Granted. Now every drain can be instantly unclogged, but they reclog every second.

I wish to be able to use magic in the Wingdings font. specifically prestidigitation and control weather.

Granted. Wingdings, being a font means that you need to write it down in order to cast it, so it takes a minute more and writing supplies in order to cast either

i wish I could get every movie reference

You spend weeks upon weeks watching every single movie all day and all night until finally, you get every reference. You may be tired, barely able to stay awake, and slightly insane, but you have finally won. Was it worth it?

I wish to have all information about movie references copied into my head, so I get the upside but not much of the downside.

Granted. But all movies means all movies. 

I wish my salvias' flowers would return to being a deeper red like they were at the beginning of the summer.

It becomes a deep, eternal red, summoning an unspeakable horror from the Stygian depths to rain blood and destruction upon the land. You still friends with those adventurers from college?

I wish in a way that is not misunderstood or unclear, I could be the character I've invested months in developing a story for.

granted, you are that piece of paper

I wish that the person granting this wish can read this.

Granted. He quotes your post, highlights the Wingdings, changes the font to Book Antiqua, and then understands it. All as a circumvention of actually learning Wingdings font. 

I wish for delicious food. 

It’s poisoned, by a ninja

I wish for a post on the feed the mimic forum game to happen

Granted, just at an unspecified time.

I wish the yep cult came back

It does, but the 8 pixies in it have acrophobia, aerophobia, agorophobia, anthrophobia, arithmophobia, catagelophobia, decidophobia, glossophobia, and heliophobia, hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia, and xenophobia. (They're afraid of hights, flying, public or open spaces, people, numbers, being mocked or ridiculed, making decisions, speaking in public, the sun, long words, and strangers.)

I wish, in a way that wasn't misunderstood or unclear, that I possessed the Warforged ability to survive without eating, breathing, or sleeping while remaining in my current time as a healthy, human woman in pique physical health with no long term injuries, disorders, missing limbs, or impedements to my ability to physically, mentally, or emotionally function and without losing friends, family, or my memories and experiences.

Granted, but the next day the world ends.

I wish I had friends.

They are demons, but your brother who is a LG paladin finds out.

I wish for a pet campestri.

Whatever that says happens but you get a siamese twin, but not like in real life, like in the movie "Stuck on You."

I wish my brain actually functioned and I remembered things without having to pin notes about the same thing in a million different places to make sure I see them and remember what I'm supposed to remember.

that stuff was true at one point, but not anymore

I wish that the person granting this wish is unable to read this

Wish grantWish(WishRequest wishRequest) {
   //TODO: method stub
   return null;
}

A few days ago I wished for self-control with kolaczki and potato salad. Now I wish I could take back those wishes since I have way too much left over. 

You loose your inhibitions, but now you have an endless craving for kolaczki and potato salad.

I wish in a way that was not misunderstood, unclear, answered in the standard English of the forum, and when granted changes things in my life now and going forward, that I could take the telekinesis feat in real life. I'm looking at you, guy who keeps smoking in front of the entrance to my apartment building despite the signs saying you have to be 25ft. feet away. :: insert glare ::

As someone else who detests the smell of tobacco smoke, I wish I could grant your wish as is. But, alas, this ain't that kind of thread. You are given the telekinesis feat in real life. In fact you're even able to get rid of that guy's cigarettes. It's looking awesome. But, well, the government gains an intense interest in your newfound ability. You're kidnapped, sent to an underground secret research facility. And because they saw you using telekinesis on a cigarette the scientists in charge studying you have a great idea: Continuous introduction of cigarette smoke olfactory stimuli to induce telekinetic action. And as such you spend the rest of your life constantly, and vainly, trying to get rid of the smoke smell. 

I wish for a big pillow.

Granted, you order a giant pillow, then The pillow arrives, but you accidentally ordered the largest pillow in the world and it is taking up your entire yard.

I wish for fall damage to be turned off Irl

Granted. But the laws of physics change. Now everything is doubling in size all the time and accelerating away from each other. What we perceive as gravity doesn't exist. Rather it's merely the growth of objects colliding together. Fall damage is gone, but an analogous damage has taken its place. 

I wish for a bag full of dryer lint to use as a fire starter. 

You own one, but you are not told where it is to claim.

I wish in a way that was not misunderstood, unclear, answered in the standard English of the forum, and when granted changes things in my life now and going forward, I could use the control flame, gust, mold earth, and shape water cantrips in real life while remaining a human woman, without my body deteriorating as a result of the wish being granted, losing my freedom, family, friends, way of life, privacy as a citizen, I was able to exert complete control over them in the same way they operate in the game, and suffer no negative physical, mental, emotional, or social consequences for having or using them.