Joshua's quote reminds me of something from ages ago:
Player 1: "You can't eat him! It's cannibalism!" Player 2: "I'm a different race. It doesn't count." Player 1: "You're both Humanoid. Humanoids eating Humanoids is cannibalism!" Player 3: "Humanoids eat other Humanoids all the time." Player 1: "Only barbarians eat other Humanoids. We're not barbarians." Player 4 (Barbarian): "I am." Player 1: "Sorry. That was a poor choice of words." Player 2 (being a bit meta): "Consider this multiclassing to Barbarian, then." I start eating the Half-Elf bandit.
Would that barbarian comment be considered classist? XD
The party: Debating which of us would be tastiest to a dragon.
My Water Genasi bard: "I'm a Water Genasi, I probably taste pretty amphibious. I should've asked one of my old boyfriends about that when I had the chance."
Me (my 2nd monk): "I used to be a lower custos." Player 1: "What's that?" Me: "We cleaned up after the priests and monks." Player 1: "You were a janitor?"
Yes. He was indeed a janitor. Roger Wilco is my spirit animal.
(Trivia: The medieval "janitor" was essentially a "porter" and not the custodians who we know today. Religious institutions had a Custos working for a Sacristan.)
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
"You bring the cup up to your lips. The cup is an azure blue color and made of delicate china. This china was only available for purchase for a short while, when a salesman from another continent arrived before mysteriously dissapearing. The steam from the warm tea curls up into the air, reaching for the sky but blocked by the celing, which contains a large round circle divided into sections, each with the symbol of a school of magic carved into them. In the center of the circle, is Corellon. Corellon's portrait has sharp elven ears and long golden hair. Jade is infused into the celing where Corellon's markings are. The tea smells faintly of mangos, a rare delicacy in this part of the world. They must have had it shipped or teleported for this very purpose. You take a sip, the warm liquid races down your throat, filling your insides up with warmth. The heat starts at your toes and slowly spreads upward."
From a fictional short about playing D&D with 3 really, really drunk players: DM (sober): "Roll perception." Player 1: *drinking, holds up 4 fingers* Player 2: "Eighty-one." Player 3: "L!"
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
In our Campaign my Dragonborn Barbarian was running headlong at an adult green dragon, whilst the rest of the party were also in combat, the dragon having taken a fair bit of damage was preparing to peace out.
Me - I want to try to grapple the dragon...
DM - you try to grapple the dragon, roll an opposed strength check....you will really struggle though....
Me - i roll a 27....
DM - ........but....ok....you grapple the dragon......
I spent my next 2 turns continuing to grapple the dragon and landing hits whilst the rest of the group finished it off, to kill it i ripped off its leg, we left bought an ale house with the horde, and called it The Legless Dragon.......
Couldn't have been an Adult Green Dragon. They're 2 sizes larger (Huge) than a Dragonborn (Medium). A grapple can be attempted on a target up to 1 size larger. Had to have been Young (Large) or Wyrmling (Medium) or the Dragonborn's size had to be artificially increased to Larger or larger.
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Couldn't have been an Adult Green Dragon. They're 2 sizes larger (Huge) than a Dragonborn (Medium). A grapple can be attempted on a target up to 1 size larger. Had to have been Young (Large) or Wyrmling (Medium) or the Dragonborn's size had to be artificially increased to Larger or larger.
It's also a resisted roll. Rolling a 27 doesn't mean you automatically succeed.
Couldn't have been an Adult Green Dragon. They're 2 sizes larger (Huge) than a Dragonborn (Medium). A grapple can be attempted on a target up to 1 size larger. Had to have been Young (Large) or Wyrmling (Medium) or the Dragonborn's size had to be artificially increased to Larger or larger.
It's also a resisted roll. Rolling a 27 doesn't mean you automatically succeed.
Especially with legendary resistance. Also, it could have just flown away and killed that guy far away from the rest of the party.
Couldn't have been an Adult Green Dragon. They're 2 sizes larger (Huge) than a Dragonborn (Medium). A grapple can be attempted on a target up to 1 size larger. Had to have been Young (Large) or Wyrmling (Medium) or the Dragonborn's size had to be artificially increased to Larger or larger.
It's also a resisted roll. Rolling a 27 doesn't mean you automatically succeed.
Especially with legendary resistance. Also, it could have just flown away and killed that guy far away from the rest of the party.
Legendary Resistance only works on Saving Throws I believe, grappling is not a “resisted roll,” it is a “contested ability check.”
Ya know. I retract: DM says it's okay. It's okay. :D
(Besides, it's funny.)
Carry on!
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
My character counted as one size larger (think it was a feat, but may have been homebrew) and he did roll against it and failed the roll. My character had something like +16 to Athletics if i remember rightly, there were 3 DM's at the table (playing) and it was all above board. They created a meme about it ha ha.
Then about 4 sessions later the DM got his own back, killed the character outright with an NPC with a soulstealing sword, and buggered off.
The Dragon fight was the end of his story arc so im playing an evocation Wizard now, i stand at the back and shout fireball a lot.
From a stream, 3.5e veterans playing a 5e campaign for the first time:
"I'm stuck in a net with a dog high on [drugs]. How do we find ourselves in these pickles?"
Hashtag, no context.
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
bard: if there’s a god, I’ll stare ‘em in the eyes and walk backwards into hell. Probably flip ‘em off on the way down.
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she/it pronouns
I watch. I wait. I listen. I like roleplaying games. Avid fan of messed up homebrew and horror rpgs. Lancer>dnd5e, go read Kill Six Billion Demons. I will shoot you with my transgenderification beam pew pew
We had quite an... interesting session today, to say the least.
(Two minutes after the start of the session)
Sorceress: (OOC) "Hey, there were like hundreds of grasshoppers on the porch just now."
Me: "...DnD is temporarily postponed for a grasshopper break"
"I mean, if you want to be killed by Harley Quinn-Jason-Butterfly-Mermaid, go ahead."
Guard NPC: "The... -jugglers?- are back
My sister, roleplaying as a mob boss NPC: "Ah, f--- my life."
Sorceress: (OOC, talking about the mob boss NPC) "Are you sitting in Lawrence's lap again?"
Sister-NPC: "I always sit on Lawrence."
Sorceress: "Even when you guys poop?"
Sister-NPC: "MAYBE HE LIKES IT!"
Sorceress: "Even when you clean the poop off?"
Monk: "Maybe he's the real bidet."
Sorceress: "Maybe the real treasure was the friend we made in the bidet."
Bard: "Do we get Fel's dignity back too?"
Sister-NPC: (sarcastically [probably]) "I flushed it down the toilet."
Me: "His dignity is not yours to flush!"
Sorceress: "Hey Kristy, can I have your autograph?"
Sister-NPC: "Do you want a stab wound?"
(After the party essentially annoyed the mob boss into not only letting them go but also giving them loot)
Sister-NPC: "As you leave, you can hear me scream 'Oh F--- yeah! They're gone! Let's get out of here everybody! Lawrence, grab the beer!'"
Sorceress: "I sing everyone a lullaby: 'NANANA, NANANA, NA, NANA, NA!'"
Me: "Fel has had a quite a day and does not appreciate your screaming. He screams and stalks over to you, fixing a terrifying undead gaze on you. Roll a wisdom saving throw."
Sorceress: "Guess who just rolled an 18 baby!"
Me: "You are immune to Fel's frightening gaze for the next 24 hours. Fel screams in frustration and runs into the lake."
And from last week's session:
The sorceress has a baby bullette, and to prevent her from using him to steamroll all combat encounters, I make her roll an animal handling check every time she wants him to do something. This is happened after she failed one of those checks:
"Bebe Bubbette doesn't understand what you are trying to say other than 'Om nom nom'. He runs around excitedly, plants his face into the cabbage patch, and starts eating the dirt."
"My cabbages!
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Morrigan Corax, The Phantom Queen, Breaker of The Elemental Chains, and Flaming Chicken Cassilia Decalia, Servant of His Xanthous Majesty. "It's not narcissism, it's histrionicism, dearie." Dokuhebi Tsuchinoko, child of the serpent goddess and temporary mother of squidlings Envelope Lastname is going to be the death of me. I'm allergic to fireball
Would that barbarian comment be considered classist? XD
After 2nd time in 2 adventuring days getting petrified:
"As gods are my witness, I promise to never get stoned again. At least not while adventuring. "
The party: Debating which of us would be tastiest to a dragon.
My Water Genasi bard: "I'm a Water Genasi, I probably taste pretty amphibious. I should've asked one of my old boyfriends about that when I had the chance."
Our party's monk: *facepalms*
Nikolai Buckman | vampire | bard
Solace Redgrove | tiefling | bard
Session 0:
Me (my 2nd monk): "I used to be a lower custos."
Player 1: "What's that?"
Me: "We cleaned up after the priests and monks."
Player 1: "You were a janitor?"
Yes. He was indeed a janitor. Roger Wilco is my spirit animal.
(Trivia: The medieval "janitor" was essentially a "porter" and not the custodians who we know today. Religious institutions had a Custos working for a Sacristan.)
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
This is the level of petty I aspire to
(also I like your profile pic 💜)
Nikolai Buckman | vampire | bard
Solace Redgrove | tiefling | bard
From a fictional short about playing D&D with 3 really, really drunk players:
DM (sober): "Roll perception."
Player 1: *drinking, holds up 4 fingers*
Player 2: "Eighty-one."
Player 3: "L!"
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
In our Campaign my Dragonborn Barbarian was running headlong at an adult green dragon, whilst the rest of the party were also in combat, the dragon having taken a fair bit of damage was preparing to peace out.
Me - I want to try to grapple the dragon...
DM - you try to grapple the dragon, roll an opposed strength check....you will really struggle though....
Me - i roll a 27....
DM - ........but....ok....you grapple the dragon......
I spent my next 2 turns continuing to grapple the dragon and landing hits whilst the rest of the group finished it off, to kill it i ripped off its leg, we left bought an ale house with the horde, and called it The Legless Dragon.......
Couldn't have been an Adult Green Dragon. They're 2 sizes larger (Huge) than a Dragonborn (Medium). A grapple can be attempted on a target up to 1 size larger. Had to have been Young (Large) or Wyrmling (Medium) or the Dragonborn's size had to be artificially increased to Larger or larger.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
It's also a resisted roll. Rolling a 27 doesn't mean you automatically succeed.
Especially with legendary resistance. Also, it could have just flown away and killed that guy far away from the rest of the party.
There is no dawn after eternal night.
Homebrew: Magic items, Subclasses
Legendary Resistance only works on Saving Throws I believe, grappling is not a “resisted roll,” it is a “contested ability check.”
Creating Epic Boons on DDB
DDB Buyers' Guide
Hardcovers, DDB & You
Content Troubleshooting
Ya know. I retract: DM says it's okay. It's okay. :D
(Besides, it's funny.)
Carry on!
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
My character counted as one size larger (think it was a feat, but may have been homebrew) and he did roll against it and failed the roll. My character had something like +16 to Athletics if i remember rightly, there were 3 DM's at the table (playing) and it was all above board. They created a meme about it ha ha.
Then about 4 sessions later the DM got his own back, killed the character outright with an NPC with a soulstealing sword, and buggered off.
The Dragon fight was the end of his story arc so im playing an evocation Wizard now, i stand at the back and shout fireball a lot.
From a stream, 3.5e veterans playing a 5e campaign for the first time:
"I'm stuck in a net with a dog high on [drugs]. How do we find ourselves in these pickles?"
Hashtag, no context.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Cleric: pick a god and pray to it.
bard: if there’s a god, I’ll stare ‘em in the eyes and walk backwards into hell. Probably flip ‘em off on the way down.
she/it pronouns
I watch. I wait. I listen. I like roleplaying games. Avid fan of messed up homebrew and horror rpgs. Lancer>dnd5e, go read Kill Six Billion Demons. I will shoot you with my transgenderification beam pew pew
DM: Okay, you perform the arcane ritual, and a trapdoor pulls out, sand falling to an opening beneath it. You see a--
Idiotic Hexblade Warlock: Okay, I nose dive down it.
DM: You nose dive? I haven't even described what you see.
Warlock: Yeah, I'm going to nose dive. I don't really care.
DM: Okay, you fall 40 feet, seeing a ladder next to you as you fall.
Aarakocra Monk: Can I catch him mid-air?
Warlock: No, we'd fall at the same speed. I'm nose-diving, so I don't have much air drag. You're made out of feathers, so you might fall slower.
DM: Okay, you take 12 fall damage.
Please check out my homebrew, I would appreciate feedback:
Spells, Monsters, Subclasses, Races, Arcknight Class, Occultist Class, World, Enigmatic Esoterica forms
Two funny quotes I think in the first and second session
My teenage Warlock goliath after passing a con saved against being high, and all but one other character failed. On the first session.
Tia: This is some pretty weak stuff from what my family uses.
Morrigan Corax, The Phantom Queen, Breaker of The Elemental Chains, and Flaming Chicken
Cassilia Decalia, Servant of His Xanthous Majesty. "It's not narcissism, it's histrionicism, dearie."
Dokuhebi Tsuchinoko, child of the serpent goddess and temporary mother of squidlings
Envelope Lastname is going to be the death of me.
I'm allergic to fireball
Lol don't forget tge recent banishment of disney channel original movies
yes cabbage man