The party's cleric has just activated Spirit Guardians for the first time. Several enemies will be starting their turns in its damage radius.
"It's these guys' turns now. Starting with this one, *rolls dice* he's gonna take the 'die' action. This next one, he's already low enough I know he's doing the same. And this guy here? *rolls dice* Also spends his turn dying."
"You're roleplaying your character? You sounds like you always do." "I know. I practiced on it for decades!"
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
My PC, a heavily traumatized soul trying to convince a suggested party member and one of his closest friends he's not suffering so she won't attack him
My PC "If you're happy and you know it clap your hands" *clap clap* in a kinda strained, anxious voice fails performance check, gets knives thrown at him Me: ... that's what I get for trying to get the Eloquence bard to be musical.
Our cleric (a talking Schnauzer with clothes and steampunk goggles) got hit with a mind control spell during combat:
DM: Lonnie, you feel an overwhelming urge to bite Keryth.
Cleric: *rolls a nat 20 to hit and 2 damage*
Wizard/Fighter (me): Ouch! Lonnie, what was that for?
Cleric: Sorry man, I don't know what that was, I just had to bite you all of a sudden.
Wait, that cleric sounds a lot like a character from a book...
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
This isn't actually a signature, just something I copy and paste onto the bottom of all my posts. Or is it? Yep, it is. Or is it..? I’m a hobbit, and the master cranial imploder of the "Oops, I Accidently Destroyed Someone's Brain" cult. Extended sig. I'm actually in Limbo, it says I'm in Mechanus because that's where I get my WiFi from. Please don't tell the modrons, they're still angry from the 'Spawning Stone' fiasco. No connection to Dragonslayer8 other than knowing them in real life.
Player 4: Stop casting pointlessly! Player 5: We're about to have a long rest. I have to expend all my spell slots! Player 3: Okay, but does it have to be mostly Grease?
(She reminded me of a certain Arcane Trickster pirate. I'll have to ask if there's any connection.)
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Fighter: “You trust him this drow? How do you it’s not a ploy?”
Monk: “Because I rolled a 21 insight check!”
Fighter: “What’s a insight check?”
Monk: “I don’t know? I don’t think I said that.”
DM: “You all hear a loud noise as the 4th wall shatters.”
would have been even funnier if the loud noise altered a guard or something.
"A workman runs in, looks at the characters, and at the wreckage of the 4th wall, and then through the hole in it to the players, hisses air in through his teeth and says "You really should be more careful with this, this is going to be an expensive fix", before starting to put up scaffolding to repair it. He charges the party 1000gp for the job, and before putting the last brick in place, looks through and says "Now don't do it again!" to the players, before walking off, nonchalantly whistling."
Recently, my campaign has welcomed our newest addition - my 9-year-old niece who plays as a 200-year-old Dragonborn Warlock that is therefore has the oldest character. She used to play in an all-kid campaign with her friends, so she’s familiar with all the rules and concepts. It’s been fun having here around during campaign sessions and she provides us with unintentional (and some intentional) funny quotes as well as a great team player. Here are a few recent ones:
Conversation with Ranger and DM…
Warlock: What’s Charisma?
DM [me]: One of those character stat things. Like Strength, Constitution, you know.
Warlock: Yeah, but it’s a real word too. What does it mean?
Ranger: Sexiness.
DM: DUDE!! *frantically looks up proper meaning on Google Dictionary*
Ranger: What?
DM: It *coughs* ACTUALLY means ‘compelling attractiveness or charm that—ARGH!
Ranger: See? Same thing.
Warlock: Oooh! So a Sorcerer’s strength is by how sexy they are??
Ranger: Mhm.
DM: *uber sigh* Fine. You win, you win.
Ranger: *high fives Warlock*
Argument with Paladin…
Warlock: I think that we should kill it.
Paladin: No! You are all cold, selfish, unfeeling monsters!*
Warlock: It’s just going to do NOTHING!
DM: Guys, stop fighting over a PIGLET.
Paladin: Hey, it’s all in the role play.
Warlock: Yah. *turns back to Paladin* We’ll use it as bait for the next goblins we kill!!
Paladin: FIGHT ME!!
Warlock: *turns to me* I, like, use my Magic Missiles and destroy this noob.**
DM: No, I’m not going to let you guys fight over this. Kiddo, Jake can have whatever pets he wants. Jake, she just wants the best for the party.
Paladin: But the pig’s literally POG. So pog.
Warlock: Ooh! I get that joke! You should name it Pog! Pog the Pig!
Ranger: *pats my shoulder* Problem solved, I guess.
*He’s quite the drama queen.
**Apparently, “noob” is the worst insult she can call us. For now.
Battle of the Abyssal Chickens…
Ranger: Shoot. I’m about to die if I get clawed again!
Paladin: *just finished turn* Abyssal Chickens are supposed to be EASY, right?
DM: Yeah. But this is a whole hoard of them. And they’re maaaaad.
Ranger: What does that have to do with—
Warlock: *begins turn* Drive them back my pretties! Obliterate them!
Paladin: Huh?
Warlock: TO BE OR NOT TO BE! CHARGE! FOR SHAKESPEARE!
DM: My sister said she was going through a “literary phase”.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Have a wonderful day whether you are a peasant, noble, or the disembodied voice in my head that is constantly reminding me to do an Intelligence check. Anyway, have a good day!
I go by they/them and identify as a toaster. I enjoy Dungeon Mastering for my close friends and niece and I hope whatever I said above was helpful, funny, or insightful in some way, shape, or form.
Recently, my campaign has welcomed our newest addition - my 9-year-old niece who plays as a 200-year-old Dragonborn Warlock that is therefore has the oldest character. She used to play in an all-kid campaign with her friends, so she’s familiar with all the rules and concepts. It’s been fun having here around during campaign sessions and she provides us with unintentional (and some intentional) funny quotes as well as a great team player. Here are a few recent ones:
Conversation with Ranger and DM…
Warlock: What’s Charisma?
DM [me]: One of those character stat things. Like Strength, Constitution, you know.
Warlock: Yeah, but it’s a real word too. What does it mean?
Ranger: Sexiness.
DM: DUDE!! *frantically looks up proper meaning on Google Dictionary*
Ranger: What?
DM: It *coughs* ACTUALLY means ‘compelling attractiveness or charm that—ARGH!
Ranger: See? Same thing.
Warlock: Oooh! So a Sorcerer’s strength is by how sexy they are??
Ranger: Mhm.
DM: *uber sigh* Fine. You win, you win.
Ranger: *high fives Warlock*
Argument with Paladin…
Warlock: I think that we should kill it.
Paladin: No! You are all cold, selfish, unfeeling monsters!*
Warlock: It’s just going to do NOTHING!
DM: Guys, stop fighting over a PIGLET.
Paladin: Hey, it’s all in the role play.
Warlock: Yah. *turns back to Paladin* We’ll use it as bait for the next goblins we kill!!
Paladin: FIGHT ME!!
Warlock: *turns to me* I, like, use my Magic Missiles and destroy this noob.**
DM: No, I’m not going to let you guys fight over this. Kiddo, Jake can have whatever pets he wants. Jake, she just wants the best for the party.
Paladin: But the pig’s literally POG. So pog.
Warlock: Ooh! I get that joke! You should name it Pog! Pog the Pig!
Ranger: *pats my shoulder* Problem solved, I guess.
*He’s quite the drama queen.
**Apparently, “noob” is the worst insult she can call us. For now.
Battle of the Abyssal Chickens…
Ranger: Shoot. I’m about to die if I get clawed again!
Paladin: *just finished turn* Abyssal Chickens are supposed to be EASY, right?
DM: Yeah. But this is a whole hoard of them. And they’re maaaaad.
Ranger: What does that have to do with—
Warlock: *begins turn* Drive them back my pretties! Obliterate them!
Paladin: Huh?
Warlock: TO BE OR NOT TO BE! CHARGE! FOR SHAKESPEARE!
DM: My sister said she was going through a “literary phase”.
My little brother is around your niece’s age, and noob is in fact his greatest insult. All I really do to annoy him back is repeat it to him in a mocking tone. It’s fun.
I watch. I wait. I listen. I like roleplaying games. Avid fan of messed up homebrew and horror rpgs. Lancer>dnd5e, go read Kill Six Billion Demons. I will shoot you with my transgenderification beam pew pew
“Anton we were arrested. Why are you eating a croissant”
”well I had to make myself look un-suspicious”
”a croissant does not make you look un-suspicious”
”.....it’s a very good croissant”
and in another session
“Ah, so the glass ball does not taste good. I dislike you for not encouraging eating our companions, but I respect it”
That last one is ridiculous in many ways.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
This isn't actually a signature, just something I copy and paste onto the bottom of all my posts. Or is it? Yep, it is. Or is it..? I’m a hobbit, and the master cranial imploder of the "Oops, I Accidently Destroyed Someone's Brain" cult. Extended sig. I'm actually in Limbo, it says I'm in Mechanus because that's where I get my WiFi from. Please don't tell the modrons, they're still angry from the 'Spawning Stone' fiasco. No connection to Dragonslayer8 other than knowing them in real life.
One of my NPC's as he was nominated to serve as the new King of Wildemount: explaining that he has people to help him handle the job: "I, uhhh...have AIDS!"
Every party member at once, in a deep fried tone after 30 seconds of silence: "WHAT"
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Seventh level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Venn (tiefling sorcerer), Xanlar (half elf paladin), and Nu (axolotl shifter druid), plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger) and "the kobold" (who's name we still haven't learned).
We're assaulting a cave system full of troglodytes to recover Phillip's gear, including his magic sword, that was lost when he didn't do so well fighting them on his own. Nu's swarm of giant axolotls come up in the initiative and they're mainly just blocking most of the troglodytes and tanking melee so we can take them out one and two at a time with ranged attacks.
Nu: "Dodge actions!"
DM: "I like you so much. He said while lying through his teeth."
Nu takes the help action for Xanlar's crossbow attacks, explained as riding piggyback and prodding his arms around while offering advice. Xanlar hits twice, doing a total of three damage.
Nu: "No, no, you have to aim higher!"
Having cleared out all of the visible troglodytes, we come to where the stream flowing into the caves ends in a large whirlpool. Nu's large size axolotls have been ablated and they've summoned eight new, tiny size axolotls using a different stat block dubbed by the rest of the party as "ankle shredders." Most of them are still alive at this point. We're trying to decide what to do concerning the giant whirlpool. Nu picks up one of their little critters.
Nu: "I'm going to tie a rope around this little guy and toss him in for a minute, then pull him back. Is he still there?"
Ferrin: "Weren't you just calling those things your 'kids' a minute ago?"
Nu: "Yeah."
Ferrin: "You are a terrible parent."
We notice another exit to the chamber and Nu sends the mini-axolotls on a mission to explore, attack any "stinky lizards" and "report back" if they find anything else. At the sound of combat Serena follows them to see a pair of dead troglodytes and another being swarmed. She finishes that one and discovers the passage curves around then goes down below.
Serena: "Hey guys! This path goes down below! Maybe we should check that out instead of jumping into the bigly mysterious cyclonic hole!"
Nu: "Oooohhhhhh." *ooc* "I'm up on the ledge, like, in a diving stance." *ic* "Yeah, maybe we should try that."
The whirlpool above drains into a waterfall into another pool below. We fight a few more stinky lizard beasts (not troglodytes), then move on to the next chamber. We notice a couple more beasts hiding chameleonlike, under another pool and one against the far wall. Nu's axolotl anklebiters are gone and it has been noted that they're out of third level spells now.
Nu: "Okay, Serena, I can get the one by the wall if you hit one of the ones underwater."
Serena: "Okay, ready? Go!" *casts sacred flame on one*
Nu: "I cast conjure animals with my fourth level spell slot."
DM: "Really? Again?"
One shredded monster later, initiative is rolled, more come out of the water, and a really big one we hadn't noticed off in the back corner starts heading over. Ferrin casts shatter at the pool where it dove in, and his homebrew wild magic effects cause a weird skeletal goo monster to appear again.
DM: "Strangely enough, this one looks like it has hair on it."
Ferrin: "Well that's rather upsetting."
Serena at this point has cast a light spell on her shield so the anklebiters, which lack darkvision, can clearly attack and she's also activated her radiant soul ability.
DM: "The big one is coming out of the water and I'll roll to see which of you it goes after...okay, keeping up the tradition of Serena drawing all the agro it goes after her."
Notable that Serena went down from several big hits in one round in the first fight on this level while on point for the group.
Serena: "To be fair, I am a sparkly angelic avatar in a dark cave with a brilliant glowing shield. I suppose that's fair." *attacks miss against Serena's AC* "But I'm not going to mess around this time. I'm using my fourth level slot to upcast spiritual weapon and let this thing have it." *crit for 6d8+11 damage, rolling to 35*
DM: "Wow, okay, Serena might be working out some aggression from that last fight here."
Ferrin casts magic missile and gets lucky on his wild magic deal getting triple damage to finish off the boss in a sudden and somewhat anticlimactic manner.
Nu: "Aww. My kids were all ready to go!"
Ferrin: "Um, throw a dance party?"
Nu: "Yeah! Let's get some fairy lights in here! I cast faerie fire."
We find a treasure hoard in the back corner including, among other things, Phillip's lost gear and a nest containing big eggs, presumably from the monsters we've been fighting down here.
Nu: "I'll take one of the eggs. I can make breakfast tomorrow!"
Ferrin: "Wow. That's harsh, man."
Nu: "It's the natural cycle! Actually, how many can I take total?"
DM: "Um, you can fit ten in your pack. You little monster."
Serena: "So monster omelets for breakfast tomorrow?"
(kenku paladin is having trouble deciding what food to order)
Sorcerer (ooc): "I pull out a Chick-fil-A gift card"
DM: "THAT'S NOT HOW THAT-"
Sorcerer (ooc): "I use minor illusion."
DM: "BUT-"
Paladin (ooc): "I start muttering prayers under my breath and making holy gestures towards the unknown rectangle of strange material that has just appeared."
DM: (rolls dice) "It explodes in a poof of smoke and you hear a faint scream as the gift card is banished to another plane of existence."
Paladin:(ooc) "YEAHHHHH!"
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
she/any - member of the spider guild :D - official elesh norn enthusiast
The party's cleric has just activated Spirit Guardians for the first time. Several enemies will be starting their turns in its damage radius.
"It's these guys' turns now. Starting with this one, *rolls dice* he's gonna take the 'die' action. This next one, he's already low enough I know he's doing the same. And this guy here? *rolls dice* Also spends his turn dying."
(from a twitter thread with gaminghusbands)
"You're roleplaying your character? You sounds like you always do."
"I know. I practiced on it for decades!"
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
My PC, a heavily traumatized soul trying to convince a suggested party member and one of his closest friends he's not suffering so she won't attack him
My PC "If you're happy and you know it clap your hands" *clap clap* in a kinda strained, anxious voice
fails performance check, gets knives thrown at him
Me: ... that's what I get for trying to get the Eloquence bard to be musical.
my players who had disguised as guards ran onto the deck of a pirate ship and yelled, "EMERGENCY RATIONS!!" and ran belowdecks
Our cleric (a talking Schnauzer with clothes and steampunk goggles) got hit with a mind control spell during combat:
DM: Lonnie, you feel an overwhelming urge to bite Keryth.
Cleric: *rolls a nat 20 to hit and 2 damage*
Wizard/Fighter (me): Ouch! Lonnie, what was that for?
Cleric: Sorry man, I don't know what that was, I just had to bite you all of a sudden.
Nikolai Buckman | vampire | bard
Solace Redgrove | tiefling | bard
Wait, that cleric sounds a lot like a character from a book...
This isn't actually a signature, just something I copy and paste onto the bottom of all my posts. Or is it? Yep, it is. Or is it..? I’m a hobbit, and the master cranial imploder of the "Oops, I Accidently Destroyed Someone's Brain" cult. Extended sig. I'm actually in Limbo, it says I'm in Mechanus because that's where I get my WiFi from. Please don't tell the modrons, they're still angry from the 'Spawning Stone' fiasco.
No connection to Dragonslayer8 other than knowing them in real life.
“Why aren’t clerics liches?”
”Why would they be?”
”Because they turn undead!”
Fighter: “You trust him this drow? How do you it’s not a ploy?”
Monk: “Because I rolled a 21 insight check!”
Fighter: “What’s a insight check?”
Monk: “I don’t know? I don’t think I said that.”
DM: “You all hear a loud noise as the 4th wall shatters.”
RIP Tavern.
All hail King Jovan Fluffycloud Prince
Teleporting elf monk supremacy!, but druids are better
[Cactus]Waffles!”I don’t have any good quotes to put in my sig.” -Me
🤣
Referring to the 4th wall...
Player 4: Stop casting pointlessly!
Player 5: We're about to have a long rest. I have to expend all my spell slots!
Player 3: Okay, but does it have to be mostly Grease?
(She reminded me of a certain Arcane Trickster pirate. I'll have to ask if there's any connection.)
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
would have been even funnier if the loud noise altered a guard or something.
"A workman runs in, looks at the characters, and at the wreckage of the 4th wall, and then through the hole in it to the players, hisses air in through his teeth and says "You really should be more careful with this, this is going to be an expensive fix", before starting to put up scaffolding to repair it. He charges the party 1000gp for the job, and before putting the last brick in place, looks through and says "Now don't do it again!" to the players, before walking off, nonchalantly whistling."
Make your Artificer work with any other class with 174 Multiclassing Feats for your Artificer Multiclass Character!
DM's Guild Releases on This Thread Or check them all out on DMs Guild!
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I have started discussing/reviewing 3rd party D&D content on Substack - stay tuned for semi-regular posts!
“Knock, knock!”
Guards: “Oy, who goes there?!”
(“Catapult” spell gets executed rather well; flinging a rock at two guards and knocking them in their heads.)
”Knock, and…(second guard falls over)…knock.”
Funny Campaign Quotes #1
Recently, my campaign has welcomed our newest addition - my 9-year-old niece who plays as a 200-year-old Dragonborn Warlock that is therefore has the oldest character. She used to play in an all-kid campaign with her friends, so she’s familiar with all the rules and concepts. It’s been fun having here around during campaign sessions and she provides us with unintentional (and some intentional) funny quotes as well as a great team player. Here are a few recent ones:
Conversation with Ranger and DM…
Warlock: What’s Charisma?
DM [me]: One of those character stat things. Like Strength, Constitution, you know.
Warlock: Yeah, but it’s a real word too. What does it mean?
Ranger: Sexiness.
DM: DUDE!! *frantically looks up proper meaning on Google Dictionary*
Ranger: What?
DM: It *coughs* ACTUALLY means ‘compelling attractiveness or charm that—ARGH!
Ranger: See? Same thing.
Warlock: Oooh! So a Sorcerer’s strength is by how sexy they are??
Ranger: Mhm.
DM: *uber sigh* Fine. You win, you win.
Ranger: *high fives Warlock*
Argument with Paladin…
Warlock: I think that we should kill it.
Paladin: No! You are all cold, selfish, unfeeling monsters!*
Warlock: It’s just going to do NOTHING!
DM: Guys, stop fighting over a PIGLET.
Paladin: Hey, it’s all in the role play.
Warlock: Yah. *turns back to Paladin* We’ll use it as bait for the next goblins we kill!!
Paladin: FIGHT ME!!
Warlock: *turns to me* I, like, use my Magic Missiles and destroy this noob.**
DM: No, I’m not going to let you guys fight over this. Kiddo, Jake can have whatever pets he wants. Jake, she just wants the best for the party.
Paladin: But the pig’s literally POG. So pog.
Warlock: Ooh! I get that joke! You should name it Pog! Pog the Pig!
Ranger: *pats my shoulder* Problem solved, I guess.
*He’s quite the drama queen.
**Apparently, “noob” is the worst insult she can call us. For now.
Battle of the Abyssal Chickens…
Ranger: Shoot. I’m about to die if I get clawed again!
Paladin: *just finished turn* Abyssal Chickens are supposed to be EASY, right?
DM: Yeah. But this is a whole hoard of them. And they’re maaaaad.
Ranger: What does that have to do with—
Warlock: *begins turn* Drive them back my pretties! Obliterate them!
Paladin: Huh?
Warlock: TO BE OR NOT TO BE! CHARGE! FOR SHAKESPEARE!
DM: My sister said she was going through a “literary phase”.
Have a wonderful day whether you are a peasant, noble, or the disembodied voice in my head that is constantly reminding me to do an Intelligence check. Anyway, have a good day!
I go by they/them and identify as a toaster. I enjoy Dungeon Mastering for my close friends and niece and I hope whatever I said above was helpful, funny, or insightful in some way, shape, or form.
No slouching!
My little brother is around your niece’s age, and noob is in fact his greatest insult. All I really do to annoy him back is repeat it to him in a mocking tone. It’s fun.
“Anton we were arrested. Why are you eating a croissant”
”well I had to make myself look un-suspicious”
”a croissant does not make you look un-suspicious”
”.....it’s a very good croissant”
and in another session
“Ah, so the glass ball does not taste good. I dislike you for not encouraging eating our companions, but I respect it”
she/it pronouns
I watch. I wait. I listen. I like roleplaying games. Avid fan of messed up homebrew and horror rpgs. Lancer>dnd5e, go read Kill Six Billion Demons. I will shoot you with my transgenderification beam pew pew
That last one is ridiculous in many ways.
This isn't actually a signature, just something I copy and paste onto the bottom of all my posts. Or is it? Yep, it is. Or is it..? I’m a hobbit, and the master cranial imploder of the "Oops, I Accidently Destroyed Someone's Brain" cult. Extended sig. I'm actually in Limbo, it says I'm in Mechanus because that's where I get my WiFi from. Please don't tell the modrons, they're still angry from the 'Spawning Stone' fiasco.
No connection to Dragonslayer8 other than knowing them in real life.
One of my NPC's as he was nominated to serve as the new King of Wildemount: explaining that he has people to help him handle the job: "I, uhhh...have AIDS!"
Every party member at once, in a deep fried tone after 30 seconds of silence: "WHAT"
That reminds me of something I saw.
Warlock: "We're assuming that this prophecy was created in a language where the homonym of holy and hole-y still apply."
-later same session-
(Holy) Warlock: "I stabbed myself for nothing!"
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Seventh level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Venn (tiefling sorcerer), Xanlar (half elf paladin), and Nu (axolotl shifter druid), plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger) and "the kobold" (who's name we still haven't learned).
We're assaulting a cave system full of troglodytes to recover Phillip's gear, including his magic sword, that was lost when he didn't do so well fighting them on his own. Nu's swarm of giant axolotls come up in the initiative and they're mainly just blocking most of the troglodytes and tanking melee so we can take them out one and two at a time with ranged attacks.
Nu: "Dodge actions!"
DM: "I like you so much. He said while lying through his teeth."
Nu takes the help action for Xanlar's crossbow attacks, explained as riding piggyback and prodding his arms around while offering advice. Xanlar hits twice, doing a total of three damage.
Nu: "No, no, you have to aim higher!"
Having cleared out all of the visible troglodytes, we come to where the stream flowing into the caves ends in a large whirlpool. Nu's large size axolotls have been ablated and they've summoned eight new, tiny size axolotls using a different stat block dubbed by the rest of the party as "ankle shredders." Most of them are still alive at this point. We're trying to decide what to do concerning the giant whirlpool. Nu picks up one of their little critters.
Nu: "I'm going to tie a rope around this little guy and toss him in for a minute, then pull him back. Is he still there?"
Ferrin: "Weren't you just calling those things your 'kids' a minute ago?"
Nu: "Yeah."
Ferrin: "You are a terrible parent."
We notice another exit to the chamber and Nu sends the mini-axolotls on a mission to explore, attack any "stinky lizards" and "report back" if they find anything else. At the sound of combat Serena follows them to see a pair of dead troglodytes and another being swarmed. She finishes that one and discovers the passage curves around then goes down below.
Serena: "Hey guys! This path goes down below! Maybe we should check that out instead of jumping into the bigly mysterious cyclonic hole!"
Nu: "Oooohhhhhh." *ooc* "I'm up on the ledge, like, in a diving stance." *ic* "Yeah, maybe we should try that."
The whirlpool above drains into a waterfall into another pool below. We fight a few more stinky lizard beasts (not troglodytes), then move on to the next chamber. We notice a couple more beasts hiding chameleonlike, under another pool and one against the far wall. Nu's axolotl anklebiters are gone and it has been noted that they're out of third level spells now.
Nu: "Okay, Serena, I can get the one by the wall if you hit one of the ones underwater."
Serena: "Okay, ready? Go!" *casts sacred flame on one*
Nu: "I cast conjure animals with my fourth level spell slot."
DM: "Really? Again?"
One shredded monster later, initiative is rolled, more come out of the water, and a really big one we hadn't noticed off in the back corner starts heading over. Ferrin casts shatter at the pool where it dove in, and his homebrew wild magic effects cause a weird skeletal goo monster to appear again.
DM: "Strangely enough, this one looks like it has hair on it."
Ferrin: "Well that's rather upsetting."
Serena at this point has cast a light spell on her shield so the anklebiters, which lack darkvision, can clearly attack and she's also activated her radiant soul ability.
DM: "The big one is coming out of the water and I'll roll to see which of you it goes after...okay, keeping up the tradition of Serena drawing all the agro it goes after her."
Notable that Serena went down from several big hits in one round in the first fight on this level while on point for the group.
Serena: "To be fair, I am a sparkly angelic avatar in a dark cave with a brilliant glowing shield. I suppose that's fair." *attacks miss against Serena's AC* "But I'm not going to mess around this time. I'm using my fourth level slot to upcast spiritual weapon and let this thing have it." *crit for 6d8+11 damage, rolling to 35*
DM: "Wow, okay, Serena might be working out some aggression from that last fight here."
Ferrin casts magic missile and gets lucky on his wild magic deal getting triple damage to finish off the boss in a sudden and somewhat anticlimactic manner.
Nu: "Aww. My kids were all ready to go!"
Ferrin: "Um, throw a dance party?"
Nu: "Yeah! Let's get some fairy lights in here! I cast faerie fire."
We find a treasure hoard in the back corner including, among other things, Phillip's lost gear and a nest containing big eggs, presumably from the monsters we've been fighting down here.
Nu: "I'll take one of the eggs. I can make breakfast tomorrow!"
Ferrin: "Wow. That's harsh, man."
Nu: "It's the natural cycle! Actually, how many can I take total?"
DM: "Um, you can fit ten in your pack. You little monster."
Serena: "So monster omelets for breakfast tomorrow?"
NPC: "Would you like the soup or the filet?"
(kenku paladin is having trouble deciding what food to order)
Sorcerer (ooc): "I pull out a Chick-fil-A gift card"
DM: "THAT'S NOT HOW THAT-"
Sorcerer (ooc): "I use minor illusion."
DM: "BUT-"
Paladin (ooc): "I start muttering prayers under my breath and making holy gestures towards the unknown rectangle of strange material that has just appeared."
DM: (rolls dice) "It explodes in a poof of smoke and you hear a faint scream as the gift card is banished to another plane of existence."
Paladin:(ooc) "YEAHHHHH!"
she/any - member of the spider guild :D - official elesh norn enthusiast
current characters:
-Zalia Moonkeeper, tiefling abjuration wizard/alchemist artificer
-Philomena Silverthread, changeling assassin rogue
-Glass, kenku vengeance paladin
"This cat is racist!"
Nikolai Buckman | vampire | bard
Solace Redgrove | tiefling | bard