Sadly no session this week, but something my DM. But during private session, training my staff of the python, Jörmungandr.
Me:"I just wanted an excuse to keep having my baby boy out more."
DM: "well dont necessarily have to put him back into staff form"
Me: "Ooo~ really??"
DM:"just as long as he doesnt hit 0 hp while in snake form"
Me:"TIA WILL CUDDLE WITH JÖRMUNGANDR!! XD"
oh god. i just saw an image of someone hugging the world snake
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This Mug immediately shared with me a transcendental tale of an Infinite Mug that anchors the Universe and keeps it from folding in on itself. I filed this report under "illogical nonsense" and asked why its sign is in Times New Roman font, when it is basic knowledge that Arial Black is a far superior font. I wondered: How did this mug even get past the assembly line with its theistic beliefs and poor font choices?
quote from Romantically Apocalyptic byVitaly S Alexius
Player 2: you just dm'd me the url to create character DM: i just read the backstory on yr owlfolk investigator that only asks 'who'
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Player 2: you just dm'd me the url to create character DM: i just read the backstory on yr owlfolk investigator that only asks 'who'
Oh god
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
This Mug immediately shared with me a transcendental tale of an Infinite Mug that anchors the Universe and keeps it from folding in on itself. I filed this report under "illogical nonsense" and asked why its sign is in Times New Roman font, when it is basic knowledge that Arial Black is a far superior font. I wondered: How did this mug even get past the assembly line with its theistic beliefs and poor font choices?
quote from Romantically Apocalyptic byVitaly S Alexius
DM: It's called the Apparatus of Kwalish. Player 2: Gesundheit! Player 3: Sounds kinky. DM: It's not. Player 5: So, tell me about this AoK. Player 1: We're not calling it A OK. Player 5: Eh. Okay. DM: It's a device-- Player 3: Still sounds kinky. Go on. DM: It's a large contraption that-- Player 3: Do tell. DM: Stop it.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
(This was my Eberron Campaign, at a Coronation where Prince Oargev was crowned King Oargev of New Cyre. A mage was trying to assassinate him with a homebrew spell that I made for this occasion.)
Me (DM): A ray of blinding light descends on King Oargev. He succeeds on his Constitution saving throw, and thus isn't blinded, but he still takes half the normal radiant damage. Keep in mind, Oargev is a Noble, and thus only has 13 hit points. This beam of radiant light nearly kills him, even with his successful saving throw. Furthermore, you are 50 feet away from Oargev, and the crowds of people in front of you at the coronation count as extreme difficult terrain (taking 3 feet of movement to move 1 foot). Neirena d'Cannith (Mark of Making War Mage): I cast Haste on York! Lucky Laughter (Warforged Battlesmith Artificer): Crap. Um. . . I need to get up to him, but I'm not fast enough to get there in time. I need to cast Warding Bond on him so I can take half of the damage for him, and he gets a +1 bonus to Saving Throws for the next hour. Umm, York, if I Enlarge you, can you pick me up and carry me to Oargev? York of Cape Kaper (Firbolg Open-Hand Monk): Uhh . . . sure. Am I fast enough to get up there while carrying the 300-pound Warforged? Me: Well, Haste doubles your speed to 100 ft., and if you expend a ki point, you can dash as a bonus action as well as your Hasted action through Step of the Wind, and you have to use an attack from your Attack action to grapple Lucky (who willingly fails), which halves your speed. Normally you wouldn't be able to carry Lucky, but being Enlarged doubles the amount you can lift. Using your base speed, bonus action Dash, and your Hasted Action Dash, you're able to pick up the extremely heavy Warforged and bound over the rows of royals, nobles, and elite guards that sat in front of you, who all scream and duck their heads to avoid being trampled by your giant boots. Using all of your movement, you can barely get up to Oargev. Lucky: Great! Now next turn I just need to put this ring on his finger when I cast Warding Bond, and he'll be good. Zalka Divoor (Goblin Creation Bard): I polymorphKing Oargev into a pony!
There's a pause of silence from everyone else at the table. They all stare at Zalka's player.
Me: What?!?! Lucky: Why?!?! York: I don't know why you're doing this, but I'm on board! Me: You are at a coronation in front of all of Oargev's relatives, plenty of newspaper reporters, and a ton of his future subjects as King of New Cyre!!! Do you know how humiliating this would be to him? The very first impression that he has as King of his new nation is almost being assassinated and being turned into a pony at his own coronation!!! Zalka:Polymorph basically gives him temporary hit points while the spell lasts. Nobles are CR 1/8, so I have to turn him into a beast that has as many hit points as he possibly can get of the same CR or lower than him. Ponies are also CR 1/8, and they have 2d8+2 hit points, which I think is the most that a CR 1/8 beast gets. (Note: It actually isn't. There are ones with more hit points in Icewind Dale: Rime of the Frostmaiden, but we didn't have the time to scour through all of the books during the session, so we just went with the Pony.) Neirena: That's actually a smart idea! Me: Okay. However, Oargev's Mage Guard doesn't know these reasons, and is going to Counterspell your Polymorph. Neirena: I counterspell the counterspell! Me: Okay. King Oargev fails his saving throw against the Polymorph. You see as the new king that is standing in the pillar of blinding light disappears, being replaced by a frightened and confused pony. York: I set down Lucky, gesture towards the Pony, and shout, "All Hail Prince Pony!!!"
I facepalm, the table laughs, and I quickly begin to think of ways to kill York's player (I'm kidding, I'm kidding).
Lucky: Umm . . . I need to put a ring on Oargev to cast Warding Bond on him. He's a pony! He doesn't have fingers! How can I put a ring on a pony!?!? Neirena: You can braid it into the pony's tail. Me: Sure, if you succeed on an Intelligence based Sleight of Hand contested against the pony's Strength check. Lucky: Does a 25 work? Me: *Looking down at the 5 that the pony rolled. Me: Yes. The 25 works. You walk up to the frightened pony, pull out two platinum rings from your pocket, put one on, and then grab onto the pony's tail and quickly braid the ring into the pony's tail while it struggles to try and get away from you. York: I pick up Prince Pony (he succeeded on the grapple contest), Lion-King-Hold him over the pillar of blinding light, and yell, "All Hail PrincessPony!!!" at the top of my lungs.
And King Oargev, although grateful that his life was saved by the party, never forgave them for this. Never.
Zaheer (using detect thoughts: Why is your mind so far away?
Klim (having his mind read): Are you insulting me?
Klim proceeded to be mixed up with the BBEG and was hit by a crown of madness’ed character (being commanded by Zaheer, and happened to be a sorcerer, so not great with melee combat) and multiple eldritch blasts.
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This isn't actually a signature, just something I copy and paste onto the bottom of all my posts. Or is it? Yep, it is. Or is it..? I’m a hobbit, and the master cranial imploder of the "Oops, I Accidently Destroyed Someone's Brain" cult. Extended sig. I'm actually in Limbo, it says I'm in Mechanus because that's where I get my WiFi from. Please don't tell the modrons, they're still angry from the 'Spawning Stone' fiasco. No connection to Dragonslayer8 other than knowing them in real life.
=========================== Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters: Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
Fifth level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Venn (tiefling sorcerer), and Xanlar (half elf paladin) plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger) and "the kobold" (who's name we still haven't bothered learning after a dozen sessions).
The party wakes up in the bullywug village after resting after passing trials to gain the bullywugs' aid and the party that followed. The kobold is the only one who speaks the bullywug language.
Kobold: So are you ready to go yet? These frogs don't make any sense and it's getting on my nerves.
Serena: No sense? But you speak their language.
Kobold: Yeah, but their views on philosophy and economics are really messed up. They're a psuedo-anarchist organization and they like to talk all about it. I don't know how they even survive out here thinking like that.
As planned, the kobold goes off to sneak into the enemy held fort that we're trying to free prisoners from with the mission to poison their water supply and we stage a diversion. We stand up on a hilltop yelling and taunting, shooting some firebolts like flares. They launch flaming catapult projectiles at us and send ten bugbear soldiers at us. We retreat behind the hill and ambush them with our twenty bullywugs. Without waiting for more information, the Fravians launch another artillery barrage at us. We run away into the swamp, fleeing from a follow up force that we don't know exactly how big it is but we can hear it and have no desire to see it up close.
Phillip (to Serena): Where are we running to?
Serena: We didn't really plan that part! Until they stop chasing us, I guess!
Phillip: You mean you didn't plan this part?
Serena: You do realize I'm the only one here that isn't actually a soldier, right? Or a frog.
Phillip: I may be a soldier but I don't make plans! We've been mainly following your lead this whole time!
Serena: I am flattered by your confidence in my wisdom and will try to not get us all killed! Now keep running!
Shortly later, after they stopped chasing us, we take a short rest to recover and give the kobold and the poison to work.
Phillip: Do any of you even know the kobold's name?
Ferrin: Um, no. I thought you guys knew.
Serena: I've been meaning to ask him that. Doesn't seem very nice to not know that after what we've been through together.
Phillip: I asked him once, and he just looked me right in the eye and ate a live cockroach.
After some time, we sneak back up near the fort and Serena uses clairvoyance to spy inside. The river gate is open and half of the dozen or so bugbear troops she can see are passed out while the others, on guard duty, haven't seemed to notice. We decide to make a rush at the gate with our full force. We tend to roll low against the guards there, especially the one bigger bugbear. So we compensate by having a bunch of bullywugs swarm him.
Serena (ooc): Frogpile!
Ferrin (ooc): Ugh. Stabbed, bitten, and covered in frog slobber. That can't be a pleasant way to die.
Having cleared the gate and one guard in a watchtower, Serena leads the charge into the center of the fort, which is separated by a ten foot high inner wall. From Serena's magical spying earlier we know there are at least a few prisoners in a cage there along with a tent. Serena has her Radiant Soul ability going and flies over the wall, beckoning the bullywugs to follow while the others run around it. She lands next to the cage and a couple passed out guards and tells the prisoners she's there to rescue them and asks if there are any more somewhere in the fort (several NPCs we were hoping to find are missing). They just stare at her slack-jawed for a moment.
Serena (ooc): Okay, I think I understand this reaction. They've been being held here for about three weeks, presumably spending most of that in this cage. They're mostly starved and look like crap. A little bit ago their guards more or less spontaneously decide to take a nap. Thirty seconds ago they hear a bunch of shouting and fighting on the other side of the wall then an armored young woman, glowing with radiant light, comes flying over that wall on wings made of sunshine. I imagine this is a lot for them to process.
While I'm saying this the DM moves the tokens for the bullywugs to follow Serena.
Ferrin (ooc): And then a half dozen spear waving frog men come jumping over the wall behind the angel girl. If I were them I'd think I've just plain lost it.
Player: *describes awesome, cool, or funny action that contradicts what's stated in the rules and would provide a huge advantage in an encounter.*
DM: "🤣Ha ha ha! 😐No."
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
My druid has a pet chickadee, and we're trying to outwit some invisible monsters so I get the idea that if the bird poops on one of them then the poop will be visible making it easier to see the creature. I failed my first attempt. When I tried again, the DM had to say that the second attempt used up the slots on my bird's pooping ability so I couldn't do that again. Annoyingly the second attempt failed as well.
It ended up not being much of an issue, though, since what I'd tried to do with pooping (making it easier to track an invisible enemy by marking it with something visible) was later accomplished when our paladin managed to embed an ax into one of them.
*group character creation* DM: "Don't tank your WIS. You're a cleric." Player 2: "A bumbling cleric who's not good at being a cleric is an interesting character." Player 3: "I think you need to Google the words 'interesting' and 'useless'."
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
“Oh, Papa! Now I shall prove myself to you on the field of battle!… Some other time.”
Alchemist: “I care little for money.”
Bard Pirate: “Ah, but some do! And if you care not for that gold, you may wish to give it to someone else. A certain dashing swashbuckler, for example.”
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RIP Tavern.
All hail King Jovan Fluffycloud Prince
Teleporting elf monk supremacy!, but druids are better
[Cactus] Waffles!
”I don’t have any good quotes to put in my sig.” -Me
Me (playing a pyromaniac druid): Is blood flammable?
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This isn't actually a signature, just something I copy and paste onto the bottom of all my posts. Or is it? Yep, it is. Or is it..? I’m a hobbit, and the master cranial imploder of the "Oops, I Accidently Destroyed Someone's Brain" cult. Extended sig. I'm actually in Limbo, it says I'm in Mechanus because that's where I get my WiFi from. Please don't tell the modrons, they're still angry from the 'Spawning Stone' fiasco. No connection to Dragonslayer8 other than knowing them in real life.
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oh god. i just saw an image of someone hugging the world snake
This Mug immediately shared with me a transcendental tale of an Infinite Mug that anchors the Universe and keeps it from folding in on itself. I filed this report under "illogical nonsense" and asked why its sign is in Times New Roman font, when it is basic knowledge that Arial Black is a far superior font. I wondered: How did this mug even get past the assembly line with its theistic beliefs and poor font choices?
quote from Romantically Apocalyptic by Vitaly S Alexius
Over chat:
Player 2: you just dm'd me the url to create character
DM: i just read the backstory on yr owlfolk investigator that only asks 'who'
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Oh no.
Oh god
This Mug immediately shared with me a transcendental tale of an Infinite Mug that anchors the Universe and keeps it from folding in on itself. I filed this report under "illogical nonsense" and asked why its sign is in Times New Roman font, when it is basic knowledge that Arial Black is a far superior font. I wondered: How did this mug even get past the assembly line with its theistic beliefs and poor font choices?
quote from Romantically Apocalyptic by Vitaly S Alexius
Playing a written adventure, not sure which one or if DM was doing improv.
NPC: "It was I who made the pig noise earlier. I quite easily fooled you."
My very blunt orc barbarian: "If we had seen you, we still would have been fooled."
Somehow, combat did not ensue.
"I never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an elf."
"What about side by side with a side?"
"Aye, I eye eye eye."
DM: It's called the Apparatus of Kwalish.
Player 2: Gesundheit!
Player 3: Sounds kinky.
DM: It's not.
Player 5: So, tell me about this AoK.
Player 1: We're not calling it A OK.
Player 5: Eh. Okay.
DM: It's a device--
Player 3: Still sounds kinky. Go on.
DM: It's a large contraption that--
Player 3: Do tell.
DM: Stop it.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
(This was my Eberron Campaign, at a Coronation where Prince Oargev was crowned King Oargev of New Cyre. A mage was trying to assassinate him with a homebrew spell that I made for this occasion.)
Me (DM): A ray of blinding light descends on King Oargev. He succeeds on his Constitution saving throw, and thus isn't blinded, but he still takes half the normal radiant damage. Keep in mind, Oargev is a Noble, and thus only has 13 hit points. This beam of radiant light nearly kills him, even with his successful saving throw. Furthermore, you are 50 feet away from Oargev, and the crowds of people in front of you at the coronation count as extreme difficult terrain (taking 3 feet of movement to move 1 foot).
Neirena d'Cannith (Mark of Making War Mage): I cast Haste on York!
Lucky Laughter (Warforged Battlesmith Artificer): Crap. Um. . . I need to get up to him, but I'm not fast enough to get there in time. I need to cast Warding Bond on him so I can take half of the damage for him, and he gets a +1 bonus to Saving Throws for the next hour. Umm, York, if I Enlarge you, can you pick me up and carry me to Oargev?
York of Cape Kaper (Firbolg Open-Hand Monk): Uhh . . . sure. Am I fast enough to get up there while carrying the 300-pound Warforged?
Me: Well, Haste doubles your speed to 100 ft., and if you expend a ki point, you can dash as a bonus action as well as your Hasted action through Step of the Wind, and you have to use an attack from your Attack action to grapple Lucky (who willingly fails), which halves your speed. Normally you wouldn't be able to carry Lucky, but being Enlarged doubles the amount you can lift. Using your base speed, bonus action Dash, and your Hasted Action Dash, you're able to pick up the extremely heavy Warforged and bound over the rows of royals, nobles, and elite guards that sat in front of you, who all scream and duck their heads to avoid being trampled by your giant boots. Using all of your movement, you can barely get up to Oargev.
Lucky: Great! Now next turn I just need to put this ring on his finger when I cast Warding Bond, and he'll be good.
Zalka Divoor (Goblin Creation Bard): I polymorph King Oargev into a pony!
There's a pause of silence from everyone else at the table. They all stare at Zalka's player.
Me: What?!?!
Lucky: Why?!?!
York: I don't know why you're doing this, but I'm on board!
Me: You are at a coronation in front of all of Oargev's relatives, plenty of newspaper reporters, and a ton of his future subjects as King of New Cyre!!! Do you know how humiliating this would be to him? The very first impression that he has as King of his new nation is almost being assassinated and being turned into a pony at his own coronation!!!
Zalka: Polymorph basically gives him temporary hit points while the spell lasts. Nobles are CR 1/8, so I have to turn him into a beast that has as many hit points as he possibly can get of the same CR or lower than him. Ponies are also CR 1/8, and they have 2d8+2 hit points, which I think is the most that a CR 1/8 beast gets. (Note: It actually isn't. There are ones with more hit points in Icewind Dale: Rime of the Frostmaiden, but we didn't have the time to scour through all of the books during the session, so we just went with the Pony.)
Neirena: That's actually a smart idea!
Me: Okay. However, Oargev's Mage Guard doesn't know these reasons, and is going to Counterspell your Polymorph.
Neirena: I counterspell the counterspell!
Me: Okay. King Oargev fails his saving throw against the Polymorph. You see as the new king that is standing in the pillar of blinding light disappears, being replaced by a frightened and confused pony.
York: I set down Lucky, gesture towards the Pony, and shout, "All Hail Prince Pony!!!"
I facepalm, the table laughs, and I quickly begin to think of ways to kill York's player (I'm kidding, I'm kidding).
Lucky: Umm . . . I need to put a ring on Oargev to cast Warding Bond on him. He's a pony! He doesn't have fingers! How can I put a ring on a pony!?!?
Neirena: You can braid it into the pony's tail.
Me: Sure, if you succeed on an Intelligence based Sleight of Hand contested against the pony's Strength check.
Lucky: Does a 25 work?
Me: *Looking down at the 5 that the pony rolled.
Me: Yes. The 25 works. You walk up to the frightened pony, pull out two platinum rings from your pocket, put one on, and then grab onto the pony's tail and quickly braid the ring into the pony's tail while it struggles to try and get away from you.
York: I pick up Prince Pony (he succeeded on the grapple contest), Lion-King-Hold him over the pillar of blinding light, and yell, "All Hail Princess Pony!!!" at the top of my lungs.
And King Oargev, although grateful that his life was saved by the party, never forgave them for this. Never.
Please check out my homebrew, I would appreciate feedback:
Spells, Monsters, Subclasses, Races, Arcknight Class, Occultist Class, World, Enigmatic Esoterica forms
From my session today.
Zaheer (using detect thoughts: Why is your mind so far away?
Klim (having his mind read): Are you insulting me?
Klim proceeded to be mixed up with the BBEG and was hit by a crown of madness’ed character (being commanded by Zaheer, and happened to be a sorcerer, so not great with melee combat) and multiple eldritch blasts.
This isn't actually a signature, just something I copy and paste onto the bottom of all my posts. Or is it? Yep, it is. Or is it..? I’m a hobbit, and the master cranial imploder of the "Oops, I Accidently Destroyed Someone's Brain" cult. Extended sig. I'm actually in Limbo, it says I'm in Mechanus because that's where I get my WiFi from. Please don't tell the modrons, they're still angry from the 'Spawning Stone' fiasco.
No connection to Dragonslayer8 other than knowing them in real life.
Fighter: Say, you wouldn't happen to know where [gives name of cave] is, would you?
Bugbear (suspiciously): Who wants to know?
Fighter: Uh, me.
===========================
Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters:
Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer
Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
DM: and they carried a fencing sword at their side
Rouge: A DANCING SWORD!?
DM: no, a FENCING sword.
The rest of the party where wheezing at this point.
DM: Guess what? I'll get the bard a dancing sword at some point LOL
Fifth level party of Ferrin (half elf wizard), Sister Serena (aasimar cleric), Venn (tiefling sorcerer), and Xanlar (half elf paladin) plus NPCs Phillip (human ranger) and "the kobold" (who's name we still haven't bothered learning after a dozen sessions).
The party wakes up in the bullywug village after resting after passing trials to gain the bullywugs' aid and the party that followed. The kobold is the only one who speaks the bullywug language.
Kobold: So are you ready to go yet? These frogs don't make any sense and it's getting on my nerves.
Serena: No sense? But you speak their language.
Kobold: Yeah, but their views on philosophy and economics are really messed up. They're a psuedo-anarchist organization and they like to talk all about it. I don't know how they even survive out here thinking like that.
As planned, the kobold goes off to sneak into the enemy held fort that we're trying to free prisoners from with the mission to poison their water supply and we stage a diversion. We stand up on a hilltop yelling and taunting, shooting some firebolts like flares. They launch flaming catapult projectiles at us and send ten bugbear soldiers at us. We retreat behind the hill and ambush them with our twenty bullywugs. Without waiting for more information, the Fravians launch another artillery barrage at us. We run away into the swamp, fleeing from a follow up force that we don't know exactly how big it is but we can hear it and have no desire to see it up close.
Phillip (to Serena): Where are we running to?
Serena: We didn't really plan that part! Until they stop chasing us, I guess!
Phillip: You mean you didn't plan this part?
Serena: You do realize I'm the only one here that isn't actually a soldier, right? Or a frog.
Phillip: I may be a soldier but I don't make plans! We've been mainly following your lead this whole time!
Serena: I am flattered by your confidence in my wisdom and will try to not get us all killed! Now keep running!
Shortly later, after they stopped chasing us, we take a short rest to recover and give the kobold and the poison to work.
Phillip: Do any of you even know the kobold's name?
Ferrin: Um, no. I thought you guys knew.
Serena: I've been meaning to ask him that. Doesn't seem very nice to not know that after what we've been through together.
Phillip: I asked him once, and he just looked me right in the eye and ate a live cockroach.
After some time, we sneak back up near the fort and Serena uses clairvoyance to spy inside. The river gate is open and half of the dozen or so bugbear troops she can see are passed out while the others, on guard duty, haven't seemed to notice. We decide to make a rush at the gate with our full force. We tend to roll low against the guards there, especially the one bigger bugbear. So we compensate by having a bunch of bullywugs swarm him.
Serena (ooc): Frogpile!
Ferrin (ooc): Ugh. Stabbed, bitten, and covered in frog slobber. That can't be a pleasant way to die.
Having cleared the gate and one guard in a watchtower, Serena leads the charge into the center of the fort, which is separated by a ten foot high inner wall. From Serena's magical spying earlier we know there are at least a few prisoners in a cage there along with a tent. Serena has her Radiant Soul ability going and flies over the wall, beckoning the bullywugs to follow while the others run around it. She lands next to the cage and a couple passed out guards and tells the prisoners she's there to rescue them and asks if there are any more somewhere in the fort (several NPCs we were hoping to find are missing). They just stare at her slack-jawed for a moment.
Serena (ooc): Okay, I think I understand this reaction. They've been being held here for about three weeks, presumably spending most of that in this cage. They're mostly starved and look like crap. A little bit ago their guards more or less spontaneously decide to take a nap. Thirty seconds ago they hear a bunch of shouting and fighting on the other side of the wall then an armored young woman, glowing with radiant light, comes flying over that wall on wings made of sunshine. I imagine this is a lot for them to process.
While I'm saying this the DM moves the tokens for the bullywugs to follow Serena.
Ferrin (ooc): And then a half dozen spear waving frog men come jumping over the wall behind the angel girl. If I were them I'd think I've just plain lost it.
Player: *describes awesome, cool, or funny action that contradicts what's stated in the rules and would provide a huge advantage in an encounter.*
DM: "🤣Ha ha ha! 😐No."
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
"What do you mean, that's not what it does?"
(the party recently sold a powerful magic item to a starving town for 1000gp…only for it to get stolen by criminals the next day):
Warlock: “…we’re keeping the money.”
My druid has a pet chickadee, and we're trying to outwit some invisible monsters so I get the idea that if the bird poops on one of them then the poop will be visible making it easier to see the creature. I failed my first attempt. When I tried again, the DM had to say that the second attempt used up the slots on my bird's pooping ability so I couldn't do that again. Annoyingly the second attempt failed as well.
It ended up not being much of an issue, though, since what I'd tried to do with pooping (making it easier to track an invisible enemy by marking it with something visible) was later accomplished when our paladin managed to embed an ax into one of them.
“Do you guys really think it’s a good idea to drink the tea that comes out of a hat that roofies you?!”
I live with several severe autoimmune conditions. If I don’t get back to you right away, it’s probably because I’m not feeling well.
*group character creation*
DM: "Don't tank your WIS. You're a cleric."
Player 2: "A bumbling cleric who's not good at being a cleric is an interesting character."
Player 3: "I think you need to Google the words 'interesting' and 'useless'."
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
“Oh, Papa! Now I shall prove myself to you on the field of battle!… Some other time.”
Alchemist: “I care little for money.”
Bard Pirate: “Ah, but some do! And if you care not for that gold, you may wish to give it to someone else. A certain dashing swashbuckler, for example.”
RIP Tavern.
All hail King Jovan Fluffycloud Prince
Teleporting elf monk supremacy!, but druids are better
[Cactus]Waffles!”I don’t have any good quotes to put in my sig.” -Me
DM: You find some blood on the floor.
Me (playing a pyromaniac druid): Is blood flammable?
This isn't actually a signature, just something I copy and paste onto the bottom of all my posts. Or is it? Yep, it is. Or is it..? I’m a hobbit, and the master cranial imploder of the "Oops, I Accidently Destroyed Someone's Brain" cult. Extended sig. I'm actually in Limbo, it says I'm in Mechanus because that's where I get my WiFi from. Please don't tell the modrons, they're still angry from the 'Spawning Stone' fiasco.
No connection to Dragonslayer8 other than knowing them in real life.