So I'm new to DnD (started in January with 3 others that are just as new), and I chose a Mountain Dwarf Fighter with the Battlemaster Archetype.  I've decided I want to get Goading attack at my next chance (I'm currently level 5) and want to make it fun during battle to shout something insulting at a target.  I've found one thread online (not here) but some of them are just funny and others revolve around someone's head up their ass.  I've chosen some but just wondering what anyone else might have thought of?

Here are the one's I've chosen so far.

Roses are red, violets are blue.  The smell of shit, reminds me of you.

I would give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one!

You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

I'm sure that whatever you have to say can wait until you're smarter.

If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world!

I must have Alzheimer's, because I don't remember asking for your opinion.

Your face is fine, but you should put a bag over your personality.

Don't let your mind wander. It's too small to be let out on it's own.

The Doctor called with the results of your colonoscopy.  Good news! They found your head!

Is your brain giving you the silent treatment today?

Clearly wit is a skill you have yet to master.

You have the rest of your life to be a loser, why not take today off?

You give my middle finger an erection

Are you always this stupid or is this a special occasion?

A copper for your thoughts seems a little pricey.

I checked my receipt, i didn't buy any of your bullshit.

The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it.

You didn't fall from the stupid tree, you were dragged through the entire dumbass forest.

What are you going to do for a face when the baboon wants it's ass back?

You couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the sole.

You Coffin dodging oxygen thief!

I had a pretty mouthy fighter. While she didn't have any stock goading phrases, she would come up with insulting nicknames for things or take personal/situational digs at intelligent creatures. (For example, when a goddess tried to reassert mind control over a party member and failed, my fighter said, "If you gotta try that hard to keep a man, he ain't yours, sweetheart.")

For low-INT creatures, she'd save the verbal banter and fight dirty. Hit where the sun don't shine. Aim for open wounds or recently regenerated areas just to prove a point. Make herself a very open target to taunt a creature unable to reach her. Stuff like that. 

I highly recommend checking out the funny and humiliating insults that people use for the verbal component of Vicious Mockery. I remember reading online somewhere that a bard finished off a boss with a yo-mama joke or something.

"Bro, bro, do you even fight, bro?"

"Do it!  I GOAD you to do it!"

"Have at me" is a common cinematic goading, there's also the silent open palmed come hither from the Matrix that I'd allow in a goad attack.

Goading doesn't have to be a taunt or an insult, it can be an annoyance but it has to be a provocation.  Goad has to be a call out.  Val Kilmer's Doc Holiday "I'll be your huckleberry" leans to the annoyance, _The WINK_ is a definite goad.

"your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberries"

I correct their grammar.

Your campaign is shite, and runs on rails like a Disney ride.

Yeah, I've completely ignored the silent goading ACT as a potential ally. lol  Other things that come to mind are scottish warriors mooning the english.  Love the reference to Tombstone! @MidnightPlat

Quote from MidnightPlat >>

"Bro, bro, do you even fight, bro?"

"Do it!  I GOAD you to do it!"

"Have at me" is a common cinematic goading, there's also the silent open palmed come hither from the Matrix that I'd allow in a goad attack.

Goading doesn't have to be a taunt or an insult, it can be an annoyance but it has to be a provocation.  Goad has to be a call out.  Val Kilmer's Doc Holiday "I'll be your huckleberry" leans to the annoyance, _The WINK_ is a definite goad.

 

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Your breath smells like a Worg's!