Wish granted. The user Nether Me just turns into an Unicorn to get your attention..... and later be rided by you.

I wish I could discover the way to never ever use the Petroil............

You are given a bicycle

I wish I could instantaneously and immediately become a chicken the size of a tarrasque.

Granted, but you gain the mind of the chicken in the process, so you are now stupid. This chicken also only has a chicken-sized brain in a tarrasque-sized body. You don't know how to turn back, so I hope you got what you wished for. People are bugs to you, so you terrorize the world as a giant ever-hungry chicken.

I wish to be a Tarrasque as intelligent as I am now, and complete control of myself.

Granted. But, meanwhile in the processus of being transformed into a Tarrasque, OMG,  it seems something terrible happened !!!!!!! Your bones broke themselves into small pieces, your meal couldn't handle the new appeal, and finally you ended yourself in an endless agony of terrible pain.

I wish I coukld end your agony by casting ORBITAL FACEPALM CANNON spell.....

As you cast your Orbital Facepalm Cannon spell, your hand slowly raises and slaps against your own forehead.  As you facepalm yourself, you feel the palm of your hand start to heat up until it finally explodes into your orbital cavities causing an instant death.

I wish I could control dragons

granted, but not very accurately, you can only force them to experience the emotion of hunger, and also mentally force them to look at you

i wish dnd beyond user Dertinus would suddenly improve his english grammar, sentence structuring and vocabulary to the point where i can understand what the **** he is trying to say to me without issue and without this permanently changing the english language or proving to be harmful to him

Granted, but only if he chooses to be born in England or America.

I wish to be freed of being a Grammar Nazi.

Wish granted, you can no long understand any kind of language.

I wish to have a photographic memory.

Granted.  Your brain has been replaced with a polaroid camera.  You can see the photos in your memory....but that's all you can do.

I wish I had the cloak of invisibility

Wish granted, you get it, but it never turns off and you lose it. 

I wish for a better phone.

Granted, but only in 100 years.

I wish that I could be smarter than you.

Granted... BUT you are the smartest person in the world, and you continually speak out your theories and thoughts all of the time and you just babble away and people can’t understand you nor do they want to be near you

I wish to be a Phoenix, I turn into ash, but rise with the sun

Quote from Memer_Asriel >>

Granted... BUT you are the smartest person in the world, and you continually speak out your theories and thoughts all of the time and you just babble away and people can’t understand you nor do they want to be near you

I wish to be a Phoenix, I turn into ash, but rise with the sun

 granted, you were a phoenix, turned into ash and now during sunrise the ash is floating

i wish that the number of dark truths my feeble mortal mind can comprehend increases  by 210 percent and that the magnitude of the dark secrets about the universe i can learn without without my mind breaking from the immense strain increases tenfold

Granted, but you can't quite understand why the chicken crossed the road and it drives you insane.

I wish D&D adventures were real

Granted, you are put into the abyss as a level 1 character, have fun.

I wish to be able to have all of the racial abilitys of all races in dnd, but not have sunlight sensitivity and look the same as  I  do now.

Granted, you have all the racial abilities in dnd, which means that you are all of the races of D&D, you have one body for each race, but stuck to each other, fused like conjoined twins, and you are too big to move around, so you can't enough food to feed your many many bodies, so you die.

I wish that my players would stop destroying my games. (I just introduced a time traveler. They were supposed to help him go home. Instead, they broke his time-traveling items, causing a bunch of crazy time magic to affect all of them, so they had were all scattered across time, and the campaign is destroyed, and I have to fix it now.)

Quote from LeviRocks >>

Granted, you have all the racial abilities in dnd, which means that you are all of the races of D&D, you have one body for each race, but stuck to each other, fused like conjoined twins, and you are too big to move around, so you can't enough food to feed your many many bodies, so you die.

I wish that my players would stop destroying my games. (I just introduced a time traveler. They were supposed to help him go home. Instead, they broke his time-traveling items, causing a bunch of crazy time magic to affect all of them, so they had were all scattered across time, and the campaign is destroyed, and I have to fix it now.)

 granted. They no longer exist. Nether does your campaign. time for you to start over with new group and new campaign

i wish for unlimited power

Your unlimited power is granted however there is a major flaw. You must sacrifice all of your power or die and never use the power again.

I wish for the ability for to make a obnoxious screechy sound that deafens people.

Granted, but only when you die.

I wish that keyboards were alphabetical in order.

Granted, the keyboards in the store are now in alphabetical order by brand.

i wish for a house