Granted, however it appears your operating system has been replaced with windows 96

i wish had a fish the size of a building fall onto an orphanage in eastern london

 You get arrested for quite obvious reasons.

I wish that i can suddenly remember everything that happened in my life and also my brain doesnt get overloaded.

Granted, your brain doesn't get overloaded. It spills out extra memories all across the world after you remember them, the particularly embarrassing ones are the ones that get shunned and thus the ones everyone hears.

I wish to have reaction images available to me to use for any situation, which I can easily sort through and pinpoint the one I want to use.

Granted, but they are audio not images.

I wish to be Jeff the Evil Roomba.

granted, but your batteries are dead and you are stranded on a utah salt flat

i wish to be granted a fair trial in court for my crimes, with a jury that supports and favors my side

*I specifically said images. Audio would be decent but it's not what I said*

Granted, you change your legal name to Jeff the Evil Roomba. Unfortunately, Jeff does not like impersonation. You get smited, turned to clay and consumed.

Edit: Ninja'ed. In order to make the case truly fair, the jury forced to favor your side by the genie is kicked out. Nobody is above the legal system, not even a genie.

I wish to have reaction IMAGES available to me to use for any situation, which I can easily sort through and pinpoint the one I want to use.

granted, but they're each the size of a flatscreen tv

i wish to bribe the judge

Granted, but not the judge you want.

I wish to be a dragon.

Granted, you will be a dragon. More specifically, the BBEG that the party just defeated.

I wish that people would stop acuse me of commiting arson. I mean, they're not wrong, but it just gives me even more letters I have to burn. Taxes dont fit easily into an incinerator, people!

granted, you have been arrested and people won't accuse you anymore

i wish for 3 kilos of illicit substances to replace the backpack right next to me

Illicit substances? You mean, human flesh? Sure!!! Three kilograms of your body disapear and replace the backpack next to you.

I wish that people would stop arresting me for crimes, or otherwise accuse me.

granted, you get the death sentence, execution in thirty seconds

i wish for a piece of dirt

Hold on a minute! That doesnt fit my wish at all! Yoou have to twist it, not compleatly undo it! For me to get the death sentance, that would mean that I would be accused of acrime!

kk, new version

granted, you are stranded on the moon, now no one can accuse or arrest you (ps, you don’t have a space suit)

I wish for a piece of dirt

The dirt collapses into a singularity and makes a black hole that destroys everything.

I wish that chinese translations wouldnt appear when i hold shift.

Granted, instead they now appear when you press space

i wish to take an antidepressant 

Hey, you cant be sad when you're dead. Thats why Arsenic is a cure-all!

I wish to have a throne made of sunglasses

Granted but aw it fell apart

I wish I was not heartbroken.

Granted. It's a pile of sunglasses in the general shape of a throne, that falls apart soon after manifestation because they're cheap and low quality.

Edit: Wow, same idea. Granted, your heart is not physically broken and is still pumping blood. 

I wish for a bowl of tasty, edible, non-deadly/non-harmimg mac and cheese.

It is also nongibber friendly.

I wish my crush liked me not my friend.