Player 1: Now, just so we're totally on the same page about this, and I know I'm not going to be real super happy about it either way, but when you say 'goblin haggis', the word goblin is, in this case, a reference to who made the recipe, or the ingredients?
Player 2: Yes.
Player 3: ....ok, now, just so we're totally on the same page about this...
Player 1: Now, just so we're totally on the same page about this, and I know I'm not going to be real super happy about it either way, but when you say 'goblin haggis', the word goblin is, in this case, a reference to who made the recipe, or the ingredients?
Player 2: Yes.
Player 3: ....ok, now, just so we're totally on the same page about this...
*Players are roleplaying as DMs in-game in a campaign. They're all doing poorly with their individual groups of NPC players - players changing their minds on their characters after session 0, rampant misogyny from "forever-alone" bards, rules-lawyers, cancellations, hobo murderers, etc.*
Player 1: Is this to torture us or prove a point?
DM: Yes.
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
me to the party during downtime:so what to we got planned for this month
bard:setting up ice cream shop,drinking in a tavern you know the like plus i heard theirs a gladatorial arena
druid:tending to my garden
rogue:I was feeling overthrowing the goverement
me:Were going with rogue
the barbarian and cleric:sure yep
this is how my homebrew campaign started
this is happened half way through my homebrew campaign they have since overthrown 5 goverments (3 minor, 1 major and one critical to the world not falling into chaos)
Druid (wildshaped): YEAH! Horse revolution! *kicks down stable door*
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All stars fade. Some stars forever fall. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Homebrew (Mostly Outdated):Magic Items,Monsters,Spells,Subclasses ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
You are in the sarcastic town of Billybob, where Turkeys and magic work together to create a antisocial town
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Helper of Create a World thread/Sedge is Chaotic Neutral/ Mega Yahtzee High: 34, Low: 14/I speak English, je me parle le Francais, agus Labhraim beagan Gaeilge
DM: The ghoul is feasting on that of what once was a child...What do you do? K: I eat the ghoul. Everyone: What?? K: Yeah! Give it a taste of it's own medicine...*Hair flips with malicious intent*
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The Tavern Mother (Trust me, it's not as weird as it sounds!)
I am the God-Queen of Trickery, Cunning, Lies, and Gaslighting- but you already knew that... "Moon's Haunted." *Cocks shotgun with malicious intent* "Eliksni must rise...yes?" _________ When it comes to pronouns I preferVariks-Senpai(But I'm a dude. Pronouns are weird.)
DM: The ghoul is feasting on that of what once was a child...What do you do? K: I eat the ghoul. Everyone: What?? K: Yeah! Give it a taste of it's own medicine...*Hair flips with malicious intent
the *Hair flips with malicious intent* is the best part
not necessarily a quote, but my character is very bad at hiding the fact she is part of a powerful crime family and of evil alignment. fortunately, since she is so chipper and friendly, the party has not taken any of the really messed up stuff she has said very seriously.
last game she finally met up with her criminal contact to plot and sell drugs and the paladin, who has been very suspicious of everyone as of late but immediately trusted my character from day one, was just silently screaming in the chat. I found it especially funny since he had just finished giving a "i shall hunt down evil in all its forms and root it out" speech directed at everyone but her. the meeting went something like this:
Rogue:: Oh it is so nice to be recognized properly for once. now down to business: we recently dismantled a drug ring in Nightstone that belonged to one of our competitors. the cut was high quality. unfortunately i was not able to bring much back with me, but my father will be very interested in this development. if we act quickly, we can use turn this in our favor.
Paladin player, who is not there in game but got to listen in due to a minor dm flub where he revealed my criminal contact: ???? ? ? ? ?
Contact:ah yes, of course miss Gong. i shall have these letters delivered right away. as for the drugs you procured, i can take this small sample off your hands for you. how does a hundred gold sound?
Paladin: A HUNDRED? DAMN IT I SHOULD HAVE SOLD DRUGS TOO!
Paladin: A HUNDRED? DAMN IT I SHOULD HAVE SOLD DRUGS TOO!
^ This was all that was needed lol. Very very very hilarious.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
The Tavern Mother (Trust me, it's not as weird as it sounds!)
I am the God-Queen of Trickery, Cunning, Lies, and Gaslighting- but you already knew that... "Moon's Haunted." *Cocks shotgun with malicious intent* "Eliksni must rise...yes?" _________ When it comes to pronouns I preferVariks-Senpai(But I'm a dude. Pronouns are weird.)
DM: You see about 200 massive tarrasques roaring at you.
Friend: i rush them.
Charge the right flank!
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Helper of Create a World thread/Sedge is Chaotic Neutral/ Mega Yahtzee High: 34, Low: 14/I speak English, je me parle le Francais, agus Labhraim beagan Gaeilge
You know how that guy sells powerups? Me and my friends:
*Laghing* Welcome to my drug shop
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Helper of Create a World thread/Sedge is Chaotic Neutral/ Mega Yahtzee High: 34, Low: 14/I speak English, je me parle le Francais, agus Labhraim beagan Gaeilge
Player: I'll give you the good news first. The good news is, [in a chipper tone] we found your missing people! The bad news is [in a very somber tone] we found your missing people.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
=========================== Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters: Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
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Player 1: Now, just so we're totally on the same page about this, and I know I'm not going to be real super happy about it either way, but when you say 'goblin haggis', the word goblin is, in this case, a reference to who made the recipe, or the ingredients?
Player 2: Yes.
Player 3: ....ok, now, just so we're totally on the same page about this...
How do you want your Goblin Haggis?
Player 2 of this quote: YES.
(encountering a mad homeless woman who is “actually” a secret Harper spy):
Sorcerer: “Miss, I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions...”
Woman: “Eh, Davvy, is that you?!”
Sorcerer: “Uh...no. See, I heard from a friend of mine that you were...”
Woman: “Did ye bring the bread & milk, Davvy?”
Sorcerer: “No, I didn’t bring anything; I’m not Davvy, I’m...”
Woman: “Sonuva b*tch, ye been gone for three months, and ye stand before me without bread & milk?!”
Sorcerer: “I...”
Woman: “Yer seein’ some other lass, aren’t ye!? Steppin’ out on me, yer own wife!”
Sorcerer: “No! M’am, I am NOT your husband...”
Woman: “Why don’t ye go crawling back to her, Davvy; ye shan’t be getting no company from me!”
Sorcerer: (putting up hands) “Look, just calm down...”
Woman: “ACK..! GUARDS! He be tryin’ ta curse me!”
(guards come running over; forcing the Sorcerer, who has a bounty on his head, to run away)
...later, when the Sorcerer & Rogue try to spy on her, she leads them on a wild goose chase through the back alleys, before disappearing.
Sorcerer: “Gods, she is GOOD.”
Rogue: “That why you married her?”
*Players are roleplaying as DMs in-game in a campaign. They're all doing poorly with their individual groups of NPC players - players changing their minds on their characters after session 0, rampant misogyny from "forever-alone" bards, rules-lawyers, cancellations, hobo murderers, etc.*
Player 1: Is this to torture us or prove a point?
DM: Yes.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
“What do mean she doesn’t have a nose ring!?”
PC 1: ”Lets organize a strike team.”
PC 2: “By ‘strike team’ you mean us, right?”
PC 1: “Yeah, us. And maybe the 500-ft long killer eagle, he could be helpful too.”
RIP Tavern.
All hail King Jovan Fluffycloud Prince
Teleporting elf monk supremacy!, but druids are better
[Cactus]Waffles!”I don’t have any good quotes to put in my sig.” -Me
me to the party during downtime:so what to we got planned for this month
bard:setting up ice cream shop,drinking in a tavern you know the like plus i heard theirs a gladatorial arena
druid:tending to my garden
rogue:I was feeling overthrowing the goverement
me:Were going with rogue
the barbarian and cleric:sure yep
Check out my homebrew subclasses spells magic items feats monsters races
i am a sauce priest
help create a world here
this is how my homebrew campaign started
Come participate in the Competition of the Finest Brews, Edition XXVIII?
My homebrew stuff:
Spells, Monsters, Magic Items, Feats, Subclasses.
I am an Archfey, but nobody seems to notice.
Extended Signature
this is happened half way through my homebrew campaign they have since overthrown 5 goverments (3 minor, 1 major and one critical to the world not falling into chaos)
Check out my homebrew subclasses spells magic items feats monsters races
i am a sauce priest
help create a world here
This one is from my last session:
Druid (wildshaped): YEAH! Horse revolution!
*kicks down stable door*
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homebrew (Mostly Outdated): Magic Items, Monsters, Spells, Subclasses
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
*What I fully expect from MiuaWgA*:
You are in the sarcastic town of Billybob, where Turkeys and magic work together to create a antisocial town
Helper of Create a World thread/Sedge is Chaotic Neutral/ Mega Yahtzee High: 34, Low: 14/I speak English, je me parle le Francais, agus Labhraim beagan Gaeilge
Dream of Days Lore Bard 9/Wizard 4 Baulder's Gate: Descent to Avernus (In Person/Over Zoom)
Saleadon Morgul Battle Smith Artificer 11 Tyranny of Dragons (In Person/Over Zoom)
Hurtharn Serpti Ghostslayer Blood Hunter 7 Spelljammer (Over Zoom)
Ex Sig
DM: The ghoul is feasting on that of what once was a child...What do you do?
K: I eat the ghoul.
Everyone: What??
K: Yeah! Give it a taste of it's own medicine...*Hair flips with malicious intent*
The Tavern Mother (Trust me, it's not as weird as it sounds!)
I am the God-Queen of Trickery, Cunning, Lies, and Gaslighting- but you already knew that...
"Moon's Haunted." *Cocks shotgun with malicious intent*
"Eliksni must rise...yes?"
_________
When it comes to pronouns I prefer Variks-Senpai (But I'm a dude. Pronouns are weird.)
(this is for my lvl 20 battle limit campaign.)
DM: You see about 200 massive tarrasques roaring at you.
Friend: i rush them.
the *Hair flips with malicious intent* is the best part
Check out my homebrew subclasses spells magic items feats monsters races
i am a sauce priest
help create a world here
not necessarily a quote, but my character is very bad at hiding the fact she is part of a powerful crime family and of evil alignment. fortunately, since she is so chipper and friendly, the party has not taken any of the really messed up stuff she has said very seriously.
last game she finally met up with her criminal contact to plot and sell drugs and the paladin, who has been very suspicious of everyone as of late but immediately trusted my character from day one, was just silently screaming in the chat. I found it especially funny since he had just finished giving a "i shall hunt down evil in all its forms and root it out" speech directed at everyone but her. the meeting went something like this:
Rogue:: Oh it is so nice to be recognized properly for once. now down to business: we recently dismantled a drug ring in Nightstone that belonged to one of our competitors. the cut was high quality. unfortunately i was not able to bring much back with me, but my father will be very interested in this development. if we act quickly, we can use turn this in our favor.
Paladin player, who is not there in game but got to listen in due to a minor dm flub where he revealed my criminal contact: ???? ? ? ? ?
Contact: ah yes, of course miss Gong. i shall have these letters delivered right away. as for the drugs you procured, i can take this small sample off your hands for you. how does a hundred gold sound?
Paladin: A HUNDRED? DAMN IT I SHOULD HAVE SOLD DRUGS TOO!
^ This was all that was needed lol. Very very very hilarious.
The Tavern Mother (Trust me, it's not as weird as it sounds!)
I am the God-Queen of Trickery, Cunning, Lies, and Gaslighting- but you already knew that...
"Moon's Haunted." *Cocks shotgun with malicious intent*
"Eliksni must rise...yes?"
_________
When it comes to pronouns I prefer Variks-Senpai (But I'm a dude. Pronouns are weird.)
Charge the right flank!
Helper of Create a World thread/Sedge is Chaotic Neutral/ Mega Yahtzee High: 34, Low: 14/I speak English, je me parle le Francais, agus Labhraim beagan Gaeilge
Dream of Days Lore Bard 9/Wizard 4 Baulder's Gate: Descent to Avernus (In Person/Over Zoom)
Saleadon Morgul Battle Smith Artificer 11 Tyranny of Dragons (In Person/Over Zoom)
Hurtharn Serpti Ghostslayer Blood Hunter 7 Spelljammer (Over Zoom)
Ex Sig
Heres a funny one from Mario Party.
You know how that guy sells powerups? Me and my friends:
*Laghing* Welcome to my drug shop
Helper of Create a World thread/Sedge is Chaotic Neutral/ Mega Yahtzee High: 34, Low: 14/I speak English, je me parle le Francais, agus Labhraim beagan Gaeilge
Dream of Days Lore Bard 9/Wizard 4 Baulder's Gate: Descent to Avernus (In Person/Over Zoom)
Saleadon Morgul Battle Smith Artificer 11 Tyranny of Dragons (In Person/Over Zoom)
Hurtharn Serpti Ghostslayer Blood Hunter 7 Spelljammer (Over Zoom)
Ex Sig
(We had gotten lost and had found shelter in a cave where we could spend the night)
DM: OK so you find this nice cave to sleep in, so go to sleep
Me: OK
*4 hours later*
Me: Yawns
DM: So, over night a group of kobolds had found you and overnight have surrounded you, what do you do?
Me: ok I'll roll a deception to try something
DM: ok, what did you roll
Me: Nat 20 + 8, And I say, "LOOK OVER THERE"
DM: they all look in unisin over too where you where pointing
Me: I make a run for it in the opposite direction
"I would like to punch the Adult Red Dragon"
Current Character: https://www.dndbeyond.com/profile/MajestorSteel1103/characters/44226318
Leader of the Cult of ANTI-Sedge
Priest of the Supreme Court of Sauce as well as one of the three founders (others being GreatAxeblade and ParticleHex)
Player: I have good news and bad news.
NPC: Give me the bad news first.
Player: I'll give you the good news first. The good news is, [in a chipper tone] we found your missing people! The bad news is [in a very somber tone] we found your missing people.
===========================
Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters:
Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer
Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer