Its a strange thing really, what we DM:s do. At least those of us who regularly start campaigns and then run them for dozens of sessions until the campaign falls apart or ends. I have only quit as DM of a couple of campaigns the last 15 years -- due to extreme life circumstances in one case, and due to 4e D&D being unpalatable to me in another.
Just getting a group of new players together can be a somewhat harrowing experience. Many times, no matter how hard I try to get to know the players beforehand, I have ended up with a rotten egg in the group: a "toxic player" as one wise DM calls them. Then comes the often awkward experience of a group of gamer people trying to get acquainted. Sometimes it takes several sessions before the group really begins to glue and the fun begins, especially if its a large one. Last time I got lucky and the first session was great fun, almost all the players did awesome, but this is so seldom the case. Most of the time this takes 2-3 sessions to build up. I really understand people who mostly only play with people who they are friends with or already know to be D&D fans and good roleplayers. These are some of the things a regular DM has to put up with quite often:
Thoughtless players who make underhanded and snarky comments about how you roleplay certain NPCs or how you do accents, voices etc.
Munchkin players who have a hard time accepting failure and try to fidget away poor dice rolls (believing they can trick the rest of the group)
Without fail: at least one player "roleplaying" as hostile and suspicious of the other PCs when they first meet
Snowflake players who always want to play the "mysterious character who sits in a corner under a hood, smoking a pipe"
"Oooh! Shiny" players who always wants to switch characters to the latest thing published or wants (nay! demands) the DM to switch the campaign to the latest sub par campaign setting re-packaged for the third time.
Players who think they are gaming critics and drop comments about your adventures being cliché, your NPC:s one dimensional, your campaign not as amazing as *insert fave RPG stream here* in fact not ever going to be able to compete with that amazing RPG stream. You may as well give up.
You not being as good a DM/roleplayer as the amazing GM they saw on youtube or a stream.
Players who are incapable of understanding or remembering even the most basic rule mechanics of the game, even after several sessions.
Neckbeards
"Actors"
Players who have come to the conclusion that you are a poor DM because you sometimes forget concentration rolls and have not completely memorized every line of every sourcebook.
Entitled players who want to play with elaborate dioramas and fancy minis but are unwilling or unable to contribute any of those things themselves. Not even a single mini, mind you!
Players who don't understand that you are a person who wants to have fun -- not a performing monkey who is there to "deliver a gaming experience"
Players who can't wait their turn and constantly hog your attention
Granted -- I have never experienced more than 3-4 of these things during a single session. Those points are also minor nuisances and mostly easy to deal with. The thing that can really grind me down is the pressure of preparing fun stuff to play and dealing with the logistics of getting the group together. You can't just show up at the table with nothing prepared at all, that never works. The exhaustion i feel after DMing is also a problem sometimes. I feel drained; not tired in a good way. I fear I am burning out as a DM. The odd thing is that I do this completely voluntarily, and I don't get a single penny for it. The only material rewards i have ever reaped for DMing 5e are a few snacks and drinks here and there, plus my brother giving me the set of 3 D&D 5e rules books as a present (for which I am eternally grateful). I am sometimes envious of the people who have found a way of getting payed to do it, even though it sort of feels like they're cheating at life :-D
I have thought of a few things I can do to reduce the stress (not having 2 ongoing campaigns at once is a good start). But I would greatly appreciate any advice you in this community have to give, on how to prevent DM burnout!
DMing can be a thankless task; if you've never done it, you'll never be able to understand. I had a group of players that genuinely thought I showed up the same time as they did, and the campaign was as much a surprise to me as them, and I prepped as much as they did, because it was 'already pre-made', and 'you just make it up.' An honest conversation about how much time and effort you put into each and every session helps, not for martyrdom, but so that they can appreciate that you've spent 15 hours crafting a dungeon for them to enjoy - the least they can do is show up on time.
The important thing is to remember that DMing is another role at the table, as much as the players. If you're not having fun, then something isn't right. I've found that some DMs can have the attitude that they're 'taking the bullet for the team' by being the DM, just waiting for someone else to take the reigns so they can get to playing the game and finally start having fun. While playing is a blast, it's crucial to be honest with yourself about whether you're enjoying it, or tolerating it.
And that can change: Sometimes DMing is the greatest D&D experience you can have... other times, it's the worst. From your list, it sounds like you love being a DM - you put time and effort into it, and want (along with yourself) everyone to have a great time playing D&D. But it also sounds like those small grievances are starting to get to you. The irritating player habits, the frustration, the player tropes that drive you nuts. It's all a sign that you're running out of patience for annoying players - an almost prerequisite for being a DM.
My advice? Take a break. Ask if another player wants to DM a one or two session mini adventure. They get to try their hand at DMing without committing to a huge campaign, and you get to blow off some steam as a player. It also helps the new DM to appreciate your craft, and be a more sympathetic player in future. You could make 'Guest DMing' a regular thing, where a different player has a go perhaps every other month. If players are completely adverse to the idea, then it sets the stage for an honest conversation about how much effort you put in, and while that's the reason nobody else wants to do it, you need to have fun too.
Chatting to other DMs really helps, which is why I'm glad you've posted here. Sometimes just chewing the fat over something that drove you crazy in the last session with a sympathetic fellow DM can work wonders. I think as world creators, we ultimately want our work appreciated - whether to bask in the glow of a good time, or just to create something that others enjoy, or whether to facilitate everyone's good time. When we feel like we're not getting that, it's a kick in the nuts.
Your major grievance is the same as mine. But that's probably because, as DMs, we're so much more invested in getting a game together. When you spend significantly more time out of game thinking about the next session, it's easy to expect the players to. So when you try and organise the next session, and one or two players are flakey, late, 'always busy', or otherwise not as committed as you, it's frustrating - especially as you bust a hump to get everything together.
But being paid to DM is something I can't quantify in my head. Not because I don't think DMs deserve to be paid for their effort, but because it changes the dynamic too much for me. That's another conversation for another thread, but I think that'd contribute to burnout far more quickly.
I have to agree with Chequershere - it sounds like you're already hitting burnout, and it's time to walk away for a bit.
When you start thinking of your game in terms of "getting a group of new players together can be a somewhat harrowing experience", and " I do this completely voluntarily, and I don't get a single penny for it", "am sometimes envious of the people who have found a way of getting payed to do it" - you need to step away. Whatever value you were getting out of the game as a DM isn't enough for you anymore - at least for the present. When you start making contemptuous comments about your players ( "Neckbeards"," Actors", and "Snowflake Players" - really? ) you've become part of the problem.
I think one thing you can do to get your stride back is to play something different with your groups. Keep the social connections, but play something that's less stress on you. You can even rope in some of these literary and DM critics into the GM hot-seat for a one-shot or two so they can better appreciate what you do to prepare and adjudicate. There's a ton of small, silly, low stress, one-shot RPG systems out there, that anyone can learn to run ( See Grant Howitt's work ). There's lots of fantasy themed board games - or board games that have nothing to do with high fantasy, that don't require you to DM. Heck - play poker if it's fun for everyone, and keeps the workload off of you.
With my group, we still meet when one or more players can't make it - but we don't play the main campaign. We often don't even play an RPG, and I'm not always the one driving. I think it keeps me sane ( ish ).
If and when you decompress and go back to DM'ing, most - if not all - of your list of grievances can be avoided so that you don't get burned out again.
It's a matter of setting up DM/Player expectations right up front - explain this is how you run your campaign, you're not Matt Mercer ( or whoever ), you haven't memorized all the rules, and here's the process you have in place for dealing with rule disagreements in play. Anyone who doesn't like your style is free to find another group. Listen to what your players want in the way of adventure style, and give them some of that, if you can. Anyone who kibitzes and makes snarky comments gets told "look, I put in a lot of effort to put this together for your entertainment. If you want to explain to me after session the kind of adventures you'd rather play, we can see about incorporating some of that in the campaign - but while we're playing I would appreciate you being polite". Cheaters get warned, suspended, and then shown the door. Toxic players get an explanation as to why what they're doing is disruptive, and why the group needs them to stop - then they get suspended, and then shown the door.
Players who are challenged at remembering the mechanics might need so help and some remedial work. I'm currently working on a "quick reference" list for one of my players who is like that - and I'm contemplating color coding his dice ( d4 is green, d6 is red ... ), and marking the rolls on the sheet accordingly. Yeah, it's work on my part - it's probably worth it to not have him interrupting everyone else's game flow. Or if that's too much work, start enforcing the "you have 30 seconds to work out your move, so please have your s%@# together". Or .. ease them out of the group.
Part of it, unfortunately, I would say rests on you. Being contemptuous of players' approaches to the game is a very bad sign. Recognize that not everyone's fun is the same - and not the same as yours even. If the way they want to play their character makes you roll your eyes ( those stereotype tropes & the people who "act" badly, but are having fun doing it ), but doesn't take away from anyone else's fun ( including yours ), let 'em roll with it. Plan around it, so that it doesn't negatively impact the campaign - but still occasionally throw them a bone in the story to let them stretch their legs they way they like. If you really just cannot tolerate it, ease them out of the group ( or find another groups yourself ). Neither they, or you, are objectively wrong - you're just not compatible.
Spotlight, and pace control are your responsibility. Learn to say "Hold that thought, I'd like to hear _______'s take on it".
In short:
You are burning out. Take a break. Play something different. Let someone else drive, or play things that don't have a central referee with your group.
If/when you come back, set up expectations, and expected standards of manners and conduct. Hold your players to them.
Learn to roll with other people's way of having fun with their characters and play style - or don't and don't play with those people. Playing with them and resenting them for it just poisons your game.
Manage expectations, manage flow, manage your table.
Work with the players that need some help - or again don't and ease them out. Don't sit there and resent them.
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My advice? Take a break. Ask if another player wants to DM a one or two session mini adventure. They get to try their hand at DMing without committing to a huge campaign, and you get to blow off some steam as a player. It also helps the new DM to appreciate your craft, and be a more sympathetic player in future. You could make 'Guest DMing' a regular thing, where a different player has a go perhaps every other month. If players are completely adverse to the idea, then it sets the stage for an honest conversation about how much effort you put in, and while that's the reason nobody else wants to do it, you need to have fun too.
Chatting to other DMs really helps, which is why I'm glad you've posted here. Sometimes just chewing the fat over something that drove you crazy in the last session with a sympathetic fellow DM can work wonders. I think as world creators, we ultimately want our work appreciated - whether to bask in the glow of a good time, or just to create something that others enjoy, or whether to facilitate everyone's good time. When we feel like we're not getting that, it's a kick in the nuts.
Your major grievance is the same as mine. But that's probably because, as DMs, we're so much more invested in getting a game together. When you spend significantly more time out of game thinking about the next session, it's easy to expect the players to. So when you try and organise the next session, and one or two players are flakey, late, 'always busy', or otherwise not as committed as you, it's frustrating - especially as you bust a hump to get everything together.
The entitled thing is what gets to me the most to be honest. I completely get where its coming from, the DM seems to be some sort of teacher, project leader and storyteller all rolled into one. But some of the new generation of young adults who want to play because its "cool" now are taking this entitlement thing to the next level. They respect you about as much as they would an Ipad. I need to remind myself when I run into a player like this that I'm the one who initiated everything voluntarily; that I'm the one who started the campaign and was looking for entirely new players of all ages and orientations. A good thing then that some of them are a lot of fun to play with and add a lot of entertaining dynamics to the group.
The always to busy to play type: I've had a few of them through the years since I started recruiting players on the net. They start by telling you all the times they can't play (but not the times when they can play). I think they do it to feel important. "The hustle-bustle life of an influencer and role-model for all prevents me from playing D&D, I just contacted you to let you know that". TBH I've never had a player who is often a no-show even if you agreed on a time. I would fire a player like that. Would that even be needed, come to think about it?
I do love being a DM but I don't always love the responsibility of the role. And I agree -- sometimes it is awful in a way that is difficult to explain to people who haven't had one of those extra special sessions with players starting fights, arguments over rules, people getting total meltdowns, etc, etc. Its been a while since I've had one of those, but I had one that was almost no fun at all a while back because of a person who is frankly awful to play D&D with (even if its a good human being, basically).
DM Burnout has a large variety of causes, and just as many remedies. What works as remedy will depend on the DM and their circumstances. I for one am a poster child for an Aries. As such, I am usually unaffected or discouraged by player behaviors, and when I am, I address it directly and immediately. However, while my player's behavior doesn't do much to lead to my own DM burnout, once again; being a stereotypical Aries, waiting does. Not the waiting you get in a single session, like waiting for players to decide what they want to do. More the long-term kind. At the start of a campaign, I'm bursting with creativity and enthusiasm, and I just can't wait for the players to see what I've got in store... but I have to... and I start getting bored waiting for the story to progress. And the enthusiasm wanes. Then I get bored. And burnout.
In my particular case, I have taken one or two routes to remedy to the burn out: review the material I have and possibly revise it based on story progression thus far to try and reignite my fire, and/or seek out new inspiration to add into my plans for the current campaign.
Again: my method won't work for everyone, since everyone burns out for different reasons, but I thought I'd share in case anyone else finds themselves burning out for boredom.
The most common thing I've found for my burnout is the lack of acknowledgement for the effort put in to the games I present. I have yet to play online since I have been lucky enough to have full tables around home, but DM burnout still happened to me. Whether I'm playing AL or running a Homebrew, I have to put a lot of work in to making everything flow well for the players, and then improv like a master writer when they go off script. Every one of your rant points, plus my own, all pile up like so much weight, to where we just have to blow off steam and refrain from doing things that are questionably Chaotic Neutral...
Just remember, the new generation needs to learn how to unplug and when it gets to be too much, try to find a game to play in, even a one-shot. I stepped away from a year and a half long homebrew game in my local shop, just picked up my books, told the shop owner it was the last session and walked. The table I was running ended up with a group of people that sent me home so frustrated my wife began asking me to quit DMing for them.
-I had one player who was blatantly cheating, half the table saw him roll a 1 and he told me he rolled a 17. -One player created a character that couldn't be surprised, ambushed or otherwise caught off-guard, and then avoided any potential (or perceived) threat in a 100 ft radius the entire game. To the point that they missed critical plot events and got mad at me for it. -Another player who would take an hour to figure out where to place his ASI...that's it..almost 3 hours to go from lvl 2 to 3, and this guy has played since 3.0 came out. -Then we have the guy who wanted to make a custom shapeshift druid but wanted me to do all the work. He'd say: "I want him to be able to do this." and I'd respond with "Give me a few ideas of how you'd like it to work." He'd come back the next week with nothing and get mad because I wouldn't just let him do whatever he wanted. Then, like your "Oh shiny" example, he'd get bored or feel under-powered and beg to kill off his character to play the new flavor of the week.
Eventually, as I said, I walked away from the game, I wasn't having fun. I taught my wife how to DM and I've begun to play every other weekend, I DM one Saturday and she does the other. Now I'm back up to 3 games a week I DM, 2 that I play in and it's going well, but I needed to walk away from that game or I'd have probably quit DMing for a long while.
I'd just add to remind yourself WHY you wanted to DM in the first place, unless it was simply of our necessity then there was something that drew you to it and you need to gain that again.
Everyone else pretty much nailed it. I myself just get lost in my own story and the NPCs, then it feels more like I am playing instead of just running the game.
DMsven, you seem to have highlighted three main problems you're having.
Annoying or disruptive players.
Time-consuming preparation.
Logistics.
There's already a lot of good advice in this thread already, but here's a few tips.
For player problems - when starting a new group, use a more elaborate screening process. I usually go with some combination of meeting with the players beforehand just to get to know them, a campaign survey to understand their preferences, and a session zero to sort out other matters and develop the premise for the campaign.
Also, start the campaign by running a one-off adventure. That way, if you find a couple players don't fit after a couple sessions, then you can adjust as needed without affecting the main campaign.
For issues with prep - you might want to consider running some premade adventures. There's a lot of good material out there, both official and unofficial. You'll find a great number of adventures on DM's Guild, some of which are very good. If you're finding preparing for the game is not rewarding for you, then let someone else do this work for you. You can create a homebrew campaign and then drop in smaller premade adventures whenever you're feeling overwhelmed.
Regarding logistics - set clear expectations with your players and ask them to be honest about how often they will be able to show up for a game. If most players can't make a regular weekly game, then consider playing every couple weeks instead. But if it's only a couple players that are the problem, then don't include them in the group. You can have a player that's a great fit otherwise, but if they can't actually commit to the game, then it's just not going to work.
I have played D&D for a while and I just started finally DMing which is what I have always wanted to do since I have started. I play with a couple of my friends and I played 3 sessions and they weren't paying attention, forgot there was a story, and one was trying to meta-game and disrupting play because it wasn't his turn. I have taken a break for a while but I think with these tips I might start DMing again. Thank You
The entitled thing is what gets to me the most to be honest. I completely get where its coming from, the DM seems to be some sort of teacher, project leader and storyteller all rolled into one. But some of the new generation of young adults who want to play because its "cool" now are taking this entitlement thing to the next level. They respect you about as much as they would an Ipad.
Unfortunately, this is not just a D&D player problem and it is not going to go away. This is a generational problem.
I say this as someone who has been teaching at the collegiate level since the 1990s. And I am not alone -- many of my colleagues have been at it as long or longer and they will say the same thing. The current generation of young people, say those who hit 18 in the last 10 or so years (basically since the advent of the smartphone) is exactly as you describe not just in D&D but in the college classroom as well. They treat their college professors the way you're describing being treated as a DM. And no offense to you because I am sure you put a lot of work into D&D but think about the much larger amount of work that professors have put into grad school, writing a dissertation, getting the doctorate, becoming faculty, getting tenure. My friend, if all that work, which takes many years, costs great expense, and is something only a tiny handful of people have the intestinal fortitude to accomplish, cannot garner even a tiny modicum of respect from this generation of young people... you have no chance getting it from the work you do as a DM in a game. Again this is not to disparage DMing, but rather, just to put the scale of the problem into perspective.
Your players can't accept failure and cheat at dice rolls? Same mentality as entitled students who cheat on exams and then cry foul when they get caught (they act like you are somehow violating their right to cheat). Players incapable of remembering the rules? I'd bet they haven't even read the rules because this generation of young people refuses to read. Even when I give them points for just reading the eBook (I can see if they read it or not)... one of my colleagues said he thinks our students hate reading so much that they'd rather fail than read. If they won't read to save their grade in classes they pay thousands of dollars to attend.. what chance do we have as DMs to get them to read even just the few pages of the PHB that pertain to their class or race?
My point is, this is a much bigger problem than just what's happening at the gaming table, and it's not (at least primarily) caused by all those streaming shows. Sure those shows give new players a warped view of what to expect at the gaming table (or on Roll 20 or Fantasy Grounds or whatever). But the attitude you're getting is not coming from watching streams. It's deeper, more pervasive and, as far as I can tell, not just national but international in scope (based on discussions with people at international education conferences).
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BioWizard
I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
As far as I can tell, people have complained about "kids these days" for as long as there have existed kids and days.
This is true to a point. However, what BioW is saying is backed up by some recent and intriguing neuroscience research. Our brains are very plastic in how they develop. Everything from a plethora of cable channels to flip through, internet access allowing ANYTHING at a click, and instant gratification smartphones are shown to lower perseverance and for lack of a better term tolerance of boredom (read as least preferred activities) has been shown to be a growing trend in Millennials and Gen Z. Boomers and Gen X respondents are also showing declining scores in those areas in several longitudinal studies. They however "started" from a higher level.
Not to be too biting but quotes like yours are often attributed to either the generation being commented on or come from a person that is not seeing the issue at hand. Take Gen Z for instance, how many of you have seen in the last 7-10 years a parent pushing their kid in cart through a store with the kid either squirming and yelling demanding the phone or drooling as it plays with the phone (demand already given into) or have noticed the increase in automobile infotainment (DVD players or WiFI) so that the kids in the back seat can just zone out to the tube instead of you know talk to each other, look out the window, draw, read, or sing along badly with their parents to the radio?
I find playing in someone else’s campaign and DMing my own at the same time (not AT the same time, but concurrently) helps a lot.
Yes, that is an excellent way to avoid burnout. You can also do rotating DMs. You get to take your DM hat off some of the time and just relax and think about only one character.
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BioWizard
I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
Im lucky to have a great group. My players are all cool and just want to have a good time. They make all the sessions and if for whatever reason they cannot then they are really good about giving the group a heads up. It definitely took me some time to get a group that I would like to say is dam near perfect. I burn myself out with the game prep and I tend to put far more into it then needed, as im sure most of us DMs do. I think what really burns me out is the map making. I draw/paint all my maps within Photoshop and one map can take a good amount of time. There is also no guarantee that the players will even get to the location which I had created a map for. Its really a guessing game because the group often times has several options tossed at them. I do run into the writers block at times as well. The creative process can be a daunting one thats for sure. I still think my biggest hangup is with the map creation. Also I have not played as a character since AD&D days.
My general observation is you should just step back and ask if someone else would be the DM for a while. It will give you a break from the routine, will allow you to relax a little and may provide you with some new ideas for making campaign ideas. If you play a character you may well find a revelation in seeing the character from the PCs point of view and then find better quest ideas you didn't think of earlier. Taking a break from being the DM doesn't mean giving it up. Enjoy the game and enjoy the holidays.
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Its a strange thing really, what we DM:s do. At least those of us who regularly start campaigns and then run them for dozens of sessions until the campaign falls apart or ends. I have only quit as DM of a couple of campaigns the last 15 years -- due to extreme life circumstances in one case, and due to 4e D&D being unpalatable to me in another.
Just getting a group of new players together can be a somewhat harrowing experience. Many times, no matter how hard I try to get to know the players beforehand, I have ended up with a rotten egg in the group: a "toxic player" as one wise DM calls them. Then comes the often awkward experience of a group of gamer people trying to get acquainted. Sometimes it takes several sessions before the group really begins to glue and the fun begins, especially if its a large one. Last time I got lucky and the first session was great fun, almost all the players did awesome, but this is so seldom the case. Most of the time this takes 2-3 sessions to build up. I really understand people who mostly only play with people who they are friends with or already know to be D&D fans and good roleplayers. These are some of the things a regular DM has to put up with quite often:
Granted -- I have never experienced more than 3-4 of these things during a single session. Those points are also minor nuisances and mostly easy to deal with. The thing that can really grind me down is the pressure of preparing fun stuff to play and dealing with the logistics of getting the group together. You can't just show up at the table with nothing prepared at all, that never works. The exhaustion i feel after DMing is also a problem sometimes. I feel drained; not tired in a good way. I fear I am burning out as a DM. The odd thing is that I do this completely voluntarily, and I don't get a single penny for it. The only material rewards i have ever reaped for DMing 5e are a few snacks and drinks here and there, plus my brother giving me the set of 3 D&D 5e rules books as a present (for which I am eternally grateful). I am sometimes envious of the people who have found a way of getting payed to do it, even though it sort of feels like they're cheating at life :-D
I have thought of a few things I can do to reduce the stress (not having 2 ongoing campaigns at once is a good start). But I would greatly appreciate any advice you in this community have to give, on how to prevent DM burnout!
Absolutely sounds like DM burnout. I feel you.
DMing can be a thankless task; if you've never done it, you'll never be able to understand. I had a group of players that genuinely thought I showed up the same time as they did, and the campaign was as much a surprise to me as them, and I prepped as much as they did, because it was 'already pre-made', and 'you just make it up.' An honest conversation about how much time and effort you put into each and every session helps, not for martyrdom, but so that they can appreciate that you've spent 15 hours crafting a dungeon for them to enjoy - the least they can do is show up on time.
The important thing is to remember that DMing is another role at the table, as much as the players. If you're not having fun, then something isn't right. I've found that some DMs can have the attitude that they're 'taking the bullet for the team' by being the DM, just waiting for someone else to take the reigns so they can get to playing the game and finally start having fun. While playing is a blast, it's crucial to be honest with yourself about whether you're enjoying it, or tolerating it.
And that can change: Sometimes DMing is the greatest D&D experience you can have... other times, it's the worst. From your list, it sounds like you love being a DM - you put time and effort into it, and want (along with yourself) everyone to have a great time playing D&D. But it also sounds like those small grievances are starting to get to you. The irritating player habits, the frustration, the player tropes that drive you nuts. It's all a sign that you're running out of patience for annoying players - an almost prerequisite for being a DM.
My advice? Take a break. Ask if another player wants to DM a one or two session mini adventure. They get to try their hand at DMing without committing to a huge campaign, and you get to blow off some steam as a player. It also helps the new DM to appreciate your craft, and be a more sympathetic player in future. You could make 'Guest DMing' a regular thing, where a different player has a go perhaps every other month. If players are completely adverse to the idea, then it sets the stage for an honest conversation about how much effort you put in, and while that's the reason nobody else wants to do it, you need to have fun too.
Chatting to other DMs really helps, which is why I'm glad you've posted here. Sometimes just chewing the fat over something that drove you crazy in the last session with a sympathetic fellow DM can work wonders. I think as world creators, we ultimately want our work appreciated - whether to bask in the glow of a good time, or just to create something that others enjoy, or whether to facilitate everyone's good time. When we feel like we're not getting that, it's a kick in the nuts.
Your major grievance is the same as mine. But that's probably because, as DMs, we're so much more invested in getting a game together. When you spend significantly more time out of game thinking about the next session, it's easy to expect the players to. So when you try and organise the next session, and one or two players are flakey, late, 'always busy', or otherwise not as committed as you, it's frustrating - especially as you bust a hump to get everything together.
But being paid to DM is something I can't quantify in my head. Not because I don't think DMs deserve to be paid for their effort, but because it changes the dynamic too much for me. That's another conversation for another thread, but I think that'd contribute to burnout far more quickly.
I have to agree with Chequers here - it sounds like you're already hitting burnout, and it's time to walk away for a bit.
When you start thinking of your game in terms of "getting a group of new players together can be a somewhat harrowing experience", and " I do this completely voluntarily, and I don't get a single penny for it", "am sometimes envious of the people who have found a way of getting payed to do it" - you need to step away. Whatever value you were getting out of the game as a DM isn't enough for you anymore - at least for the present. When you start making contemptuous comments about your players ( "Neckbeards"," Actors", and "Snowflake Players" - really? ) you've become part of the problem.
I think one thing you can do to get your stride back is to play something different with your groups. Keep the social connections, but play something that's less stress on you. You can even rope in some of these literary and DM critics into the GM hot-seat for a one-shot or two so they can better appreciate what you do to prepare and adjudicate. There's a ton of small, silly, low stress, one-shot RPG systems out there, that anyone can learn to run ( See Grant Howitt's work ). There's lots of fantasy themed board games - or board games that have nothing to do with high fantasy, that don't require you to DM. Heck - play poker if it's fun for everyone, and keeps the workload off of you.
With my group, we still meet when one or more players can't make it - but we don't play the main campaign. We often don't even play an RPG, and I'm not always the one driving. I think it keeps me sane ( ish ).
If and when you decompress and go back to DM'ing, most - if not all - of your list of grievances can be avoided so that you don't get burned out again.
It's a matter of setting up DM/Player expectations right up front - explain this is how you run your campaign, you're not Matt Mercer ( or whoever ), you haven't memorized all the rules, and here's the process you have in place for dealing with rule disagreements in play. Anyone who doesn't like your style is free to find another group. Listen to what your players want in the way of adventure style, and give them some of that, if you can. Anyone who kibitzes and makes snarky comments gets told "look, I put in a lot of effort to put this together for your entertainment. If you want to explain to me after session the kind of adventures you'd rather play, we can see about incorporating some of that in the campaign - but while we're playing I would appreciate you being polite". Cheaters get warned, suspended, and then shown the door. Toxic players get an explanation as to why what they're doing is disruptive, and why the group needs them to stop - then they get suspended, and then shown the door.
Players who are challenged at remembering the mechanics might need so help and some remedial work. I'm currently working on a "quick reference" list for one of my players who is like that - and I'm contemplating color coding his dice ( d4 is green, d6 is red ... ), and marking the rolls on the sheet accordingly. Yeah, it's work on my part - it's probably worth it to not have him interrupting everyone else's game flow. Or if that's too much work, start enforcing the "you have 30 seconds to work out your move, so please have your s%@# together". Or .. ease them out of the group.
Part of it, unfortunately, I would say rests on you. Being contemptuous of players' approaches to the game is a very bad sign. Recognize that not everyone's fun is the same - and not the same as yours even. If the way they want to play their character makes you roll your eyes ( those stereotype tropes & the people who "act" badly, but are having fun doing it ), but doesn't take away from anyone else's fun ( including yours ), let 'em roll with it. Plan around it, so that it doesn't negatively impact the campaign - but still occasionally throw them a bone in the story to let them stretch their legs they way they like. If you really just cannot tolerate it, ease them out of the group ( or find another groups yourself ). Neither they, or you, are objectively wrong - you're just not compatible.
Spotlight, and pace control are your responsibility. Learn to say "Hold that thought, I'd like to hear _______'s take on it".
In short:
My DM Philosophy, as summed up by other people: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1rN5w4-azTq3Kbn0Yvk9nfqQhwQ1R5by1/view
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The entitled thing is what gets to me the most to be honest. I completely get where its coming from, the DM seems to be some sort of teacher, project leader and storyteller all rolled into one. But some of the new generation of young adults who want to play because its "cool" now are taking this entitlement thing to the next level. They respect you about as much as they would an Ipad. I need to remind myself when I run into a player like this that I'm the one who initiated everything voluntarily; that I'm the one who started the campaign and was looking for entirely new players of all ages and orientations. A good thing then that some of them are a lot of fun to play with and add a lot of entertaining dynamics to the group.
The always to busy to play type: I've had a few of them through the years since I started recruiting players on the net. They start by telling you all the times they can't play (but not the times when they can play). I think they do it to feel important. "The hustle-bustle life of an influencer and role-model for all prevents me from playing D&D, I just contacted you to let you know that". TBH I've never had a player who is often a no-show even if you agreed on a time. I would fire a player like that. Would that even be needed, come to think about it?
I do love being a DM but I don't always love the responsibility of the role. And I agree -- sometimes it is awful in a way that is difficult to explain to people who haven't had one of those extra special sessions with players starting fights, arguments over rules, people getting total meltdowns, etc, etc. Its been a while since I've had one of those, but I had one that was almost no fun at all a while back because of a person who is frankly awful to play D&D with (even if its a good human being, basically).
Whatever, Vexedent. I was just venting. But thanks for the advice!
Oh and sorry for the double post :-)
DM Burnout has a large variety of causes, and just as many remedies. What works as remedy will depend on the DM and their circumstances. I for one am a poster child for an Aries. As such, I am usually unaffected or discouraged by player behaviors, and when I am, I address it directly and immediately. However, while my player's behavior doesn't do much to lead to my own DM burnout, once again; being a stereotypical Aries, waiting does. Not the waiting you get in a single session, like waiting for players to decide what they want to do. More the long-term kind. At the start of a campaign, I'm bursting with creativity and enthusiasm, and I just can't wait for the players to see what I've got in store... but I have to... and I start getting bored waiting for the story to progress. And the enthusiasm wanes. Then I get bored. And burnout.
In my particular case, I have taken one or two routes to remedy to the burn out: review the material I have and possibly revise it based on story progression thus far to try and reignite my fire, and/or seek out new inspiration to add into my plans for the current campaign.
Again: my method won't work for everyone, since everyone burns out for different reasons, but I thought I'd share in case anyone else finds themselves burning out for boredom.
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The most common thing I've found for my burnout is the lack of acknowledgement for the effort put in to the games I present. I have yet to play online since I have been lucky enough to have full tables around home, but DM burnout still happened to me. Whether I'm playing AL or running a Homebrew, I have to put a lot of work in to making everything flow well for the players, and then improv like a master writer when they go off script. Every one of your rant points, plus my own, all pile up like so much weight, to where we just have to blow off steam and refrain from doing things that are questionably Chaotic Neutral...
Just remember, the new generation needs to learn how to unplug and when it gets to be too much, try to find a game to play in, even a one-shot. I stepped away from a year and a half long homebrew game in my local shop, just picked up my books, told the shop owner it was the last session and walked. The table I was running ended up with a group of people that sent me home so frustrated my wife began asking me to quit DMing for them.
-I had one player who was blatantly cheating, half the table saw him roll a 1 and he told me he rolled a 17.
-One player created a character that couldn't be surprised, ambushed or otherwise caught off-guard, and then avoided any potential (or perceived) threat in a 100 ft radius the entire game. To the point that they missed critical plot events and got mad at me for it.
-Another player who would take an hour to figure out where to place his ASI...that's it..almost 3 hours to go from lvl 2 to 3, and this guy has played since 3.0 came out.
-Then we have the guy who wanted to make a custom shapeshift druid but wanted me to do all the work. He'd say: "I want him to be able to do this." and I'd respond with "Give me a few ideas of how you'd like it to work." He'd come back the next week with nothing and get mad because I wouldn't just let him do whatever he wanted. Then, like your "Oh shiny" example, he'd get bored or feel under-powered and beg to kill off his character to play the new flavor of the week.
Eventually, as I said, I walked away from the game, I wasn't having fun. I taught my wife how to DM and I've begun to play every other weekend, I DM one Saturday and she does the other. Now I'm back up to 3 games a week I DM, 2 that I play in and it's going well, but I needed to walk away from that game or I'd have probably quit DMing for a long while.
I'd just add to remind yourself WHY you wanted to DM in the first place, unless it was simply of our necessity then there was something that drew you to it and you need to gain that again.
Everyone else pretty much nailed it. I myself just get lost in my own story and the NPCs, then it feels more like I am playing instead of just running the game.
DMsven, you seem to have highlighted three main problems you're having.
There's already a lot of good advice in this thread already, but here's a few tips.
Great tips all around. I'd also suggest that you take time to play. You don't have to play D&D, just play something.
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I have played D&D for a while and I just started finally DMing which is what I have always wanted to do since I have started. I play with a couple of my friends and I played 3 sessions and they weren't paying attention, forgot there was a story, and one was trying to meta-game and disrupting play because it wasn't his turn. I have taken a break for a while but I think with these tips I might start DMing again. Thank You
Unfortunately, this is not just a D&D player problem and it is not going to go away. This is a generational problem.
I say this as someone who has been teaching at the collegiate level since the 1990s. And I am not alone -- many of my colleagues have been at it as long or longer and they will say the same thing. The current generation of young people, say those who hit 18 in the last 10 or so years (basically since the advent of the smartphone) is exactly as you describe not just in D&D but in the college classroom as well. They treat their college professors the way you're describing being treated as a DM. And no offense to you because I am sure you put a lot of work into D&D but think about the much larger amount of work that professors have put into grad school, writing a dissertation, getting the doctorate, becoming faculty, getting tenure. My friend, if all that work, which takes many years, costs great expense, and is something only a tiny handful of people have the intestinal fortitude to accomplish, cannot garner even a tiny modicum of respect from this generation of young people... you have no chance getting it from the work you do as a DM in a game. Again this is not to disparage DMing, but rather, just to put the scale of the problem into perspective.
Your players can't accept failure and cheat at dice rolls? Same mentality as entitled students who cheat on exams and then cry foul when they get caught (they act like you are somehow violating their right to cheat). Players incapable of remembering the rules? I'd bet they haven't even read the rules because this generation of young people refuses to read. Even when I give them points for just reading the eBook (I can see if they read it or not)... one of my colleagues said he thinks our students hate reading so much that they'd rather fail than read. If they won't read to save their grade in classes they pay thousands of dollars to attend.. what chance do we have as DMs to get them to read even just the few pages of the PHB that pertain to their class or race?
My point is, this is a much bigger problem than just what's happening at the gaming table, and it's not (at least primarily) caused by all those streaming shows. Sure those shows give new players a warped view of what to expect at the gaming table (or on Roll 20 or Fantasy Grounds or whatever). But the attitude you're getting is not coming from watching streams. It's deeper, more pervasive and, as far as I can tell, not just national but international in scope (based on discussions with people at international education conferences).
BioWizard
I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
As far as I can tell, people have complained about "kids these days" for as long as there have existed kids and days.
This is true to a point. However, what BioW is saying is backed up by some recent and intriguing neuroscience research. Our brains are very plastic in how they develop. Everything from a plethora of cable channels to flip through, internet access allowing ANYTHING at a click, and instant gratification smartphones are shown to lower perseverance and for lack of a better term tolerance of boredom (read as least preferred activities) has been shown to be a growing trend in Millennials and Gen Z. Boomers and Gen X respondents are also showing declining scores in those areas in several longitudinal studies. They however "started" from a higher level.
Not to be too biting but quotes like yours are often attributed to either the generation being commented on or come from a person that is not seeing the issue at hand. Take Gen Z for instance, how many of you have seen in the last 7-10 years a parent pushing their kid in cart through a store with the kid either squirming and yelling demanding the phone or drooling as it plays with the phone (demand already given into) or have noticed the increase in automobile infotainment (DVD players or WiFI) so that the kids in the back seat can just zone out to the tube instead of you know talk to each other, look out the window, draw, read, or sing along badly with their parents to the radio?
I find playing in someone else’s campaign and DMing my own at the same time (not AT the same time, but concurrently) helps a lot.
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Yes, that is an excellent way to avoid burnout. You can also do rotating DMs. You get to take your DM hat off some of the time and just relax and think about only one character.
BioWizard
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Im lucky to have a great group. My players are all cool and just want to have a good time. They make all the sessions and if for whatever reason they cannot then they are really good about giving the group a heads up. It definitely took me some time to get a group that I would like to say is dam near perfect. I burn myself out with the game prep and I tend to put far more into it then needed, as im sure most of us DMs do. I think what really burns me out is the map making. I draw/paint all my maps within Photoshop and one map can take a good amount of time. There is also no guarantee that the players will even get to the location which I had created a map for. Its really a guessing game because the group often times has several options tossed at them. I do run into the writers block at times as well. The creative process can be a daunting one thats for sure. I still think my biggest hangup is with the map creation. Also I have not played as a character since AD&D days.
Who are these horrible people you are playing with?
Players that give you that sort of shit should find another group or another game to play.
#OPENDND
I agree. I simply will not deal with problem players.
My general observation is you should just step back and ask if someone else would be the DM for a while. It will give you a break from the routine, will allow you to relax a little and may provide you with some new ideas for making campaign ideas. If you play a character you may well find a revelation in seeing the character from the PCs point of view and then find better quest ideas you didn't think of earlier. Taking a break from being the DM doesn't mean giving it up. Enjoy the game and enjoy the holidays.