(Yikes that sucks. Feel better soon.)

Granted, but now you don't know when things are hurting you. You burn you fingers when making eggs. Your feet get scratched up when you walk over broken glass. Your appendicitis goes unchecked until you collapse on the floor. 

I wish for the automated ability to know when the stock market drops again so I can invest in my IRA with the biggest bang for my buck. 

*THONG* Everytime the stock market drops you are notified by a loud thong.

I wish to recieve a sitcom laugh track machine in the mail.

Granted. It never works when you want it to work and instead has a nasty habit of going off at full blast whenever you're trying to sleep. Even worse? It's a cursed item that always remains within ten feet of you, no matter what you do. 

I still wish for the automated ability to know when the stock market drops again so I can invest in my IRA with the biggest bang for my buck. 

Done, you go to jail for inside trading

I wish for the ability to draw what i think

You are constantly drawing what you think and EVERY thought that comes to your mind.

I wish for a poinsettia seed.

Granted. But the lighting is wrong and the leaves never turn red. 

I wish for serving of ice cream. 

Wish granted. The ice cream is cursed so that you recieve intense brain freeze that only lasts one minute, but, feels as if 1,000 knives are stabbing your head.

I wish for a toaster that could make instant garlic bread.

Granted. ITS MELTED. 

I wish that I could breath any gas, and not suffer any negative side effects from it. 

Quote from Red1Draco >>

I wish for a toaster that could make instant garlic bread.

 Good wish bro. Granted. 

...but you deplete the world's garlic reasons and are labelled a wanted fugitive. 

Quote from Yondor_The_Fantastic >>

I wish that I could breath any gas, and not suffer any negative side effects from it. 

 Granted. But you also don't get any positive side effects either. Have fun getting that root canal when the nitrous oxide doesn't work!

I wish I could lucid dream. I think I've come semi-close a couple times, but never true lucidity. 

Interesting wish, granted. But eventually you convince yourself that your dreams are reality, and your body falls into a coma as you keep dreamig. You later die of infections. 

I wish I could adapt to changes in temperature quicker, such as jumping into a cold pool, or stepping on a hot surface. 

Granted. But you end up living in a mono-temperature environment for the rest of your life. 

I wish I could speed-watch the youtube tabs I have open. 

(SAME)

Granted. But within a week you watch everything on Youtube, and then Youtube itself is shut down. 

I wish I liked food that I don't like right now. 

Granted, you like food you dislike in that moment, and then the moment passes and you dislike them again.

I wish that I could eat pizza without my mouth exploding in pain from 12 different canker sores.

Granted. You now eat through your butt.

I wish I could have 3 potatoes

Granted, 4 giant, 20 feet high potatoes appear, good luck.

I wish that I had 4 chocolate bars.

Granted. But even though your bars only serve chocolate, the local municipalities still require you to get a liquor license to run the bars. And, finding some of the patrons you served chocolate to on the premises to have been under the age for drinking (because you know, you didn't think you'd need a liquor license to serve chocolate) you are slapped with severe fines and jail time. 

I wish for a good weekend. 

Granted! You had the best weekend of your life, then Monday slams in hard.

I wish I always had the feeling I get from finding a new song that I really like.

Granted. You always have the feeling, but now you suffer from the same condition Stan did in South Park's S5E17 where everything sounds [awful]. 

I wish I could SCUBA dive. 

Granted. And you really like it. But you are targeted by thieves for the rest of your life. 

I wish for a new set of dice.