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OOC: Toots has a 1d4 bonus to checks using cook's utensils (and brewer's supplies & Persuasion) from her Ever Hospitable trait. However, she has neither proficiency with cook’s utensils (only ½ proficiency from Jack Jill of all Trades), nor has she a on actual set of cook’s utensils to use. 🤷‍♂️

 OOC: Cooking is an everyman skill like athletics or deception - everybody can do it, just some folk are better at it than others.

Situationally, some skills in my game require proficiency - Arcana, Medicine, History, etc. If you have never been trained or heard of a subject, you can't know it.

OOC: Concur.  Cooking is a Wisdom check when I run games with a (generally) low DC, and usually the worst that happens is a meal is particularly unappetizing if someone biffs it.   Other than the one time somebody tried to cook green dragon; that was a much stiffer DC to see if Con saves would be involved because green dragon.

But yeah.  Anybody who travels extensively in worlds like these knows how to make minimally viable meals out of whatever ends up in their pot.

OOC: Ditto, boiling water, dumping spices and dumping an unconscious/incapacitated crustacean into the mix isn't so much a skill as practice like packing your pack and strapping recently acquired handbow and quiver in tacticool fashion, coupled with all your oil flasks to give the sense that you've really got it all together.  Now if the creature was questionable, I'd probably opt for a survival check, with a higher DC depending on toxins associated with it (like that deadly pufferfish that's also a delicacy).  That's for routine meals.  Now if the meal was being prepared for a like a diplomatic event where gourmet sensibilities and presentation really mattered, yeah, maybe a specialized skill check for that.  I think the cook feat also gives some sort of bonus for the "elevating" experience ... in fact I can now totally see a sort of Anthony Bourdain foodie bard where the inspiration provided is usually related to the good times they've served the party being called to mind, College of Gourmand or Epicurea or something (I'm sure there's a bunch of homebrew of that sort out there).  

Between mouthfuls of flavorful unshelled sustenance Tommary proposes, chewing with his mouth open, "So for Scorpion round, you think we should just take all three boats to be on the safe side?  Speaking of safe side, what you all think of just assailing them with magic on our side of the wall if they can hear us?  We boil this lobster, then we go roast the scorpions with mine and Toots words and whatever magical patronage Ilyra and Elyona bring to the beach?  After that, we figure how to get across the barrier.  Now if the things can't here us I think I still have some stuff that might work on seeing them."

"I see no reason to risk our skins an' our boats by jumpin' down or wreckin' th' walls.  We can just throw fire down at th' crawlies until they turn belly-up, eh?  I've got some Traveler's fire I can donate to the cause, an' I'm pretty sure Toots can call them nasty names until they pop a vein?"

OOC: Sorry, I’ve been a bit distracted this past week.

Toots displays her usual lack of anything even remotely resembling table etiquette. Digging in directly with her hands, she shoves enough food into her gob to make a large mouthful for Tallboots Tommary. Anyone who notices might wonder how it could all possibly fit into her much smaller mouth, and is likely doubtful she will able to chew properly. It soon becomes apparent that she cannot. She somehow manages to soften a portion of the food sufficiently to swallow some of it, making just enough room to form words around what’s left.

”If youse all think blastin’ 'em from on high like vengeful gods’ll work, I’m all for it. Do ya really think callin’ ‘em names’ll do much good though…?” Toots pauses to swallow again. “I think magic’ll pro’ly work better. Or maybe shootin’ ‘em.” She shoves another, slightly smaller chunk of seafood into her mouth before continuing. “Hey this stuff is pretty good. What do you think Ely? About the plan I mean, not s’much the food… unless you wanna talk about the food. Anybody got bread?”

OOC: Toots actually doesn’t know vicious mockery. Her combat cantrips are chill touch and mind sliver, the rest are all utility/other in nature.

Elyona has been eating her seafood as neatly as possible in these conditions, trying to decide if she likes it. "There's not much I can do to enemies from a distance, but I can ask Arvoreen to help the rest of you.  Although...." Elyona is lost in thought for a minute. "come to think of it, Arvoreen does give those of our order the ability to wield moonlight.  It's not something I've done more than once or twice, and that some time ago, but it could be quite effective in this case, I believe."

OOC:  Always good to look over the character sheet and see what E can do.  How did I miss moonbeam before?  There have been times when I've been frustrated at E's lack of ranged options, and totally missed this one!

Her lunch finished, Toots licks her fingers clean before prestidigitating away the drips on her clothing and any other stains that catch her eye. Once tidied, she addresses the group.

“Well, since we already cleared the top balcony and know there’s nuthin’ sposta be up there, waday’all say we float back ‘round through again and try hittin’em with some of those mean words and such like youse two suggested and see if it works?” Toots indicated Tommary and Ilyara as she said that last part. “If it does we can go ‘round an’ ‘round the lazy river ride a couple’a times an’ take ‘em out real easy like from up there without catchin’ anything from them down in the peanut gallery like youse suggested.” Speaking directly to Tommary she says “And you’ll get to enjoy a couple more’a those ‘wahoos’ ya likes so much.”

Turning to Elyona Tooots offers a bit shyly: “If ya wanna try savin’ yer moonbeams Ely, in case they’re somethin’ you can’t do a lot of…. Wouldja maybe wanna use one’a the crossbows? There’s still a couple more in m’purse, an’ I still got a good handful of bolts left you could use. Wadaya think? If ya do need to you could still use yer magic. Right?”

Addressing the group once more Toots says: “Then, after the final curtain drops on those creepy crawlers…” Toots shudders “…we can circle back here to plan our next set and tune up our instruments again before we go back for another curtain call to club those seals on the lower mezzanine. And if it turns out that we can’t hit those buggers from the upper balcony, we can still circle back ‘round here to figure out why and what to do about it. What do youse all think? Are we in tune and on key?

OOC: Since there’s a glass barrier between the levels, those giant scorpions might count as being behind “total cover” even if they’re visible. That’s why I am suggesting we test your theory about attacking them from the top level with spells before anyone burns any serious resources. For example, the highest spell slots Elyona has are 2nd-level. Why burn one on moonbeam only to find out it’ll bounce right off of the glass that’s protects the monsters when a cantrip would yield the same information? (Why risk a Bishop on a Pawn’s task as it were?)

I wouldn’t normally try to be quiet this frugal… but Toots and Ily are both almost half through their spell slots already. If this four-tiered wedding cake death chamber is anything half as bad as that oven-corridor full of silent, sniffing, scrotum-faced stalkers was….  *woofta* If Ely still has a moonbeam up her sleeve to save Toots perky li’l tuchus then I’ll love her more than the Hin girl does.

If we can hurt them from the upper deck like youse two (Yurei and Midnight) suggested, then Yahtzee! We can essentially “take 10” by pinging them to death with Timmys. (If any of you played M:tG that should make sense.) If we can’t, then we risked nothing, spent nothing, and can still plan our next move from the safety of right here. I love your plan. “It’s a great plan, a wonderful pla-, terrific plan…”  I just wanna test it first with a cantrip. Saright?

OOC: So do we, or do we not have LoS on non-obscured targets over those barriers? Can we both “see” and “target” the scorpions on the “second floor,” the sea lions on the “first floor,” and potentially any future hostile that might be on the “ground floor,” all from the relative safety of the top “third floor?” Or would we have to actually descend to each progressively lower level before we could engage creatures on those levels?

OOC: When Ilyra and Tommary made their first loops we were able to see the whole lay out, including occupants.  I actually didn't realize they were tiered like this, I thought they were actually concentric squares.  But when we made our second lap with the lobster meat we were visually aware of the scorpions following our craft, so I'd say we at least have clear line of sight on them.  I just want to kill something with harsh language.

shatter is Tommary's sawed off shottie.  If he can't find the exhaust ports in the trenches, he'll cause this mountain to nuclear melt down through indiscriminate fire.

Quote from IamSposta >>

OOC: So do we, or do we not have LoS on non-obscured targets over those barriers? Can we both “see” and “target” the scorpions on the “second floor,” the sea lions on the “first floor,” and potentially any future hostile that might be on the “ground floor,” all from the relative safety of the top “third floor?” Or would we have to actually descend to each progressively lower level before we could engage creatures on those levels?

 OOC: You have both line of sight and clear line of fire as you are attacking from the surface of the water in your kayaks.

There is no practical way for either the scorpions or the sea loins to get to you so just let me know how the party is going to go about it. 

No rolls needed if you're just going to use cantrips. It will eventually get the job done. Using the handcrossbows needs to track ammo.

OOC: We can even bring 9 in the third kayak. Could he hop out, stand still and hold towlines to effectively anchor the kayaks so we would have parkable battle barges for stationary firing platforms? Or would we have to keep floating around until we got them all?

I’ll happily take a layup, if we can ping ‘em to death and “get to the bottom of things,” I’m good. I’m just one player though, if the three of youse all would prefer not to “skip ahead to the Fire Swamp,” then I’ll go along with your votes.

Ilyara does not object to trying her cantrip flames on scorpones and ensuring there's no spell barriers or other weirdness in place.  Best to save bolts for times when we'll be in more danger than we currently think we are.

Quote from IamSposta >>

OOC: We can even bring 9 in the third kayak.

 OOC: Number 9 is on the other side of the slip and slide.

Quote from Wysperra >>

Quote from IamSposta >>

OOC: We can even bring 9 in the third kayak.

 OOC: Number 9 is on the other side of the slip and slide.

 
OOC: Tefawk?!? I thought we took the loop back to where we left 9 when we stopped for lunch. Isn’t that where the additional kayaks were?!? What am I missing?

Quote from IamSposta >>

Quote from Wysperra >>

Quote from IamSposta >>

OOC: We can even bring 9 in the third kayak.

 OOC: Number 9 is on the other side of the slip and slide.

 
OOC: Tefawk?!? I thought we took the loop back to where we left 9 when we stopped for lunch. Isn’t that where the additional kayaks were?!? What am I missing?

 OOC: Nobody told him to follow across the Ruddy Goldenburg ladder contraption over the slippery pits of rusty doom.

(("Oh, noooo.  The evil murder zombie waiting for the order to kill us all in our sleep is stuck on the other side of a trap barrier he can't navigate to us.  Whatever shall we dooooo?"))

Quote from Wysperra >>

Quote from IamSposta >>

Quote from Wysperra >>

Quote from IamSposta >>

OOC: We can even bring 9 in the third kayak.

 OOC: Number 9 is on the other side of the slip and slide.

 
OOC: Tefawk?!? I thought we took the loop back to where we left 9 when we stopped for lunch. Isn’t that where the additional kayaks were?!? What am I missing?

 OOC: Nobody told him to follow across the Ruddy Goldenburg ladder contraption over the slippery pits of rusty doom.

 
🤨

OOC: Glare at that true statement!

OOC: I had though about it, but was dubious about their ability to make. the crossing as a construct low on sparks.   

Tommary and Ilyra I think are on the same page, he's planning to use Vicious Mockery to do the town's equivalent of the dozens on the scorpions.

Using foul language, icy fingers, jingle bells, and batman smells, your party is able to eliminate the giant scorpions. It does take time and the scorpions scrabble futilely at the walls while you pick them apart one by one.

What do you do now?