"father, i have sinned." said ex, the redemption paladin.
"daddy... I've been........ Naughty..." said the bard, who misty stepped into the saferoom they were in.
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Proud member of the spider guild.
i Play Ursula, Ariadne, Bolehs, Uhluhtc and Lizagnazeialqi in the tavern at the end of the world.
spiders are absolutely wonderful works of nature and if you say otherwise i shall feast tonight.
"Those who fight with Swords are Fools. those who fight with Bows are Cowards. You, My friend, Seem to be Both a Coward and A Fool." -Wilbur, Archmage of the Sunset sea addressing a Warrior.
"I'd just like to point out that this is the third time I've seen you in a game where you're a mime trying to eat people." "Don't you mean five?" "I said 'in a game'." "Fair."
"Are you Leaning on an oleander? because your face is melting." said the druid, trying to date the kingdom's princess.
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Proud member of the spider guild.
i Play Ursula, Ariadne, Bolehs, Uhluhtc and Lizagnazeialqi in the tavern at the end of the world.
spiders are absolutely wonderful works of nature and if you say otherwise i shall feast tonight.
"Those who fight with Swords are Fools. those who fight with Bows are Cowards. You, My friend, Seem to be Both a Coward and A Fool." -Wilbur, Archmage of the Sunset sea addressing a Warrior.
My players, specifically the fighter and War Cleric without any previous motivation: "I'm going to drop the short swords onto the capital building."
Me, the DM: "Okay, seeing your armed airship with multiple harpoon blasters and passengers that have proven themselves to be enemies of the state now wielding weapons to drop onto the capital building from 500 feet in the air, the dwarves ready their ballistas in your direction."
"Why have they done that! We haven't done anything."
"... *Calculating noises*... A three pound short sword from 500 feet in the air with little air resistance at a gravity of 9.8 would hit the ground with 2031.18 joules. That is enough to pulverize steel, though the short sword would surely shatter into splinters that fly past, or into, any government officials nearby. (My math could easily be wrong here, so please correct me. Gravitational potential energy is calculated by multiplying mass [in kg] times gravity [9.8 on earth, or on Faerun as I run it] time height of drop point [in meters]"
"Ah... I think we'll just drop it outside the city."
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Well met! Welcome fellow adventurers, to Waterdeep! Ignore the drunken dwarf trying to flip off all the giants in existence and the Tempus-worshiping bounty hunter setting homes on fire with a flaming boat. If you see them dropping short swords on Citadel Felbarr, don't be worried. It is a usual occurrence.
DM: "Sorry, but no. This supposed to be combat where it's all in the heat of battle. I can't let you take 5 minutes each turn to strategize with each other. You can tell another party member what you want to do on your turn but not on their turns." Player 4: "Oh. Okay." Player 3: "Look at that. We've been playing for 3 hours straight. I'm up for a quick break. Who wants a quick break?" Player 4: "To strategize?" Player 3: "Shhh!" DM: 🤦🏻♂️
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
"get away from me, you 2 faced triple chinned treebark eating troglydite."
"you literally just stated what i was."
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Proud member of the spider guild.
i Play Ursula, Ariadne, Bolehs, Uhluhtc and Lizagnazeialqi in the tavern at the end of the world.
spiders are absolutely wonderful works of nature and if you say otherwise i shall feast tonight.
"Those who fight with Swords are Fools. those who fight with Bows are Cowards. You, My friend, Seem to be Both a Coward and A Fool." -Wilbur, Archmage of the Sunset sea addressing a Warrior.
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"father, i have sinned." said ex, the redemption paladin.
"daddy... I've been........ Naughty..." said the bard, who misty stepped into the saferoom they were in.
Proud member of the spider guild.
i Play Ursula, Ariadne, Bolehs, Uhluhtc and Lizagnazeialqi in the tavern at the end of the world.
spiders are absolutely wonderful works of nature and if you say otherwise i shall feast tonight.
"Those who fight with Swords are Fools. those who fight with Bows are Cowards. You, My friend, Seem to be Both a Coward and A Fool." -Wilbur, Archmage of the Sunset sea addressing a Warrior.
*Lol an Amber Heard trial reference*
Hi, I am not a chest. I deny with 100% certainty that I am a chest. I can neither confirm nor deny what I am beyond that.
I used to portray Krathian, Q'ilbrith, Jim, Tara, Turin, Nathan, Tench, Finn, Alvin, and other characters in various taverns.
I also do homebrew, check out my Spells and Magic Items
"That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange eons, even death may die"
Bingo.
"Where there is not light, there can goblin!"
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
"I'd just like to point out that this is the third time I've seen you in a game where you're a mime trying to eat people."
"Don't you mean five?"
"I said 'in a game'."
"Fair."
"what kind of dragon are they?"
"French"
a hobbit of the tolkeinite cult
a frequenter of taverns
mainly an Emerald half-dragon with a psudodragon pet
haven't been on because mobile sucks and wifi sucks
Self-proclaimed Non-Binary Diety of bad writing and Lizardfolk Monks
"What is the snake made out of?"
"Stone."
"I would have made it out of snake."
I have a weird sense of humor.
I also make maps.(That's a link)
"Are you Leaning on an oleander? because your face is melting." said the druid, trying to date the kingdom's princess.
Proud member of the spider guild.
i Play Ursula, Ariadne, Bolehs, Uhluhtc and Lizagnazeialqi in the tavern at the end of the world.
spiders are absolutely wonderful works of nature and if you say otherwise i shall feast tonight.
"Those who fight with Swords are Fools. those who fight with Bows are Cowards. You, My friend, Seem to be Both a Coward and A Fool." -Wilbur, Archmage of the Sunset sea addressing a Warrior.
Edgy Character: I’m gonna hang out in the corner of the tavern.
DM: The tavern is round.
Mystic v3 should be official, nuff said.
Barbarian: “I charge in”
Ranger: ”you’re gonna die”
Artificer: ”no, no, I wanna see how this plays out”
I have stolen your shredded cheese.
AgateElk8337’s Doppelgänger
My players, specifically the fighter and War Cleric without any previous motivation: "I'm going to drop the short swords onto the capital building."
Me, the DM: "Okay, seeing your armed airship with multiple harpoon blasters and passengers that have proven themselves to be enemies of the state now wielding weapons to drop onto the capital building from 500 feet in the air, the dwarves ready their ballistas in your direction."
"Why have they done that! We haven't done anything."
"... *Calculating noises*... A three pound short sword from 500 feet in the air with little air resistance at a gravity of 9.8 would hit the ground with 2031.18 joules. That is enough to pulverize steel, though the short sword would surely shatter into splinters that fly past, or into, any government officials nearby. (My math could easily be wrong here, so please correct me. Gravitational potential energy is calculated by multiplying mass [in kg] times gravity [9.8 on earth, or on Faerun as I run it] time height of drop point [in meters]"
"Ah... I think we'll just drop it outside the city."
Well met! Welcome fellow adventurers, to Waterdeep! Ignore the drunken dwarf trying to flip off all the giants in existence and the Tempus-worshiping bounty hunter setting homes on fire with a flaming boat. If you see them dropping short swords on Citadel Felbarr, don't be worried. It is a usual occurrence.
Please check out my homebrew creations the Scion Succubus Variant and the Sentient Gazer with a Corpse!
Me: “Arson pog”
Dm: ”well yes but also no”
fave cousin: “arson pog”
I have stolen your shredded cheese.
AgateElk8337’s Doppelgänger
DM: "Sorry, but no. This supposed to be combat where it's all in the heat of battle. I can't let you take 5 minutes each turn to strategize with each other. You can tell another party member what you want to do on your turn but not on their turns."
Player 4: "Oh. Okay."
Player 3: "Look at that. We've been playing for 3 hours straight. I'm up for a quick break. Who wants a quick break?"
Player 4: "To strategize?"
Player 3: "Shhh!"
DM: 🤦🏻♂️
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
"I stroke her fishy face and say "we're married' and then that's it"
This was almost immediately followed by "why is it being aggressive towards me? I have been doing nothing but showing kindness towards them."
"How have you ben showing kindness?! All you've done is try to force it into a non-consensual marriage for the past forty minutes!!"
(i'm posting these as they happen so sorry for the spam)
"Are you going to go back and flirt with my wife for me?"
Borders it on all sides.
"can we go Weast?"
"roll constitution"
a hobbit of the tolkeinite cult
a frequenter of taverns
mainly an Emerald half-dragon with a psudodragon pet
haven't been on because mobile sucks and wifi sucks
Self-proclaimed Non-Binary Diety of bad writing and Lizardfolk Monks
Dragon: "Ha! You can't harm me and I can't harm you! I suppose it's stalemate, then!"
Wizard: "I cast Fly on the Barbarian."
Dragon: "Excuse me what the-"
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
"get away from me, you 2 faced triple chinned treebark eating troglydite."
"you literally just stated what i was."
Proud member of the spider guild.
i Play Ursula, Ariadne, Bolehs, Uhluhtc and Lizagnazeialqi in the tavern at the end of the world.
spiders are absolutely wonderful works of nature and if you say otherwise i shall feast tonight.
"Those who fight with Swords are Fools. those who fight with Bows are Cowards. You, My friend, Seem to be Both a Coward and A Fool." -Wilbur, Archmage of the Sunset sea addressing a Warrior.