"why exactly are you stealing the shriveled up eye of a god?" Lin asked the jester rogue, as he replied, "i can do anything..." turns out he was jevil the whole time...
"George the Sword once again tries to stab the crab and stabs the crab in the quite stab-able part of the crab rather than stabbing the crab in the un-stab-able part of the crab which has not been successfully stabbed by the stabbing attempts of George the Sword to stab the crab and for the first time George stabs the crab in a very stab-able part of the crab and successfully stabs the crab, roll for damage."
"George the Sword once again tries to stab the crab and stabs the crab in the quite stab-able part of the crab rather than stabbing the crab in the un-stab-able part of the crab which has not been successfully stabbed by the stabbing attempts of George the Sword to stab the crab and for the first time George stabs the crab in a very stab-able part of the crab and successfully stabs the crab, roll for damage."
damn. that actually made sense
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This Mug immediately shared with me a transcendental tale of an Infinite Mug that anchors the Universe and keeps it from folding in on itself. I filed this report under "illogical nonsense" and asked why its sign is in Times New Roman font, when it is basic knowledge that Arial Black is a far superior font. I wondered: How did this mug even get past the assembly line with its theistic beliefs and poor font choices?
quote from Romantically Apocalyptic byVitaly S Alexius
Some amusing ones came up last night when I was DMing, I'll see if I can remember them all:
Player: "I would like to go into the closet" Other players: lots of jokes about coming out of the closet DM (me): "So, what is it you'd like to do in the closet?" *immature party breaks down laughing*
later:
DM: "So, who is currently the greatest advocate for >Bardbarian< taking off all his clothes?"
Later again:
DM: There is a narrow tunnel out of the lair, between the roots. As you're all covered in greasy paint, I will give you advantage on squeezing through. Cleric: "...6" Bardbarian: "Nat 20!" DM: "Cleric get's stuck on the way out, and is trying to get free as they feel a great pressure from behind. Scooping up everyone one the way, Bardbarian shoots though the gap like a cork out of a bottle. Bardbarian: "I'd like to try to stick the landing" DM: "Roll Acrobatics" Bardbarian: "Another nat 20!" DM: "Everyone is pushed out and lands in a heap in the woods. Bardbarian launches into the air from the tunnel, does a flip, and lands perfectly on top of you all.
panicking party: "No, actually, we're just... here to have tea with you!"
DM (me:) Roll deception.
player: "Nat 20!"
Confused Evil Lich: "...Truly? I... I have not hosted in an age... pray wait here whilst I summon my chef..."
Entire party, hastily hiding the saucepan and knives they claimed after destroying the chef in a single round of combat not ten minutes ago: "No! No, that won't be necessary, acually, we just had tea! But thanks!"
The place we started our new adventure is called East-Westland. Yes, you read that right.
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Pronouns: he/him/his.
My posting scheduled is irregular: sometimes I can post twice a week, sometimes twice a day. I may also respond to quick questions, but ignore harder responses in favor of time.
My location is where my character for my home game is (we're doing the wild beyond the witchlight).
"The Doomvault... Probably full of unicorns and rainbows." -An imaginary quote
"BLOOOOOOOD FOR THE BLOOOOOOOOOOD GOOOOOOOOOOD." yelled the oathbreaker paladin.
DM: "but.. aren't you a garlic bread cleric?"
Oathbreaker paladin: "BREAD FOR THE TOAST GOOOOOOD"
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Proud member of the spider guild.
i Play Ursula, Ariadne, Bolehs, Uhluhtc and Lizagnazeialqi in the tavern at the end of the world.
spiders are absolutely wonderful works of nature and if you say otherwise i shall feast tonight.
"Those who fight with Swords are Fools. those who fight with Bows are Cowards. You, My friend, Seem to be Both a Coward and A Fool." -Wilbur, Archmage of the Sunset sea addressing a Warrior.
Yes
I have stolen your shredded cheese.
AgateElk8337’s Doppelgänger
Me: *uses hb skeleton race and makes him a sorcerer* *high five to my cousin*
cousin, who put megalovania on whenever it was my turn to fight something: *highfive*
I have stolen your shredded cheese.
AgateElk8337’s Doppelgänger
"George the Sword once again tries to stab the crab and stabs the crab in the quite stab-able part of the crab rather than stabbing the crab in the un-stab-able part of the crab which has not been successfully stabbed by the stabbing attempts of George the Sword to stab the crab and for the first time George stabs the crab in a very stab-able part of the crab and successfully stabs the crab, roll for damage."
damn. that actually made sense
This Mug immediately shared with me a transcendental tale of an Infinite Mug that anchors the Universe and keeps it from folding in on itself. I filed this report under "illogical nonsense" and asked why its sign is in Times New Roman font, when it is basic knowledge that Arial Black is a far superior font. I wondered: How did this mug even get past the assembly line with its theistic beliefs and poor font choices?
quote from Romantically Apocalyptic by Vitaly S Alexius
"what are you?"
"im gay"
"no, i mean your race"
"oh! im british"
a hobbit of the tolkeinite cult
a frequenter of taverns
mainly an Emerald half-dragon with a psudodragon pet
haven't been on because mobile sucks and wifi sucks
Self-proclaimed Non-Binary Diety of bad writing and Lizardfolk Monks
Npc: “hoi! I’m temmie”
human main: “gimme ur tem flaeks”
it was an undertale campaign and I loved every second of it :,)
I have stolen your shredded cheese.
AgateElk8337’s Doppelgänger
Some amusing ones came up last night when I was DMing, I'll see if I can remember them all:
Player: "I would like to go into the closet"
Other players: lots of jokes about coming out of the closet
DM (me): "So, what is it you'd like to do in the closet?"
*immature party breaks down laughing*
later:
DM: "So, who is currently the greatest advocate for >Bardbarian< taking off all his clothes?"
Later again:
DM: There is a narrow tunnel out of the lair, between the roots. As you're all covered in greasy paint, I will give you advantage on squeezing through.
Cleric: "...6"
Bardbarian: "Nat 20!"
DM: "Cleric get's stuck on the way out, and is trying to get free as they feel a great pressure from behind. Scooping up everyone one the way, Bardbarian shoots though the gap like a cork out of a bottle.
Bardbarian: "I'd like to try to stick the landing"
DM: "Roll Acrobatics"
Bardbarian: "Another nat 20!"
DM: "Everyone is pushed out and lands in a heap in the woods. Bardbarian launches into the air from the tunnel, does a flip, and lands perfectly on top of you all.
It was a muchly fun session!
Make your Artificer work with any other class with 174 Multiclassing Feats for your Artificer Multiclass Character!
DM's Guild Releases on This Thread Or check them all out on DMs Guild!
DrivethruRPG Releases on This Thread - latest release: My Character is a Werewolf: balanced rules for Lycanthropy!
I have started discussing/reviewing 3rd party D&D content on Substack - stay tuned for semi-regular posts!
(Upon finding an animated skeleton torso in the basement of their very haunted inn…)
Player: “Do you remember who killed you?”
Skeleton: “Sadly, no; me and my murderer have grown out of touch these last few years. Such a shame. He was a great guy.”
Player: “Can I…roll an Insight check on that?”
DM: “Go ahead.”
Player: “…yeah, that’s a 4.”
DM: “He is apparently a very forgiving skeleton.”
(the party mounts the talking skeleton torso on the wall of their restaurant as a decoration)
Drunken Patron: “Ay, look! It’s one ‘o them talking fish things! I seen them ‘efore in Icewind Dale!”
Skeleton: “Your observation skills are razor sharp.”
Drunken Patron: “Heh hee…sing us a song, bone man!”
Skeleton: “Seriously?”
(the bar chants “Sing! Sing!” over and over)
Skeleton: “Gods below…alright.”
(clears throat)
Skeleton: “Hickory dickory dock…the succubus pleasured my rock…it was worth the gold; but it soon grew old…long story short, she sucked out my soul.”
(stunned silence fills the room)
Drunken Patron: “…hey! Tha’ was pretty good..!!”
(all the patrons start laughing)
Skeleton: “Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all night. Probably all week. Probably forever, with my luck.”
Player: “Can I wear the skeleton as a backpack!?”
Skeleton: “I was never particularly religious; but it seems like the gods are punishing me.”
I like this skeleton so far.
Want a place to roleplay in your spare time? Here: Lord's Rest Inn
Please don't hide your imperfections, if one part is beautiful, it all is.
I don't like rp-heavy games, I LOVE them.
Evil Lich: "I suppose you are here to stop me?"
panicking party: "No, actually, we're just... here to have tea with you!"
DM (me:) Roll deception.
player: "Nat 20!"
Confused Evil Lich: "...Truly? I... I have not hosted in an age... pray wait here whilst I summon my chef..."
Entire party, hastily hiding the saucepan and knives they claimed after destroying the chef in a single round of combat not ten minutes ago: "No! No, that won't be necessary, acually, we just had tea! But thanks!"
Make your Artificer work with any other class with 174 Multiclassing Feats for your Artificer Multiclass Character!
DM's Guild Releases on This Thread Or check them all out on DMs Guild!
DrivethruRPG Releases on This Thread - latest release: My Character is a Werewolf: balanced rules for Lycanthropy!
I have started discussing/reviewing 3rd party D&D content on Substack - stay tuned for semi-regular posts!
He is quickly becoming one of the more memorable NPC’s.
(first encounter with a talking skeleton torso)
Cleric: “GAH! I cast “Turn Undead!”
Skeleton: (shaking violently) “AAAAAAAAAGGGHH…!”
Cleric: “It’s not working…!”
Skeleton: “F*ckin…! Of course it isn’t! I don’t have any legs!”
The place we started our new adventure is called East-Westland. Yes, you read that right.
Pronouns: he/him/his.
My posting scheduled is irregular: sometimes I can post twice a week, sometimes twice a day. I may also respond to quick questions, but ignore harder responses in favor of time.
My location is where my character for my home game is (we're doing the wild beyond the witchlight).
"The Doomvault... Probably full of unicorns and rainbows." -An imaginary quote
"why are you british? i thought goblins...."
"what, were from Australia? that's racist, you're racist"
"im a goblin too, you [1gp]! you can clearly see that"
a hobbit of the tolkeinite cult
a frequenter of taverns
mainly an Emerald half-dragon with a psudodragon pet
haven't been on because mobile sucks and wifi sucks
Self-proclaimed Non-Binary Diety of bad writing and Lizardfolk Monks
Is that west of South-Northland...?
(an Eloquence Bard, who is a lawyer...)
Eloquence Bard: "Objection: HERESY!"
DM: "Uh...I think you mean "hearsay"..."
Eloquence Bard: "No, I multi-classed with a Paladin...I mean HERESY."
"BLOOOOOOOD FOR THE BLOOOOOOOOOOD GOOOOOOOOOOD." yelled the oathbreaker paladin.
DM: "but.. aren't you a garlic bread cleric?"
Oathbreaker paladin: "BREAD FOR THE TOAST GOOOOOOD"
Proud member of the spider guild.
i Play Ursula, Ariadne, Bolehs, Uhluhtc and Lizagnazeialqi in the tavern at the end of the world.
spiders are absolutely wonderful works of nature and if you say otherwise i shall feast tonight.
"Those who fight with Swords are Fools. those who fight with Bows are Cowards. You, My friend, Seem to be Both a Coward and A Fool." -Wilbur, Archmage of the Sunset sea addressing a Warrior.
Dm: “it’s a crit hit”
me, a bard: “another one bite the dust”
I have stolen your shredded cheese.
AgateElk8337’s Doppelgänger