Granted. After a while you come to realize that every time you use it, the magic also sends a drunken text to one of your exes (at random) in your name.

I wish that I can summon a nice, cold beverage at will

Granted. you cane naw summon 480 ml of beverage at will, without the container of course.

i wish there was a fools garden consort right by my house

Quote from JareAborack >>

Ok. The common cold now afflicts you permanently. This prevents you from contracting it ever again. 

 

I wish that I could cast the spell message at will.

 I said I was immune, not just incapable of catching it

this game kinda stalled out so I guess I'll restart it. 

I wish I could summon food at will

Granted, you could. That's over now.

I wish all plane flights instantly become environmentally neutral and I instantly get rewarded unlimited free flights by every airliner for making it so.

Planes are now very unstable since they are a bunch of metal poles a platform and a engine that runs on compost with sails wrapped over it, you go on your first free flight and crash Rip. 

I wish I could Polymorph at will...

but only into a slug, and of course somebody uses the power word kill exploit!

I wish I could fly. (gong back to basics I guess?)

You can only fly up, not down. Eventually, you fly so high up that you don't have enough air to breathe and you suffocate.

I wish I didn't have to work this weekend, but I still get paid for it.

You don't have to work and the weekend You can't work on the weekend (so no yard work, homework, cleaning etc.). You also get paid in Venezuelan bolívar

you forgot your wish

Quote from 44_44 >>

you forgot your wish

Granted, the problem is no one can remember what was wished for.

I wish for a pay rise.

your pay rises but so does the cost of everything. 

I wish for bunnies

Granted, just keep in mind they're rabid, and you didn't ask for a cage or anything to take care of them...

I wish for Mystic to be in the next Unearthed Arcana, so we can finally make them on DDB without a lot of homebrewing.

Granted, Mystic will be in The Next Unearthed Arcana However The next unearthed arcana will be in 70 years 

I wish for a cage and food for my rabid bunnies

Granted, once they've finished eating you, there's a nice ribcage there that'll suffice.

(Also, hooray for 57 more years of 5e!)

I wish for infinite good luck

You get Infinite minor good luck but you also have mediocre bad luck(bad luck=crashing with your bike,Good luck= not being hurt when you crash with your bike)

I wish for The power to one punch things

(Minor good luck = not owning a bike!)

Granted, you can punch things. Once; no more, no less. You must punch everything in existence once.

I wish to always roll the number I want on any dice roll I make.

your favourite Number and the one you always want is the number 1(have a nice time getting 10 fumbles) 

I wish I could go in and out of Fiction worlds at will.

Granted, you go into your favorite war setting, but don't realize you are not immortal and immediately get killed.

I wish that I could download video games on any gaming platform I wanted for free legally.

Granted, it's a shame the owning gaming platform you own is an Atari Jaguar.

I wish to get a dev job at WotC, I'd love to design things for D&D!