This isn't an exact quote, but my brain melted when I heard it. My DM isn't too good at puzzles, and my party sucks at solving them, so he always just picks really well known and easy ones. One time, a small troll required us to solve a riddle to receive a vital piece of information. The riddle was something along the lines of "A man lives in a one story yellow house, where everything is yellow. The walls, the floor, the ceiling. What color is the stairs?" I am sure you have heard this before, and I am sure you know the answer. It is a famous, easy riddle. Which is why I was so surprised when my smartest friend, leader of the group and the big decision maker, blurted out "Yellow!" The entire table erupted into laughter, and the rest of the session was spent arguing with him why he was wrong.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone, there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
I'm currently DMing for an afterschool D&D club. It consists of about 40 people split into different campaigns. Mine has about 7 people.
One of my player's fingers got eaten by their vulture. So, my NPC Calvin the Immortal Crab God gifted them a gold-inlaid dagger finger for Christmas.
PC: (OOC) "YES! NOW I CAN PISS PEOPLE OFF AND KILL THEM!"
________
My players are going to go see the Mayor of the town. As they go in, they notice he has two female companions. He sends them off to do business. Instead of doing what they're supposed to do, two of my players decide to: Follow the women and rob his house.
PC 1: (OOC) "You find the safe and I'll find the women."
So, for context, we started the session with most of the party in the middle of a three month prison sentence. Their gear was confiscated and being stored at the prison, which is important because the half-elf bird bard's gear included a little magical coin that allowed a paladin+warlock+ to teleport to the coin's location; this is a convenient way for me to allow that player to drop in when he has the time and feels like it. So the paladin+warlock+, Beriumus, showed up in the prison unannounced. The guards investigated, and they determined his story was legit, so they let him visit his friends, starting with just the half-elf bird bard, Morrigan.
Beriumus said, during the visit, that he was going to break them out of prison, even though they were both in front of the guards. Then he said to a guard: Beriumus: Let her go. She's innocent. Guard: She's already had a trial. She'll only be here a couple months if she doesn't do anything else stupid. Beriumus: Two months! You don't need my help. Don't do anything stupid.
Later, when he was meeting a member of the party he hadn't met before, he said: Beriumus: I serve only myself ... and the world, and my loving liege, who I must not mention."
Later: Tiefling Rogue: [Beriumus] fits the intelligence profile of this group. Leonin Barbarian: I don't know what's sadder, the fact that you think that of us, or the fact that it's partially true.
Later on, the party was discussing plans. Slate, Earth Genasi Paladin: My oath forbids lying. Rogue: You could keep your mouth shut. Slate: We both know I can't do that.
*Rogue: hands Beriumus a biscuit Be a good boy. Beriumus: If I keep getting these biscuits I will. *I'm pretty sure it was the rogue who said this.
While most of the party was having a very intense discussion [the half-orc druid had cast Blight on the rogue because he had threatened her during an argument], Slate offered the rogue a sweet roll to see if that would calm him down. He refused. Beriumus asked if he could have the sweet roll "if nobody else wanted it," and Slate gave it to him, all while the discussion was still going on. Then Beriumus said it would be nice to have something to wash it down, and the rogue gave him whisky. Then Beriumus asked if the rogue wanted the rest back, again at a very inopportune moment. Rogue: Your obliviousness is our only saving grace. Beriumus: Thank you.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken. Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing. Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan. Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer. Plays god on Saturdays.
Ninth level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Venn (tiefling sorcerer), Xanlar (half elf paladin), and Nu (axolotl shifter druid), plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger), Al (halfling cleric), and Pin the kobold.
Still trying to navigate our way out of a puzzle and monster filled dungeon to escape the Feywild where we've been for two full sessions by this point. We come to a mausoleum with a bunch of stone coffins.
Nu: "Is this a graveyard?" Pin: "Don't touch anything! Yes, that's coming from me." Serena: "Has a bad experience in a mausoleum, have we?"
The statue at one end of the room has a keyhole in it, which Nu discovers while investigating.
Nu: "I look inside the keyhole." *DM describes the keyhole* Nu: "This keyhole's weird. I've seen like three keyholes and this one's weird!"
Serena volunteers to go down the creepy staircase that opened up inside a coffin.
Serena: "Looks like a treasure room." Pin: "What! Let me in there!"
===
DM: "What are you doing, Nu?" Nu*sounding despondent*: "Serena said no fire..."
===
DM: "...one coin the size of a dinner plate..." Nu: "One dinner coin..." Serena: "A month and a half from now you're going to be reading through your inventory..." Nu: "I'm also putting 'from coffin chest.'"
===
Serena: "I'm not sure what that means" Nu: "I produce a flame"
===
Fighting a monster with creepy extend-o arms...
Nu: "Misty step into the gel!" [Nu's healing spirit takes the form of a big blob of gel] Ferrin: "I don't want to be that close, it'll have it's hand back!"
===
Upon returning from what was, to us, only a few hours and learning of Feywild time f*ckery that occured...
Fourth level party with Kohein (elf rogue/arcane trickster), Ketthan (tabaxi monk), Perri (human warlock), and Verity (half elf cleric). Party is accompanied by NPCs Vermina (human energetic nerd of yet undetermined class) and Tenoch (firbolg orphan boy working as out translator [region has a different "common" that we don't speak). Setting is a massive underground realm something like a cross between "Journey to the Center of the Earth" and Arthur Conan Doyle's "Lost World" with a prehispanic Mesoamerican theme.
Kohein: "I will poke around a bit with Investigation." *Rolls natural one for Investigation* Perri: "No you won't." Kohein: "I think I hurt my finger poking it."
===
Vermina: "Why's Kohein the only one that gets tingling?" Kohein: "I don't want to tingle. I think tingling is bad." Vermina: "Don't you know tingling is supposed to be a good feeling?" Kohein: "Wrong kind of tingling.
===
Kohein: "Looks like a rock, feels like a rock." Perri: "Does it taste like a rock?"
===
Verity: "The common theme of spit I'm seeing, I'm not sure I like it." Perri: "So clearly we need to start licking things."
===
Vermina and Perri are conspiratorially whispering theories about the shared flashbacks we had a few sessions ago.
Vermina: "Do you remember the one where you had a tail? I think that one was Verity's." Perri: "But she doesn't have a tail." Vermina: "I think she's hiding it under that long coat!" Perri: "Why, have you been looking at her butt?" Vermina: "No! I'm not that kind of girl! But maybe when we get back to a town with a nice inn and she says she's going to take a shower I can say 'Oh, a shower sounds great! I'll come join you!' And then I can see her tail!" Perri: "Are you sure you're not that kind of girl?"
===
Perri: "I can't believe you all got gamer girl bathwater."
===
Verity: "I'm curious about the whole magic sharing spit thing and if you can help me learn that?" Kohein: "Careful how you say that, he might think you want to make out with him."
===
Tenoch gets kidnapped and we give chase but they escape, leaving behind a flyer for an establishment in a town known to be a haven for pirates, bandits, and other shady characters. Perri picks it up.
Perri: "Let's see, huge selection of ales and liquors, best of all races...FULL NUDE GIRLS?" Kohein: "Say what, now?"
So next session we're apparently going to a pirate strip club...
DM: You are currently restrained by three mimics, what do you do.
Shadow Monk: I have this thing called shadow step...
DM: You suck.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
I love drow, rogues and Chinese weapons. I mean come on, rope darts are awesome.
My current character is a drow shadow monk, with a "unique" honor code (give him some time, he's working through some stuff). He also sucks on the socialization side of interacting with all other living creatures. which is very fun to RP.
It was the rogue, I remember that Slate asked him OOC if it was poisoned or not.
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Morrigan Corax, The Phantom Queen, Breaker of The Elemental Chains, and Flaming Chicken Cassilia Decalia, Servant of His Xanthous Majesty. "It's not narcissism, it's histrionicism, dearie." Dokuhebi Tsuchinoko, child of the serpent goddess and temporary mother of squidlings Envelope Lastname is going to be the death of me. I'm allergic to fireball
Love the addition to your signature, by the way. XD
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Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken. Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing. Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan. Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer. Plays god on Saturdays.
Barbarian: I start beating {wizard} with the shackles
Druid: No, I put them on you.
Barbarian: I choke {wizard} with the chain of the shackles.
Druid: But, the other end of the shackles is on me (points to her own wrist).
Barbarian: I grab {druid} and use her to beat {wizard}.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
=========================== Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters: Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
This isn't an exact quote, but my brain melted when I heard it. My DM isn't too good at puzzles, and my party sucks at solving them, so he always just picks really well known and easy ones. One time, a small troll required us to solve a riddle to receive a vital piece of information. The riddle was something along the lines of "A man lives in a one story yellow house, where everything is yellow. The walls, the floor, the ceiling. What color is the stairs?" I am sure you have heard this before, and I am sure you know the answer. It is a famous, easy riddle. Which is why I was so surprised when my smartest friend, leader of the group and the big decision maker, blurted out "Yellow!" The entire table erupted into laughter, and the rest of the session was spent arguing with him why he was wrong.
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone, there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
- Litany Against Fear, Frank Herbert
I'm currently DMing for an afterschool D&D club. It consists of about 40 people split into different campaigns. Mine has about 7 people.
One of my player's fingers got eaten by their vulture. So, my NPC Calvin the Immortal Crab God gifted them a gold-inlaid dagger finger for Christmas.
PC: (OOC) "YES! NOW I CAN PISS PEOPLE OFF AND KILL THEM!"
________
My players are going to go see the Mayor of the town. As they go in, they notice he has two female companions. He sends them off to do business. Instead of doing what they're supposed to do, two of my players decide to: Follow the women and rob his house.
PC 1: (OOC) "You find the safe and I'll find the women."
People die everyday. What's one more?
Hehe crossover go brrr
Chip Acolyte of the Cult of Potato Chips and professional droid thief.
Beriumus said, during the visit, that he was going to break them out of prison, even though they were both in front of the guards. Then he said to a guard:
Beriumus: Let her go. She's innocent.
Guard: She's already had a trial. She'll only be here a couple months if she doesn't do anything else stupid.
Beriumus: Two months! You don't need my help. Don't do anything stupid.
Later, when he was meeting a member of the party he hadn't met before, he said:
Beriumus: I serve only myself ... and the world, and my loving liege, who I must not mention."
Later:
Tiefling Rogue: [Beriumus] fits the intelligence profile of this group.
Leonin Barbarian: I don't know what's sadder, the fact that you think that of us, or the fact that it's partially true.
Later on, the party was discussing plans.
Slate, Earth Genasi Paladin: My oath forbids lying.
Rogue: You could keep your mouth shut.
Slate: We both know I can't do that.
*Rogue: hands Beriumus a biscuit Be a good boy.
Beriumus: If I keep getting these biscuits I will.
*I'm pretty sure it was the rogue who said this.
While most of the party was having a very intense discussion [the half-orc druid had cast Blight on the rogue because he had threatened her during an argument], Slate offered the rogue a sweet roll to see if that would calm him down. He refused. Beriumus asked if he could have the sweet roll "if nobody else wanted it," and Slate gave it to him, all while the discussion was still going on. Then Beriumus said it would be nice to have something to wash it down, and the rogue gave him whisky. Then Beriumus asked if the rogue wanted the rest back, again at a very inopportune moment.
Rogue: Your obliviousness is our only saving grace.
Beriumus: Thank you.
Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken.
Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing.
Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan.
Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer.
Plays god on Saturdays.
DM: I'm gEttIng the gUns, gEEz
Ninth level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Venn (tiefling sorcerer), Xanlar (half elf paladin), and Nu (axolotl shifter druid), plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger), Al (halfling cleric), and Pin the kobold.
Still trying to navigate our way out of a puzzle and monster filled dungeon to escape the Feywild where we've been for two full sessions by this point. We come to a mausoleum with a bunch of stone coffins.
Nu: "Is this a graveyard?"
Pin: "Don't touch anything! Yes, that's coming from me."
Serena: "Has a bad experience in a mausoleum, have we?"
The statue at one end of the room has a keyhole in it, which Nu discovers while investigating.
Nu: "I look inside the keyhole."
*DM describes the keyhole*
Nu: "This keyhole's weird. I've seen like three keyholes and this one's weird!"
Serena volunteers to go down the creepy staircase that opened up inside a coffin.
Serena: "Looks like a treasure room."
Pin: "What! Let me in there!"
===
DM: "What are you doing, Nu?"
Nu*sounding despondent*: "Serena said no fire..."
===
DM: "...one coin the size of a dinner plate..."
Nu: "One dinner coin..."
Serena: "A month and a half from now you're going to be reading through your inventory..."
Nu: "I'm also putting 'from coffin chest.'"
===
Serena: "I'm not sure what that means"
Nu: "I produce a flame"
===
Fighting a monster with creepy extend-o arms...
Nu: "Misty step into the gel!" [Nu's healing spirit takes the form of a big blob of gel]
Ferrin: "I don't want to be that close, it'll have it's hand back!"
===
Upon returning from what was, to us, only a few hours and learning of Feywild time f*ckery that occured...
Serena: "TWO MONTHS!?!"
Fourth level party with Kohein (elf rogue/arcane trickster), Ketthan (tabaxi monk), Perri (human warlock), and Verity (half elf cleric). Party is accompanied by NPCs Vermina (human energetic nerd of yet undetermined class) and Tenoch (firbolg orphan boy working as out translator [region has a different "common" that we don't speak). Setting is a massive underground realm something like a cross between "Journey to the Center of the Earth" and Arthur Conan Doyle's "Lost World" with a prehispanic Mesoamerican theme.
Kohein: "I will poke around a bit with Investigation."
*Rolls natural one for Investigation*
Perri: "No you won't."
Kohein: "I think I hurt my finger poking it."
===
Vermina: "Why's Kohein the only one that gets tingling?"
Kohein: "I don't want to tingle. I think tingling is bad."
Vermina: "Don't you know tingling is supposed to be a good feeling?"
Kohein: "Wrong kind of tingling.
===
Kohein: "Looks like a rock, feels like a rock."
Perri: "Does it taste like a rock?"
===
Verity: "The common theme of spit I'm seeing, I'm not sure I like it."
Perri: "So clearly we need to start licking things."
===
Vermina and Perri are conspiratorially whispering theories about the shared flashbacks we had a few sessions ago.
Vermina: "Do you remember the one where you had a tail? I think that one was Verity's."
Perri: "But she doesn't have a tail."
Vermina: "I think she's hiding it under that long coat!"
Perri: "Why, have you been looking at her butt?"
Vermina: "No! I'm not that kind of girl! But maybe when we get back to a town with a nice inn and she says she's going to take a shower I can say 'Oh, a shower sounds great! I'll come join you!' And then I can see her tail!"
Perri: "Are you sure you're not that kind of girl?"
===
Perri: "I can't believe you all got gamer girl bathwater."
===
Verity: "I'm curious about the whole magic sharing spit thing and if you can help me learn that?"
Kohein: "Careful how you say that, he might think you want to make out with him."
===
Tenoch gets kidnapped and we give chase but they escape, leaving behind a flyer for an establishment in a town known to be a haven for pirates, bandits, and other shady characters. Perri picks it up.
Perri: "Let's see, huge selection of ales and liquors, best of all races...FULL NUDE GIRLS?"
Kohein: "Say what, now?"
So next session we're apparently going to a pirate strip club...
Monk, when attacked by a bunch of zombies: “There are Tomb-any of them!”
RIP Tavern.
All hail King Jovan Fluffycloud Prince
Teleporting elf monk supremacy!, but druids are better
[Cactus]Waffles!”I don’t have any good quotes to put in my sig.” -Me
DM: You are currently restrained by three mimics, what do you do.
Shadow Monk: I have this thing called shadow step...
DM: You suck.
I love drow, rogues and Chinese weapons. I mean come on, rope darts are awesome.
My current character is a drow shadow monk, with a "unique" honor code (give him some time, he's working through some stuff). He also sucks on the socialization side of interacting with all other living creatures. which is very fun to RP.
Wizard, to monk: “What would he resist?”
DM: “[Monk]’s unconscious.”
Monk: *Answers anyway*
DM: “The fourth wall breaks any you all take 1 damage.”
Monk: *At two failed death saves*
Wizard: *At 1 hp*
RIP Tavern.
All hail King Jovan Fluffycloud Prince
Teleporting elf monk supremacy!, but druids are better
[Cactus]Waffles!”I don’t have any good quotes to put in my sig.” -Me
RIP Monk and Wizard. You shall be missed
"I built this character for diplomacy, but diplomacy doesn't work on bears."
1: "[I misheard you and] thought we were fighting Cardi B."
2: No, no. It's not that bad.
[tpk immediately after]
i can roll nat 1s on command
my homebrew thingies
Magic Items - Monsters - Subclasses
NPC to party: Hey, i need you to kill some people for me, then i'll give you the info you want.
Party: [Decides to kidnap NPC instead, then runs into the people who want the npc dead anyway]
I play a miriad of characters at the lord's rest inn
Two things are infinite: The universe, and human stupidity; and I'm not so sure about the universe.
Scifi horror is quite the trip :) Comics and a story
#FreeDND
Dm: Issac decides to saw off the spider's leg. He now has Three legs.
Issac (Me): If I eat the flesh of the spider's leg will I gain its climbing abilties?
Dm: You'll die.
Me: Issac eats the spider leg
Dm: Issac has died
"Forgive the mess, I am trying to regain my sanity again."
[Taken by my gourmand boyfriend]
For further context to the scenario
[Hobo PC who is the resident barbarian]: Look, how about we ambush the people you want us to kill?
[NPC]: Sure, go do that then
[Hobo]: But you need to come with us
[DM A.K.A me]: 1.Starts 10 minute timer 2. "Roll deception'
[Hobo]: NAT freaking 20
[Party]: Spends the remaining 10 minutes discussing what to do
[DM]: Starts countdown from 30 seconds
[Party]: freaks the f out
[Bad npcs]: Allow us to introduce ourselves
I play a miriad of characters at the lord's rest inn
Two things are infinite: The universe, and human stupidity; and I'm not so sure about the universe.
Scifi horror is quite the trip :) Comics and a story
#FreeDND
It was the rogue, I remember that Slate asked him OOC if it was poisoned or not.
Morrigan Corax, The Phantom Queen, Breaker of The Elemental Chains, and Flaming Chicken
Cassilia Decalia, Servant of His Xanthous Majesty. "It's not narcissism, it's histrionicism, dearie."
Dokuhebi Tsuchinoko, child of the serpent goddess and temporary mother of squidlings
Envelope Lastname is going to be the death of me.
I'm allergic to fireball
NPC, saying generic text: well, looks like you had a bad fall
my Elf Paladin PC: how are you so happy? its cold, and dark, and... damp?! where did that come from?
the Barbarian, terrified: sorry! its just too creepy!
a hobbit of the tolkeinite cult
a frequenter of taverns
mainly an Emerald half-dragon with a psudodragon pet
haven't been on because mobile sucks and wifi sucks
Self-proclaimed Non-Binary Diety of bad writing and Lizardfolk Monks
Thanks!
Love the addition to your signature, by the way. XD
Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken.
Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing.
Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan.
Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer.
Plays god on Saturdays.
BBEG: By the way, what is your religion?
Barbarian: We believe in pizza delivery.
Barbarian: (to druid) Give me the shackles.
Druid: [Reaches toward barbarian] *click*
Barbarian: I start beating {wizard} with the shackles
Druid: No, I put them on you.
Barbarian: I choke {wizard} with the chain of the shackles.
Druid: But, the other end of the shackles is on me (points to her own wrist).
Barbarian: I grab {druid} and use her to beat {wizard}.
===========================
Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters:
Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer
Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
"I shouldn't have smoked that ferret, there was something funny...in that ferret."