"Please don't describe every animal in the fantasy shelter or I'll want to adopt them all..." - Rogue walking past a hellhound puppy to adopt just the frost cheetah cub
(this occurred out of character in an in-person game I run at home, with my fiancee and 4 of our friends as players)
Mid battle, music cuts out - my phone's ringing
Me (DM): Hello?
Mother-in-law: Oh Hi, is (fiancee) ok? She's not replied to my messages!"
(I proceed to politely explain that we're having a D&D game and she'll not have checked her phone, everything's ok, and say goodnight, and hang up, then double check I hung up)
Me (screaming into the now hung-up phone in my best spoilt american man-child voice) "Dammit mum I told you not to call me when I'm playing with my friends!!!!!"
(table laughs. Fiancee tries to sink through the floor.)
DM: so the store had cheese wheels, and they cost like $100. Us: why was it so expensive? DM: inflation. But I also thought, but it cheese, why should I have to pay 100$ for cheese. Bard: My character casts legend lore using tyromancy DM: what’s that? Bard: the ancient art of divination through cheese. Us: 🤦♂️
Helper of Create a World thread/Sedge is Chaotic Neutral/ Mega Yahtzee High: 34, Low: 14/I speak English, je me parle le Francais, agus Labhraim beagan Gaeilge
"Please don't describe every animal in the fantasy shelter or I'll want to adopt them all..." - Rogue walking past a hellhound puppy to adopt just the frost cheetah cub
: Systems Online : Nikoli_Goodfellow Homebrew : My WIP Homebrew Class :
(\_/)
( u u)
o/ \🥛🍪 Hey, take care of yourself alright?
"Congratulations, you are now wanted in every state. Goodbye." -The first (and last) session of a D&D group I joined
they/her Always open to chat. Just send me a PM
Whatever it takes
Yeah, take me to the top
I'm ready for whatever it takes
'Cause I love the adrenaline in my veins
I do what it takes
(this occurred out of character in an in-person game I run at home, with my fiancee and 4 of our friends as players)
Mid battle, music cuts out - my phone's ringing
Me (DM): Hello?
Mother-in-law: Oh Hi, is (fiancee) ok? She's not replied to my messages!"
(I proceed to politely explain that we're having a D&D game and she'll not have checked her phone, everything's ok, and say goodnight, and hang up, then double check I hung up)
Me (screaming into the now hung-up phone in my best spoilt american man-child voice) "Dammit mum I told you not to call me when I'm playing with my friends!!!!!"
(table laughs. Fiancee tries to sink through the floor.)
Make your Artificer work with any other class with 174 Multiclassing Feats for your Artificer Multiclass Character!
DM's Guild Releases on This Thread Or check them all out on DMs Guild!
DrivethruRPG Releases on This Thread - latest release: My Character is a Werewolf: balanced rules for Lycanthropy!
I have started discussing/reviewing 3rd party D&D content on Substack - stay tuned for semi-regular posts!
Vajra “Blackstaff” Safahr: “…is that a dismembered corpse hanging above your mantle?”
Dismembered Corpse: “How ya doin?”
Vajra “Blackstaff” Safahr: “Oh, hello! I’m well, I suppose…wait.”
Death Cleric: “We’re, uh…going for a theme.”
Vajra “Blackstaff” Safahr: “I see…considering I just incinerated a cluster of corpse-hands in your dining hall; I should hardly be surprised.”
“Faking your own death works remarkably well when people have actually managed to murder you.”
Oh, resurrected and then hid that was alive again? That's more like...faking being dead. LOL.
Food, Scifi/fantasy, anime, DND 5E and OSR geek.
"the quagmire toilet is stunned, but not defeated"
Well…a bit more complicated than that.
It involves an angry mob, an ancient magical device, a simulacrum, Ssaz Tam, and the Ring of Winter.
He’s definitely dead…what remains is a confusing state of existence.
Drunk Gnome: “I walk as straight as I possibly can.”
DM: “That’s a circle, but you do your best.”
F e a r m e
(says the small, insignificant worm)
DM: so the store had cheese wheels, and they cost like $100. Us: why was it so expensive? DM: inflation. But I also thought, but it cheese, why should I have to pay 100$ for cheese. Bard: My character casts legend lore using tyromancy DM: what’s that? Bard: the ancient art of divination through cheese. Us: 🤦♂️
”I would like to take whatever pumps it’s oil”
“I would like to peacefully Inflict Wounds”
Helper of Create a World thread/Sedge is Chaotic Neutral/ Mega Yahtzee High: 34, Low: 14/I speak English, je me parle le Francais, agus Labhraim beagan Gaeilge
Dream of Days Lore Bard 9/Wizard 4 Baulder's Gate: Descent to Avernus (In Person/Over Zoom)
Saleadon Morgul Battle Smith Artificer 11 Tyranny of Dragons (In Person/Over Zoom)
Hurtharn Serpti Ghostslayer Blood Hunter 7 Spelljammer (Over Zoom)
Ex Sig
“Can bullywugs/Sahuagin/Kua-Toa/the one guest player we had who was playing a lizardfolk swim?”
”Yes.”
“I use my trident of fish command on him/them.”
”How many times have I told you it only works on animals?”
“But they look like animals! It should work!”
”Theyre humanoids.”
”Darn.”
-The rogue and her overzealous want to control everything and me, the DM.
If I haven’t offended you, don’t worry. I’m sure I’ll get to you eventually.
Giggity.
"I want to seduce the dragon."
"Are you sure about that? It's a CR 20 ancient red dragon."
"I've always had a thing for scaly bad boys."
good ol' bard shenanigans ;)
Warlock: "I look for food."
DM: "You find a stall selling sausages, they smell delicious."
Warlock to merchant: "How much?" *gestures to the 5 sausages on the grill"
Merchant: "5 Gold."
Warlock: *Hands over 5 gold*
Merchant: *hands over one sausage*
W: "What? 5 gold for one sausage? No, I paid 5 gold for 5 sausages!"
M: (thick accent) "5 Gold, one sausage."
W: "5 Gold 5 sausages?"
M: "No, 5 gold 1 sausage!"
W: "5 Gold 4 sausages?"
M, annoyed: *takes back the sausage* "5 Gold No Sausage!"
table: *Breaks down laughing*
~
"I'm not going to hurt him, I'm just going to make his life miserable".
-The Cleric, casting Bane on the merchant after they got the sausage back.
Make your Artificer work with any other class with 174 Multiclassing Feats for your Artificer Multiclass Character!
DM's Guild Releases on This Thread Or check them all out on DMs Guild!
DrivethruRPG Releases on This Thread - latest release: My Character is a Werewolf: balanced rules for Lycanthropy!
I have started discussing/reviewing 3rd party D&D content on Substack - stay tuned for semi-regular posts!
LOL. I agree with the warlock -- it's way over priced. A whole cow only costs 40 gold and sausage is often made with cast-offs and cheaper cuts.
Food, Scifi/fantasy, anime, DND 5E and OSR geek.
it's in the market at the central hub of the world - everything's overpriced!
Make your Artificer work with any other class with 174 Multiclassing Feats for your Artificer Multiclass Character!
DM's Guild Releases on This Thread Or check them all out on DMs Guild!
DrivethruRPG Releases on This Thread - latest release: My Character is a Werewolf: balanced rules for Lycanthropy!
I have started discussing/reviewing 3rd party D&D content on Substack - stay tuned for semi-regular posts!
The following is a brief summary of a session 0 with one person in particular
"You want to play Judas?"
"Yes."
"Pre last supper Judas?"
"Yes."
"You realize that means Jesus never died on the cross for our sins in this world."
: Systems Online : Nikoli_Goodfellow Homebrew : My WIP Homebrew Class :
(\_/)
( u u)
o/ \🥛🍪 Hey, take care of yourself alright?