Goblin Booyahg (Enemy): "I call upon Maglubiyet. With Your powers, I cast upon my enemies, Bane!" Cleric: "Ahhh! ... Wait. I don't feel anything." Booyahg: "It gives you a 1d4 you have to subtract from your attacks and saves. You gotta admit. It's mildly annoying." Cleric: "It just doesn't seem like something that should be called Bane." Booyagh: "Well. 'Mildly Annoying' doesn't sound as dangerous as Bane. I'm level 1. Whadya want from me?"
We have a Beast Path Barbarian (UA version) in our party as out main tank, and we ran from level 3 to 7. He didn't drop below 50% HP for this whole time, so narratively he didn't get a scratch on him. In the previous fight he was teleported to the beginning of a dungeon when we fought the tomb guardian and got ganged up by 4 Revenants. By the time we killed guardian and run back to save him he was almost to the 50% and he dropped below with a critical hit just as we reached him. His reply was
"Yeah, so this is pain. Been a while since i felt it".
And then he bites Revenant's head of and regenerates back to above 50% HP.
and that is a tank for you
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Naibs of Dune, I'm the supreme meowster of the cult of cats!, Head lobotomizer of the OIADSB cult, I've got a thieves guild, come join, Warlock main in D2.
Don't forget to love each other!
I play characters at taverns.
[ He/him ] [Shout out to my 11 followers] [ If you think I haven't responded to something check my posts.]
Join Calius & Kothar industries. We have good pay, plus dental! see tavern for details
Coming up with names for things is hard, unless you're Orkira who just announces whatever name she can think of and has learned to stick with it no matter what:
“I said Dave! I think Dave is a perfectly good name and nobody argued with me. I mean it was the same thing with the airship. I called it Murry and everyone thought it was a good name because nobody argued with me!” “Sometimes it’s a good name, sometimes we’re being nice.” - Orkira and Avren
Freely might run into danger blindly, but B. Dave does think to ask the important questions first:
“This isn’t the source of my happy feeling, right? I don’t want to accidentally smite a God. I only do that on purpose.” - B. Dave
And one from my podcast game, where the players spent the whole game gleefully giving away zucchini on a beach:
"That's what this place needs more of, zucchini beach curry!" - Travancore
DM (Me): A man on a horse rides towards you. He's leading a donkey that's pulling a cart full of wares. He seems to be in his forties, and he's dressed like a blacksmith. Rogue: I grab my dagger and throw it at him. DM: If you murder someone, you'll be hunted by the law. Sorcerer: Aren't we being hunted by the law already? DM: Yeah, but you haven't committed any major crimes. Sorcerer: Not yet, anyway. DM: Seriously, if you kill someone, you'll be put on trial for murder and probably be sentenced to death. Rogue: *sighs* Okay, instead of brutally murdering him, I'll just pull out my dagger and stare at him threateningly.
Fighting some bandits later on:
Sorcerer: Would it be safe for the retreating bandits to get away with the news that we're traveling together? DM: Okay, roll insight. Sorcerer: Ugh. Six. DM: As far as you can tell, they don't know who you are, they just happened to be robbing you. Sorcerer: They were just passing along and decided to rob us. Okay, I'll buy that.
Towards the end of session:
Elf Druid: We can long rest quickly, since we're all elves, right? DM: No, only full elves get the quickened long rest. [Sorcerer] and [Bard] are half-elves, and [Rogue] is a human. Druid: Okay, I don't like him. DM: Why not? Druid: You act like you think there's someone who I do like.
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Homebrew (Mostly Outdated):Magic Items,Monsters,Spells,Subclasses ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
"I should have known you were a fake, no one turns down chicken nuggets"
"No one messes with my found family, you incub****!"
(OOC) "How do cults chant?"(Everyone chants in various different Orcus/Cthulhu chants at the same time) "I think I just had a stroke"
HalflingBard: "What if we show up with bread and say we're having a bake sale and they should support their local girl scout troop?
Sorceress: "I mean, you DO look like a twelve year old."
Sorceress: How do we know it's you? Tell us something that only Fen would know.
NPC: "...Dirt."
Sorceress: "...Guys, I think this is actually Fen."
NPC: We should interrogate the hostage now"
Sorceress: *Turns to the bard(who is NOT the hostage)* "So, Euphemia Weatherbee, if that IS your real name..."
Sorceress(OOC): "I just tricked Dungeon Meowster into saying a swear word!"
DM: *Rolls a d20* "I take 14 psychic damage"
Bard: "How many hit points did you have?"
DM: "Probably like 2. Insta-kill."
Bard: "We're running this game by ourselves now.."
An incubus is trying to charm the sorceress and fails, so it decides to insult her and tells her "Maybe you're just doomed to be forever alone!"
Sorceress: "I already know that, but, hey... I know no one in this party likes me, but, hey..."
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Morrigan Corax, The Phantom Queen, Breaker of The Elemental Chains, and Flaming Chicken Cassilia Decalia, Servant of His Xanthous Majesty. "It's not narcissism, it's histrionicism, dearie." Dokuhebi Tsuchinoko, child of the serpent goddess and temporary mother of squidlings Envelope Lastname is going to be the death of me. I'm allergic to fireball
Me talking to the general when I see a smuggling compartment on the map: Are any of the Wookies working with you high on spice?
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I am part of the Cult of Grammar. Respect us. Or we will find the slightest mistake in your grammar, and never let you forget it. Clones would have saved Star Wars, and Kylo Ren sucks. MAKE THE EMPIRE GREAT AGAIN!!! I am a stormtrooper, and the Skywalker family is made of nothing but idiots who are insane. Cough Anakin and Luke Skywalker Cough
"I wish we could do more than tackle people because man I don't like this person at all." DM told us we can't do more then a tackle while attempting to find a crystal. Everyone wanted to attack the NPC because of how stuck up she was.
Players just entered a treasure hunter's spartan hovel and DM mentioned how there's a dirty blanket in the corner the treasure hunter probably sleeps underneath.
Player 1: (quietly) "Gross." Treasure Hunter: "I heard that." Player 1: (loudly) "No no no! I said, 'Grossly lavish in here. Ain't it?'"
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Me talking to the general when I see a smuggling compartment on the map: Are any of the Wookies working with you high on spice?
Star Wars RPG:
My character - a Imperial janitor (I'm a creature of habit) who only had the job usually relegated to droids because his parents managed to become Imperial politicians of privileged status - while trying to avoid having to do any work on the Star Destroyer Chimera, found himself in a TIE-bomber during an ambush on Rebellion cruisers that were pulled from Hyperspace via an Imperial Interdictor. The bombers were in autopilot formation outside the Chimera had just been released to manual control with me in the rear. After some really, really bad piloting, I managed to get kinda back into formation in the rear.
Radio chatter: (Imperial/Core accent) "Beta 2 to Beta 3, you're drifting from formation." Me: (aloud in Outer/Wilder accent not knowing the radio was on) "Beater two? Beater three? What's that mean?" Radio chatter: "Who's that?" "Get off the channel!" *several comms all trying to figure out where that voice came from* "Cut the chatter. Who is this?" Me: "Uh. Everything's fine. I'm fine. It's all good." Radio chatter: "What? What's your identification?" Me: "Uh. T B 3 Womprat 4 X Zee 5... *mumble*" Radio chatter: "What?" Me: "Um. There's something wrong with my radio helmet thingy." Radio chatter: "What?!" Me: "...but it's good. We're all good. It's a great night for... killing them... rebels there. Ain't it? Those are rebels. Right?" Radio chatter: "WHAT?!"
I suppose that it's needless to say that I ended up all turned around just trying to get back to the Chimera and accidentally fired torpedoes at the Interdictor - which ended up being about to hit a second squad of bombers before they could hit the Interdictor. (I think the GM made that interception happen to prevent the Rebels from jumping away if the shot ended up being too good even if accidentally.)
Man. Those TIEs have really sensitive controls and can really move even if they're practically made of paper. TIE-bombers included. If you don't know how to pilot one, it's not going to do what you want it to do.
Our session ended there and we could never manage another one. This was several years ago. I really wanted to know what happened next.
The last thing the GM said was: "It's as if time slowed down as you helplessly watch the torpedoes on a collision course with the squadron."
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Players just entered a treasure hunter's spartan hovel and DM mentioned how there's a dirty blanket in the corner the treasure hunter probably sleeps underneath.
Player 1: (quietly) "Gross." Treasure Hunter: "I heard that." Player 1: (loudly) "No no no! I said, 'Grossly lavish in here. Ain't it?'"
I really enjoy the Oxventurers. They're actually quite hilarious.
Me, DM: You hear a skittering noise coming from a vent.
Player: I go over to the vent and look inside.
Me: You see a redish-orange powder scattered throughout the vent, and you-
Player: I SNORT IT!
This led to the player making "Whenever I'm near a powdery substance, I try to snort it" as his next character's flaw.
🤣
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So far this session, I have killed three pets, four teammates, and only hit the enemy once, and my fire bolt didn't work against a creature immune to fire. Trust me, you NEVER want to borrow my character or my dice.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
One of the players at our table, a Fighter, decided to take levels of Ranger, during our Tomb of Annihilation campaign, after the character had wandered off for several sessions.
Fighter: "Hey. guys! I'm a RANGER now."
Cleric: "When did that happen?"
Fighter: "Well, I've been training pretty hard while I've been away..."
(later on, after failing several "Survival" checks)
Cleric: "I thought you were a RANGER!!"
Fighter: "I'm gonna level with ya...I mainly just got lost in the jungle for a week."
DM: As you follow Vanessa (a Firlbolg), you feel a quake in the ground. Player 5: "That must be the Voracious Quake." Player 1 (new to the campaign): "No. Sorry. That was me. I just farted." Player 2: "Who is this woman?" Player 3: "Wow. She's kind of a lad." Player 4: "...with extremely powerful farts."
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Ork Barbarian: I'm sick and tired of this stereotyping of my people as violent brutes. Next one who says something about Orks being violent savages get his faсse smashed so deep in it sticks out of the back his head.
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What comic is that? I wanna read it.
and that is a tank for you
Naibs of Dune, I'm the supreme meowster of the cult of cats!, Head lobotomizer of the OIADSB cult, I've got a thieves guild, come join, Warlock main in D2.
Don't forget to love each other!
I play characters at taverns.
[ He/him ] [Shout out to my 11 followers] [ If you think I haven't responded to something check my posts.]
Join Calius & Kothar industries. We have good pay, plus dental! see tavern for details
Two from the most recent Silver and Steel...
Coming up with names for things is hard, unless you're Orkira who just announces whatever name she can think of and has learned to stick with it no matter what:
“I said Dave! I think Dave is a perfectly good name and nobody argued with me. I mean it was the same thing with the airship. I called it Murry and everyone thought it was a good name because nobody argued with me!”
“Sometimes it’s a good name, sometimes we’re being nice.” - Orkira and Avren
Freely might run into danger blindly, but B. Dave does think to ask the important questions first:
“This isn’t the source of my happy feeling, right? I don’t want to accidentally smite a God. I only do that on purpose.” - B. Dave
And one from my podcast game, where the players spent the whole game gleefully giving away zucchini on a beach:
"That's what this place needs more of, zucchini beach curry!" - Travancore
Find me on Twitter: @OboeLauren
This was the first session of a new campaign.
DM (Me): A man on a horse rides towards you. He's leading a donkey that's pulling a cart full of wares. He seems to be in his forties, and he's dressed like a blacksmith.
Rogue: I grab my dagger and throw it at him.
DM: If you murder someone, you'll be hunted by the law.
Sorcerer: Aren't we being hunted by the law already?
DM: Yeah, but you haven't committed any major crimes.
Sorcerer: Not yet, anyway.
DM: Seriously, if you kill someone, you'll be put on trial for murder and probably be sentenced to death.
Rogue: *sighs* Okay, instead of brutally murdering him, I'll just pull out my dagger and stare at him threateningly.
Fighting some bandits later on:
Sorcerer: Would it be safe for the retreating bandits to get away with the news that we're traveling together?
DM: Okay, roll insight.
Sorcerer: Ugh. Six.
DM: As far as you can tell, they don't know who you are, they just happened to be robbing you.
Sorcerer: They were just passing along and decided to rob us. Okay, I'll buy that.
Towards the end of session:
Elf Druid: We can long rest quickly, since we're all elves, right?
DM: No, only full elves get the quickened long rest. [Sorcerer] and [Bard] are half-elves, and [Rogue] is a human.
Druid: Okay, I don't like him.
DM: Why not?
Druid: You act like you think there's someone who I do like.
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homebrew (Mostly Outdated): Magic Items, Monsters, Spells, Subclasses
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
"I should have known you were a fake, no one turns down chicken nuggets"
"No one messes with my found family, you incub****!"
(OOC) "How do cults chant?"(Everyone chants in various different Orcus/Cthulhu chants at the same time) "I think I just had a stroke"
Halfling Bard: "What if we show up with bread and say we're having a bake sale and they should support their local girl scout troop?
Sorceress: "I mean, you DO look like a twelve year old."
Sorceress: How do we know it's you? Tell us something that only Fen would know.
NPC: "...Dirt."
Sorceress: "...Guys, I think this is actually Fen."
NPC: We should interrogate the hostage now"
Sorceress: *Turns to the bard(who is NOT the hostage)* "So, Euphemia Weatherbee, if that IS your real name..."
Sorceress(OOC): "I just tricked Dungeon Meowster into saying a swear word!"
DM: *Rolls a d20* "I take 14 psychic damage"
Bard: "How many hit points did you have?"
DM: "Probably like 2. Insta-kill."
Bard: "We're running this game by ourselves now.."
An incubus is trying to charm the sorceress and fails, so it decides to insult her and tells her "Maybe you're just doomed to be forever alone!"
Sorceress: "I already know that, but, hey... I know no one in this party likes me, but, hey..."
Morrigan Corax, The Phantom Queen, Breaker of The Elemental Chains, and Flaming Chicken
Cassilia Decalia, Servant of His Xanthous Majesty. "It's not narcissism, it's histrionicism, dearie."
Dokuhebi Tsuchinoko, child of the serpent goddess and temporary mother of squidlings
Envelope Lastname is going to be the death of me.
I'm allergic to fireball
D&D Star Wars game today:
Me talking to the general when I see a smuggling compartment on the map: Are any of the Wookies working with you high on spice?
I am part of the Cult of Grammar. Respect us. Or we will find the slightest mistake in your grammar, and never let you forget it.
Clones would have saved Star Wars, and Kylo Ren sucks.
MAKE THE EMPIRE GREAT AGAIN!!! I am a stormtrooper, and the Skywalker family is made of nothing but idiots who are insane. Cough Anakin and Luke Skywalker Cough
Don't even TRY to argue with me about Star Wars.
"I wish we could do more than tackle people because man I don't like this person at all." DM told us we can't do more then a tackle while attempting to find a crystal. Everyone wanted to attack the NPC because of how stuck up she was.
Oxventure stream:
Players just entered a treasure hunter's spartan hovel and DM mentioned how there's a dirty blanket in the corner the treasure hunter probably sleeps underneath.
Player 1: (quietly) "Gross."
Treasure Hunter: "I heard that."
Player 1: (loudly) "No no no! I said, 'Grossly lavish in here. Ain't it?'"
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Star Wars RPG:
My character - a Imperial janitor (I'm a creature of habit) who only had the job usually relegated to droids because his parents managed to become Imperial politicians of privileged status - while trying to avoid having to do any work on the Star Destroyer Chimera, found himself in a TIE-bomber during an ambush on Rebellion cruisers that were pulled from Hyperspace via an Imperial Interdictor. The bombers were in autopilot formation outside the Chimera had just been released to manual control with me in the rear. After some really, really bad piloting, I managed to get kinda back into formation in the rear.
Radio chatter: (Imperial/Core accent) "Beta 2 to Beta 3, you're drifting from formation."
Me: (aloud in Outer/Wilder accent not knowing the radio was on) "Beater two? Beater three? What's that mean?"
Radio chatter: "Who's that?" "Get off the channel!" *several comms all trying to figure out where that voice came from* "Cut the chatter. Who is this?"
Me: "Uh. Everything's fine. I'm fine. It's all good."
Radio chatter: "What? What's your identification?"
Me: "Uh. T B 3 Womprat 4 X Zee 5... *mumble*"
Radio chatter: "What?"
Me: "Um. There's something wrong with my radio helmet thingy."
Radio chatter: "What?!"
Me: "...but it's good. We're all good. It's a great night for... killing them... rebels there. Ain't it? Those are rebels. Right?"
Radio chatter: "WHAT?!"
I suppose that it's needless to say that I ended up all turned around just trying to get back to the Chimera and accidentally fired torpedoes at the Interdictor - which ended up being about to hit a second squad of bombers before they could hit the Interdictor. (I think the GM made that interception happen to prevent the Rebels from jumping away if the shot ended up being too good even if accidentally.)
Man. Those TIEs have really sensitive controls and can really move even if they're practically made of paper. TIE-bombers included. If you don't know how to pilot one, it's not going to do what you want it to do.
Our session ended there and we could never manage another one. This was several years ago. I really wanted to know what happened next.
The last thing the GM said was: "It's as if time slowed down as you helplessly watch the torpedoes on a collision course with the squadron."
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Agatha:Very well. You may ask one question.
Rogue:How much do horses cost?
Everyone: -_-
The fire giants made a gundam wheeeeee
I really enjoy the Oxventurers. They're actually quite hilarious.
🤣
"Of course, I'm a liar! My name's Fib!"
NPC D&D Stream
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
One of the players at our table, a Fighter, decided to take levels of Ranger, during our Tomb of Annihilation campaign, after the character had wandered off for several sessions.
Fighter: "Hey. guys! I'm a RANGER now."
Cleric: "When did that happen?"
Fighter: "Well, I've been training pretty hard while I've been away..."
(later on, after failing several "Survival" checks)
Cleric: "I thought you were a RANGER!!"
Fighter: "I'm gonna level with ya...I mainly just got lost in the jungle for a week."
Cleric: "DEFINE "MAINLY"!"
Fighter: "Entirely." (smokes pipe)
Now for some fighter antics!
[investigating some mysterious small-animal bones around a well]
Cleric: Let’s not check it out, there could be something dangerous in there.
Fighter: Yeah, like a cat.
Cleric: Or something a lot worse!
Fighter: What could be worse than a cat?
Artificer: Oh, I don’t know... a kraken?
Fighter: But there’s not a kraken in the well, is there?
Artificer: Well, I never said there was one in there, I’m just pointing out that a kraken is worse than a cat.
Fighter: Oh, really? Does a kraken have claws?
Artificer: Well, no...
Fighter: Or a tail?
[the characters are staying in an inn; they’re trying to get back into their room, but it’s magically locked]
Fighter: I intimidate the door.
Druid: That’s not going to work.
Fighter: Well, I tried breaking it, now I’m going to try intimidating it.
DM: All right, roll intimidation...
Fighter: Nat 20.
DM: Okay, the building shakes slightly.
Fighter: See, I intimidated the building! Is the door open?
DM: No, the door didn’t open.
Fighter: Oh. Well, I still intimidated the building!
Druid: It was an earthquake.
Fighter: No, I intimidated it. It’s scared of me.
NPC D&D Stream paraphrased
DM: As you follow Vanessa (a Firlbolg), you feel a quake in the ground.
Player 5: "That must be the Voracious Quake."
Player 1 (new to the campaign): "No. Sorry. That was me. I just farted."
Player 2: "Who is this woman?"
Player 3: "Wow. She's kind of a lad."
Player 4: "...with extremely powerful farts."
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
“So the mountain electric slides into the ocean with my sister's fiancé on it?”
“f****”
“Ima person doing person things”
“and I’m not?!”
“ idk... ARE YOU?!”
Actually, if we’re not really doing anything, I turn back into a frog.”
”Noooooooooooooooo!”
RIP Tavern.
All hail King Jovan Fluffycloud Prince
Teleporting elf monk supremacy!, but druids are better
[Cactus]Waffles!”I don’t have any good quotes to put in my sig.” -Me
tiamat: i want you to fall
me: falls prone and gets back up
tiamat: not like that, i want you to fall forever
me: to be stuck on the ground unable to get back up would be such a pain
tiamat: no i want you to go in the ground
me: like to go on giant moles and live underground?
-later-
(monk punches tiamat in the neck)
me: he can really be a pain in the neck
I am leader of the yep cult:https://www.dndbeyond.com/forums/off-topic/adohands-kitchen/82135-yep-cult Pronouns are she/her
Ork Barbarian: I'm sick and tired of this stereotyping of my people as violent brutes. Next one who says something about Orks being violent savages get his faсse smashed so deep in it sticks out of the back his head.