Granted! You just have to pay for the card in order to do it!

I wish for an EXTRAORDINARY bagel.

Granted, Is is VERY ordinary

I wish I was legally 3 years older, and I looked 3 years older

Your wish is granted... three years from now. 

I wish I had a working Delorean time machine from Back to the Future 2. 

Granted, but you get stuck in a time before electricity and have to get back home manually. By ageing.

I wish I didn't have a cold anymore.

Granted, now you don't have A cold, you have TWO colds

I wish I had a group of good players and a good GM to play d&d with that wanted to play with me

Granted, but your schedules never align properly and your campaign only lasts a few sessions.

I wish I could make a decision.

Granted. You now have inpulse control problems that always force someone you to make decisions that will lead to short term pleasure.

I wish that my government would switch schooling to a year round schooling system with four longer breaks instead of two major breaks.

Granted, it proves horribly unpopular, with parents complaining and students suffering from burnout. The government capitulated to the pressure, and switches back.

I wish that whoever I vote in elections for would win.

Sadly, you don't know who ”Thy fairest damsel” is, but when you find them, you'll be ready

I wish I could stop time for everything except air and anything I'm touching when I stop time, and everyone except me and anyone I'm touching when I stop time. And I can also resume time for everything and everyone

Granted! But there are side effects to moving at an infinitely fast pace. Specifically, you'll go into cardiac arrest when you return everything to normal, as your body struggles to recover from moving at speeds faster than anything is meant to travel. Objects are fine, but if you stop touching them, they'll freeze in midair with no velocity and fall harmlessly to the ground. Oh, and light doesn't travel either, meaning you're practically blind. So overall not worth using.

I wish I could freeze one specific person in time.

That specific person just happens to be you

I wish for a tube of Sour Cream & Onion Pringles that was always full of delicious Sour Cream & Onion Pringles

Granted! The thing is, it WAS always full of delicious Sour Cream & Onion Pringles, until it appeared in your hand. Now it's devoid of any delicious Sour Cream & Onion Pringles.

I wish for exactly 11 chicken mcnuggets.

You get your 43 nuggets, but as soon as you take a bite of one of them, because there are no longer exactly 43 of them, they all disappear into a puff of smoke

I wish suffered no bad effects from not sleeping (Being tired, not being able to focus, etc.)

You become a stone statue, which does not require sleep.

I wish that magic was incorporated into everyday life.

Granted, evil wizards have taken over the world.

I wish I was a wizard and could go to Hogwarts.

You are a wizard, but you don't know how to cast anything, and you could go to Hogwarts, if it was real.

I wish that there is now another 12 full-length episode season of the TV series ”Gravity Falls”, on the same level of quality and effort put into it as the first two seasons of Gravity Falls, 

They have converted it to anime art.

I wish that I could control my dreams so they won't be weird.

Granted, you now don't dream, you just see darkness for several hours, then you wake up. 

I wish I was really good at playing and DMing D&D 5th Edition.

(P.S. I don't give a carp if Gravity Falls becomes anime, I still really want it)

Granted, but your group can never meet because reasons.

I wish my monk wasn't unconscious right now.