Rogue: (takes out notepad and spectacles) "Alright, you know the drill...currency goes to our treasurer, barbarian holds on to weapons and armor, provisions to the ranger, trinkets will be evenly distributed...June, don't touch that; that's why we're having this discussion."
Our sorcerer and paladin enter a corridor lined with jail cells. The sorcerer removes an ancient bowl from a pedestal at the end of the hall.
SLAM.
The gate to the corridor bangs shut, trapping us as the doors to the jail cells slide open, and countless ghouls come shambling out to murder us.
The sorcerer wraps their arms around the paladin in a tight embrace and stares intently into his eyes.
"Do you trust me?" the sorcerer breathes.
The paladin is uncomfortable. "Uhh..." he says, not fully comprehending.
"Say YES."
"Holy...yes!"
...and then..."Thunder Step" safely to the other side of the gate.
The sorcerer dusts themselves off. "Way to rise to the challenge, champ," they say with a wink before turning to rejoin the party.
Our paladin is still confused.
Heck, I'm confused. XD
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Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken. Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing. Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan. Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer. Plays god on Saturdays.
The party that I DM for is starting its second adventure. In the first adventure, they saves two nations from a plague by stealing the cure from an enemy nation. Now they're sailing across the sea to accomplish a new mission. They decided they needed a crew name, and they settled on The Plague Dock-ters.
Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken. Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing. Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan. Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer. Plays god on Saturdays.
Playing a Curse of Strahd campaign with a LG cleric (me), a N rangelock, a then-LE fighter, a-then CE fighter, a CN druid, a fighter who i forgot his alignment, another fighter who i also forgot the alignment, the rangelock's wolf, and the LE fighter's 2 hellhounds. We had Strahd's diary in our possession in-game, so our DM let us read it in the campaign sourcebook. We found out about Strahd's crush, and so when he came to us, we all said:
"HAHA WE KNOW YOUR CRUSH HAHA"
Something like that.
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Characters: Borin, mountain dwarf cleric (knowledge) (inactive) Varis Ilphelkiir, high elf bard (swords) (inactive) Reckoner, warforged fighter (eldritch knight) (inactive) Archduke Gerald, half-orc warlock (pact of the fire elemental) (inactive) Kurak of Yini Chai, changeling sorcerer (blue draconic bloodline) (active)
Just ran my first game a few days ago. My mom's character and my sister's character were sent to let an insane semi-yandere warlock know that the necromancer she was harassing had filed a restraining order and that she needed to leave him alone. The warlock wasn't too happy about that.
Sorceress: *Shows the restraining order to the warlock*
Warlock: *Sets the restraining order on fire*
Sorceress: *Writes up a new restraining order, uses disguise self to look like the necromancer, signs the new restraining order and hands it to the warlock* "Honey, I think we should break up.
Warlock: *Attacks the party*
Monk: "...Can I ditch her?"
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Morrigan Corax, The Phantom Queen, Breaker of The Elemental Chains, and Flaming Chicken Cassilia Decalia, Servant of His Xanthous Majesty. "It's not narcissism, it's histrionicism, dearie." Dokuhebi Tsuchinoko, child of the serpent goddess and temporary mother of squidlings Envelope Lastname is going to be the death of me. I'm allergic to fireball
Just ran my first game a few days ago. My mom's character and my sister's character were sent to let an insane semi-yandere warlock know that the necromancer she was harassing had filed a restraining order and that she needed to leave him alone. The warlock wasn't too happy about that.
Sorceress: *Shows the restraining order to the warlock*
Warlock: *Sets the restraining order on fire*
Sorceress: *Writes up a new restraining order, uses disguise self to look like the necromancer, signs the new restraining order and hands it to the warlock* "Honey, I think we should break up.
Warlock: *Attacks the party*
Monk: "...Can I ditch her?"
Hey, Morrigan! Congratulations on starting to DM! And that's hilarious. XD
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Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken. Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing. Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan. Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer. Plays god on Saturdays.
So I had this beholder named Kevin that was always reviving himself. for example, he was a beholder and when he died he turned into a zombie beholder, and then when that died, he turned into a death tyrant. well Kevin had a ability to combine all of his dead bodies to transform into a beholder king.
Kevin: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'm BAAAAAAAAAACK!
Ranger: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *starts raging all over the house* I want to kill him so bad!
(I should probably add nobody in our group is a druid or has anything resembing "speak with animals.")
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=========================== Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters: Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
The party have arrived at a lost tomb being guarded by some goblins and they decide to ask the goblins what they're guarding inside. The goblins have been isolated from the outside world for thousands of years so they don't know common and the PCs don't know goblin, but fortunately the NPC necromancer knows the spell comprehend languages.
Me: The necromancer says that "They are guarding an ancient tomb, the contents of which are a very... 'secret-secret'."
Sorceress: "I want to tell him to ask them if they'll tell us what the 'secret-secret' is if I give them that pretty feather I found."
Me: "After he asks the goblin, you can tell that he is VERY offended."
Sorceress: "...Okay, ask them if they'll tell us the secret for TWO pretty feathers."
Me: "...After he asks them this, the goblins start yelling and attack you."
And, after the necromancer miraculously was able to talk the goblins into not trying to kill them:
Sorceress(OOC): "If I say I'll give them two pretty feathers AND 5 gold, will they tell us the secret?"
Me: "Only if you roll a nat 20 persuasion check."
Sorceress(OOC): "Well, I still want to find out the secret though, so I guess we'll just have to kill the goblins."
Me: "You notice that the cave you have just entered is covered in red glowing crystals"
Supposedly LG Monk: "I say we push Fenmalkor (necromancer npc) into the crystals to see what happens.
CN Sorceress: "What? No! We're not pushing Fenny into the crystals!"
They proceed to argue about it while the necromancer just watches uncomfortably.
- - -
Sorceress: "I use disguise self to look like a goblin, make it look like I've taken Fenny and Cadence prisoner, and tell the goblins that I'm just going to kill those two in the room the goblins are guarding, and sneak past them"
Me: "Okay, well you do that, and the goblins immediately realize you're lying and attack you.
Sorceress: "Ah, crap, it's because goblins can see through disguise self, can't they?"
Me: "No, they can't, it's because disguise self can only make you look up to one foot shorter, and you forgot that they don't speak common and you don't speak goblin, so when the 4'9" goblin speaking a language they didn't know came out of a hidden corridor they didn't know about, they put two and two together pretty quickly."
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Morrigan Corax, The Phantom Queen, Breaker of The Elemental Chains, and Flaming Chicken Cassilia Decalia, Servant of His Xanthous Majesty. "It's not narcissism, it's histrionicism, dearie." Dokuhebi Tsuchinoko, child of the serpent goddess and temporary mother of squidlings Envelope Lastname is going to be the death of me. I'm allergic to fireball
My Fighter was obsessed with two things: Honor & Glory.
So after our party gets split up (yikes), Kalev enters a port along a marketplace and sees his companion fighting two thugs by himself, with a third chucking daggers from a distance.
Now Kalev is a mountain of a man...freakish huge, but VERY polite (because of the honor thing).
So he gets behind the rogue tossing daggers, and gets him in head/arm lock.
Kalev: "Stand down, meddler, and let the others finish their duel!"
The rogue ignores Kalev, and tries to stab Kalev...but Kalev re-directs the dagger, and it goes into the rogue's own neck!
Kalev: "You were warned, friend; stand down and perhaps we might save you from your injury!"
The rogue either doesn't hear him or doesn't care...he tries to stab Kalev with another dagger...
...critical failure. Kalev twists the rogue's arm, and the SECOND dagger goes into the rogue's neck!
By now, Kalev is covered in blood & gore from the rogue he's still got in a headlock; the people around them are screaming and pointing, and the rest of the party watches, rolling their eyes, putting their faces in their hands, and eating popcorn.
The city guard force themselves through the crowd, demanding to know what's going.
At THAT moment...the rogue's body drops onto the ground with a sickening splat, as the wounds to the neck couldn't hold the weight.
Kalev turns to the officers, still holding the rogue's severed head, and says:
"Thank goodness you're here, officers! There is a disturbance!"
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It's true. That's why half-orcs exist!
Please check out my homebrew, I would appreciate feedback:
Spells, Monsters, Subclasses, Races, Arcknight Class, Occultist Class, World, Enigmatic Esoterica forms
In Soviet Russia Bard F**ks you.
The bed in a haunted mansion turns out to be a mimic.
Player: "It's a DEATHBED...!!"
(when the player's third character is killed)
Rogue: (takes out notepad and spectacles) "Alright, you know the drill...currency goes to our treasurer, barbarian holds on to weapons and armor, provisions to the ranger, trinkets will be evenly distributed...June, don't touch that; that's why we're having this discussion."
Our sorcerer and paladin enter a corridor lined with jail cells. The sorcerer removes an ancient bowl from a pedestal at the end of the hall.
SLAM.
The gate to the corridor bangs shut, trapping us as the doors to the jail cells slide open, and countless ghouls come shambling out to murder us.
The sorcerer wraps their arms around the paladin in a tight embrace and stares intently into his eyes.
"Do you trust me?" the sorcerer breathes.
The paladin is uncomfortable. "Uhh..." he says, not fully comprehending.
"Say YES."
"Holy...yes!"
...and then..."Thunder Step" safely to the other side of the gate.
The sorcerer dusts themselves off. "Way to rise to the challenge, champ," they say with a wink before turning to rejoin the party.
Our paladin is still confused.
Heck, I'm confused. XD
Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken.
Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing.
Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan.
Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer.
Plays god on Saturdays.
The party that I DM for is starting its second adventure. In the first adventure, they saves two nations from a plague by stealing the cure from an enemy nation. Now they're sailing across the sea to accomplish a new mission. They decided they needed a crew name, and they settled on The Plague Dock-ters.
Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken.
Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing.
Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan.
Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer.
Plays god on Saturdays.
Scro paladin from Spelljammer campaign touches big red button on the ship's laser rifle, rolls a natural one.
I describe, "You hear a loud BEEP BEEP BEEP fill the spelljamming ship you are in. If you do this one more time, the ship will self destruct."
The paladin, now freaked out as all the other players are yelling at him, "I guess I'll rip it out."
The party, collectively, "NOOOOOOOO!"
The ship then blew up one round later, fortunately they escaped before they blew up. Unfortunately, they didn't learn their lesson.
Please check out my homebrew, I would appreciate feedback:
Spells, Monsters, Subclasses, Races, Arcknight Class, Occultist Class, World, Enigmatic Esoterica forms
Playing a Curse of Strahd campaign with a LG cleric (me), a N rangelock, a then-LE fighter, a-then CE fighter, a CN druid, a fighter who i forgot his alignment, another fighter who i also forgot the alignment, the rangelock's wolf, and the LE fighter's 2 hellhounds. We had Strahd's diary in our possession in-game, so our DM let us read it in the campaign sourcebook. We found out about Strahd's crush, and so when he came to us, we all said:
"HAHA WE KNOW YOUR CRUSH HAHA"
Something like that.
Characters:
Borin, mountain dwarf cleric (knowledge) (inactive)
Varis Ilphelkiir, high elf bard (swords) (inactive)
Reckoner, warforged fighter (eldritch knight) (inactive)
Archduke Gerald, half-orc warlock (pact of the fire elemental) (inactive)
Kurak of Yini Chai, changeling sorcerer (blue draconic bloodline) (active)
A while back but...
"I can't believe the main villain got vored by a giant robot snake."
Hombrew: Way of Wresting, Circle of Sacrifice
Just ran my first game a few days ago. My mom's character and my sister's character were sent to let an insane semi-yandere warlock know that the necromancer she was harassing had filed a restraining order and that she needed to leave him alone. The warlock wasn't too happy about that.
Sorceress: *Shows the restraining order to the warlock*
Warlock: *Sets the restraining order on fire*
Sorceress: *Writes up a new restraining order, uses disguise self to look like the necromancer, signs the new restraining order and hands it to the warlock* "Honey, I think we should break up.
Warlock: *Attacks the party*
Monk: "...Can I ditch her?"
Morrigan Corax, The Phantom Queen, Breaker of The Elemental Chains, and Flaming Chicken
Cassilia Decalia, Servant of His Xanthous Majesty. "It's not narcissism, it's histrionicism, dearie."
Dokuhebi Tsuchinoko, child of the serpent goddess and temporary mother of squidlings
Envelope Lastname is going to be the death of me.
I'm allergic to fireball
Hey, Morrigan! Congratulations on starting to DM! And that's hilarious. XD
Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken.
Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing.
Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan.
Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer.
Plays god on Saturdays.
So I had this beholder named Kevin that was always reviving himself. for example, he was a beholder and when he died he turned into a zombie beholder, and then when that died, he turned into a death tyrant. well Kevin had a ability to combine all of his dead bodies to transform into a beholder king.
Kevin: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'm BAAAAAAAAAACK!
Ranger: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *starts raging all over the house* I want to kill him so bad!
Bard: what the #@*) man!
"Hey maybe if you didn't want me to kill your child you shouldn't have raised such a dickhead"
"How many times do we have to kill this guy before he actually dies?!?!"
Me laughing maniacally in the corner.
Please check out my homebrew, I would appreciate feedback:
Spells, Monsters, Subclasses, Races, Arcknight Class, Occultist Class, World, Enigmatic Esoterica forms
"You want to ask the pig if it is hostile?"
(I should probably add nobody in our group is a druid or has anything resembing "speak with animals.")
===========================
Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters:
Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer
Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
My thought: I only have one spell slot left and I can either cast Thunder wave or Grease
Scenario: There are swarms of insects.
Me: "I cast grease and the insects and everyone else needs to make a dexterity saving throw."
DM: "Okay you cast grease and your party falls prone. The insects don't require to make dexterity saving throws."
(It was all pure comedy after that!)
Belgium, Hadari, Ferrin, Wilros, Leth, Cade. Are who've I have played.
Christopher is my true name if you'd prefer to call me Chris that is fine too, or you can call me Shepard.
The party have arrived at a lost tomb being guarded by some goblins and they decide to ask the goblins what they're guarding inside. The goblins have been isolated from the outside world for thousands of years so they don't know common and the PCs don't know goblin, but fortunately the NPC necromancer knows the spell comprehend languages.
Me: The necromancer says that "They are guarding an ancient tomb, the contents of which are a very... 'secret-secret'."
Sorceress: "I want to tell him to ask them if they'll tell us what the 'secret-secret' is if I give them that pretty feather I found."
Me: "After he asks the goblin, you can tell that he is VERY offended."
Sorceress: "...Okay, ask them if they'll tell us the secret for TWO pretty feathers."
Me: "...After he asks them this, the goblins start yelling and attack you."
And, after the necromancer miraculously was able to talk the goblins into not trying to kill them:
Sorceress(OOC): "If I say I'll give them two pretty feathers AND 5 gold, will they tell us the secret?"
Me: "Only if you roll a nat 20 persuasion check."
Sorceress(OOC): "Well, I still want to find out the secret though, so I guess we'll just have to kill the goblins."
Supposedly LG Monk: "Yeah, I'm pretty curious too, let's kill them."
- - -
Me: "You notice that the cave you have just entered is covered in red glowing crystals"
Supposedly LG Monk: "I say we push Fenmalkor (necromancer npc) into the crystals to see what happens.
CN Sorceress: "What? No! We're not pushing Fenny into the crystals!"
They proceed to argue about it while the necromancer just watches uncomfortably.
- - -
Sorceress: "I use disguise self to look like a goblin, make it look like I've taken Fenny and Cadence prisoner, and tell the goblins that I'm just going to kill those two in the room the goblins are guarding, and sneak past them"
Me: "Okay, well you do that, and the goblins immediately realize you're lying and attack you.
Sorceress: "Ah, crap, it's because goblins can see through disguise self, can't they?"
Me: "No, they can't, it's because disguise self can only make you look up to one foot shorter, and you forgot that they don't speak common and you don't speak goblin, so when the 4'9" goblin speaking a language they didn't know came out of a hidden corridor they didn't know about, they put two and two together pretty quickly."
Morrigan Corax, The Phantom Queen, Breaker of The Elemental Chains, and Flaming Chicken
Cassilia Decalia, Servant of His Xanthous Majesty. "It's not narcissism, it's histrionicism, dearie."
Dokuhebi Tsuchinoko, child of the serpent goddess and temporary mother of squidlings
Envelope Lastname is going to be the death of me.
I'm allergic to fireball
"I've performed a few lobotomies in my day. From my experience, it doesn't cure possessions."
Hombrew: Way of Wresting, Circle of Sacrifice
My Fighter was obsessed with two things: Honor & Glory.
So after our party gets split up (yikes), Kalev enters a port along a marketplace and sees his companion fighting two thugs by himself, with a third chucking daggers from a distance.
Now Kalev is a mountain of a man...freakish huge, but VERY polite (because of the honor thing).
So he gets behind the rogue tossing daggers, and gets him in head/arm lock.
Kalev: "Stand down, meddler, and let the others finish their duel!"
The rogue ignores Kalev, and tries to stab Kalev...but Kalev re-directs the dagger, and it goes into the rogue's own neck!
Kalev: "You were warned, friend; stand down and perhaps we might save you from your injury!"
The rogue either doesn't hear him or doesn't care...he tries to stab Kalev with another dagger...
...critical failure. Kalev twists the rogue's arm, and the SECOND dagger goes into the rogue's neck!
By now, Kalev is covered in blood & gore from the rogue he's still got in a headlock; the people around them are screaming and pointing, and the rest of the party watches, rolling their eyes, putting their faces in their hands, and eating popcorn.
The city guard force themselves through the crowd, demanding to know what's going.
At THAT moment...the rogue's body drops onto the ground with a sickening splat, as the wounds to the neck couldn't hold the weight.
Kalev turns to the officers, still holding the rogue's severed head, and says:
"Thank goodness you're here, officers! There is a disturbance!"