I actually survive as shown by the post-credits scene

Now you are the God killed by Gorr in the first 10 minutes of the movie

Quote from CandlekeeperofCastle >>

I actually survive as shown by the post-credits scene

Now you are the God killed by Gorr in the first 10 minutes of the movie

 The Necrosword choses me as I die, bringing me back to life.

You have been stabbed by the Necrosword

Yeah, but my body is covered by flex tape and I survive

You eat a rotten bagel and are getting poisoned

Quote from CandlekeeperofCastle >>

Yeah, but my body is covered by flex tape and I survive

You eat a rotten bagel and are getting poisoned

 I fix the rotten bagel with flex tape and no longer get poisoned. 

Someone put flex tape over your mouth and nose. 

Important edit: And now you can't breath.

The flex tape melts off of my face but goes into your lungs, absoloutely wrecking them

Quote from CandlekeeperofCastle >>

The flex tape melts off of my face but goes into your lungs, absoloutely wrecking them

 Pffft, who needs lungs when you have a massive hole in your chest that takes in air?

You lost your lungs in a tragic accident, and someone filled in the whole in your chest with dirt.

I inhale a lot of water, and I cough it in your face

You are now dying of bronchitis

A giant worm literally eats you.

Yeah but it can't digest me so it spits me out

It would love to digest you however...

Quote from CandlekeeperofCastle >>

Yeah but it can't digest me so it spits me out

It would love to digest you however...

 

 Well, sometimes it doesn't get what it wants. 

The worms mum, which is bigger and could definitely digest you, eats you.

In minecraft.

You were trapped in a modded game, and now a giant worm is eating you.

Quote from The_mother_of_0_ >>

In minecraft.

You were trapped in a modded game, and now a giant worm is eating you.

 But you have an emerald which you can bribe a villager with to give you worm poison. 

You have been bribed with a green shiny thing, and have now walked into a tree and fallen down a hole...

I pull "The Fates" card from the Deck of many things so I don't fall down the hole.

You are surrounded by 500 Skeletons inside a cave, and there is nowhere to run nor enough room to fly out...

Quote from DruidVSAdventure >>

I pull "The Fates" card from the Deck of many things so I don't fall down the hole.

You are surrounded by 500 Skeletons inside a cave, and there is nowhere to run nor enough room to fly out...

 I use my channel divinity to Destroy Undead.

You are a skeleton in a cave, and a cleric just used Destroy Undead. There is nowhere to run and not enough room to fly out.

I have a higher CR than what your Destroy Undead can destroy.

you wake up from being knocked out to find yourself tied at stake and the wood underneath you has just been lit, and your hands are binded and mouth is gagged to prevent you from casting spells...

Quote from Baalzeboop >>

Quote from DruidVSAdventure >>

I pull "The Fates" card from the Deck of many things so I don't fall down the hole.

You are surrounded by 500 Skeletons inside a cave, and there is nowhere to run nor enough room to fly out...

 I use my channel divinity to Destroy Undead.

You are a skeleton in a cave, and a cleric just used Destroy Undead. There is nowhere to run and not enough room to fly out.

 Jokes on them, I'm the skeleton of Vecna, and cast Etherealness. 

You are out of spell slots and channel divinity, and are being attacked by the skeleton of Vecna.

Quote from Drummer_the_Dragon_Slayer >>

Quote from Baalzeboop >>

Quote from DruidVSAdventure >>

I pull "The Fates" card from the Deck of many things so I don't fall down the hole.

You are surrounded by 500 Skeletons inside a cave, and there is nowhere to run nor enough room to fly out...

 I use my channel divinity to Destroy Undead.

You are a skeleton in a cave, and a cleric just used Destroy Undead. There is nowhere to run and not enough room to fly out.

 Jokes on them, I'm the skeleton of Vecna, and cast Etherealness. 

You are out of spell slots and channel divinity, and are being attacked by the skeleton of Vecna.

 Damn it, got Ninjered...

I cast wish using a luck blade and remove the skeleton from existance

You have no spell slots and you are about to be thrown into a furnace...

Quote from DruidVSAdventure >>

I have a higher CR than what your Destroy Undead can destroy.

you wake up from being knocked out to find yourself tied at stake and the wood underneath you has just been lit, and your hands are binded and mouth is gagged to prevent you from casting spells...

 I'm a Balor.

You just tried to burn a Balor to death and the only weapons or spells you have are fire based.

I jump off the nearby cliff and land in the waterfall below

You are trapped inside a Bag of Holding and have no spells or Magic items available and you have 30 seconds before you pass out...