of Sauces! Join the Cult of Cults! EXTENDED SIGNATURE Tooltips
Frankenstein is a classic of literature, and unlike at least a few "classics" I actually found it great to read. The one annoying part for me was that it's written in a romantic style with the sorts of flowery wording and such that can literally put me to sleep. I would read a couple dozen pages and get to the point that I was trying to keep reading because I wanted to see what happened next but I was nodding off so I'd have to take a mini-nap for about ten minutes before continuing on. Excellent story, though.
I’ll see if my library has it.
This isn't actually a signature, just something I copy and paste onto the bottom of all my posts. Or is it? Yep, it is. Or is it..? I’m a hobbit, and the master cranial imploder of the "Oops, I Accidently Destroyed Someone's Brain" cult. Extended sig. I'm actually in Limbo, it says I'm in Mechanus because that's where I get my WiFi from. Please don't tell the modrons, they're still angry from the 'Spawning Stone' fiasco.
No connection to Dragonslayer8 other than knowing them in real life.
Our rogue hopped onto the headboard on a bed of a sleeping NPC that we needed to warn about assassins. He woke up the NPC and said, "Hurry there's no time get on my back." The NPC was a fully grown man, and we all died laughing.
Warlock: “I’m not answering his call.”
DM: “So…your ghosting Asmodeus?”
Yes.
This Mug immediately shared with me a transcendental tale of an Infinite Mug that anchors the Universe and keeps it from folding in on itself. I filed this report under "illogical nonsense" and asked why its sign is in Times New Roman font, when it is basic knowledge that Arial Black is a far superior font. I wondered: How did this mug even get past the assembly line with its theistic beliefs and poor font choices?
quote from Romantically Apocalyptic by Vitaly S Alexius
Background; one player is self-professed bad for metagaming, as he has read nearly everything and absorbs info like a sponge - great for rules but has to fight it to not use it as a player!
DM (me): "A great mound of magma rises up from behind you in the lake (of lava), and reveals itself to be a huge beast of magma, with fiery wings and an evil grin". I used a random piece of art which looked about right for the token.
Player: "I have to say, neither from the description or the token can I say what this thing is!"
Me: "That, is because it's homebrew."
Player: "No! My one weakness!"
Me (in my best league of gentlemen voice): "We'll have no metagaming here!"
(subsequently nearly killed them all - yay!)
Make your Artificer work with any other class with 174 Multiclassing Feats for your Artificer Multiclass Character!
DM's Guild Releases on This Thread Or check them all out on DMs Guild!
DrivethruRPG Releases on This Thread - latest release: My Character is a Werewolf: balanced rules for Lycanthropy!
I have started discussing/reviewing 3rd party D&D content on Substack - stay tuned for semi-regular posts!
Both Frankenstein and Dracula are old enough to be in the public domain, so if you don't mind reading ebooks, you can legally download them both for free.
Frankenstein: https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/84
Dracula: https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/345
===========================
Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters:
Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer
Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
Thanks!
This isn't actually a signature, just something I copy and paste onto the bottom of all my posts. Or is it? Yep, it is. Or is it..? I’m a hobbit, and the master cranial imploder of the "Oops, I Accidently Destroyed Someone's Brain" cult. Extended sig. I'm actually in Limbo, it says I'm in Mechanus because that's where I get my WiFi from. Please don't tell the modrons, they're still angry from the 'Spawning Stone' fiasco.
No connection to Dragonslayer8 other than knowing them in real life.
"I assure you, my butt is not poopy."
Nikolai Buckman | vampire | bard
Solace Redgrove | tiefling | bard
[In combat]
Moss (My character): I want to try and seduce a skeleton.
[Me arguing with one of the players after combat]
Me: That's the reason I wanted to seduce a skeleton! Because why not?
Him: You really wanted to seduce a mindless creature with slightly more brains than a corpse?
Me: Exactly!
Him: That doesn't justify your-
Me: I don't care- I wanted to seduce a skeleton, so I tried to.
Him: That's not helping your case.
Me: That's literally the ONLY reason I tried to!
Him: ...
erm. hello there, 'tis i. not that you know me.
I'm a chaotic neutral bard, the fact that I am the voice of reason here means something has gone horribly wrong
Proud poster on the Create a World thread
Or horribly right.
Looking for a campaign? Or, perhaps, trying to start one? Come join Rolegate! Just send me a friend request (same name as here) and I'll help you get started!
Ducks are just geese lite. Focus on the future. It'll become the past soon enough.
Istari and White Counsel in Club. Not the wish-granter of a thread.
Become a Plague Doctor today!
Join the Knights of the Random Table and Calius and Kothar Industries!
Homebrew: Artifact, Dungeon
May be offline due to school
Eighth level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Venn (tiefling sorcerer), Xanlar (half elf paladin), and Nu (axolotl shifter druid), plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger), Al (halfling cleric), and Pin the kobold.
Nu's summoned mini-raptor axolotls (eight of them with two attacks each) come up in initiative.
Nu: "Kids' turn!"
Ferrin: "You mean the dinosaur machine gun."
As the fight spills out into the main street, we notice more thugs approaching including one larger one in a hooded cloak.
Ferrin: "Why do I hear boss music all the sudden?"
Ferrin steps into the doorway to cast a firebolt at an enemy in the street.
Ferrin: "Hmm, Serena's in my way to attack that guy."
Serena: "You have plenty of movement. You could just step around me."
Ferrin: "I don't want to go outside! I have an AC of ten!"
Serena's upcast spiritual weapon crits on the thug she's fighting.
DM: "That will finish him. Describe it."
Serena: "Overhand strike right on top of his skull. Big crunch."
DM: "Roll a Dex save."
Serena: "Four. What, is he exploding or something?"
Ferrin "Probably his head exploding with blood."
DM: "All over your face and some right in your mouth.""
Serena: "Ack! Pthooie! Gross!"
Shortly later...
Nu: "Does anybody look hurt?"
DM: "Serena looks pretty bloody, but most of it does not appear to be hers."
Serena: "I've only taken a bit of fire and lightning damage. None of the blood is mine. And it's gross."
Nu: "If you don't like it then why are you always covered in it so much?"
Ferrin finally comes out and is about to cast a spell in sight of Nu.
Nu: "No, Ferrin! No casting spells! Bad things happen when you cast spells!"
Ferrin: "That ritual thing worked, the backlash isn't as bad now. Sort of."
Serena: "I think Nu has PTSD after spending too much time right next to you in our last fight."
Nu summons a bunch of pixies and gets the last thug with a polymorph.
DM: "He fails the save. What are you turning him into?"
Nu: "A caterpillar!"
Serena: "Okay, it's going to be difficult to interrogate a bug, but that definitely ended the fight."
A bunch of prostitutes in and outside of a nearby brothel are yelling about the noise (we chased the last guy up the street, and it's in the middle of the night).
Serena: "Carry on! We're all done! Nothing to see here! Go back to sleep!"
Prostitute: "You can come sleep with me, for a fee!"
Serena: "I told you last time I'm not interested!"
Surveying the aftermath of the fight with fourteen dead thugs in and around the tavern (and one as a caterpillar in a glass vial).
Serena: "They definitely started all this, but is it just me or are we bad at de-escalating?"
Ferrin: "Says the sparkly magical girl covered in blood."
Serena: "I didn't start casting flashy spells until the fight was already loud and obvious. And I didn't turn into a glowing angelic avatar this time."
Ferrin: "You did summon one in the tavern."
Serena: "That was inside, doesn't count."
Sitting in the tavern, corpses still around, caterpillar in a vial on the table.
Nu: "So what do we do with the caterpillar?"
Pin: "I could eat it."
Serena: "No, you won't. We need to figure out how to interrogate him but he's not going to be happy when the spell ends."
Nu: *pushing a dead thug off the table* "Not food."
Nu goes to find the bartender who's cowering and panicking in the kitchen.
Bartender: "Don't hurt me! Take whatever you want! I don't want to die!"
Nu: "I'm not going to hurt you. I'm Nu!"
Bartender: "You're what?"
Nu: "Why did those guys attack this place?"
Bartender: "I don't know! I've always payed their damn protection money. And now everything's wrecked!"
Nu: "There's a bunch of dead bodies all over the place but I don't think anything's broken. It's really messy though."
Bartender: "Dead bodies? I don't want to be a dead body!"
Serena: "Relax, we're not going to hurt you. We're the good guys, not scary thugs like the other guys. We killed them all."
Ferrin: "We're not scary? Says the girl covered in blood casually talking killing about people?"
Serena: "We're not scary. We're just bad at de-escalating. And they had it coming for being horrible bastards. Anyways, sir, this caterpillar here seemed to be in charge of those horrible bastards until my little pink friend here polymorphed him."
Bartender: "You turned a guy into a bug?!?"
Nu: "No. She didn't, I did!"
Serena: "Okay, Nu actually can be kind of scary sometimes."
Ferrin: "Nu isn't covered in other people's blood."
Serena: "Hush, you. So anyways, good sir, do you have a cellar of secure pantry or somewhere that we could close off easily and prevent this guy from escaping so we can turn him back into a dragonborn and ask him some questions about why him and his goons came here to presumably trash your tavern? Which we prevented, by the way. You're welcome."
Ferrin: "You tell him we're not scary then ask if we can use his basement to torture a prisoner?
Serena: "Interrogate. Not torture. If he doesn't talk we can just kill him cleanly, which is better than he deserves."
Bartender: "I don't have a basement! But you can have free drinks! Just don't hurt me, please!"
After looting the bodies of the thugs and unceremoniously tossing them off the nearby wharf, we're back inside having a drink and examining some mysterious parcels a few of the leaders had (they had amulets of the gang's emblem to mark them as being important), and after a low roll one explodes.
DM: "Now things in the bar are broken."
Serena: "Can I start casting mending on things to try repairing them?"
DM: "You manage to reattach three of the table's four legs so it is only a little wobbly. When you're finished you notice Pin is behind you holding up his pants."
Pin: "That's a neat trick, can you fix these? They have some holes in them."
Serena: "Yes, I'll mend the pants. Now please put them back on."
After deciding to have one of Nu's pixies drop the caterpillar flask into the ocean from very high up [Nu: "If something falls far enough, hitting water is like concrete!"], we finish our interrupted long rest (less than an hour of interruption, RAW) and head to the gang's HQ which is very close.
Ferrin: "So are we going to try sneaking in the back or something?"
Serena: "I'm bad at sneaking around and we should at least give them a chance to de-escalate and back down after we took out most of their gang." *Banging on the front door at about four in the morning* "Hello! Good morning! Do you have a moment to hear about how the holy light of Pelor can cleanse away your sins and lead you to a righteous life even if you've just been horrible bastards up until now?!"
From inside: "%$@# you!"
Serena: "I'm giving you a chance to talk this out peacefully! Have you figured out what happened to a bunch of your buddies just a couple hours ago?
From inside: "They ran into some *****!"
Serena: "Now that's just uncalled for! I'm trying to be nice here!"
From inside: "Come on in and we'll show your real nice!"
Serena: "So much for de-escalating. I step back twenty feet and cast spiritual weapon at fourth level to bash open the door."
Why would a wizard ever have a Dex of 10? Mine always hav Dex as their second highest stats.
This isn't actually a signature, just something I copy and paste onto the bottom of all my posts. Or is it? Yep, it is. Or is it..? I’m a hobbit, and the master cranial imploder of the "Oops, I Accidently Destroyed Someone's Brain" cult. Extended sig. I'm actually in Limbo, it says I'm in Mechanus because that's where I get my WiFi from. Please don't tell the modrons, they're still angry from the 'Spawning Stone' fiasco.
No connection to Dragonslayer8 other than knowing them in real life.
Ferrin's(wizard) player here!
He was built less for stats and more around the 'condition' mentioned in previous posts. So his physical stats are absolutely terrible.