Quote from Vyndora >>

You own one, but you are not told where it is to claim.

I wish in a way that was not misunderstood, unclear, answered in the standard English of the forum, and when granted changes things in my life now and going forward, I could use the control flame, gust, mold earth, and shape water cantrips in real life while remaining a human woman, without my body deteriorating as a result of the wish being granted, losing my freedom, family, friends, way of life, privacy as a citizen, I was able to exert complete control over them in the same way they operate in the game, and suffer no negative physical, mental, emotional, or social consequences for having or using them.

 

 No one can understand your wish so you’re transported to the Elemental Chaos (which I think doesn’t exist in 5e which means you’re now officially stuck in a place that doesn’t exist).

I wish I could get a promotion at my job.

Granted. But part of maintaining your way of life means maintaining the mundane in your life. Therefore while you are able to exert complete control over your newly-learned cantrips, you are required by the nature of your own (freely chosen) wish to not utilize them as that would render null and void the conditions you have placed upon gaining them. And as such any violation of that implicit condition would result in the Fire Nation mistaking you to be the Avatar and hunting you (and all those friends/family you conditioned to not be harmed) down in order to secure victory. You won the "Twist a Wish"... but at what cost?

Edit: Granted. But it comes with a doubled workload with only a 10% pay increase.

I wish for another bag of potato chips because the current one is getting empty and it was supposed to play a role as a side dish in the grill-based cuisine I have on the menu for the next few days.

The bag laughs at you for making such an epic description of vyndora’s wish then getting ninja’d and having to edit. Then you open it and it stops.

I wish 5e greatwyrms were better designed

Granted. But every DM you have refuses to use the new and better design.

I wish I could solve a technical issue I'm having. 

It’s really quite simple. You buy a new device and it’s fixed

I wish people would use the superior greatwyrm design from my previous instead of the old one which does many strange things when compared to ancient dragons.

Already granted. People use it, just not your DMs.

I wish I had a cool futuristic astronaut costume for Halloween. 

The world is in tatters. You watch through the screen of your super cool futuristic astronaut costume as the shuttle of limited survivors blasts away from the rubble of what was once Earth. All the other refugees agree - your suit is hella rad and many are more than a little jealous compared to their plain, government issue suits.

I wish I could write a novel as easily as I write these twisted wishes.

Granted. You lose the ability to write at all, meaning you can write a novel just as easily/hard as writing 'these twisted wishes'

I wish for some eatable food

It tastes like you threw a barely edible meal in the trash, let it sit for three weeks, and ate what remained. It won’t kill you, you’ll just wish it did.

I wish to be better at the videogames I play. I’m already good, but I want to be amazing.

Granted. It is now impossible for you to play video games save for pong. Granted, you are the best person at Pong, but only Pong

I wish for some eatable and good tasting food

Granted. But it's laced with poison. 

I wish for there to be an affordable Moon Hotel that I can take a vacation to during my life.

Granted. But there is no oxygen and you die of suffocation

I wish I was taller. 

Granted. But you are so tall that your arteries can't transport blood to your brain fast enough, so you die. 

I wish that I could shapeshift into anything I want, whenever I want. 

Granted. However, you must spend the minimum of 1 year in the form you transform into.

I wish I was Supergirl!

You're Soupergirl. You are made out of hot, delicious soup. Anyone could come eat you.

I wish for some ice-cold ClerciPure(tm) water.

It is so cold that your face is numb for an hour after you drink it. 

I wish for a baked potato. 

Granted. But you get no butter, salt, pepper, chives, nor any other condiments that truly complete the baked potato, leaving it bland and disgusting. 

I wish I had some fuzzy slippers. 

Granted. But they are made from the fur of an animal you killed, and there is blood stained all over it. 

I wish to feel perfectly rested every time I wake up. 

Granted. But you sleep so well that each time you go to sleep you wet your bed.

I wish to grow a single hair.