Vicious Mockery from a DM to players or NPCs. I have never done an NPC who could cast this spell, but now I so want to. Nothing mean towards any of my players, just as a small aside to join in the fun. I will use this in a kind nature overall just trying to get laughs.
"I thought every humanoid had enough intelligence to have an alignment."
"I didn't cast Feeblemind yet."
"You look so bad you give others exhaustion automatically."
"Your stench is incredible, you make even paladins wretch."
"Go back to CR 0 where you belong!"
"LOOK AWAY! Oh, wait, sorry I thought we ran into a Basilisk" (Takes a second look) "Oh it's worse, actually DO LOOK AWAY."
"You're so bad you automatically fail on a 1 and above."
"OK, who swapped your spellcasting ability score for your dump score?"
"Are you a Warlock of the Undying, because you're doing just as well?"
"A Wild Magic Sorcerer has better control than you!"
"Was that a Blowgun you just tried to use or your innate weakness?"
"Did someone pick the wrong class, because last time I saw someone using their fists it wasn't a Wizard?"
"Try Multiclassing, maybe you will actually become useful."
"At this rate, you actually will die from old age."
"I've never seen a dump stat lower than your (Insert stat here). Oh, that is your focus stat?! That explains things."
"Ooh, new monster! Oh, no sorry, it's just an ugly one."
"Doesn't anybody know not to make Constitution their dump stat?!"
"You're going to need a long rest to fix your face. Oh, it was already like that. Nevermind, you're going to need a Wish spell to fix your face."
"Horse's arse, son of swine, fool before all, if ever a wise decision thou were to make, fall to your knees and beg for mercy, for the gods haveth none on one so ugly as yourself."
"I gaze upon ye and behold a sight so gruesome even the cockatrice flee in fear, hideous beyond any gorgon, gaze upon a still lake and witness the power of repulsion that thou appearance brings."
"The sight of ye leaves not a doubt, verily I declare ye fool of fools, champion of swine, insult to thine own family. On mine honor I must purge the plain of the stain ye existence brings upon it, no ghast carries stench so foul as thine own self."
"Shame upon ye, harbinger of failure, bearer of incompetence. In a land of the stupid, thou arst crowned king. **** thine own mother."
"Spare mine blade the blood of another fool and end thyself swiftly."
"Thoust arte no blade, thy wit too dull. Thou arte no mace, thy strength too pathetic. Thou iseth not a shield, thy body too feeble. If thou were wise, then flee, for no master could find a use for a specimen worthless as thou arte."
I like to use movie insults or references when I cast vicious mockery. - You’re physically repulsive, intellectually ********, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid. You have no taste, a lowsy sense of humor and you smell.
- I fart in your general direction you son of a window dresser. - Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries.
Other times, I like to be absolutely awful to my enemies.
- You are about to eat more shit than the last person in the human centipede.
- Right now, I could really go for a martini. One so well shaken, it’ll be like you as an infant. Yeah, don’t think I didn’t notice the shape of your head.
- You’ve crossed a line, by fighting us. And speaking line, you should start watching yours. You’re getting a little doughy.
Some deity tried to use the mold after it had been smashed, I see. Away thou foul and wretched thing for women and children are about. Even the fair animals cry out at thy approach. Please don't go away mad; but please, I beg you, do go away and with haste.
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Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt
" You, son of a Hyena, come back here and finish washing the dishes!!!! " <---- this one is what a random old woman shouted over 1 member of our party, on GreyHaven city, because she confused him by his son.....
" I've done more castles in a better dwarven style than you ".
" I seriously think my arse is not fitted to remain on this mount, for more hours ".
" Where are the Gods when we mostly need 'em ???... Ohh wait, don't tell me you are one of them........ ".
Definitely adding these to my repertoire. I've been using an app I found on the play store called fantasy insult generator for on the fly insults. There is even an app called vicious mockery that's also good.
These posts are always so much fun...
"What depraved DM thought up YOU?!"
"You're so moronic, you gave a mindflayer indigestion."
"Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder...which is what you look like. A Beholder."
"You plebeian wretch!"
"When you fail your next attack roll, think of me!"
"Congratulations! You're a failure."
Vicious Mockery from a DM to players or NPCs. I have never done an NPC who could cast this spell, but now I so want to. Nothing mean towards any of my players, just as a small aside to join in the fun. I will use this in a kind nature overall just trying to get laughs.
"I thought every humanoid had enough intelligence to have an alignment."
"I didn't cast Feeblemind yet."
"You look so bad you give others exhaustion automatically."
"Your stench is incredible, you make even paladins wretch."
"Go back to CR 0 where you belong!"
"LOOK AWAY! Oh, wait, sorry I thought we ran into a Basilisk" (Takes a second look) "Oh it's worse, actually DO LOOK AWAY."
"You're so bad you automatically fail on a 1 and above."
"OK, who swapped your spellcasting ability score for your dump score?"
"Are you a Warlock of the Undying, because you're doing just as well?"
"A Wild Magic Sorcerer has better control than you!"
"Was that a Blowgun you just tried to use or your innate weakness?"
"Did someone pick the wrong class, because last time I saw someone using their fists it wasn't a Wizard?"
"Try Multiclassing, maybe you will actually become useful."
"At this rate, you actually will die from old age."
"I've never seen a dump stat lower than your (Insert stat here). Oh, that is your focus stat?! That explains things."
"Ooh, new monster! Oh, no sorry, it's just an ugly one."
"Doesn't anybody know not to make Constitution their dump stat?!"
"You're going to need a long rest to fix your face. Oh, it was already like that. Nevermind, you're going to need a Wish spell to fix your face."
Don't miss the ideas from this thread, either: https://www.dndbeyond.com/forums/class-forums/bard/855-vicious-mockery
Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in awhile.
"I'm tempted to just cast Darkness on you so I don't have to look at you"
"Yo mamas so fat, she won't fit in my bag of holding"
"I'm not sure Prestidigitation is powerful enough to clean you up"
"You claim to be a wizard, but you obviously have never stepped foot in a school"
I use summon instrument to summon my kettle drum, hold it overhead like Donkey Kong, and chuck it at the nearest kobold.
"Horse's arse, son of swine, fool before all, if ever a wise decision thou were to make, fall to your knees and beg for mercy, for the gods haveth none on one so ugly as yourself."
"I gaze upon ye and behold a sight so gruesome even the cockatrice flee in fear, hideous beyond any gorgon, gaze upon a still lake and witness the power of repulsion that thou appearance brings."
"The sight of ye leaves not a doubt, verily I declare ye fool of fools, champion of swine, insult to thine own family. On mine honor I must purge the plain of the stain ye existence brings upon it, no ghast carries stench so foul as thine own self."
"Shame upon ye, harbinger of failure, bearer of incompetence. In a land of the stupid, thou arst crowned king. **** thine own mother."
"Spare mine blade the blood of another fool and end thyself swiftly."
"Thoust arte no blade, thy wit too dull. Thou arte no mace, thy strength too pathetic. Thou iseth not a shield, thy body too feeble. If thou were wise, then flee, for no master could find a use for a specimen worthless as thou arte."
I like to use movie insults or references when I cast vicious mockery.
- You’re physically repulsive, intellectually ********, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid. You have no taste, a lowsy sense of humor and you smell.
- I fart in your general direction you son of a window dresser.
- Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries.
Other times, I like to be absolutely awful to my enemies.
- You are about to eat more shit than the last person in the human centipede.
- Right now, I could really go for a martini. One so well shaken, it’ll be like you as an infant. Yeah, don’t think I didn’t notice the shape of your head.
- You’ve crossed a line, by fighting us. And speaking line, you should start watching yours. You’re getting a little doughy.
I hope you can hold your rage better than you hold your liquor, judging from the stains on your tunic (armor).
You'd have more friends if you'd bathe, and more still if you'd just stop visiting taverns. The fewer people that get to know you the better.
If you put your face on the market, you wouldn't have enough copper to buy a bucket!
"i expected a battle of wits, but you appear to be unarmed"
i am soup, with too many ideas (all of them very spicy) who has made sufficient homebrew material and character to last an thousand human lifetimes
Some deity tried to use the mold after it had been smashed, I see. Away thou foul and wretched thing for women and children are about. Even the fair animals cry out at thy approach. Please don't go away mad; but please, I beg you, do go away and with haste.
Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt
Ever heard of the far realm? Home of all maliciously deformed creatures? Like yourself, for instance.
What draconic ancestry are you? Cuz that is one breath weapon!
(To ghost) 'ooh, I'm a ghost! I get to moan all day and whine about how sucky my life was!'
They say laughter is the best medicine... Your face must be curing the world
Ugly. Putrid. Vile. I'm not insulting you, just describing you.
People told me you were horrid. They are wrong. You are so much worse
Magic is mysterious. One of these mysteries is how a moron like you can use it.
This is a classic...http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Shaker/index.html?
I once landed a killing blow on a monster by literally telling it:
”You know actually, it’s not your looks that are the problem, it’s your PERSONALITY!”
And then it’s head exploded. Good session.
- Ori Whitedeer
U-G-L-Y! You ain't got no alibi! You ugly, what-what, you ugly!
Edit: I forgot I had more ideas
You have poor fashion sense
This guy's so ugly, prostitutes tell him not on the first date
Your face must inspire a lot of drinking
You suck at fighting and have made poor live choices
1gp says you hit my friend here (they miss) damn I lost a gp
You're mother/father/beloved guardian gives lousy head, low prices or not
We're going to arrange your corpses in embarrassing poses
You have a silly walk
No one likes you
" You, son of a Hyena, come back here and finish washing the dishes!!!! " <---- this one is what a random old woman shouted over 1 member of our party, on GreyHaven city, because she confused him by his son.....
" I've done more castles in a better dwarven style than you ".
" I seriously think my arse is not fitted to remain on this mount, for more hours ".
" Where are the Gods when we mostly need 'em ???... Ohh wait, don't tell me you are one of them........ ".
My Ready-to-rock&roll chars:
Dertinus Tristany // Amilcar Barca // Vicenç Sacrarius // Oriol Deulofeu // Grovtuk
Definitely adding these to my repertoire. I've been using an app I found on the play store called fantasy insult generator for on the fly insults. There is even an app called vicious mockery that's also good.