granted it is for granted the coupon will cover your expenses as you travel to the bank

i wish that the united states of America would become a monarchy

Granted. A few people decide to start a new colony somewhere else, and the new monarchy decides to tax them too much, and the new colony decides to throw a bunch of bald eagles into the harbor. Oh, didn't this happen before? History is repeating itself, isn't it?

I wish people actually learn from history.

Granted. People learn one important thing from history: a two-party system is a one-party system. This causes massive social upheavals and now the monarchist USA functions similarly to the Rose Empire from The Emperor’s Soul.

I wish for my pets to live as long as I do, in the primes of their lives.

Granted. But now your lifespan is that of a cat.

I wish for focus.

Granted. You can focus on being as scatter-brained as possible.

I wish for inner peace.

Granted. You have Inner Piece. You are now holding your spleen.

I wish for my next wish to be untwistable.

Granted, it is now warped instead.

I wish for a single deadly, immortal snail to follow the person who twists this wish until it kills them.

It takes years for the snail to follow this person. This person is Agent 007 James Bond. He's constantly on the move. It takes dozens of years and eventually James dies of old age. There was no need for the snail. 

I wish that 006 never betrayed me.

Granted. 007 does instead as Canon Events are Canon Events.

I wish the 007 was stylized as O07.

granted but he accuses you of treason and you are sentenced to life in new-Newgate monarchist Americas premier prison

i wish the colony that rebelled from monarchist America would would be a respectable and upstanding nation and pay for its own wars including the one that resulted in the taxes being raised which made them rebel against monarchist America.(little known history fact the American revolution happened because America didn't want to pay for their own wars mainly the costly seven years war which in addition to nearly bankrupting Britain was caused because a drunken British soldier named George Washington shot a French officer(or diplomat I'm not sure) caused increasingly severe exploitation of Ireland and India to foot the bill which is still being paid today(also alexander Hamilton proposed the America be a electoral monarchy))

Granted. It goes into bankruptcy within 5 years.

I wish the person below me’s username in WitusV.

Granted. Try your luck at this thread. Maybe you'll see WitusV there.

I wish when I perform calculations involving particle interactions and their corresponding probabilities, I would stop getting equations that produce infinite values.

Granted. You are now illiterate and, therefore, cannot preform equations that cannot be calculated in your head.

I wish that 2+2=√(16)

Granted. As a result fish cease to exist. (Because 2+2 = <image of the 2's put together in the shape of a fish.) This causes the commercial fishing industry to die, causing millions to lose their jobs. The resulting lack of fish as a food source also causing massive starvation, leading to countless deaths.

I wish I had more popcorn kernels. 

granted you get two more also they will never pop if you try to pop them 

i wish monarchist America would retake their old colony after the colony goes bankrupt

Granted. This causes massive social upheaval and plunges the country into chaos.

I wish that the Monarchist America does a firebombing campaign on the returning province that is now in a civil war.

granted but it results in monarchist America being vulnerable to invasions from a newly established Canadian empire and a resurgent empire of Mexico (historically these where Americas primary rivals until it tore itself apart over switching to a industrial economy with wage slaves or a agrarian economy with literal slaves)

I wish monarchist America would invest in a unbiased history curriculum 

Granted. But then everything changed when the Monarchist USA Nation attacked.

I wish that the monarchist America has a massive civil war over state’s rights, except it’s actually over state’s rights.

granted it's over states rights to not have civil wars

i wish monarchist America would emerge from its civil war as the united sovereign archduchies 

Granted. The United Sovereign Archduchies of America have the acronym USAA and are often confused for an insurance company.

I wish for USAA to go to war with the Canadian Empire.