DM: You see a carefully prepared plot hook as you are on your month long trek to the king's castle. Players: We continue toward the king's castle. DM: You see another carefully prepared plot hook, this one involves a party member directly. Players: We continue toward the king's castle. DM: You come upon a battle, the creatures are fighting each other and are all almost dead. Players: We continue toward the king's castle. DM: You come to the king's castle and there is a large scale siege being waged. Players: Why is this so difficult, you could have given us something to do so we'd be high enough level to fight....
84) When your DMing for the first time, and your usual DM is one of your players, and knows all the rules, and ends up beating all the creatures you throw at them...
When the DM goes on vacation for FIVE FREAKING WEEKS!!!!
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"I have no qualms about your adventure, Hero. I'm simply here to tell you something: people will die. And there is nothing you can possibly do to prevent this." -Jenson, ancient Water Genasi Monk
Me: Um... I guess I'll open the chest. DM: Roll a d20, please. Me: Huh? Okay, here. **rolls 20** (DM makes a strangling noise) Me: Err... was that good or bad? DM: I'm afraid to say that the tower vanishes from beneath your feet as the chest triggers a floor-collapse trap. Me: ?!?!?!
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"I have no qualms about your adventure, Hero. I'm simply here to tell you something: people will die. And there is nothing you can possibly do to prevent this." -Jenson, ancient Water Genasi Monk
87. When you have that one person who asks questions that were already answered or wants to argue over every little piece of information or party action.
88. When the DM makes a huge dungeon full of giant scorpions and the 8 player group takes three 4-6 hour sessions to get to the middle.
89. When no one will play outside of club time or through discord but you have a 20 hour dungeon to get through.
90. When the DM is too lazy to make an encounter and instead has you run through the area but won't let you collect things as you move through.
91. When everyone votes to start a completely different campaign next semester but all you want to do is continue the one you're in.
92. When the DM make a rather easy but confusing puzzle with lots of hints but all of it just goes over everyone's heads and you lose someone (technically two but he was cheesed back to life) to cursed fire because of a stupid oversight. (that the DM hinted heavily at repeatedly).
93. When it's one-shot night and your lvl 1 five person team gets to the top of the tower only to find a wizard fighting a balor... no ones pack had rope...we all had instruments but no rope... then the wizard used meteor swarm which kill all of us and did **** all to the demon considering it's our final boss.
DM-Ok, we have 5 players. Roll your stats and make me a 3 paragraph backstory for your level 20 characters.
Me- 3 paragraphs?
Dm:Ok, you're done with your backstory?
Me-Yes.
Dm-Sorry, I cant continue this.
2 days later
Dm-Hello i'm looking for players for a level 20 campaign. give me a 3 paragraph backstory...….
Me-??????
At least he told you.
101.
DM: "Okay, this is enough players. Everyone work out the rest of your backstory and I will have the first post up tomorrow. Here's the link to the thread!
Me: "Sure thing!"
*5 days later, still no post, DM won't answer PMs*
(actually, in real life, he didn't say anything for a month. I was there!)
102: DM-Ok everyone, make characters, level 1, no homebrew. *fast forward* DM-Ok, your first adventure, ROLL INITIATIVE! IT'S A HALF-ELF,HALF-OR,TORTLE-HUMAN-TIEFLING-ELF-ORC-KENKU-VAMPIRE-MIND FLAYER- DEMILICH- TARRASQUE WITH 20 KRAKENS UNDER IT'S CONTROL! YOU GUYS CAN HANDLE IT! Me-...…….. *strangling noises of death*
103: DM (me) Ok so you all escape from the demiplane Blood Cleric player: I think I want to take a break can you find a reason for me to leave for a while? ME: And are on your way home when your god summons you away for a side story we will get to later Monk: So he's gone? ok cool, can we all go on vacation? Me: What? Mage; Yeah, let's go on vacation is there a type of resort we can go to? Druid: I'm ok with this Me: Umm but the big bad is gaining followers and his cult is growing you...you need to stop them LG Paladin: Evil must not be allowed to flourish in the world All 3 female characters pout at him LG Paladin: *fails will save vs cuteness* But I see no harm in a few days Ranger and Barbarian just sit back and laugh Me: .... *slowly closes my notes*
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79)
DM: You see a carefully prepared plot hook as you are on your month long trek to the king's castle.
Players: We continue toward the king's castle.
DM: You see another carefully prepared plot hook, this one involves a party member directly.
Players: We continue toward the king's castle.
DM: You come upon a battle, the creatures are fighting each other and are all almost dead.
Players: We continue toward the king's castle.
DM: You come to the king's castle and there is a large scale siege being waged.
Players: Why is this so difficult, you could have given us something to do so we'd be high enough level to fight....
80)
DM: So you need to travel to the West to go to the dungeon.
PCs: We head to the East.
DM: But the dungeon with the quest goal is to the West?
PCs: We know.
DM: Are you planning on going to the dungeon?
PCs: No.
DM: UGH rewrites rest of campaign
81)
PC: Where are the Dragons? I want to fight Dragons
DM: That was on the other continent that you left when I had to rewrite the entire campaign.
PC: Why are there no Dragons here?
DM: Because they were all killed. (Sites some Lore)
PC: Why won't you let us fight a Dragon?
DM: Because there are none.
PC: Then why is it called Dungeons and DRAGONS?
DM: (Face palm)
Sorry my previous two have been DM perspective I have one from the player perspective
82)
Giant Constrictor Snake is grappling the rogue
Sorcerer: I want to cast Shocking Grasp
DM: That will hit both the Snake and the rogue
Me: That's not how that spell works!
DM: It's lightning, have you ever seen defibrillators in action?
Me: No, but it is not going to jump like that, the snake is grounded!
DM: It doesn't matter the electrical current is strong enough that it would go through both of them.
Me: That snake is HUGE and its entire body is grounded!
Sorcerer ends up not casting Shocking Grasp.
83)
Same fight as the previous one before the Grapple: Druid uses Dire Wolf in Circle of Moon wild shape to try to knock Giant Constrictor Snake prone
DM: There is no way that snake is going prone. (Even though he failed the saving throw)
Me: But it is not immune to the condition and snakes go prone all the time! It just has to use half of its movement to roll over
DM: The snake doesn't go prone.
(I had some real quarrels with this DM about rules and logic)
84) When your DMing for the first time, and your usual DM is one of your players, and knows all the rules, and ends up beating all the creatures you throw at them...
85.
When the DM goes on vacation for FIVE FREAKING WEEKS!!!!
"I have no qualms about your adventure, Hero. I'm simply here to tell you something: people will die. And there is nothing you can possibly do to prevent this."
-Jenson, ancient Water Genasi Monk
86.
**Player's Perspective, while In A Tower**
Me: Um... I guess I'll open the chest.
DM: Roll a d20, please.
Me: Huh? Okay, here. **rolls 20**
(DM makes a strangling noise)
Me: Err... was that good or bad?
DM: I'm afraid to say that the tower vanishes from beneath your feet as the chest triggers a floor-collapse trap.
Me: ?!?!?!
"I have no qualms about your adventure, Hero. I'm simply here to tell you something: people will die. And there is nothing you can possibly do to prevent this."
-Jenson, ancient Water Genasi Monk
87. When you have that one person who asks questions that were already answered or wants to argue over every little piece of information or party action.
88. When the DM makes a huge dungeon full of giant scorpions and the 8 player group takes three 4-6 hour sessions to get to the middle.
89. When no one will play outside of club time or through discord but you have a 20 hour dungeon to get through.
90. When the DM is too lazy to make an encounter and instead has you run through the area but won't let you collect things as you move through.
91. When everyone votes to start a completely different campaign next semester but all you want to do is continue the one you're in.
92. When the DM make a rather easy but confusing puzzle with lots of hints but all of it just goes over everyone's heads and you lose someone (technically two but he was cheesed back to life) to cursed fire because of a stupid oversight. (that the DM hinted heavily at repeatedly).
OH, almost forgot.
93. When it's one-shot night and your lvl 1 five person team gets to the top of the tower only to find a wizard fighting a balor... no ones pack had rope...we all had instruments but no rope... then the wizard used meteor swarm which kill all of us and did **** all to the demon considering it's our final boss.
94.
DM: You find a chest.
Player: I open it with an arrow in case it’s trapped.
DM: It’s locked.
Player: I pick the lock with an arrow in case it’s trapped.
DM: You can’t pick a lock with an arrow.
Rogue picks lock.
Player: I open the chest with an arrow.
DM: The arrow breaks.
Next game session
Player: I have a 10’ pole. What is it for?
95.
Every female player you've ever had rolls a tiefling.
"The Epic Level Handbook wasn't that bad, guys.
Guys, pls."
96.
Me: "I flourish my rapier, then stab at the monster's chest. 'En guard, vile beast!' ...(*rolls*)...6."
DM: "Your blade bounces harmlessly off of his armor. Bard, you're up."
Bard: "I cast Vicious Mockery. Damn, I can't think of anything... 'You're ugly!'"
DM: "(*rolls*) The monster fails its save."
Bard: "(*rolls*) 4!"
DM: "The monster winces in pain and falls over, dead."
Me: "..................."
And that's all I have to say about that.
97.
DM (as nobleman): "...and that is why I hereby request your help in defeating this creature."
Me (as Brave LG Fighter): "I accept! This monster must be destroyed."
Pragmatic CN Rogue: "Hmm...seems dangerous. Would we be paid?"
Me (thinking): Makes sense that he'd ask that.
DM (as nobleman): "Of course. I will pay you each 20 gold pieces."
"Noble" (LG) Paladin, defender of the meek: "Make it 30."
Me (thinking): Eh?
And that's all I have to say about that.
98. When all of your players move out of state for forever.
"Sooner or later, your Players are going to smash your railroad into a sandbox."
-Vedexent
"real life is a super high CR."
-OboeLauren
"............anybody got any potatoes? We could drop a potato in each hole an' see which ones get viciously mauled by horrible monsters?"
-Ilyara Thundertale
Same thing but Wizard casts max level Shocking Grasp anyway.
"You knocked me out! I have to make death saves!"
"But now that you're knocked out, the snake should let you go...right?"
DM: "Now that the food has stopped struggling, the snake decides to start eating it."
"!!!"
"Sooner or later, your Players are going to smash your railroad into a sandbox."
-Vedexent
"real life is a super high CR."
-OboeLauren
"............anybody got any potatoes? We could drop a potato in each hole an' see which ones get viciously mauled by horrible monsters?"
-Ilyara Thundertale
is that 99? if so..
100.
DM-Ok, we have 5 players. Roll your stats and make me a 3 paragraph backstory for your level 20 characters.
Me- 3 paragraphs?
Dm:Ok, you're done with your backstory?
Me-Yes.
Dm-Sorry, I cant continue this.
2 days later
Dm-Hello i'm looking for players for a level 20 campaign. give me a 3 paragraph backstory...….
Me-??????
At least he told you.
101.
DM: "Okay, this is enough players. Everyone work out the rest of your backstory and I will have the first post up tomorrow. Here's the link to the thread!
Me: "Sure thing!"
*5 days later, still no post, DM won't answer PMs*
Me: "..."
And that's all I have to say about that.
(actually, in real life, he didn't say anything for a month. I was there!)
102:
DM-Ok everyone, make characters, level 1, no homebrew.
*fast forward*
DM-Ok, your first adventure, ROLL INITIATIVE! IT'S A HALF-ELF,HALF-OR,TORTLE-HUMAN-TIEFLING-ELF-ORC-KENKU-VAMPIRE-MIND FLAYER- DEMILICH- TARRASQUE WITH 20 KRAKENS UNDER IT'S CONTROL! YOU GUYS CAN HANDLE IT!
Me-...…….. *strangling noises of death*
This actually happened about 2 months ago
103: DM (me) Ok so you all escape from the demiplane
Blood Cleric player: I think I want to take a break can you find a reason for me to leave for a while?
ME: And are on your way home when your god summons you away for a side story we will get to later
Monk: So he's gone? ok cool, can we all go on vacation?
Me: What?
Mage; Yeah, let's go on vacation is there a type of resort we can go to?
Druid: I'm ok with this
Me: Umm but the big bad is gaining followers and his cult is growing you...you need to stop them
LG Paladin: Evil must not be allowed to flourish in the world
All 3 female characters pout at him
LG Paladin: *fails will save vs cuteness* But I see no harm in a few days
Ranger and Barbarian just sit back and laugh
Me: .... *slowly closes my notes*