Context: playing through Sunless Citadel, investigating a magic door.
Me (playing a Ranger): I’d like to check over the door to see if there’s anything else we missed.
DM: ok, roll Perception.
Me: 7
Dm: you see nothing new
Me: I proceed to bend down to the lock and proceed to take a real close look at it, then I begin tapping up and down the door, then I sniff it for a few seconds before standing up and saying “I got nothing.”
Druid: “Did you really have to sniff it?”
Me: “I was going to lick it next. Would you rather I don’t?”
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
If I haven’t offended you, don’t worry. I’m sure I’ll get to you eventually.
"Jam it in my Axe" is the first that comes to mind from my campaign....Our Barbarian got a axe that could accept various gems for powerups...and the party discovered a shard connected to the Shadowfell....
Big Donut Energy, and "MEATY CRUNCH" are runners up.
The DM struggles to convey when certain enemy creatures that don't have blood are below half health, because they can't be bloodied if they don't have blood.
One session: The water elemental is looking... drippy?
Another session: The rock golem iiiiis... dusty.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
=========================== Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters: Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
Our campaign has a quotes channel in our discord server, I'll share a small selection: "Can I insight check the panther?" "Let's not be corpses in the woods." "Or anywhere, preferably." "It was an old Elven scientist by the name of Pav'lov." "It was an angry shrubbery. It ate me." "She's outgoing, 'cause she goes out and kills people." "What do I call you, beautiful?" "Anything but that." "Privelege is a free action."
Context: our warlock decides to side with the BBEG and change patrons at level 6 to BBEG as his Patron. DM creates new homebrew subclass but withholds level 6 ability until Warlock converts enough NPCs to BBEG's cause. Warlock converts most of the party to his cult (as well as NPCs). Party eventually learns that on every long rest the PC cultmembers have to roll D20 and permanently lose a stat point on a low roll...
Barbarian: I want to quit the cult! I didn't actually BELIEVE any of it, I only joined because everyone else was doing it
Me (lawful good paladin who didn't join the evil cult): Yeah that's how religion works
DM: "We simulate excessive alcohol with the poison mechanics." Player 1: "Are you some kind of teetotaler?"
DM: "We established way back at the beginning that we're not using 5th edition alignments." Player 5: "I said she identifies as Chaotic Evil."
*Player 4 has his head through a hole in the crate, still looking around inside it.* Player 1 to 4: "When are you going to pull your head out?" Player 5: "I've been wondering that since we started."
BBEG: "Now, you will face your real nemesis!" Player 2: "I shoot the Dungeon Master."
Player 2 to 3: "You never talk much." Player 5: "He doesn't want to end up in the silly quotes he's writing down for us."
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
"J. Jr., come get your triceratops, it is having the anxiety"
F e a r m e
(says the small, insignificant worm)
Context: playing through Sunless Citadel, investigating a magic door.
Me (playing a Ranger): I’d like to check over the door to see if there’s anything else we missed.
DM: ok, roll Perception.
Me: 7
Dm: you see nothing new
Me: I proceed to bend down to the lock and proceed to take a real close look at it, then I begin tapping up and down the door, then I sniff it for a few seconds before standing up and saying “I got nothing.”
Druid: “Did you really have to sniff it?”
Me: “I was going to lick it next. Would you rather I don’t?”
If I haven’t offended you, don’t worry. I’m sure I’ll get to you eventually.
"Jam it in my Axe" is the first that comes to mind from my campaign....Our Barbarian got a axe that could accept various gems for powerups...and the party discovered a shard connected to the Shadowfell....
Big Donut Energy, and "MEATY CRUNCH" are runners up.
"What is that?!"
"It's a behir!"
"What's a behir?!"
"I DON'T WANNA BE HERE!"
Hombrew: Way of Wresting, Circle of Sacrifice
My Fallen Aasimar Echo Knight: I challenge you to a duel. No armor, no shields, and one non-magical weapon of your choice. Deal?
Tabaxi: As long as it's not to the death, sure. Not that I think I'd lose, of course.
Me: Good. *proceeds to roll 151 damage on my first turn*
Hi, I’m DrakenBrine, here’s my Sig and characters
I am The Grand Envisioner!
"Wow... I didn't believe that the rumors were true, but this place is actually beautif- OH GOD, WHAT IS THAT?! KILL IT! KILL IT BEFORE IT LAYS EGGS!"
-Dragonborn Fighter, upon entering the Feywild and encountering a Displacer Beast for the first time.
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
Other player: "If you run, the void scavvers will attack you."
(Extremely ADHD) Hadozee (That's his name and race): "I run across"
DM: "you run?"
Hadozee: "I run"
Huge void scavver bites him, taking all his hit points.
Food, Scifi/fantasy, anime, DND 5E and OSR geek.
The DM struggles to convey when certain enemy creatures that don't have blood are below half health, because they can't be bloodied if they don't have blood.
One session: The water elemental is looking... drippy?
Another session: The rock golem iiiiis... dusty.
===========================
Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters:
Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer
Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
Just played with some friends for the first time... need I say more?
Dwarf: My nose is very bulbous
Somebody, probably complaining: Level ONNNNNNNNNNE
Me, the dm: Did... did you speculate on their d**k size?
Somebody, talking about the halfling: Isaac pushed the wrong wide!
Me, threatening to take away the tank's hp for misbehaving: AND THEN YOU'LL BE SQUISHY LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.
Certified gay geek
Still don’t really know how to play this game, but I love it anyway.
he/they
“THAT BOY’S A LIARRRRR THAT BOY’S A LIARRRRR”
”I WILL KILL YOU IF YOU MENTION THAT SONG ONE MORE TIME”
Me- ”We’ll all have an order of Cheese and Mac and Orc Ear Pies… sorry about these two”
”… he doesn’t see ya”
“DM CAN I CAST SILVERY BARBS?????”
”I told you guys already. SILVERY BARBS IS OFFICIALLY BANNED SINCE THE DRAGON INCIDENT”
My friend- “I CAST BLESS ON THE RANGER”
The ranger, casually playing pinball- “YESSSSSS”
"The duck will not be an eldritch horror, no matter how much you beg."
*me making wierd deep, rough, throaty noises*
*DM: "ive never filed taxes while listening to eldritch noises before"
"omelet golem"
Our campaign has a quotes channel in our discord server, I'll share a small selection:
"Can I insight check the panther?"
"Let's not be corpses in the woods." "Or anywhere, preferably."
"It was an old Elven scientist by the name of Pav'lov."
"It was an angry shrubbery. It ate me."
"She's outgoing, 'cause she goes out and kills people."
"What do I call you, beautiful?" "Anything but that."
"Privelege is a free action."
oh poor sweet summer child...
Make your Artificer work with any other class with 174 Multiclassing Feats for your Artificer Multiclass Character!
DM's Guild Releases on This Thread Or check them all out on DMs Guild!
DrivethruRPG Releases on This Thread - latest release: My Character is a Werewolf: balanced rules for Lycanthropy!
I have started discussing/reviewing 3rd party D&D content on Substack - stay tuned for semi-regular posts!
Context: our warlock decides to side with the BBEG and change patrons at level 6 to BBEG as his Patron. DM creates new homebrew subclass but withholds level 6 ability until Warlock converts enough NPCs to BBEG's cause. Warlock converts most of the party to his cult (as well as NPCs). Party eventually learns that on every long rest the PC cultmembers have to roll D20 and permanently lose a stat point on a low roll...
Barbarian: I want to quit the cult! I didn't actually BELIEVE any of it, I only joined because everyone else was doing it
Me (lawful good paladin who didn't join the evil cult): Yeah that's how religion works
Villain: "...I can't do this anymore."
Minion: "What?"
Villain: "This isn't working for me. I'm hurting. I need to stop..."
Minion: "You mean... you're not going to take over the world?"
Villain: "What? Of course not! Who do you think I am? I meant I'm going to quit smoking! It's really unhealthy! I'm still going to rule the world!"
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
DM: "We simulate excessive alcohol with the poison mechanics."
Player 1: "Are you some kind of teetotaler?"
DM: "We established way back at the beginning that we're not using 5th edition alignments."
Player 5: "I said she identifies as Chaotic Evil."
*Player 4 has his head through a hole in the crate, still looking around inside it.*
Player 1 to 4: "When are you going to pull your head out?"
Player 5: "I've been wondering that since we started."
BBEG: "Now, you will face your real nemesis!"
Player 2: "I shoot the Dungeon Master."
Player 2 to 3: "You never talk much."
Player 5: "He doesn't want to end up in the silly quotes he's writing down for us."
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
This actually was not even in a game. This came from Discord in-between sessions:
Person 1: "Everyone loves Mass Heal"
Person 2: "It's like Fireball but backwards"
Tell them I want Riptide at my funeral
🍅 PM me the word 'tomato' 🍅 Extended Signature Musk Sucks, Quit X!