Fifth to sixth level party with Kohein (elf rogue/arcane trickster), Ketthan (tabaxi monk), Perri (human warlock), True (changeling cleric that frequently uses the aliases of Verity [female half-elf] and Gospel Glosswood [old geezer elf man]), and new addition Priest Painter (elf necromancer). Party is accompanied by NPCs Lo (human monk), Vermina (human energetic nerd of yet undetermined class) and Tenoch (firbolg orphan boy working as out translator [region has a different "common" that we don't speak]. Setting is a massive underground realm something like a cross between "Journey to the Center of the Earth" and Arthur Conan Doyle's "Lost World" with a prehispanic Mesoamerican theme.
Perri: "I don't go around planning to burn down buildings. People just piss me off and have really bad fire safety." Kohein: "So you're saying it isn't premeditated and therefor not your fault." Perri: "I'm just saying if somebody sees a table on fire they should probably try to put it out."
Perri: "We could go back, but that place sucks. And it's on fire."
Kohein: "...so it kind of feels like the DM is giving us a bunch of signs with big arrows pointing at the mountain saying 'GO THIS WAY!'"
Kohein: "Hey, what's going on?" Guard: "What? Who are you?" Kohein: "Eldrin sent me to check in. Said there's been some people sneaking around outside." Guard: "Eldrin? Who's that?" Kohein: "I draw my sword and attack him."
Perri: "What do we do if they don't believe us?" Kohein: "Kill people and run away? That's what we seem to be best at?"
Verity: "Now is our chance to think straight about the situation." Kohein: "You realize who you're talking to, right?"
Verity: "This is an awful plan." Kohein: "Yet it's quite possibly the most well thought out plan we've ever had."
Several PCs get some weird trippy visions and we're discussing them.
Perri: "I got zombie farmers."
Lo: "What? Is this kind of thing normal for you?" Kohein: "I've been seeing a lot of weird things over the past few weeks, so I've been kind of low key freaked out for a while now." Perri: "I think it's kind of his default state."
Perri: "How should we refer to you?" Boggle: "I prefer to be referred to as You, Over There." Perri: "So, You Over There..." Boggle: "No, that's not me. You Over There is my cousin, I'm You, Over There."
DM: "You notice that the source of the fear appears to be magical in nature." Perri: "Seriously? You're a giant bug monster and you can't be scary on your own without using magic? You big poseur!"
DM: "And now the bridge is on fire." Perri: "Oh yeah, I dismiss the bonfire." DM: "Okay. The bridge is still on fire."
DM: "As you touch the coins they all turn to dust." Kohein: "Because our DM is a huge troll."
Lo: "I was fighting giant cockroaches in an infested castle!" Kohein: "Yeah, we met some of Lo's cousins. Very charming."
Perri: "We had some other people with us that were waiting out in the jungle..." Kohein: "Oh, the nerds! We forgot about our nerds!"
Perri: "Do you wanna hold the dragon?"
DM: "You see a magical glaive appear next to Verity." Verity: "I don't like that."
Perri: "I'm going to cast armor of Agathys on myself." Kohein: "Ah, the freezing hedgehog defense." Perri: "Yes, and for my bonus action I'm going to flip off this guy right in front of me."
Having just had spirit guardians dispelled...
Verity: "I have a grudge. I'm going to land right next to this guy and cast spirit guardians again." DM: "He counterspells." Verity: "Okay, next I'm just going to start punching him."
Enemy: "I've had enough of you, lady." Verity: "What are you going to do about it?" DM: "Hit you with a maul for 11 damage." Verity: "Interesting. I'm down."
Perri: "I'm going to jump off the ledge and try to land on the invisible thing." DM:"Give me a dex check with disadvantage. *18 and 3* Verity: "That's pretty good." Kohein: "It would be if she didn't have disadvantage." DM: "Perri, roll me 2d6."
Kohein: "Does this look like an arcane ritual or more of an arts and crafts project?"
DM: "So which other skeleton are you animating?" Painter: "Um, whichever had the highest charisma." Perri: "The prettiest one!"
Vermina: "You know necromancy is an awful, awful art?" Painter: "No, watch! They can do tricks!"
Perri casts Hunger of Hadar.
Kohein: "It's 'Lovecraftian ******: The Spell.'"
DM: "Am I really that confusing?" Verity: "There are a bunch of vowels!"
Perri: "I like how Kohein just pops out, shoots a guy in the chest, fist bumps, then disappears again." Kohein: "I have a hiding place, a longbow, and a big open line of sight."
(a private investigator monk with an internal monologue…that he says out loud)
”Somehow I managed to hurl a boulder back into the horizon…how? Why? These questions still haunted me. My only chance of finding answers was to follow the information…so I walked in the direction I had hurled the projectile stone.”
Guard: "Why are you here?" Paladin (OOC): "Honesty is the best policy, right? Maybe we should tell them we're coming to assassinate their king." DM (OOC): "Yeah, that's not gonna work." Paladin (OOC): "Okay, maybe not."
Player 1: “I would like to dive into the chocolate.”
Me (the DM): “Okay. What’s your CON score?”
Player 1: “27.”
Me: *looks up holding breath rules* “Okay so you can hold your breath for 9 minutes, and after that it takes you 2.7 minutes to die. So you can survive for almost 12 minutes submerged in chocolate.”
Player 1: “Great. I jump in.”
Player 2: “I want to jump in, too.”
Me: “What’s your Con score?”
Player 2: “20.”
Me: “Okay so you can hold your breathe for 6 minutes. After that, it takes 2 minutes to die. So you can survive for 8 minutes.”
Player 2: “Okay.”
Player 3: “You guys are being so dumb. I’ll steal Player 2’s money.”
Player 2: “Hey….”
Me: “Okay. Just a second. Player 1, what are you going to do in the chocolate?”
Player 1: “Explore.”
Me: “Okay. Make an Investigation check at disadvantage.”
Player 1: *rolls* “I got a dirty 20.”
Me: “Okay. You find the secret vault in the chocolate.”
Player 1: “Can I go inside?”
Me: “Yes. There’s a magical barrier preventing the chocolate from oozing in, but you can enter.”
Player 1: “ Okay I’ll go inside.”
Me: “Okay. Player 2 what do you want to do?”
Player 2: “I’ll find the vault, too.”
Me: “Okay make an investigation check.”
Player 2: “That’s a 6.”
Me: “You are now lost in the chocolate. You don’t know which way is up. Okay Player 3, what do you want to do?”
Player 3: “I’ll take Player 2’s stuff that’s on the shore.”
Me: “Okay. He has 2000ish gold, plus about 450 platinum. He also has his Magic Bow.”
Player 3: “I’ll take the money.”
Me: “Okay. Player 1, you’re in the vault under the chocolate lake. You see three big vats in front of you. One has money, one has spell scrolls, and one has potion.”
Player 1: “I’ll take it all.”
Me: “Okay. Player 2, make a survival check.”
Player 2: “9.”
Me: “Okay you can’t hold your breath any longer. You take a breath of chocolate, and it fills your lungs. You are suffocating. Player 3, what do you want to do?”
Player 3: “I guess I’ll help Player 2. I have CON 27.”
Me: “Okay, make an Investigation check to find Player 2.”
Player 3: “I got 18.”
Me: “Okay, you find him. Now make an Athletics check to swim out of the chocolate.”
Player 3: “That’s a 15.”
Me: “Okay. You pull yourself and Player 2 out of the chocolate. Player 1, make an athletics check to make it out. Meanwhile, Player 2 is coughing up chocolate.”
Player 1: “I got 32.”
Me: “Okay. Player 1 escaped with the goods from the vault, and Player 3 rescued Player 2 from drowning in chocolate.”
(the rest of the party is involved in a discussion, Zalia(the wizard) and Anton(the artificer) are just chilling and being chaotic)
Zalia: "So, Anton, which of the planes would you say is the most edgy?"
This led to an hour long discussion. According to the final ranklist, the shadowfell is the edgiest and elysium is the least edgy.
We also made Fiend Bingo, the Fun Game to play on family trips through the Nine Hells and the Abyss! Complete with illustrations done by the wizard, who cannot draw to save their life. Anton was incredibly mad, because he was literally a demonologist who had a book full of photorealistic pictures he'd drawn and he was so annoyed they kept butchering the pictures. The ironic part is that ooc Anton's player doesn't draw at all, and Zalia's actually /does/ draw all the time.
Also we are /deeeefinitely not/ playing Fiend Bingo on our way through the Hells and Abyss, why do you ask? We are a perfectly normal party /j
"Don't traumatize Nessie!"
"Roll for coffee."
"Sooo.. guys... we should probably test if my water breathing spell /worked/... Does someone want to push the bard in?"
"Wait what? it might not work??"
"/Well/... in /theory/... it /should work/..."
"YOU HAVEN'T CAST THIS SPELL BEFORE??"
"Well.. not /technically/..."
(the spell did end up working)
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
she/any - member of the spider guild :D - official elesh norn enthusiast
Player 1: “I would like to dive into the chocolate.”
Me (the DM): “Okay. What’s your CON score?”
Player 1: “27.”
Me: *looks up holding breath rules* “Okay so you can hold your breath for 9 minutes, and after that it takes you 2.7 minutes to die. So you can survive for almost 12 minutes submerged in chocolate.”
Player 1: “Great. I jump in.”
Player 2: “I want to jump in, too.”
Me: “What’s your Con score?”
Player 2: “20.”
Me: “Okay so you can hold your breathe for 6 minutes. After that, it takes 2 minutes to die. So you can survive for 8 minutes.”
Player 2: “Okay.”
Player 3: “You guys are being so dumb. I’ll steal Player 2’s money.”
Player 2: “Hey….”
Me: “Okay. Just a second. Player 1, what are you going to do in the chocolate?”
Player 1: “Explore.”
Me: “Okay. Make an Investigation check at disadvantage.”
Player 1: *rolls* “I got a dirty 20.”
Me: “Okay. You find the secret vault in the chocolate.”
Player 1: “Can I go inside?”
Me: “Yes. There’s a magical barrier preventing the chocolate from oozing in, but you can enter.”
Player 1: “ Okay I’ll go inside.”
Me: “Okay. Player 2 what do you want to do?”
Player 2: “I’ll find the vault, too.”
Me: “Okay make an investigation check.”
Player 2: “That’s a 6.”
Me: “You are now lost in the chocolate. You don’t know which way is up. Okay Player 3, what do you want to do?”
Player 3: “I’ll take Player 2’s stuff that’s on the shore.”
Me: “Okay. He has 2000ish gold, plus about 450 platinum. He also has his Magic Bow.”
Player 3: “I’ll take the money.”
Me: “Okay. Player 1, you’re in the vault under the chocolate lake. You see three big vats in front of you. One has money, one has spell scrolls, and one has potion.”
Player 1: “I’ll take it all.”
Me: “Okay. Player 2, make a survival check.”
Player 2: “9.”
Me: “Okay you can’t hold your breath any longer. You take a breath of chocolate, and it fills your lungs. You are suffocating. Player 3, what do you want to do?”
Player 3: “I guess I’ll help Player 2. I have CON 27.”
Me: “Okay, make an Investigation check to find Player 2.”
Player 3: “I got 18.”
Me: “Okay, you find him. Now make an Athletics check to swim out of the chocolate.”
Player 3: “That’s a 15.”
Me: “Okay. You pull yourself and Player 2 out of the chocolate. Player 1, make an athletics check to make it out. Meanwhile, Player 2 is coughing up chocolate.”
Player 1: “I got 32.”
Me: “Okay. Player 1 escaped with the goods from the vault, and Player 3 rescued Player 2 from drowning in chocolate.”
too be honest, drowning in chocolate is not a bad way to go...
Player 1: “I would like to dive into the chocolate.”
Me (the DM): “Okay. What’s your CON score?”
Player 1: “27.”
Me: *looks up holding breath rules* “Okay so you can hold your breath for 9 minutes, and after that it takes you 2.7 minutes to die. So you can survive for almost 12 minutes submerged in chocolate.”
Player 1: “Great. I jump in.”
Player 2: “I want to jump in, too.”
Me: “What’s your Con score?”
Player 2: “20.”
Me: “Okay so you can hold your breathe for 6 minutes. After that, it takes 2 minutes to die. So you can survive for 8 minutes.”
Player 2: “Okay.”
Player 3: “You guys are being so dumb. I’ll steal Player 2’s money.”
Player 2: “Hey….”
Me: “Okay. Just a second. Player 1, what are you going to do in the chocolate?”
Player 1: “Explore.”
Me: “Okay. Make an Investigation check at disadvantage.”
Player 1: *rolls* “I got a dirty 20.”
Me: “Okay. You find the secret vault in the chocolate.”
Player 1: “Can I go inside?”
Me: “Yes. There’s a magical barrier preventing the chocolate from oozing in, but you can enter.”
Player 1: “ Okay I’ll go inside.”
Me: “Okay. Player 2 what do you want to do?”
Player 2: “I’ll find the vault, too.”
Me: “Okay make an investigation check.”
Player 2: “That’s a 6.”
Me: “You are now lost in the chocolate. You don’t know which way is up. Okay Player 3, what do you want to do?”
Player 3: “I’ll take Player 2’s stuff that’s on the shore.”
Me: “Okay. He has 2000ish gold, plus about 450 platinum. He also has his Magic Bow.”
Player 3: “I’ll take the money.”
Me: “Okay. Player 1, you’re in the vault under the chocolate lake. You see three big vats in front of you. One has money, one has spell scrolls, and one has potion.”
Player 1: “I’ll take it all.”
Me: “Okay. Player 2, make a survival check.”
Player 2: “9.”
Me: “Okay you can’t hold your breath any longer. You take a breath of chocolate, and it fills your lungs. You are suffocating. Player 3, what do you want to do?”
Player 3: “I guess I’ll help Player 2. I have CON 27.”
Me: “Okay, make an Investigation check to find Player 2.”
Player 3: “I got 18.”
Me: “Okay, you find him. Now make an Athletics check to swim out of the chocolate.”
Player 3: “That’s a 15.”
Me: “Okay. You pull yourself and Player 2 out of the chocolate. Player 1, make an athletics check to make it out. Meanwhile, Player 2 is coughing up chocolate.”
Player 1: “I got 32.”
Me: “Okay. Player 1 escaped with the goods from the vault, and Player 3 rescued Player 2 from drowning in chocolate.”
too be honest, drowning in chocolate is not a bad way to go...
It's actually very hard to drown in chocolate, as it's surprisingly buoyant. That, and that your skin would probably melt off before you can actually get your head under.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
War Domain Priest summons a Deva. Priest: So if we're going to work together for a next hour, what's your name? Deva: I'm Stator. Priest: Deva Stator? Is that a pun? Deva: Let none say the god we both serve don't have a sense of humor.
Fifth to sixth level party with Kohein (elf rogue/arcane trickster), Ketthan (tabaxi monk), Perri (human warlock), True (changeling cleric that frequently uses the aliases of Verity [female half-elf] and Gospel Glosswood [old geezer elf man]), and new addition Priest Painter (elf necromancer). Party is accompanied by NPCs Lo (human monk), Vermina (human energetic nerd of yet undetermined class) and Tenoch (firbolg orphan boy working as out translator [region has a different "common" that we don't speak]. Setting is a massive underground realm something like a cross between "Journey to the Center of the Earth" and Arthur Conan Doyle's "Lost World" with a prehispanic Mesoamerican theme.
Perri: "I don't go around planning to burn down buildings. People just piss me off and have really bad fire safety."
Kohein: "So you're saying it isn't premeditated and therefor not your fault."
Perri: "I'm just saying if somebody sees a table on fire they should probably try to put it out."
Perri: "We could go back, but that place sucks. And it's on fire."
Kohein: "...so it kind of feels like the DM is giving us a bunch of signs with big arrows pointing at the mountain saying 'GO THIS WAY!'"
Kohein: "Hey, what's going on?"
Guard: "What? Who are you?"
Kohein: "Eldrin sent me to check in. Said there's been some people sneaking around outside."
Guard: "Eldrin? Who's that?"
Kohein: "I draw my sword and attack him."
Perri: "What do we do if they don't believe us?"
Kohein: "Kill people and run away? That's what we seem to be best at?"
Verity: "Now is our chance to think straight about the situation."
Kohein: "You realize who you're talking to, right?"
Verity: "This is an awful plan."
Kohein: "Yet it's quite possibly the most well thought out plan we've ever had."
Several PCs get some weird trippy visions and we're discussing them.
Perri: "I got zombie farmers."
Lo: "What? Is this kind of thing normal for you?"
Kohein: "I've been seeing a lot of weird things over the past few weeks, so I've been kind of low key freaked out for a while now."
Perri: "I think it's kind of his default state."
Perri: "How should we refer to you?"
Boggle: "I prefer to be referred to as You, Over There."
Perri: "So, You Over There..."
Boggle: "No, that's not me. You Over There is my cousin, I'm You, Over There."
DM: "You notice that the source of the fear appears to be magical in nature."
Perri: "Seriously? You're a giant bug monster and you can't be scary on your own without using magic? You big poseur!"
DM: "And now the bridge is on fire."
Perri: "Oh yeah, I dismiss the bonfire."
DM: "Okay. The bridge is still on fire."
DM: "As you touch the coins they all turn to dust."
Kohein: "Because our DM is a huge troll."
Lo: "I was fighting giant cockroaches in an infested castle!"
Kohein: "Yeah, we met some of Lo's cousins. Very charming."
Perri: "We had some other people with us that were waiting out in the jungle..."
Kohein: "Oh, the nerds! We forgot about our nerds!"
Perri: "Do you wanna hold the dragon?"
DM: "You see a magical glaive appear next to Verity."
Verity: "I don't like that."
Perri: "I'm going to cast armor of Agathys on myself."
Kohein: "Ah, the freezing hedgehog defense."
Perri: "Yes, and for my bonus action I'm going to flip off this guy right in front of me."
Having just had spirit guardians dispelled...
Verity: "I have a grudge. I'm going to land right next to this guy and cast spirit guardians again."
DM: "He counterspells."
Verity: "Okay, next I'm just going to start punching him."
Enemy: "I've had enough of you, lady."
Verity: "What are you going to do about it?"
DM: "Hit you with a maul for 11 damage."
Verity: "Interesting. I'm down."
Perri: "I'm going to jump off the ledge and try to land on the invisible thing."
DM:"Give me a dex check with disadvantage.
*18 and 3*
Verity: "That's pretty good."
Kohein: "It would be if she didn't have disadvantage."
DM: "Perri, roll me 2d6."
Kohein: "Does this look like an arcane ritual or more of an arts and crafts project?"
DM: "So which other skeleton are you animating?"
Painter: "Um, whichever had the highest charisma."
Perri: "The prettiest one!"
Vermina: "You know necromancy is an awful, awful art?"
Painter: "No, watch! They can do tricks!"
Perri casts Hunger of Hadar.
Kohein: "It's 'Lovecraftian ******: The Spell.'"
DM: "Am I really that confusing?"
Verity: "There are a bunch of vowels!"
Perri: "I like how Kohein just pops out, shoots a guy in the chest, fist bumps, then disappears again."
Kohein: "I have a hiding place, a longbow, and a big open line of sight."
(a private investigator monk with an internal monologue…that he says out loud)
”Somehow I managed to hurl a boulder back into the horizon…how? Why? These questions still haunted me. My only chance of finding answers was to follow the information…so I walked in the direction I had hurled the projectile stone.”
DM: “I only asked what you we’re doing next.”
Paladin (OOC): "No, your speed is still halved until you get the foot back."
Bard (OOC): "Do they sell feet in the markets back home?"
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her
Paladin (OOC): Wouldn't the king's foot rot?
Bard (OOC): Well, what else are we supposed to do with it? Salt it or something?
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her
Could…could Prestidigitation keep it…fresh?
Good idea.
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her
DM: "You get 1 XP for killing a god."
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her
Guard: "Why are you here?"
Paladin (OOC): "Honesty is the best policy, right? Maybe we should tell them we're coming to assassinate their king."
DM (OOC): "Yeah, that's not gonna work."
Paladin (OOC): "Okay, maybe not."
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her
Look, I’m going to level with you…it’s not the first time my table’s used Prestidigitation in that way.
But it wasn’t a foot.
"The Far Realm would throw this thing out for being too f***ed up!"
Hombrew: Way of Wresting, Circle of Sacrifice
Player 1: “I would like to dive into the chocolate.”
Me (the DM): “Okay. What’s your CON score?”
Player 1: “27.”
Me: *looks up holding breath rules* “Okay so you can hold your breath for 9 minutes, and after that it takes you 2.7 minutes to die. So you can survive for almost 12 minutes submerged in chocolate.”
Player 1: “Great. I jump in.”
Player 2: “I want to jump in, too.”
Me: “What’s your Con score?”
Player 2: “20.”
Me: “Okay so you can hold your breathe for 6 minutes. After that, it takes 2 minutes to die. So you can survive for 8 minutes.”
Player 2: “Okay.”
Player 3: “You guys are being so dumb. I’ll steal Player 2’s money.”
Player 2: “Hey….”
Me: “Okay. Just a second. Player 1, what are you going to do in the chocolate?”
Player 1: “Explore.”
Me: “Okay. Make an Investigation check at disadvantage.”
Player 1: *rolls* “I got a dirty 20.”
Me: “Okay. You find the secret vault in the chocolate.”
Player 1: “Can I go inside?”
Me: “Yes. There’s a magical barrier preventing the chocolate from oozing in, but you can enter.”
Player 1: “ Okay I’ll go inside.”
Me: “Okay. Player 2 what do you want to do?”
Player 2: “I’ll find the vault, too.”
Me: “Okay make an investigation check.”
Player 2: “That’s a 6.”
Me: “You are now lost in the chocolate. You don’t know which way is up. Okay Player 3, what do you want to do?”
Player 3: “I’ll take Player 2’s stuff that’s on the shore.”
Me: “Okay. He has 2000ish gold, plus about 450 platinum. He also has his Magic Bow.”
Player 3: “I’ll take the money.”
Me: “Okay. Player 1, you’re in the vault under the chocolate lake. You see three big vats in front of you. One has money, one has spell scrolls, and one has potion.”
Player 1: “I’ll take it all.”
Me: “Okay. Player 2, make a survival check.”
Player 2: “9.”
Me: “Okay you can’t hold your breath any longer. You take a breath of chocolate, and it fills your lungs. You are suffocating. Player 3, what do you want to do?”
Player 3: “I guess I’ll help Player 2. I have CON 27.”
Me: “Okay, make an Investigation check to find Player 2.”
Player 3: “I got 18.”
Me: “Okay, you find him. Now make an Athletics check to swim out of the chocolate.”
Player 3: “That’s a 15.”
Me: “Okay. You pull yourself and Player 2 out of the chocolate. Player 1, make an athletics check to make it out. Meanwhile, Player 2 is coughing up chocolate.”
Player 1: “I got 32.”
Me: “Okay. Player 1 escaped with the goods from the vault, and Player 3 rescued Player 2 from drowning in chocolate.”
(the rest of the party is involved in a discussion, Zalia(the wizard) and Anton(the artificer) are just chilling and being chaotic)
Zalia: "So, Anton, which of the planes would you say is the most edgy?"
This led to an hour long discussion. According to the final ranklist, the shadowfell is the edgiest and elysium is the least edgy.
We also made Fiend Bingo, the Fun Game to play on family trips through the Nine Hells and the Abyss! Complete with illustrations done by the wizard, who cannot draw to save their life. Anton was incredibly mad, because he was literally a demonologist who had a book full of photorealistic pictures he'd drawn and he was so annoyed they kept butchering the pictures. The ironic part is that ooc Anton's player doesn't draw at all, and Zalia's actually /does/ draw all the time.
Also we are /deeeefinitely not/ playing Fiend Bingo on our way through the Hells and Abyss, why do you ask? We are a perfectly normal party /j
"Don't traumatize Nessie!"
"Roll for coffee."
"Sooo.. guys... we should probably test if my water breathing spell /worked/... Does someone want to push the bard in?"
"Wait what? it might not work??"
"/Well/... in /theory/... it /should work/..."
"YOU HAVEN'T CAST THIS SPELL BEFORE??"
"Well.. not /technically/..."
(the spell did end up working)
she/any - member of the spider guild :D - official elesh norn enthusiast
current characters:
-Zalia Moonkeeper, tiefling abjuration wizard/alchemist artificer
-Philomena Silverthread, changeling assassin rogue
-Glass, kenku vengeance paladin
Yeah, but it's *THE* 1XP.
too be honest, drowning in chocolate is not a bad way to go...
Sorcerer: I want to punch the bird.
DM: Why?! Its a fledging (baby bird)!
Sorcerer: My character is mortally afraid of birds.
DM: *sigh* Roll for attack.
Sorcerer: Nat 20 to hit! 97 for crit dmg! Is the bird dead?
DM: How could it not be! You just punched it to death!
Bard: Im going to back away slowly....
Sorcrerer to Bard: Wise choice.
This is my alt account from the Theren_Dotsk one.
I play the Gladiator Goliath Harveil Stormbreaker, the half-elf ranger Theren Dotsk, and the half-elf Warlock Albwin Greengrass in the Tavern at the End of the World.
"Know your enemy, know yourself." Sun Tzu, Art of War.
It's actually very hard to drown in chocolate, as it's surprisingly buoyant. That, and that your skin would probably melt off before you can actually get your head under.
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
DM: The blacksmith hands you a metal object.
Rouge: Do I know what it is?
DM: Roll history.
Rouge: *nat 20*
DM: You have heard the ancient stories of a weapon called 'gun'.
Rouge: *Excited gibberish*
-edit-
Our party was very frightened of the rouge after he received the gun.
This is my alt account from the Theren_Dotsk one.
I play the Gladiator Goliath Harveil Stormbreaker, the half-elf ranger Theren Dotsk, and the half-elf Warlock Albwin Greengrass in the Tavern at the End of the World.
"Know your enemy, know yourself." Sun Tzu, Art of War.
*bard is dying, wizard fed him some wild magic candy in the hopes it would revive him*
DM: ...ok, roll on the wild magic table.
(we use a homebrewed one, so it was a d100)
Wizard: *rolls*
*69*
Entire party (in unison): "nice"
We ended up convincing the DM that funny number meant we could reroll and try for a different result, since that one would've killed the bard.
she/any - member of the spider guild :D - official elesh norn enthusiast
current characters:
-Zalia Moonkeeper, tiefling abjuration wizard/alchemist artificer
-Philomena Silverthread, changeling assassin rogue
-Glass, kenku vengeance paladin
War Domain Priest summons a Deva.
Priest: So if we're going to work together for a next hour, what's your name?
Deva: I'm Stator.
Priest: Deva Stator? Is that a pun?
Deva: Let none say the god we both serve don't have a sense of humor.
(bad guy keeps killing & resurrecting a Death Cleric just to torture them)
"Yeah, you keep praying to that God of Death, buddy!"
(digs fingers into players skull)
"...they ain't coming any time soon."