Player 3: "What were we talking about?" Player 4: "I don't remember." Player 1: "We were talking about the 5 gp you were about to give me." Player 3: "I'm not falling for that again."
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Some context for the quotes: My party and I (three of which are missing for that session) had previously walked into a casino because we had detected high levels of magic (which made the more sensible party members suspicious), and through various shenanigans had entered the place emitting high levels of magic. We found out it was the office of a ‘black’ dragon (it was actually blue, but the party members without darkvision saw them as a black dragon) and because we had annoyed the dragon, they made us do three errands. The first being forcing the owner of a comedy club in town to pay the dragon money he owed, the second being kidnapping one of the dragons lackeys to have a ‘talk’, and the third, which we have yet to do, to convince and owner of another casino to stop rigging things to his advantage, as he had a gambling addiction, or force him to pay the dragon more.
S (me): an aasimar paladin disguised as a human
K: a Dragonborn sorcerer who looks down on those she perceives as less intelligent
T: an elf rogue
P: an owlfolk barbarian and former pirate, who confuses us even more after we here any part of her backstory
—————————
P: “Wait! I wanna go in the room too, hold my farm plow!”
S: “I will, I will-“ (she picks it up with no effort, and stands by the door to the comedy club owner’s office)
—————————
T (ooc): “To intimidate him I uhhh- stab my dagger into the tiny table he’s sitting in front of.”
They succeed, and walk out of the room.
K: “I assume it went well?”
P: “Yeah! We broke a table :)”
——————————
We are sent on the second mission, and S and K walk into the guard barracks while P and T stand outside, after a lot of lecturing. I converse with the only two guards in the barracks, one of which is the guy we’re looking for (guard 1).
S: “Hello! (Guard 1’s Nickname), yes?”
Guard 1: “Uhhh yeah. Who’s asking.”
S: “Boss, he wants to talk.”
Guard 1: “Well if he did I’m sure he’d just call me over-“
S: “I don’t think you understand the severity of the situation.”
She puts a hand on his shoulder, casts sleep, and he immediately falls limp. She throws him over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes (and because he is seven feet tall, a good foot taller than S), and the other guard who was playing chess with him runs away in fear (he keeps running after seeing the dragonborn near the exit, and the dancing owl thing and tall elf child as he leaves the building). S books it back to the casino, because the spell only lasts one minute, leaving the rest of the party to catch up.
Tenth level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard/artificer), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Xanlar (half elf paladin), and Nu (axolotl shifter druid), plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger), and Pin the kobold (rogue).
Party ducks into a stable to speak discreetly with a friend who's lying low.
Nu: "I get on a horse immediately." *later* Nu: "Wait, where am I?" Ferrin: "You're on the horse." Nu: "Oh, yeah."
=====
Nu: "I want to try to earn a favor, I'm thinking the priestess might be helpful." DM: Roll Religion." Nu: "Okay, I have a plus zero on this..." DM: "You can also do Persuasion instead if you want." Nu: "That one's negative so we'll stick with Religion."
=====
Serena: "I'm suppressing the urge to stick my tongue out at the soldiers. I'm feeling feisty." Ferrin: "And this is new?" Serena: "When I'm consciously trying to be diplomatic it just makes it worse."
=====
Dwarf NPC: "Now if you'll excuse us I need to curse in Dwarvish." Serena: "Actually, I find that the Goblin language has the best for cursing. It's not very elegant otherwise, but the profanities are great!"
=====
Pin: "Come here, I have an idea." Serena: "Does it have something to do with the cascade of shit?" Pin: "No." Serena: "I'm not sure if I feel relieved or disappointed to hear that."
=====
Nu: "Okay, I get it now." Ferrin: "Do you really?" Nu: "No."
=====
DM: "Nu, this rhino is trying to run over you." Nu: "Huh? Aah!"
=====
Serena hits one of the enemy war rhinos with an upcast inflict wounds.
Serena: "That's 27 damage." DM: "Wow! What do you have against wildlife?" Serena: "It tried to gore me!"
Fifth level party (material from a few sessions and we leveled up between some) with Kohein (elf rogue/arcane trickster), Ketthan (tabaxi monk), Perri (human warlock), and Verity (half elf cleric). Verity occaisionally wanders off and we are joined by Gospel Glosswood (old man elf cleric) and so far nobody has made any connection there in character. Party is accompanied by NPCs Vermina (human energetic nerd of yet undetermined class) and Tenoch (firbolg orphan boy working as out translator [region has a different "common" that we don't speak]. Setting is a massive underground realm something like a cross between "Journey to the Center of the Earth" and Arthur Conan Doyle's "Lost World" with a prehispanic Mesoamerican theme.
Kohein: "Is it shiny?" DM: "Yes, and also covered in slime" Perri: "Is it shiny because it's slimy?"
=====
Verity: "Hey, do you guys have a shovel?" Perri: "No!" Kohein: "That sounds like the kind of thing that it'd be a good idea for a group of adventurers to have." Perri: "We can try to trade some spider legs for a shovel!"
=====
Kohein is talking with some shady NPCs in a tavern.
Kohein: "I have skills, and I have friends with other skills." Perri: "You mean the drunk kid and the two girls whispering in the corner?"
=====
Perri rolls very poorly on a stealth check.
DM: "Okay, Little Sir's turn." [Perri's pseudodragon familiar] Perri: "I feel like he's just going to sit there and judge me."
=====
Verity: "Is this a war crime?" Perri: "We're not at war." Kohein: "I may have over-reacted a bit." DM: "And you guys are supposed to be good." Perri: "Who said we're good guys?" Kohein: "I'm trying to be good." DM: "Verity is the closest thing you have to a former officer of the law." Kohein: "We found her in jail." Verity: "So that should tell you how well that's going."
Verity casts sleep
Verity: "Can we stop now? These guys are just hunters. We shouldn't even be fighting them." Kohein: "I guess? If they'll let us." Perri: "Um, he fell asleep on the bonfire..." Verity: "Oh no." Kohein: "Um, maybe we should just get out of here?"
=====
Verity departs in the night, leaving a note saying "I can't travel with a person who would kill two people for no reason."Gospel arrives the next morning...
Ketthan: "Hey, old man. Thanks for helping us the other day!" Gospel: "Oh, it's nothing young man! Just what a good person would do!" Kohein: "You're really laying the guilt trip on me here."
=====
A session had us trying to follow a lead in a brothel and most of the characters are out of their element and uncomfortable.
Prostitute: "I can be anything you want." Gospel: "Can you be ten feet away from me?"
Different Prostitute: "Is it true that as you get older you get wiser?" Gospel: "Huh? Absolutely not!"
An orc prostitute is threatening Gospel with a sword.
Gospel: "I feel like we need a safe word for this!" Perri: "Something something penetration joke..."
Kohein: "What are you guys doing?" Perri: "They tried to mug us!" Gospel: "And said it was foreplay for some reason!" Kohein: "And people think I'm unnecessarily violent!" *knocks dude out*
Perri: "I'm going to cast create bonfire over here then point to it and yell 'FIRE!'"
Perri: "You made the fish boy a squish boy!"
Kohein: "I cast message to Vermina and say 'We have to run away, totally not my fault, hurry!'" Gospel: "I run up, kick the door open, and say 'I just killed a man, we have to go!" DM: "Do you even know which door you're looking for?" Gospel: "Umm, now that you mention it, no."
Kohein: "...so you set fire to the brothel." Perri: "Technically I burned a table and they didn't do enough to stop it from spreading."
=====
Perri: "I'll try to play some accompaniment for them." *Nat 1* Perri: "Or not."
Everybody is glowing then we get attacked by dinosaurs. Gospel hits one with a guiding bolt.
DM: "Now the dinosaur is glowing, too." Perri: "It's like a %&$#ing rave in here!"
=====
Gospel *ooc*: "I wonder if I can use the dice roller to do my math homework..."
=====
Perri: "I have two things I want to do and I'm pretty sure they're both bad ideas."
Kohein: "What I find disturbing is that you're describing creatures the same size category as us as little.'"
Gospel: "Does a fifteen hit?" DM: "You aim and shoot with confidence, then see the bold bounce off it's chest." Gospel: "Interesting! I throw my orb at it."
=====
Perri: "Do you think the birds built this?" Gospel: "They don't have opposable thumbs, so I doubt it."
=====
Having just fought a bunch of giant terror birds.
Kohein: "Who wants chicken for dinner?"
=====
NPC: "We need to turn back!" Kohein: "Well-" NPC: "I know what you're going to say! That I can go back if we want but I can't! I'm defenseless!" Kohein: "Well that isn't my fault." Perri: "Wow, a bit harsh, Koko?" Koehin: *OOC* "I have 8 Charisma, I'm not good at pleasantries."
=====
From my notes: "Grulda: *****y bugbear mercenary chick"
Grulda: "So, are you the leader of this group?" Kohein: "Technically Vermina's our employer. I like to think of myself as a senior nerd wrangler."
Ketthan: "I'll stay close to her in case she needs help." Grulda: "Relax, city boy. It's not mating season yet." Kohein *OOC*: "Bugbears have a mating season?" DM: "Yes. I know this. And I'm not obsessed, just well prepared. My book 'The Love of the Bugbear' talks all about it."
=====
Vermina: "Did you get eaten?" Kohein: "We're here." Vermina: "You could be ghosts or I could be dreaming." Kohein: "I pinch Vermina." Vermina: "Ow!"
=====
Kohein: "I think Vermina is feeling disillusioned about her nerd crush."
=====
Worg: "Step away from that shrine!" Perri: "But it ate my friends!" Worg: "You have one second to step away!" Perri: "I touch the necklace [on the shrine]." DM: "You disappear too."
Ketthan spends five seconds mispronouncing "Xochitlquetzal"
DM: "Dude, you're the Mexican guy!" Ketthan: *in Spanish* "I'm not good with Nuhatl words!"
=====
Perri: "I like how we're both talking to this one while the other is chasing the old man around the pool."
=====
Gospel: "Mind if I eat one?" Perri: "Last time you ate a berry you got slapped." Gospel: "Let's find out if it happens again! *ooc* I eat another berry."
Kohein: "Vermina, you have a very active imagination. Try to dial that back a bit." Vermina: "But the map said cannibals!" Perri: "And how many times has the map been wrong?" Vermina: "I've had enough of this stupid map!"
=====
Vermina: "So what did we learn?" Kohein: "Did we learn anything?" Tenoch: "We learned that you should listen to me." Kohein: "I don't think we learned that." Perri: "I learned to not steal berries!"
=====
Vermina: "This is the first time you've been here, right, Gospel?" Gospel: "I have no idea where I am!"
=====
Gospel: "Why does he have a net?" Perri: "I think you know exactly why right now!"
====
Ketthan: "What happened?" Vermina: "The monster attacked you, then you accidentally hit Perri and for some reason she attacked you." Perri: "I didn't attack him, that was the magic!" Vermina: "That's what my sister said when she got caught with her boyfriend in her bed." Perri: "That's a different kind of magic."
=====
Kohein: "And he probably didn't volunteer that information because he figured if we didn't know we'd be smart enough to ask." Perri: "Well that was HIS mistake."
=====
Tenoch: "You should be paying me more." Kohein: "You'll have to talk to Vermina about that." Vermina: "I'm not paying a child. That would be child labor and that's bad." Perri: "I think it's even worse if you don't pay the child."
=====
DM has us fighting a Yohualtepoztli, for which he provides an image in our Discord.
Kohein: "If I had seen that image as a child I would have had nightmares for weeks."
=====
Vermina: "How do we know it's really you? Tell me something only Perri would know!" Perri: "You have secret fanfiction stashed in-" Vermina: "Okay! It's really them! Now they can shut up!"
=====
DM: "Roll Persuasion." Kohein: "I'm not very good at that." *Nat 20* "But I am today!"
=====
Gospel: "It's not good to eat while talking. That's why I eat on my sleep."
=====
Perri: "...and then we found out they like sweets and it turns out Vermina has been carrying around some top of the line Gnomish delights..." Kohein: "When you say it like that it sounds dirty."
=====
The characters come across wild growing cacao fruit, which somewhat resembles coconuts. None of the PCs have seen this stuff before.
Gospel: "What's that hairy ball you have there, Ketthan?" Perri: "Are there more big hairy balls around?"
=====
Kohein: "Don't you have a dagger?" Gospel: "What?" Perri: "Cut the net!" Kohein: "And tell her to not wriggle! I bet she's a wriggler!"
=====
DM: "So everyone who isn't piling up bodies and trying to flirt without knowing the language, what are you doing?" Kohein: "Well you know what I'm doing!"
started a new campaign as vo villagers on rumblecusp after the fall of vokodo. ---meaning we are naive about everything !!!!!!!!!!!-- anyway the party discovered a deck of many things and some were fine using it and the other half of the party not sure.after some time ..the fighter decided " i will pull three cards ". the very first card pulled .............THE VOID !!!!!!!!!!! OMG lol the artificer (me) was explaining the odds of failure just before the pull(which no one listened to of course).upon seeing my friend drop to the ground lifeless , i shout out " i will pull one card and FOR SCIENCE !!!" LOL i pulled the jester , and just stuck to one card draw (kinda hoping to get something to help my fallen friend).so now we have a reason to leave the island and search for the missing soul.(now the fighter is rerolling a new toon - a bloodhunter)
"You get unspiration for scaring the **** outta me."
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
"There are three kinds of sarge in this world: A massarge, a sausarge, and a passarge! Call me Sarge again, and I'll massarge a cafeteria sausarge up ya back passarge! It's Sargent, dammit!"
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
"There are three kinds of sarge in this world: A massarge, a sausarge, and a passarge! Call me Sarge again, and I'll massarge a cafeteria sausarge up ya back passarge! It's Sargent, dammit!"
This is golden
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Life is very busy unfortunately, gone from most Pbp's indefinitely. If you'd like to contact me, I am on Discord at GreatAxeblade#7595, always happy to chat :)
Context: Running Princes of the Apocalypse, the party came across the holes that were used to drown people (10ft hole filled with water, put person in, put large rock on top, person is then taken care of)
Halfling Sorcerer: Can I lick the water?
Me (DM): You want to lick the black, pungent, corpse water?
Sorcerer: Yes
Me: Alright, you are now poiso-
Sorcerer: I want to jump in the corpse water
Me: Um.. Alright, you get in and are floating on your back
Rest of party: *discussing ways that they can determine the depth of the hole*
Sorcerer: I want to swim down to find the bottom
The Sorcerer then proceeds to drown twice (they miraculously succeeded on the first batch of death saves), after the second time the Cleric holds onto a rope that the Fighter is holding (as to not fall in) and treads water for 36 seconds in game time to fish around for the dead body of the Sorcerer to cast Revivify. A suggestion was made by the Fighter to prod around in the water with his spear to aid in finding the body by attempting to skewer it, fortunately the party convinced him not to.
Guys, we are getting off topic here
You could get people back on topic instead.
Player 3: "What were we talking about?"
Player 4: "I don't remember."
Player 1: "We were talking about the 5 gp you were about to give me."
Player 3: "I'm not falling for that again."
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Some context for the quotes: My party and I (three of which are missing for that session) had previously walked into a casino because we had detected high levels of magic (which made the more sensible party members suspicious), and through various shenanigans had entered the place emitting high levels of magic. We found out it was the office of a ‘black’ dragon (it was actually blue, but the party members without darkvision saw them as a black dragon) and because we had annoyed the dragon, they made us do three errands. The first being forcing the owner of a comedy club in town to pay the dragon money he owed, the second being kidnapping one of the dragons lackeys to have a ‘talk’, and the third, which we have yet to do, to convince and owner of another casino to stop rigging things to his advantage, as he had a gambling addiction, or force him to pay the dragon more.
S (me): an aasimar paladin disguised as a human
K: a Dragonborn sorcerer who looks down on those she perceives as less intelligent
T: an elf rogue
P: an owlfolk barbarian and former pirate, who confuses us even more after we here any part of her backstory
—————————
P: “Wait! I wanna go in the room too, hold my farm plow!”
S: “I will, I will-“ (she picks it up with no effort, and stands by the door to the comedy club owner’s office)
—————————
T (ooc): “To intimidate him I uhhh- stab my dagger into the tiny table he’s sitting in front of.”
They succeed, and walk out of the room.
K: “I assume it went well?”
P: “Yeah! We broke a table :)”
——————————
We are sent on the second mission, and S and K walk into the guard barracks while P and T stand outside, after a lot of lecturing. I converse with the only two guards in the barracks, one of which is the guy we’re looking for (guard 1).
S: “Hello! (Guard 1’s Nickname), yes?”
Guard 1: “Uhhh yeah. Who’s asking.”
S: “Boss, he wants to talk.”
Guard 1: “Well if he did I’m sure he’d just call me over-“
S: “I don’t think you understand the severity of the situation.”
She puts a hand on his shoulder, casts sleep, and he immediately falls limp. She throws him over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes (and because he is seven feet tall, a good foot taller than S), and the other guard who was playing chess with him runs away in fear (he keeps running after seeing the dragonborn near the exit, and the dancing owl thing and tall elf child as he leaves the building). S books it back to the casino, because the spell only lasts one minute, leaving the rest of the party to catch up.
Me, the DM: You take 4 slashing damage!
My dad, AKA Wessan Bluecloak the wizard: Please, is my hat okay??!
I am an Arachpriest, Cat Cultist, Sauce Monk, Angel of Death, and First Spinjitzu Master.
I play Thirteen the necromancer elf, Timber the tabaxi child, and more at the tavern. Hope you like yams!
Oh yeah, don't forget to be kind and loving and stuff. Not on during weekends.
In a call of cthulhu game I was the Keeper of, I couldn't think of an eldritch chant for cultists to do so...
Me: "as you approach the people in robes, you hear their wicked eldritch chanting... "ligma... sugma... sugondese.... ligma... sugma... sugondese-"
Both Investigators: "..."
Me: "ligma...sugma... sugondese..."
Players: "let's just go tell the cops we couldn't find the missing person" "sounds good"
my name is not Bryce
Actor
Certified Dark Sun enjoyer
usually on forum games and not contributing to conversations ¯\_ (ツ)_/
For every user who writes 5 paragraph essays as each of their posts: Remember to touch grass occasionally
Tenth level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard/artificer), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Xanlar (half elf paladin), and Nu (axolotl shifter druid), plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger), and Pin the kobold (rogue).
Party ducks into a stable to speak discreetly with a friend who's lying low.
Nu: "I get on a horse immediately."
*later*
Nu: "Wait, where am I?"
Ferrin: "You're on the horse."
Nu: "Oh, yeah."
=====
Nu: "I want to try to earn a favor, I'm thinking the priestess might be helpful." DM: Roll Religion."
Nu: "Okay, I have a plus zero on this..."
DM: "You can also do Persuasion instead if you want."
Nu: "That one's negative so we'll stick with Religion."
=====
Serena: "I'm suppressing the urge to stick my tongue out at the soldiers. I'm feeling feisty."
Ferrin: "And this is new?"
Serena: "When I'm consciously trying to be diplomatic it just makes it worse."
=====
Dwarf NPC: "Now if you'll excuse us I need to curse in Dwarvish."
Serena: "Actually, I find that the Goblin language has the best for cursing. It's not very elegant otherwise, but the profanities are great!"
=====
Pin: "Come here, I have an idea."
Serena: "Does it have something to do with the cascade of shit?"
Pin: "No."
Serena: "I'm not sure if I feel relieved or disappointed to hear that."
=====
Nu: "Okay, I get it now."
Ferrin: "Do you really?"
Nu: "No."
=====
DM: "Nu, this rhino is trying to run over you."
Nu: "Huh? Aah!"
=====
Serena hits one of the enemy war rhinos with an upcast inflict wounds.
Serena: "That's 27 damage."
DM: "Wow! What do you have against wildlife?"
Serena: "It tried to gore me!"
Fifth level party (material from a few sessions and we leveled up between some) with Kohein (elf rogue/arcane trickster), Ketthan (tabaxi monk), Perri (human warlock), and Verity (half elf cleric). Verity occaisionally wanders off and we are joined by Gospel Glosswood (old man elf cleric) and so far nobody has made any connection there in character. Party is accompanied by NPCs Vermina (human energetic nerd of yet undetermined class) and Tenoch (firbolg orphan boy working as out translator [region has a different "common" that we don't speak]. Setting is a massive underground realm something like a cross between "Journey to the Center of the Earth" and Arthur Conan Doyle's "Lost World" with a prehispanic Mesoamerican theme.
Kohein: "Is it shiny?"
DM: "Yes, and also covered in slime"
Perri: "Is it shiny because it's slimy?"
=====
Verity: "Hey, do you guys have a shovel?"
Perri: "No!"
Kohein: "That sounds like the kind of thing that it'd be a good idea for a group of adventurers to have."
Perri: "We can try to trade some spider legs for a shovel!"
=====
Kohein is talking with some shady NPCs in a tavern.
Kohein: "I have skills, and I have friends with other skills."
Perri: "You mean the drunk kid and the two girls whispering in the corner?"
=====
Perri rolls very poorly on a stealth check.
DM: "Okay, Little Sir's turn." [Perri's pseudodragon familiar]
Perri: "I feel like he's just going to sit there and judge me."
=====
Verity: "Is this a war crime?"
Perri: "We're not at war."
Kohein: "I may have over-reacted a bit."
DM: "And you guys are supposed to be good."
Perri: "Who said we're good guys?"
Kohein: "I'm trying to be good."
DM: "Verity is the closest thing you have to a former officer of the law."
Kohein: "We found her in jail."
Verity: "So that should tell you how well that's going."
Verity casts sleep
Verity: "Can we stop now? These guys are just hunters. We shouldn't even be fighting them."
Kohein: "I guess? If they'll let us."
Perri: "Um, he fell asleep on the bonfire..."
Verity: "Oh no."
Kohein: "Um, maybe we should just get out of here?"
=====
Verity departs in the night, leaving a note saying "I can't travel with a person who would kill two people for no reason." Gospel arrives the next morning...
Ketthan: "Hey, old man. Thanks for helping us the other day!"
Gospel: "Oh, it's nothing young man! Just what a good person would do!"
Kohein: "You're really laying the guilt trip on me here."
=====
A session had us trying to follow a lead in a brothel and most of the characters are out of their element and uncomfortable.
Prostitute: "I can be anything you want."
Gospel: "Can you be ten feet away from me?"
Different Prostitute: "Is it true that as you get older you get wiser?"
Gospel: "Huh? Absolutely not!"
An orc prostitute is threatening Gospel with a sword.
Gospel: "I feel like we need a safe word for this!"
Perri: "Something something penetration joke..."
Kohein: "What are you guys doing?"
Perri: "They tried to mug us!"
Gospel: "And said it was foreplay for some reason!"
Kohein: "And people think I'm unnecessarily violent!" *knocks dude out*
Perri: "I'm going to cast create bonfire over here then point to it and yell 'FIRE!'"
Perri: "You made the fish boy a squish boy!"
Kohein: "I cast message to Vermina and say 'We have to run away, totally not my fault, hurry!'"
Gospel: "I run up, kick the door open, and say 'I just killed a man, we have to go!"
DM: "Do you even know which door you're looking for?"
Gospel: "Umm, now that you mention it, no."
Kohein: "...so you set fire to the brothel."
Perri: "Technically I burned a table and they didn't do enough to stop it from spreading."
=====
Perri: "I'll try to play some accompaniment for them."
*Nat 1*
Perri: "Or not."
Everybody is glowing then we get attacked by dinosaurs. Gospel hits one with a guiding bolt.
DM: "Now the dinosaur is glowing, too."
Perri: "It's like a %&$#ing rave in here!"
=====
Gospel *ooc*: "I wonder if I can use the dice roller to do my math homework..."
=====
Perri: "I have two things I want to do and I'm pretty sure they're both bad ideas."
Kohein: "What I find disturbing is that you're describing creatures the same size category as us as little.'"
Gospel: "Does a fifteen hit?"
DM: "You aim and shoot with confidence, then see the bold bounce off it's chest."
Gospel: "Interesting! I throw my orb at it."
=====
Perri: "Do you think the birds built this?"
Gospel: "They don't have opposable thumbs, so I doubt it."
=====
Having just fought a bunch of giant terror birds.
Kohein: "Who wants chicken for dinner?"
=====
NPC: "We need to turn back!"
Kohein: "Well-"
NPC: "I know what you're going to say! That I can go back if we want but I can't! I'm defenseless!"
Kohein: "Well that isn't my fault."
Perri: "Wow, a bit harsh, Koko?"
Koehin: *OOC* "I have 8 Charisma, I'm not good at pleasantries."
=====
From my notes: "Grulda: *****y bugbear mercenary chick"
Grulda: "So, are you the leader of this group?"
Kohein: "Technically Vermina's our employer. I like to think of myself as a senior nerd wrangler."
Ketthan: "I'll stay close to her in case she needs help."
Grulda: "Relax, city boy. It's not mating season yet."
Kohein *OOC*: "Bugbears have a mating season?"
DM: "Yes. I know this. And I'm not obsessed, just well prepared. My book 'The Love of the Bugbear' talks all about it."
=====
Vermina: "Did you get eaten?"
Kohein: "We're here."
Vermina: "You could be ghosts or I could be dreaming."
Kohein: "I pinch Vermina."
Vermina: "Ow!"
=====
Kohein: "I think Vermina is feeling disillusioned about her nerd crush."
=====
Worg: "Step away from that shrine!"
Perri: "But it ate my friends!"
Worg: "You have one second to step away!"
Perri: "I touch the necklace [on the shrine]."
DM: "You disappear too."
Ketthan spends five seconds mispronouncing "Xochitlquetzal"
DM: "Dude, you're the Mexican guy!"
Ketthan: *in Spanish* "I'm not good with Nuhatl words!"
=====
Perri: "I like how we're both talking to this one while the other is chasing the old man around the pool."
=====
Gospel: "Mind if I eat one?"
Perri: "Last time you ate a berry you got slapped."
Gospel: "Let's find out if it happens again! *ooc* I eat another berry."
Kohein: "Vermina, you have a very active imagination. Try to dial that back a bit."
Vermina: "But the map said cannibals!"
Perri: "And how many times has the map been wrong?"
Vermina: "I've had enough of this stupid map!"
=====
Vermina: "So what did we learn?"
Kohein: "Did we learn anything?"
Tenoch: "We learned that you should listen to me."
Kohein: "I don't think we learned that."
Perri: "I learned to not steal berries!"
=====
Vermina: "This is the first time you've been here, right, Gospel?"
Gospel: "I have no idea where I am!"
=====
Gospel: "Why does he have a net?"
Perri: "I think you know exactly why right now!"
====
Ketthan: "What happened?"
Vermina: "The monster attacked you, then you accidentally hit Perri and for some reason she attacked you."
Perri: "I didn't attack him, that was the magic!"
Vermina: "That's what my sister said when she got caught with her boyfriend in her bed."
Perri: "That's a different kind of magic."
=====
Kohein: "And he probably didn't volunteer that information because he figured if we didn't know we'd be smart enough to ask."
Perri: "Well that was HIS mistake."
=====
Tenoch: "You should be paying me more."
Kohein: "You'll have to talk to Vermina about that."
Vermina: "I'm not paying a child. That would be child labor and that's bad."
Perri: "I think it's even worse if you don't pay the child."
=====
DM has us fighting a Yohualtepoztli, for which he provides an image in our Discord.
Kohein: "If I had seen that image as a child I would have had nightmares for weeks."
=====
Vermina: "How do we know it's really you? Tell me something only Perri would know!"
Perri: "You have secret fanfiction stashed in-"
Vermina: "Okay! It's really them! Now they can shut up!"
=====
DM: "Roll Persuasion."
Kohein: "I'm not very good at that." *Nat 20* "But I am today!"
=====
Gospel: "It's not good to eat while talking. That's why I eat on my sleep."
=====
Perri: "...and then we found out they like sweets and it turns out Vermina has been carrying around some top of the line Gnomish delights..."
Kohein: "When you say it like that it sounds dirty."
=====
The characters come across wild growing cacao fruit, which somewhat resembles coconuts. None of the PCs have seen this stuff before.
Gospel: "What's that hairy ball you have there, Ketthan?"
Perri: "Are there more big hairy balls around?"
=====
Kohein: "Don't you have a dagger?"
Gospel: "What?"
Perri: "Cut the net!"
Kohein: "And tell her to not wriggle! I bet she's a wriggler!"
=====
DM: "So everyone who isn't piling up bodies and trying to flirt without knowing the language, what are you doing?"
Kohein: "Well you know what I'm doing!"
(sobbing)
”You Vicious Mockery’d him back to his childhood…!”
started a new campaign as vo villagers on rumblecusp after the fall of vokodo. ---meaning we are naive about everything !!!!!!!!!!!-- anyway the party discovered a deck of many things and some were fine using it and the other half of the party not sure.after some time ..the fighter decided " i will pull three cards ". the very first card pulled .............THE VOID !!!!!!!!!!! OMG lol the artificer (me) was explaining the odds of failure just before the pull(which no one listened to of course).upon seeing my friend drop to the ground lifeless , i shout out " i will pull one card and FOR SCIENCE !!!" LOL i pulled the jester , and just stuck to one card draw (kinda hoping to get something to help my fallen friend).so now we have a reason to leave the island and search for the missing soul.(now the fighter is rerolling a new toon - a bloodhunter)
"You get unspiration for scaring the **** outta me."
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Artificer: "I want to make a GLAIVE out of this monster's claw!"
DM: ..."ok, roll sleight of hand or something."
Artificer: *nat 1*
DM: You make a glaive so bad, that when it does damage, it does it and then instantly heals it, causing no permanent damage.
Artificer: "HECK YEAH NEW TORTURE WEAPON HEALING GLAIVE LETSGOOOOO"
she/any - member of the spider guild :D - official elesh norn enthusiast
current characters:
-Zalia Moonkeeper, tiefling abjuration wizard/alchemist artificer
-Philomena Silverthread, changeling assassin rogue
-Glass, kenku vengeance paladin
"geneva convention? pfffff. it's really more like a geneva suggestion."
she/any - member of the spider guild :D - official elesh norn enthusiast
current characters:
-Zalia Moonkeeper, tiefling abjuration wizard/alchemist artificer
-Philomena Silverthread, changeling assassin rogue
-Glass, kenku vengeance paladin
How is that sleight of hand? That's intelligence or dexterity with some set of tools.
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her
I approve
Join the Town of Agreal! ----> LINK
Check out my photography on Flickr. ----> LINK
"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." - Oscar Wilde
"There are three kinds of sarge in this world: A massarge, a sausarge, and a passarge! Call me Sarge again, and I'll massarge a cafeteria sausarge up ya back passarge! It's Sargent, dammit!"
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
"I'm gonna crush this guys skull like a watermelon. Hopefully no brain matter gets on the half-elf under me. Gotta stay sanitary you know?"
Join the Town of Agreal! ----> LINK
Check out my photography on Flickr. ----> LINK
"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." - Oscar Wilde
This is golden
Life is very busy unfortunately, gone from most Pbp's indefinitely.
If you'd like to contact me, I am on Discord at GreatAxeblade#7595, always happy to chat :)
Homebrew races: ~Otterfolk! Play as a otter!~ Playable Dryad! (Literally just the monster sheet ported to player race)
Sauce Archpriest!- Join the Supreme Court of Sauces! Join the Cult of Cults! EXTENDED SIGNATURE Tooltips
"I removed the guys funny bone. Guess he's humorless."
Join the Town of Agreal! ----> LINK
Check out my photography on Flickr. ----> LINK
"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." - Oscar Wilde
"Everybody be quiet! The only voices I should hear right now are the ones in my head!"
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
Context: Running Princes of the Apocalypse, the party came across the holes that were used to drown people (10ft hole filled with water, put person in, put large rock on top, person is then taken care of)
Halfling Sorcerer: Can I lick the water?
Me (DM): You want to lick the black, pungent, corpse water?
Sorcerer: Yes
Me: Alright, you are now poiso-
Sorcerer: I want to jump in the corpse water
Me: Um.. Alright, you get in and are floating on your back
Rest of party: *discussing ways that they can determine the depth of the hole*
Sorcerer: I want to swim down to find the bottom
The Sorcerer then proceeds to drown twice (they miraculously succeeded on the first batch of death saves), after the second time the Cleric holds onto a rope that the Fighter is holding (as to not fall in) and treads water for 36 seconds in game time to fish around for the dead body of the Sorcerer to cast Revivify. A suggestion was made by the Fighter to prod around in the water with his spear to aid in finding the body by attempting to skewer it, fortunately the party convinced him not to.