Granted! But all of the mean beards bully your nice beard for being overly positive. It is now a depressed beard. 

I wish I could see perfectly without my glasses. 

Granted. But the contacts make your eyes itch.

I wish for an apple.

Granted! You bite it. It tastes good. You go for another bite. The wizard that previously owned the apple recognises it, and in anger, casts fireball at 9th level, killing you. 

I wish that the wizard got a new apple. 

Granted. It falls from the tree, drops on his head, does 2 damage, and the wizard is instantly killed with no chance of death saves.

I wish for a resurrection spell for the wizard.

Granted! The resurrection spell is added to his spell list. But he is still dead. 

I wish that he was not still dead. 

Granted, but he is now an evil undead and wants to kill you!

I wish for a paladin to help.

Granted! You see a paladin that needs help with building a temple to his god. So you help him. 

I wish that the paladin's gods would help us defeat the evil undead wizard. 

Granted, they give you a sword and disappear.

I wish to kill the evil wizard.

granted you defeat him however he transfers his soul to you taking over your body

i wish for the ability to cast fireball whenever i want to

granted, but you also cast it whenever you don't want to

i wish for a wish to wish

Granted; in wishing for a wish to wish you suffer the stress produced from casting wish and you cannot cast wish ever again

I wish for a bagel

Granted. You get a Romulan Battle Bagel flying through space with phasers locked on you.

I wish the files I started uploading ten minutes ago would finish uploading.

Wish granted, however I think you want all ypu files to finish upload instantly forever, dare upload too many large files at once and your computer will break.

I wish to be able to organize my living space and to schedule things I need to do.

Granted! All your belongings dissappear. Now with no hobbies or games to take up your time you can focus on the things you need to do.

I wish for more gas mileage in my car.

Granted. But everybody is so jealous of you that they start a whole war because that's what humans do.

I wish for a pet okapi

Granted. But your pet okapi is a creation from a wizard with the height of a giraffe and coloration of a zebra.

I wish for a new pillow.

Granted. The concrete feels a bit uncomfortable, though.

I wish for kneecaps shaped like the most underrated comedian of all time.

Granted. But they were not the kneecaps you expected. 

I wish to know who the most underrated comedian of all time is.

Granted. it is Jim Gaffigan. You are now dead because of the overwhelming amazingness of that statement.

I wish to know who the least famous person of all time is.

Granted. But they're so forgettable that even this post doesn't have their name in it.

I wish to know whose bright idea it was to make Hákarl and just what was going on in their mind when they were like, "Oh this shark is poisonous to eat. What if we lay in the sand to ferment for 6-12 weeks and THEN eat it?"