...but, the machete is made of rubber and flops around when in use.

I can consume books and gain their knowledge...

to consume the books you must eat them, and since they are inanimate objects the books do not really know things to begin with, and therefor you only gain knowledge that does not exist

i can magically polymorph any person i dislike into an ordinary fist size onion at will.

But you can only polymorph when you are asleep

i can levitate 109366927 feet above the ground

you can only levitate when you are at that exact altitude, if you are any more than a plank distance higher or lower from sea level your levitation abilities do not work, as a result they only work on others as well

i have the power to refill anything, from bank accounts to glasses of water, without needing money or water

you can only do it once you have traveled to an alternate reality

i can destroy anything in the world in under 0.000001 seconds

But you get billed for every thing you destroy 

i can turn rocks into gold 

the rocks turn back into stone after 1 minute

the basic facts of my anatomy and what will and will not kill me changes every minute without killing me

But when it changes you suffer memory loss

i have every power with no flaws 

Except that every power cancels each other out. Therefor you are normal, which is flawless.

I can bend reality to me will...

But it is always for the worst. 

I have the stand Gold Experience... (this is from jojo's bizzare adventure for those of you who don't know. )

(i dont know what that is but...) it is always backfiring...(idk)

i cant catch on fire

Which freezes you to death.

I always know the answer to any math problem or formula...

But you can’t do anything else

I can manipulate reality

But reality can manipulate you

i can breathe in the water as well as the air

..but spending more than an hour breathing one without the other makes you sick.

I can run forever without stopping...

but once you start to run you cannot stop.

I have the quirk One For All... (this is from My hero Academia for those of you who don't know.)

But you can only do it if you eat watermelon a least once a day.

I can contol the weather.

With climate change

I can sneeze out tornadoes. 

...any time theres a tornado, anywhere on earth, you continue to sneeze for its duration

I don’t need to eat, sleep, drink, or breathe....

But two thirds of your life are taken from you

I can remember my good dreams