Granted, but every twenty-minute episode has ten minutes where it's just the canned laughter track over all of them fistfighting.

I wish to pay my every debt.

You owed your soul to Asmodeus

I wish for a vorpal spork.

Granted. It's a regular spork with "this is a vorpal spork" engraved on it.

I wish for a musical where all the actors, singers and dancers are kenku. These kenku must have heard the entire musical beforehand so they can sing it.

The musical is American Government: the Musical.

I wish for my soul back.

you get it back! but then it's instantly taken away.

I wish that a potato kills me.

The god of potatoes kills you, but then it brings you back to life.

I wish to be the most powerful lich in all the land.

There are no liches in this land, you gain no power. Oh, look! an adventuring group.

The cake has the blood of someone who lied so the cake is now gone from existence.

I wish to be tied to a lit stick of dynamite that is the size of a house. 

The rope breaks instantly.

I wish to be able to teleport at will.

Granted. You are able to teleport a man named Michael Atwill.

I wish for an action movie with an all-orc cast. This movie must be a Hollywood summer blockbuster, a massive critical and commercial success, and have plenty of special effects.

Your the director of said movie, and the orks are very hard to work with.

I wish for everone to be able to stay warm enough through these snow days.

Granted. Daniel Everone burns to death.

I wish all orcs knew sumo.

an orc comes out of nowhere and flattens you like a pancake

i wish for a ring of three wishes

Granted, but all three wishes have already been used.

I wish for pancakes.

Granted, the ring can only grant minor wishes relating to jewelry and tightens around your finger with each wish. 

I wish for inspiration and motivation to write my book

You get advantage from inspiration on an attack roll, which you feel motivated to use on your computer.

I wish to be able to draw in a good way.

You are so good that your drawing of 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 zombies comes to life and kills you.

I wish for kittens to turn into kangaroos.

 Granted, they are now very punchy.

I still wish for pancakes.

After you eat them you die because of them being poisonous.

I wish for the archdevils to participate in a sitcom starring asmodeus.

The sitcom is full of subliminal messages of evil, and outright messeges of evil.

I wish for a fluffy blanket.